When I was 5 my home was raided by terrorists and I was let go at the last moment. We sought shelter in a relative's house and then moved to an adjacent Middle Eastern country. Before these events, I was a normal kid, had both male and female friends, and was normal.However, I became weird and unable to socialize since the events. Got bullied throughout my high school years, and by senior high school I developed a sense that I was being spied on, which became so debilitating that I dropped out.My parents forced me to return to school and I graduated. They also forced me to seek psychiatric help and now I take 3 antidepressants and 1 antipsychotic/mood stabilizer.I don't have these delusions anymore.Anyway, I am now 26 y.o. and I am about to graduate from uni but I never had friends, never dated (virgin) and I feel extreme emptiness.My parents have aged badly. My father is certainly developing dementia, and my mother is full of aches and gets sick often.However, they reassure me that once I graduate and move out to another place I will get employed, make money, get fit, buy good clothes, take care of my fashion, etc. and become presentable and then I'll find someone to marry and friends aren't a big deal and how even if I had friends, we'd just drift apart after graduation and I've not missed out on anything. and how they got a nuclear option of arranging a marriage for me through their social network (friends, past coworkers, etc.) (I am against first cousin marriage).I don't trust the future and I feel scared 24/7 and I feel like life is a bitch. One day I am happy, the next I am suicidal.What to do?
I also keep swinging between thinking I still have hope and that I might be a trucel (incel).My looks are genuinely average, my height is average for my region, but I am weird (probably autistic), I can't hold a conversation.I also thought of this question just now: Can you guys tell me how to spend my time productively (solo) in my room in a way that feels fulfilling instead of surfing 4chan and YouTube? I feel empty. There's no use making friends now, since I will soon graduate and move back to my country, but I need to become "normal" again.Thank you
>>35040361become a bigger terrorist and terrorize the terrorists back only that will give fullfillment.The Good must be more violent and more insane than the evil. Only way bro.Good luck. ALso you might start doing martial arts meanwhile, it builds confidence and might get you friends.
>>35040538shut up faggot
