i'm getting deep into findom and cuckolding, how do i dig myself out of this hole? i'm a 37 yo incel and i just sent $1500 knowing that i would just get sidelined by this guy who's taller than me
Is this normal? not being an edgelord, but I once got so upset at one of my coworkers that I serious considered bringing the gun I had to work in my luchbox (security was very lax then and I could just walk in with it then) and shooting her on the line) but I pussied out the morning I went to work that day and then the next day or so they put metal detectors in the entrance. Then I was hooking up with this guy every now and again and I was over at his place and while we were fucking I got this strong urge and like compulsion or whatever and I was like "I could kill him right now and leave him here, I'd probably not get away with it, but I could." and it got so strong that I'd had to stop in the middle and leave. I thought about killing this registered SO who worked with us and lives nearbywhen I was living with my mom and her drunk abusive psycho BF because she had several bad strokes and needed care while he worked I had several times where I thought about how to kill them both or just her. I had this intensely real feeling dream about putting a pillow over her head and ending her.I mean all this is just ideation right? I feel like sometimes there is something wrong with me. when I was in school I'd fantasize about shooting it up all the time. ever since coming home from that situation with my mom I've beenj feeling more violent since being around her asshole Bf and now I thought about killing my roomates. I can feel empathy, like I feel sad about those kids at Sandy Hook and stuff so I probably don't have APD or anything. I don't know I am bipolar and may feel a bit manic rn, but I am not sure.
>>35042072When I was with my mom I feel like my episodes have been getting worse. like one night I had a full panic attack thing where I was convinced I saw a shadow man in the house and I was obsessing over 1046 (I watched a vid about that Artemus Ogletree thing and thought something was gonna happen at 1046pm) and i was using AI a lot then which did not help
>>35042072any ways I also just came out of this bad depressive episode where I was suicidal that was like the the 16th at the end there
>>35042050You paid for it, apparently
I hate my life and i don't want to be here anymore, I haven't felt a want or an interest in years. What should a man do or see or experience to feel joy again or to reignite something positive?
Should I use the equity in a rental to pay off the auto shop? The rental can pay for itself and the shop is a black hole with the variable mortgage but I make the workers sweat for it. I might be able to pay them if the place was not as expensive but they could just keep robbing me and I do not want to jeopardise the house.
>>35042290Eat some good food, listen to some good music, witness some natural beauty
how abnormal is spending 4 months unemployed and barely functioning? is that just depression? i was employed before, but far more miserable
>>35045302>4 months unemployedrookie numbersno it's not abnormal in our days and age, everything is fucked. But don't lose hope, I've had a 2 years rough patch before finding a job where I'm doing fine>>35042072You have unresolved issues. The fact you ask about it shows you're not a hopeless case. Don't kill anyone, it's really not the solution you think it is. Go talk to a psychologist, they should help you find a way to heal yourself from your past, and be reassured, they've dealt with people much worse than you before.
>>35042290Same, reality is fucking repulsive to me and advice like >>35045295 has long stopped working. There is absolutely nothing beautiful or worth it in my rancid shit life.
>>35041964How do I stop living in squaller? I’m heavily addicted to thc edibles and it’s the only thing I look forward to daily. As a result I live in squaller and my place is a mess
>>35041964YOU ARE THE GOAT PATRICK!!
>>35045786You are open to living in cleanliness, so make a todo list and do it slowly as you need to. Slowly you will get satisfaction from cleaning.
is it gay if you fuck a girl with another guy if you don’t do anything with the guy?
I think everyday about the same girl. I daydream about imaginary conversations with her. I ruminate a lot on our past conversations. She is obviously doesn’t give a flying fuck about me but 2 years ago she cared about me. But in the end of all this mess she told me she doesn’t trust me. And it hurts to see how today’s day looks. Today i saw her, with a friend of her and of course i became anxious, angry, jealous and upset at the same time. Then i went home and feelt an endless restlessness.I always feel this way whenever i pass across her. I saw on a window how she hung out with other people and it ruined my mood so badly that i wanted to throw tomatoes on them. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I hate her but it also hurts so much.
>>35041964I had a dream where I went to sleep in my dream, then I started dreaming in that dream.Then my dream self started lucid dreaming in that dream.My dream self woke up from excitement, but then managed to get back to sleep and lucid dream again.It was exactly like a normal lucid dream, except I didn't know it was inside another dream.So did I lucid dream or not?
Should I go to a bar to socialize even if the scene doesn't really appeal to me? I don't drink much, but there's not much else to do around here other than hike with groups at times that I'm unavailable.
>uni1 males dont talk to me>ai get degrees type of uni>tas are shit>uni2 males treat me like a human>actually nice women too>tas are helpful even if they dont want to help they dont complain about doing their jobuni2 is the right choice right? I have opportunities and paid education if i stay at uni1 but 2 has made me feel like an actual person where at uni1 its like the men can't stand I'm there but its not like theyre smarter than me to garner that hate and I havent been able to establish a single study group. Would you suck it up and struggle? Or pay out pocket for the support and peace?
