Even since I been born I was exposed massively to pornography and sexually flirted by men and women to the point of my autistic ass thinking explicit and weird shit is normal. I developed a hypersexuality brain from the amount of times I was being hurt and seeing other friends getting hurt to the point that when I was a adult the mindset didn't leave for a while. I ended up hurting online and I was just wondering if it's a better idea to just get myself arrested for my horrible acts I did to this one person or die, or if I should even forgive and figure out a way how to get better when everyone I cared about rightfully left me.When I met the person I hurt it was in a fucking horrid ass roblox server that's still running that had like a constant problem with people being stupidly sexual with others and it was there that I'm sure I was exposed to CSAM cause of some fucking weirdo I met when I was still a kid and it fucked me up. Also got flirted on alot by adults so I just got mentally fucked thinking these behaviors were ok. I met a person who was doing commissions and she was sexual too even when I told her no, and tried to suicide before I was a adult when I wasn't helping her mental problems. I know I shouldn't have fucking kept talking to her now and she's been my biggest regret. Every time I wanted to not engage sexually after she would get sad and also flirt, and eventually I just caved and I ended up doing horrid things. I always regretted it and I accepted that she's going to keep stalking and finding me until something's done, so I'm wondering if I should die, self report myself, or just keep trying to live and where the fuck I can talk about the like thousands of childhood horror stories so I can not have this hypersexual tumor stuck in my head.
I also wonder if I should atleast find the guy who SA'd me before I rightfully turn myself in. I just want to give the person and friends I hurt some clarity that I won't hurt anyone again. It's tiring living with your past experiences so much that you end up almost adopting nasty mindsets. I could elaborate on childhood traumas but I felt like I spoke enough and I can't justify myself living anymore knowing its making people hurt. I also just have issues wondering what specific professionals can help with this kinda shit and browsing deeply for weeks hasn't given me any help.
Holy shit what
>>35077402This has happened to me, I was doxxed online and now I doxx everybody. I even doxxed Rock Solid on X.
>>35077651Funny enough throughout all my years I've seen hypocritical ass shit and failing bringing safety to venerable people in the places I used to be and they never had any of it aired out. It makes me wonder if I should or just focus on self healing the mind.
>>35077405>I could elaborate on childhood traumas but I felt like I spoke enough and IYeah you are supposed to elaborate as much as possible. All yap no sap all squeeze no juice, just keep talkin til something clicksYou've done all this yappin but haven't even said what you've actually done or what was actually done to you.
>>35081343I guess to add on more I was assaulted, groomed, molested, and exposed to sexual content all my life and its fucked with my brain so wildly that it turned to a joint instinct to act on it, was flirted on by adults on some kid server when I was still a minor, and eventually just flipped script and ended up doing the same shit once I was a adult for a brief period and its been haunting my soul since, and I just don't know how to justify myself being here after the fact or where to find specific help. I think its like paraphilia gained from decades of extreme childhood trauma and I want to find out how to make things right, which seems to be either by killing myself or rotting in a jail cell. Seems like the only options at this point.
>>35081534You already stopped. You're good dude. You're probably hypersexual for life, just fine a woman of similar age that's also damaged and hypersexual.
>>35081596But how do I know if im really on a better path? Im in my early 20s and I already feel like I fucked my future hard for the rest of my life no matter what career or artistic endeavor I want to explore.
>>35077402There's probably not a lot to be gained by reporting yourself. To prosecute you would require more than a confession, it would require the people you harmed to testify against you, which would require them to relive very unpleasant experiences. Besides, going to prison and killing yourself are both the selfish, cowardly options. The brave, unselfish option is to become a good person and do good things for people. This would be much, much more hard work; but it's the morally right thing to do - don't just try to hide, actually atone.
>>35081534There's a tonne of youse, like this guy >>35072077 although you've acted on it towards other people. Can't you make amends with the person you "hurt" (you still haven't said what you did, from what it sounds you didn't even do anything it was the other who was forcing you to do things)
>>35081664So, don't pick a career involving minors. That's the only restriction. Not everybody has to be saintly. Just don't hurt people and be kind to those around you. Even that is too rare in the world.
>>35081717Im sure they really dont want to hear any amends I can give, no matter how genuine I am. And to be blunt I was like asking this person for a commission cause I saw their art, and after this person got sexual and sent NSFW of themself, we both had a history of esex, i got uncomfortable from the amount of sex and therapy that I was giving them, they tried to kill themselves and left a suicide note before I turned into a adult (the reason I wanted to stop the sex and therapy), and from then I felt like if I wasnt doing sexual shit or lifting their spirits they would self harm or attempt again. It doesn't excuse the depravity I did but it keeps me up for years on end. Now they're semi motivated on keeping tabs and destroying any friendship and it keeps me thinking "is me being free hurting them"
>>35081751Sounds like they were the ones being manipulative and coercive, and are equally to "blame", or even more responsible because they were the ones not respecting your boundaries most of the time. Just because one of you was 17.95 years old doesn't suddenly absolve the responsibility
>>35081707Been thinking about this and like, I have done as much good as I can. I helped others out with money problems and I remember once having to weigh my moral dilemma of being a hypocrite and listening to a kid at the time who was being harassed by a ex-friend of mine rather than that friend since it seemed like he was never changing and deciding to go sexual. I think about that alot and still sort of just have that feeling that even the good actions I do wouldnt matter. I still will probably do as good as I can but under a sense of dread. Not sure if that's a healthy outlook on what I should gather from all this, its good to hear other opinions and thoughts though.
