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>>35078663
I really don’t know how to get a job that will allow me to live like an adult. Everything nearby is mills or fast food/grocery stores that pay around $12-17 an hourI went to college and got an international finance degree thinking the globalized economy would have a job for me but I realized I can afford to leaveI feel trapped and I’m not sure what to doI’ve considered joining the local police force since I’m athletic, and they pay 22 an hour, but I’ve heard from all the people who work there that it sucks and they wish to do anything else which doesn’t instill confidence…Any tips on jobs?
ughhh fuck I impulse bought something againi always feel so guilty when i buy anything too so it just stresses me morei only feel good when im saving money and not buying shitwas only 30 dollars but fuck
I refilled my Adderall prescription after about three weeks of forgetting it and spent the whole afternoon WILLFULY masturbating to extremely degenerate AI roleplay shit instead of doing things I wanted to do like chores or coursework. I am writing this in an attempt to force myself to quit that shit. It is pure cheap dopamine with no substance, and it is actively hurting my sex life with my girlfriend. I can analyze and feel WHY I do it, my job has driven me to the brink and I am most likely already in some form of burnout, but this shit has got to stop.
>>35078663I know this is a data mining thread but I'm loose enough (soberly) to write. No hard surface so you can suffer trying to read it
>>35081692anyways.. look at my mantises...
>>35081743That's how I write WITH a hard surface, so pat yourself on the back for that.
honestly the shittiest thing in my day to day life realistically right now is that i can't be loud in my living situation without annoying others/feeling ashamed. I want to be able to sing to myself. I don't sing very often, but I actually like my voice now after so many years, and I'd like to be good enough to do karaoke some day.
>>35081747Bad*zz…
I hate my life.I've destroyed everything that I love.God gave me so many gifts and I chose to follow false light down a dark path and have basically spat in the faces of my ancestors and my creator.I am a slave yo porn and videogames.I want to be a real man, I have the genetic memory of who I am. My fathers were strong warriors, but I have wasted away my strength pretending to be a warrior in digital fantasies because this matriarchal hellhole suppressed every expression of my masculinity and I obeyed. I stayed silent as a kid because I did not want to make my mother cry. I never had an honest or genuine conversation with her because unless it was obedience and chores the crocodile tears would start. I wish I had been disobedient, I wish I had yelled, I wish I had made her cry, but I did not understand how supercilious and deceitful and psychopathic and impulsive women are... I have never experienced love and U want to die.
>>35082138ty sister...
>>35081822Just sing when no one is around at home.
>>35082363I live alone in an apartment with shared (semi thin) walls. I also have downstairs neighbors that are always home during the day that I cannot be super loud for
like I have been insanely loud at times in the past, never gotten complaints, but it's also because everyone is far too nice to me for some reason. I know it was a problem but I never had cops come or anything
I'm still unemployed. I don't know if I could handle something right now, but also I've fallen this far because of my unemployment. I'm not hurting for money right now, but I will be if this continues, as well as fucking up my life. I haven't done nearly as much as I planned to do since May. At least I haven't killed myself?
>>35078663I'm still a little child who doesn't know how to play. Self-improvement cant teach me how to play. I will be 35 this winter. Can't manage my shit it seems. How the fuck did people have normal parents to observe when they grew up? How did people learn how to have fun?I can only be a grown-up leader who is attractive to women by projecting sadness, and that only attracts broken women. I can't be a happy and functioning masculine man, it's either little boy or broken veteran.
>>35078663I'm not doing all that.
>>35085938Be calm. Nobody cares about your interpretations of how miserable your life is. If you like being a drama queen, then pursue your dreams and write a book about your devastated life. You're already perfect for it, so basically, you have the skills. Trust me.You remind me of an old granny who was always saying: ‘It’s raining, it’s too cold, it’s too foggy, and the neighbours are so boring!’”
>>35085276nobody ask you to kill yourself, try to go to seatlle Seattle is a great choice for a budget-friendly trip. You can spend a full day exploring some of its best-known attractions without paying admission. Things to see:- The famous fish-throwing tradition.- Fresh flowers and local produce.- Handmade crafts and independent shops.- Street musicians and performers.- Beautiful views of Elliott Bay.
>>35081743When I read your note, I felt that you have some real dramatic talent! You seem perfect for expressing yourself through acting and developing your skills as a true artist. If I were you, I would definitely consider taking some acting classes in NYC. It could be a wonderful opportunity to develop your talent and discover your potential!
Delusions of grandeur has permanently ruined my view of myself. I can't trust what I'm actually capable off because I've probably lied to myself that I was.And I can't trust others view of myself because of the fact that I hate talking about myself.
Boom
Okay I take it back, it matched me withh a qtp2t and set up a date, dating apps do work
>>35086657quetiapine 2 tablets?
I've always known I wasn't the most attractive man in the world. But as I age and actually start to try with women and relationships. I realize more and more everyday how unattractive I really am. And on top of that the relationships I've had have been terrible and not worth it at all. So it's like I have to take what I can get and what I can get will just make me even more miserable than being alone. But I'm really miserable being alone and I've reached a point where I can't tolerate it for much longer. I've got this amazing cushy job right now but I don't feel any sense of accomplishment whatsoever. It's all pointless. So I have plenty of money to buy videogames with so I can waste my life away in front of my computer. So what. Anyway it's not new but I really want to kill myself.
>>35086284>Nobody cares about your interpretations of how miserable your life is.I'm putting this in a place of prominence, anon, thank you.
>>35086299Did I say people were asking me to kill myself? Also, I'm not flying to America so they can scan my cock and ballz and feel me up
>>35078663Two of my sisters and an aunt ruined Christmas and every other gathering forever. Long story short, they got in a lot of arguments, they're incredible competitive, love to brag whenever they can afford shit, and now they cannot see each other. I feel bad for my mom and my nieces, they're innocent and don't deserve to have their festivities ruined because of some stupid drama, I was able to play with my cousins when I was a kid and can't imagine not being able to interact with them. So now we have to figure out how to spend Christmas without our family. It sucks.
I'm poor, I am autistic, it's hard to find a job. I would likely be better off killing myself. Self advocacy gets me punished socially, and financially. People only like me when I don't do that. My manager laughed at me when I asked about the promotion that just opened up.
>>35089716You should have asked the supervisor. Or the director instead.
>>35089716I feel you bro, I'm autistic too and the only jobs I can get are the ones desperate enough to take anyone, which of course are extremely not appropriate for autistic people. I have a bachelor's and a master's and they turned out not to be worth the paper they were printed on, all that matters is being able to wow people with your personality and appearance in a 30 minute interview.
>>35089758I tried going to college, and had to drop out since I lost my poor person grants. I got IT certificates (a+, and network+) from My computer career and they were not worth the time. Now I'm stripping wire.
>online marketplace I use has jumped on the AI bandwagon >AI forcibly edits listings, mostly annoying and repetitive rewording but on occasion false info>Shit this AI "assistant" will get me banned>Email support suggesting they allow sellers to disable AI features>" We won't disable AI, just send us the listing so we can edit it manually for you"Just let me write my own listings ffs
why did i have to fall in love with an avoidant?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmr0LHIVV_E
I'm dying of having nothing worth living for.
>>35090603Live just to prove you can.
>>35090603FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!>WHO ARE WE FIGHTING?FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
After all this time I can't lie, after so many little signs around me and little memories popping up, I have to admit that I do miss you on some level, not a lot, and I know very well you're a devil, but- I must confess that you were fun, for a time, and you got my humor like no one else.I don't wanna see you again, but I really wanna find a friend that shares the same stupid laughs as we did.Still don't wanna see you, but you are marginally better than some of the other ones I got rid of... God really gave me a break, and here I am looking for trouble again, hopefully it will be good trouble this time.
The reason why I never contacted you is because I always felt insane. I always had so much emotional baggage and you always sparked deep feelings in me. I often felt as if my presence upset you somehow, like you saw wasted potential in me. I know you will never see this, I hope you weren't involved in any of the past few months. The more of it that was just in my head the better. I was always scared that I wouldn't be able to live up to your expectations, but instead of letting that drive me enough to grow, I allowed my 'inherent' brokenness as an excuse. I will state, I have been unusually emotional and immature the last while. I have grown quite a bit since we last spoke. I do have severely arrested development, and the only way to fix that is to live. I don't think it's with you. I don't know what to say to you at this point. I don't even know how you feel. Everyone I talk to about this tells me I'm crazy, you never even would think of me or remember me, that I should just forget it, you were always out of my league, etc. I don't want to let that get to my head anymore. Even if it's true with YOU, I cannot keep on trying to hold myself back to 'keep myself in the right place'. I can be upwardly mobile. Just because I was born to the 'wrong group', doesn't mean am I to be eternally downtrodden on. It's not even just for me, my self hatred radiates out into the way that I treat others, and ultimately, the people I care about most.You just haven't left my mind. I don't know why. I barely even know you. It always felt unhealthy. Though for a time, we did know each other. I'm not sure if I should fully express how I felt because 1. it was so long ago and 2. it might feel manipulative, so I will simply say that you were extremely important to me at a critical point in my life. I will never forget your kindness.
To heal I need to do what I always should have done from the start, distance from this place and the endless rumination. I am getting help now, which has greatly improved things, but I still pick at the wound. >I don't think it's with youThis isn't a dig at you btw. I'm just mature enough to know that middle school crushes rarely turn into marriage, even if I might have really wanted it to be true. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe it's overtuned to 'defend' even against things that would be good for me. I'm more sober now than I was for most of this year, which is what trips me up. The more sober I am, the less certain I am about the whole situation. That alone makes me feel delulu. I do think you once felt the same way, a long time ago. Finally accepting that could be true gives me hope. I always thought because of the way I was at the time, it wouldn't have been possible, that you would have had to like someone of a different type. I realize now that, well, I think you saw through me. You saw what was inside. And you accepted it. If true, you were the first. Maybe that's why I've always held onto you.
>>35091893Damn I wish this was for me but middle school crushes are more than 16 years ago now. You'll get through this champ
>>35093585the problem isn't the middle school crush, it's all the years since I've avoided them out of fear. Now, I feel like one of my braver friends has taken a shot after I BROUGHT IT UP and cucked me. Oh well. All those years I could have been her friend wasted because I was a coward.
https://voca.ro/14UMc4Q06FRw
>>35094019Is that true? Everyone has got to see me poop AND pee? How horrifying
it's more likely someone wants you to believe you've been cucked. Don't give up anon, I believe in you.
>>35078663I lowkey miss this girl I went on a date with via Facebook Dating. We only went out once but part of me thinks that I'll never get another chance with a woman like that. I went on a date with this redhead(ish) girl from Facebook Dating in May. It was my first ever date from a dating app as well as my first ever KISS, like EVER in my life. She was a 21 year old 6'1 former volleyball player with tats, she came from a rich family, and live out on a house near a lake. She had a pretty face and a nice ass. She told me she did wrestling and volleyball in high school, she showed me pictures of her in her uniform. We just talked about life stuff, she did art on the side and planned to go to school for nursing. I'm also going to school for nursing, so we had that in common. She showed me a picture of her house. We went out to a local paint and sip place for the first date. Long story short, she invited me back to her place for paddle boarding cuz she lived near a lake. At the time, I declined the offer because I had another date the same day with another girl. Looking back, I lowkey thing she wanted to fuck me. I was too oblivious before that I had like 3-4 dates prior, but no kissing or anything like that. I'm not a simp or anything, I've never spent more than $20 on a first date. I'm not bragging or anything, but part of me wishes I would've told the other girl to fuck off. She was literally a downgrade in everyway than the redheaded girl. Anyways, the redheaded girl ended up texting me later, saying, "I had a great time, I just don't feel that there was enough chemistry for a second date". The second girl I met up with that day was a literal butterface. I had a good thing going but I fucked it up cuz I was too greedy, part of me is also insecure because I used to watch a lot of porn at the time, I'm observing NNN right now, but idk if I would've gotten it up, if the redheaded girl wanted me to fuck.
>>35094028It's very true! That's why you gotta make sure to wipe your butt.
It was you who pushed my life off course. You pulled my cord when I'd reached a higher peak than you, yet you can't imagine how catastrophic your words were? The only way I could possibly forgive you now is if you died. Only then would the hatred I have for you dissolve. I will never kill myself because you told me that you expected me to do so when out of school. You're so fucked up and evil. I hate you. I hope you get cervical cancer from the HPV you contracted from being foul and loose, you louse.
You're a pathetic person who kicks the people they supposedly care for when they're down, and you deserve a worse life for it. I don't wish for you to be permanently unemployed. I hope you work for your dream and fail to realize it, and are stuck in the hell you put yourself in long ago.
>>35095770Wtfs wrong with you. You deserve to suffer not them.
Yes, every human is innocent because they act like they don't do spiritual warfare on each other. I should be glad they keep me prisoner around them, right? Fuck off.
Like, right now, I'm sure my Asthma is acting up right now for nothing. You can't be this naive.
>>35095827>>35095833WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER!
>>35095947You still k ow nothing about this reality and it shows.
>>35095781I deserve to suffer because I come to a website she doesn't use to confess my most horrid thoughts? I'd never say these things to her, like she has to me. Imagine how you'd feel telling someone about fulfilling something you've dreamt about just for them to tell them to dismiss it by telling you they hope your life improves. I bet you can't imagine the awful things she said to me to try to push me down. I motivated her towards her dreams, while she manipulated me into not chasing mine. You've probably never lived in the direct presence of actual narcissists. Fortunately others stepped in to help me when I needed it the most, so I didn't completely slip through the cracks, but my life's not been easy. Fuck you.
>>35095997so someone is so angry at you your asthma is acting up? source?
And unlike her, I take responsibility for bad decisions I've made as an adult. Something she probably will never be able to do, because she learned how to manipulate others by feigning injury.
getting crazy lower back pain can't tell if I have kidney stones or not AUAUAUAUA haven't slept.
>>35094012Her not communicating and talking to the narc colton is on herIve kept my promises to her
>>35094012Your friend got hate in his blood.
i fantasize about me and my crush getting so drunk I have to walk her back to her apartment and then she blacks out right before her door so i carry her inside and put her in bed. No sex, i just want to spend the night on the couch and when she wakes up next morning she'll be incredibly grateful. I have a weird thing for helping really drunk people in general, not just girls. I've walked so many of my drunk friends home, helped them walk, held them when they puke etc. For some reason I like it.
>>35096471Again Mike, I'm not talking about Maria. I'm talking about a woman I knew once.
I spent 2 years of my life working and going to school, just for my step dad to die the month I graduate, less than a year before his retirement. 66 years of backbreaking blue collar labor just to slowly die in a bed. It's been 14 months and I'm still unemployed. I am so, so bitter that I could not spend the time my father had on this earth with him and instead studied for a career that will never begin.He would call me a giant pussy right now if he could but he can't.
