Today he told me the same thing my ex said. He said "i feel like your babysitter more than your friend." And he said if i don't change, he's gonna leave me. And he said his mental health has been declining bc of me. My ex said the same thing a few months before we broke up. He said if i don't change he's gonna leave me. And he said ever since meeting me, he feels like he has depression now and his mental health is worse.

I literally hate myself so much. It's like whoever i get close to gets infected with something. I make everybody's lives miserable. Even my last best friend. Her parents banned her from seeing me bc they said ever since you hang out with her, your life has been getting worse and worse.

Even my family. They've told me multiple times i am the biggest problem they've ever faced in their lives.

I hate myself so much and i don't know how to change myself. I promised my ex i will change and i never did. I've kept telling myself i will change ever since meeting this friend too and he still keeps telling me i'm in the same cycle.

And i don't even know what to do differently. Idk how to change myself.

My older brother also always tells me i have regression. And that i act like a child. Everybody always tells me i need to change or i won't survive. But i don't know how to do that. I really wanna end it all bc i don't want to be me. I hate myself more than anybody else in the world. But i've already caused my family enough pain and trauma and i don't wanna give them another one. That's why i'm trying my best to stay alive. But i am very scared and alone. I know i should change and i don't know how. And i know everybody ends up leaving me at the end for the sake of their own lives. Bc nobody's gonna love me unconditionally and accept the way i am. People prioritize their own mental health and their own lives and since my existence interferes with everyone's well-being, ofc they choose to leave me alone

Tldr so fucking grow up you pathetic womanchild

>>35083684
I've been there, though as a man. Shit upbringing, rotten childhood, emotionally arrested development you already know how it goes. As a child you feel older than your peers because you are dealing with adult sized problems in the body of a kid. But then as an adult you do not fully adapt into maturity and so you feel like a child inside the body of an adult. Acting immaturely gets you nowhere, and forcing it goes nowhere either. So you are stuck in this weird purgatory for what seems like forever.

It's a real pain in the ass. But the way forward is to tune the fuck out of your own mind. That means decrease the value you give to your own thoughts, and especially your own feelings. Instead turn to action and start using actions to create or pursue life experiences. Those life experiences is what beats you into shape eventually. Just be sure to select which experiences you are after wisely. If you don't have a job, get a job. If you don't have a hobby, get a hobby. If you aren't part of a respectable community or group, join one. If you are lacking in exercise, go outside for walks or find a gym. If you need responsibility, get a pet or become someone who others depend on. If you have little money, start saving. That's the sort of thing you should begin making attempts on.

Whether you care about any of it is irrelevant, the point is the actionable steps you take when doing them, failing at them, and succeeding at them doesn't matter if you succeed or not, the steps you make in action start to bleed into your character and growth happens.

>>35083684
>>35084301
And OP, if you are reading, be gentle with yourself. I am not a believer in the so-called 'inner child's but in the emotionally arrested state, of being child-like in adult form, it means that there are deep and vital mental veins that when cut with self hatred will severely do your mind a lot of damage. Regard yourself as the person you wish to be, and from that perspective consider the part of you that is immature as though it were a separate version of (you). Do not punish or harm this aspect of yourself with hatred, not just because it's mentally unhealthy but because it goes nowhere and is pointless. Always consider the opposite approach, one of self forgiveness, self compassion, being patient with yourself and allowing yourself to make mistakes as you progress. You don't have to do that shit alone either, there's many communities of people on the hard path looking for the same growth.

>>35083701
fake it till you make it. nobody truly feels like an 'adult'.

look to people you personally see as an functioning Adult in the ways you want to be and emulate them, while also looking at their mistakes and avoiding them.

if you are a child, treat yourself as one and give yourself an ever-expanding list of rules to follow with self imposed structure. the consequences for breaking a rule are the bad shit that you knew would happen.

be more introspective on how your general childlike behavior makes people around you view you as a person/your maturity level.

you sound too hung up on relationships/other guys. you dont have to be in a relationship to be an 'Adult'. it would probably be more mature to not worry about a whole ass other human being while you are attempting to become an independent, functioning member of society.