since i was 18 (now 24) i have only wished to only eat wtv is around and sleep and maybe have wifi to doomscroll, thats ityeah i can have some dreams to have "a" nice car, big home wtv wtv but i dont really care i think im retarded my brain gets actually tried when i try to think about the future i kinda just wanna cry (sorry for sobmaxxing/venting)tldr idk why im not trying to be normal or nice i wanna have the will and the dreams, idk why im deadnot to be weird but i wanted to be homeless and leave my family and just be alone (idk if thats related to my question or not but i constantly just think i wish i wasnt born/dead, maybe im depressed? but for 6 years? idkim not on anything i barely have enough energy to post this or talk to u peoplehopefullyh i find someone who went thru the same thing so while i was writing this post, one thing i remembered that i find happiness in watching porn... thats probably it, and as sad as this sounds but maybe ejaculating and post gooning or wtv makes me feel kinda elated and wholesome ig? idk
Some people need to cast away their free will and be given a task or goal to set them toward the right path. The "you can be whatever you set your mind to" thing kinda falls short when you're not given any direction. You're still young enough to be given a goal you wanna work toward because yes your lack of direction and being stuck in your head all the time will turn you towards just giving up and not doing anything at all and wanting to leave everyone around you as to not disappoint them or become a burden to them. Life is just boring like that. You wouldn't survive being homeless there's unironically layers to being hungry and cold and you'll learn the difference between being tired and what real fatigue is fighting for your life every day in the streets. There's no "normal" just find something that you can stomach waking up to every day that allows you to comfortably have time for your hobbies. Take a career test and just autistically strive towards whatever is suggested and things will start falling into place once you have a goal, responsibilities, and things worth losing/worth fighting for. Follow one of your parents' careers too if you want some accountability.
>>35085675I think im just depressed i talked to someone today and they made me feel kinda welcomed and wanted, i got better slightly and the incentive to have a normal life came backI would be kind of a lazy fuck if i made my well being dependent on others being here for me but yeah idk i really do need to be accepted i miss that feeling I think i live for it and u get depressed when i realize no one is coming and nothing matters Sorry for intertwining my problems together
