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>>35086861
Just stop being awkward and autistic

Understandable feelings, I had (have) them myself. That said, why would you resort to the most extreme "solution"?

>>35086886
i feel utterly lonely and misunderstood in my existence, that's why i say i'm 14 mentally

i cry because i don't really know how to talk to people, i don't have friends, i have never loved someone, i don't even feel like i'm really alive, i mostly just exist, wake up, eat what mom made/bought and be on my pc. i go to college and occasionally work but i feel like a failure and that i just cause trouble for everyone by being around.

especially those kinds of situations where i am with other people somewhere, who are adults like i am and i just get thaf gut punch feeling, mid-convo, that i am a child and they are the adult, especially when they talk about stuff i know damn well i can't do or that i am incompetent at, even normal life stuff, like cooking or doing laundry, socializing, some other stuff etc.

>>35086908
For what it's worth, even tho it doesn't seem and feel that way, you are not "utterly alone and misunderstood". A lot of people, including myself, feel exactly the same, so in that sense you are not alone. And feeling this way isn't a sign of immaturity either, you're just a human afterall, it's very normal.

Romance can be found, even if it seems unlikely, trust me. About friends, only a half serious question, have you tried making some here? You are already here, and there have to be (normal) like minded individuals, so why not.

Have you tried doing those things you said you can't do? If you have and were incompetent, then that's also normal. Not every adult knows these stuff, even the "functional" ones. And a lot of them have their own vices, they just don't show them or talk about them.

>>35087090
Don't mind the repeated words lol, I just noticed, anywhos, pls don't make rush decisions, even if I probably won't be of any help, I would still like to try and talk some, I know how it feels

>>35086861
If you go to college and even occassionally hold a job, I don't see that big of an issue. You're not even a NEET. I reckon half the people here are doing worse.

Either way you shouldn't let shit like this determine your self-worth, t. it's not the surface level thing you think it is like "not being a burden". Your family is there to support you. You would do the same in their place. Don't be weird about it.

You're absolutely socially isolated though. That is no way to live. Try to go to IRL meetups. Go find some people from your college. I'm sure you can figure something out

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>>35086861
pursuing success in something meaningful to yourself will alleviate your family guilt, you don't need to be someone else to make that work.

then try to find other autistic people to socailize with because most autists probably have similar emotional maturity honestly.

>>35087125
i don't have much to say anymore, i calmed down a little bit from yesterday
i have stuff to study for college, i'm taking an extended year so i don't have much to do but i'm just studying, vidya gameing, maybe music too

just feels really lonely in some way and i feel misunderstood when i go to places with people irl and wonder if i weirded them out or when we will hang out again, if ever

>>35087295
i got isolated or rather isolated myself from my college peers 1st year of college when i realized i was weird and they pointed it out to me, i was just the worst with some of the things i said and did and all my life i never really had any deep friendships and was always bullied
it's tough man, idk, sometimes i am in a room full of people and i still don't enjoy it so i wonder to myself what do i really want

>>35089234
Glad things are okayish now

But yeah, a lot of the people just straight up suck, but a lot dont. Just gotta find those who wont treat you worse just cuz you are different, while also working on yourself without self demoralization. Maybe even save up some money and find a good therapist

But whatever, what do YOU think you should do about it and what are you actually gonna do?

>>35086908
Hey anon.
If you’re seriously a diagnosed autistic. You probably have alexithymia. Call me a shill, but an app called Foxtale has helped me immensely in learning emotional learning.
Your parents probably never really taught you emotional learning as they made the gross assumption that you’d “get” it.
>they were wrong
Since you’re under 26, you could try for CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) under your parents insurance.

You’re still young-ish. You can catch up to 16 to 18 in. Emotional maturity I believe if you start learning now.

>>35086861
You didn't choose to be autistic, anon. Don't beat yourself up for something you have no control over.

>>35089708
well go to college and find a job afterwards idk, maybe move out
i also applied for autismbuxx and we'll see if that works out or not
>>35089762
i got diagnosed with autism about a month ago but looking back on my childhood, a lot of things become very clear and the way i had trouble interacting with people in school and such
i also take zoloft for depression and anxiety and i go to my psychiatrist like once a month usually

as for my parents, only mom knows but like, i like my mom but she's also a little hard to live with and i feel like she babied me a lot which is why i now feel worthless and don't know basic human shit (i'm ashamed of not knowing how to cook for example)
i guess it's learned helplessness and yeah, a lot of it is on me to do it and learn it, some of which i did while i lived alone for like 3-ish months earlier this year, like laundry, cleaning, taking out the trash and such

it feels shameful to admit but i was never forced to do any of that so i never learned and i feel bad when i socialize with people and have to hide how incompetent i am
but i mean, i learned it i guess, i just bought different trash bags to sort trash, detergent and softener for washing machine, etc. i still need to learn how to iron clothes, that could be cool...

many times i wish to help my mom with house chores but she refuses to let me because "she knows better" so i never do it and sometimes she physically barrs me from doing it and it makes me feel somewhat helpless

i know i went off track from the original post a little but it's all this sort of thing where nothing i really do is something i know how to do, i feel useless because of that
i don't buy my own clothes and have no sense of style, i still kind of dress the same i did when i was like, 14 or 15 in 1st year of high school

train conductors think i'm a HS pupil when i shave lol

besides that, my mom was also slightly abusive to me throughout my teen years, like when i was 13 and showed first signs of depression and lack of will to live, she had varying reactions to it and she still does
when my grades were shit in HS because of it, she beat me with a broom once and throughout the years she yelled at me for it or also hated the times when i told the psychs i wanted to kill myself and had to go on medication or into the hospital (a lot of the times she sees it as a "nobody must know this or you will dishonor me and the family among people in the town" type of mentality)

the broom thing seems funny in retrospect but man i really didn't enjoy it back then ahaha, i was also stinky and useless in high school, i would just go home after school and like sleep + play dark souls 10 hours a day because i found no will to study in school much

i got bullied in both middle and high school but while i got beat up or psychologically tortured quite often in middle school, high school was arguably worse, i got psychologically tortured by both guys and girls and i was very self-centered, to be fair but i just couldn't understand other people
there were many times when me and these two other guys in the class (one, an actual jock and the other his sidekick) got into fights that were about to be physical fights because they started insulting me and i didn't like and i felt bad

i went to the school psychiatrist a lot, i had my mom called to school a lot and i told the professors and my mom, while i was crying in tears, that i want to kill those two guys and they just said "they say some things to you purely for your own good but they can go a little overboard"

girls were not much better, their psychological torture revolved mostly around teasing me around my sex/love competence, or rather lack thereof

i just never thought about love or sex in regards to other people because as i became a teen, i always thought it was a thing that i should keep to myself

>>35090437
Since this sounds like you’re in Europe (train conductors aren’t really a thing in America unless you’re in very certain regions). Are there “student apartments” that are sub 900€ a month? If you’re American and live in Boston or NYC, disregard this.

>no dad mentioned
Anon…. What happened.

I advise getting the app Finch as it can teach you the very basics of self care.

I would also tell you about “baby elephant thinking”. P much it’s about learned helplessness. you’re an adult so assert yourself (gently, if you HAM on your mom that could lead to a tense situation you don’t want).

Learning to cook is a very liberating thing. I’d suggest Alton Brown, Americas Test Kitchen, and others to teach you the basics.

i always thought, since i was like 14 or so, that i was the only one who felt these feelings (yes really, even if i knew adults had love and romance and all of that, i felt it separate from the kind of thing i felt)

i do have a sex drive somewhat but i feel like i value spending comfortable moments and good conversation with someone who understands me more than "does this person hit me with looks that make me go wild?" or something like that

that was also a part of my insecurity among socializing and other stuff, i think i'm (probably?) bisexual in that i don't really mind either gender in that way, i think i have the capacity to fancy both but that's another long story somewhat unrelated to this one and i've already wrote a lot so that's that

i do feel like i rarely understand my own feelings, let alone analyzing other people's feelings and i can never really guess whether a person likes me or not (not romantically, here i mean just like, in conversation and reading their body language) and a lot of the time, eye contact and prolonged conversation 1 on 1 is really uncomfortable for me, the only people i think i can do it with are my family

i cry a lot but sometimes i just do it because i have 0 fucking emotional control and if someone was mean to me or if i felt like i did something wrong in social interaction, i will cry about it later when i'm in bed by myself

sometimes i just don't give a fuck so if i have a depressive hit of emotions suddenly and i think about like, what am i doing, why this, why that, i will cry on the tram and train ride home from college, in front of other people and mostly just not care, cuz i can't hold it back in some instances

never really cried in college except once when i was so frustrated that i wasn't getting a subject and that i had a bad professor, that i just cried for like 3 hours, the professor tried to wake me up as she was leaving and she did that but i still stayed there until like 8pm when the janitor came

>>35090519
there are regular apartments in general that i think are like under 400 euro a month and my mom is willing to sponsor me somewhat to live alone, surprisingly, when i leave college and get a job

dad isn't dead or anything, nor are my parents divorced, we live in the same house but we don't have any kind of relationship really
i think he likes my older brother more than me, cuz he's more traditionally masculine, does all the work things and will succeed the family business and such
i guess i also try to help my dad though, i helped him saw wood the other day (i don't use the saw, i just help him hold and stack the chopped wood)

he never really played a role in my upbringing, he's just kind of...there.

>>35090568
regarding apartments, i was also thinking, how wonderful it would be if i could get autismbuxx accepted + take on some work so i could have maybe an easier time navigating through some of these things as i establish myself as an adult
maybe that's a little too selfish and greedy though ahaha, but it's gonna take many months or a year to get a response and i'll probably get denied...