i know i stated the obvious, but i just cant bear this shit anymore. its been years since ive actually felt happy with life, all ive done is pretend that im okay with being alone, when in reality i hate it and im desperate for any interaction i can get, good or bad. its been around 2 years since ive ever had a real friend or a romantic relationship at all. that may not seem like a long time at all but to be honest im in my teenage years which is supossedly the best time of my life, which i couldnt disagree with more, and the worst part is? shit is only going to go downhill as the days go by, i got dropped by all my previous friend groups for not fitting in, and i got cheated on after a 7 month long relationship, and was blamed for it all. and all i did was accept it like a fucking bitch. i blame my ugly face and skinny body, short stature, and neurodivergence. the guy she left me for was much taller than me, at least over 6ft while i stand at 5’5, he was athletic, popular, not more handsome than me in my opinion but i doubt thats what she cared about, girls just like tall, even if that tall guy had the ugliest face ever. i cope with my shitty life by smoking, cutting my body, sleeping and isolating myself from others as much as i can. my so called “best friend” hardly ever talks to me or wants to see me, since we now go to different schools, i feel as if hes grown tired of me or even hates me now. everyone i know has their own people, except for me. ive never been anyones first choice, im just a fucking clown that everyone treats like shit. my life doesnt matter and i hope it ends soon.
>>35089663I can't remember the last time I was happy. I don't know if I have ever been happy. People have only disappointed me, they are just a waste of time.I only have room for cats in my heart.More than anything else, I wish to be truly alone. I cannot fathom a person who is worth my time or one that wouldn't sicken me to no end.I have never cut myself nor relied on drugs. I spent my teenage years blocking out my emotions, not trying to escape them. And now I hardly feel anything at all. If I were to die right now I wouldn't even care.So why am I telling you all of this? It's because you are pathetic.Coming on here seeking all this approval and pity, I have gone through much worse than you ever will and I have never once sought pity or acceptance from others.Blame yourself for being a fucking loser.
>>35089663I have read your post and want to share my thoughts. You may not believe it, but this time will come to pass and you will be left with the consequences to how you dealt with your misery. There are some things that are very recoverable, but you are using temporary coping mechanisms instead of permanent solutions, some of which. Suicide is never a solution, btw. School doesn't help at all because you can't leave whenever you want and are largely stuck with the same people for years. I don't know how old you are, but there gets to be a point where it's effectively prison where the best thing is to keep to yourself. I would recommend attempting to find a hobby where you meet people from outside of your district, this is something that actually is possible and could very well be what you need.This may not be the best advice but it may also not be the worst advice: recognize that you are a teenager and that in addition to your hormones going crazy, you also are experiencing many things for the first time. You can either hide from these experiences or embrace them and let yourself grow. I hid when I was your age, and now I'm 29, never had sex, had exactly one relationship and make ~$36k takehome a year of which simply cannot support me to live on my own, so I live at home with my mom. Granted there's a lot of time from 16 until now, but a lot of it was making up for the gap in which I was unemployed, uneducated, etc. etc. on account of my teenage years basically being wasted.
read schopenhauer, if you're too lazy there are audiobooks for free on youtube
>i cope with my shitty life by smoking, cutting my body, sleeping and isolating myself from others as much as i can. Oh, gee I wonder why your le teenage years are going not so well?? Dumbass. Make new friends who aren't assholes. Stop smoking and cutting and sleeping weird times and isolating. Instead of all this tweenage drama, get a job or something. Select against shallow whores next time when looking for a partner.
