I think I'm dealing with some chronic burnout. On top of that I have diagnosed OCD and a few other labels. There's something relatively I can't take back or change but I keep analyzing it because it feels like it needs to be solved or I will be harmed. On top of this I have back issues and what seems like chronic fatigue. I'm waiting on an appointment for a sleep study.I worked in the corporate world for a bit, got a decent job without a degree and it was very stressful. I used weed to cope but now it just amplifies the intrusive thoughts.When I was laid off from this job, I was on unemployment for about six months. I started a 1099 sales gig, work from home with some time in office. 100% commission. It takes some months to get paid because it has to do with insurance approving construction on buildings. I wound up needing to sell my old home because it had a lot of unfinished repairs and unemployment was about to run out. I managed to sell over $1m so far.Since it hasn't paid anything significant yet I went ahead & moved before I faced a cash shortage, and my other options had been exhausted. I'm now working menial labor six days a week and I can't find any motivation to make these calls. One sale could be 10k+ in commission but I can't fight my fatigue and racing thoughts long enough to squeeze a few calls in before work. They've been decent enough in keeping me on while I run emails for them and I got one sales lead that way.I don't know what I'm asking for, I guess some perspective that's more kind than what my internal narrative is, which is that I'm messed up beyond repair. I really don't want to take medication. I use nic pouches & drink coffee, I don't drink or use illicit drugs. I think I'm just at my limit, my capacity for doing labor for money. If I get what I'm owed I should be able to drop a shift here and there at work and focus more on that. For now I have this insomnia and racing mind keeping me awake so I sleep too long & wake up exhausted.
>>35092828Relatively mundane*
