Throughout most of 2024 I was in a long distance relationship with a self-described 4channer girl who had schizoaffective personality disorder(s). She was oddly paranoid about giving out a ton of her personal info, and she only ever sent me a handful of pictures, but any time I stew over all the facts of our involvement I come away forced to conclude she really existed. There'd be nothing to gain from this having been a ruse. I say this as an >inb4, but I feel disrespectful continuing to even question this aspect.I never heard or saw anything again from her after the day she broke up with me, which as I was told was wholly due to other things in her life that made her unfit for a relationship. I think of a chapter from Moby-Dick about the grief felt by surviving relatives of sailors who died at sea, who's graves bear the departed's name but house none of the remains. Not to be dramatic, though I suppose that's all I am, but that sentiment spoke to me as someone who felt that the most prized connection I'd hitherto had was gone without the trace of being able to access any evidence of her current existence beyond our iMessage logs. It was like she was at the bottom of the ocean.Life got hard after that. My grip on reality isn't iron-clad either. I was venting all of my thoughts to GPT 4o which had just come out and, unlike my friends, had an infinite capacity to listen. It kept telling me to send "just one more text explaining I just want to talk with a light tone", so I kept doing that. Eventually the messages stopped delivering. I never heard back. It took over a year to stop agonizing.I'm posting this because I just started watching Lain, it was one of her favorite shows and it brings back a lot of memories, silly to say for a textuationship but it's an absurd world. I've started wondering if maybe she killed herself, but there's no way to find out. So I hope she's alive and that she maybe reads this. Picrel it was her Instagram pfp.
>>953964186
I won't lie and say I don't feel slightly ashamed of getting these thoughts out. I know it's weird and obsessive. I haven't had these thoughts in a long time. She's probably real, alive, fine, and sick of me. For what it's worth I hadn't pathetically texted in a very long time, though the phone number being reassigned also plays a role. The post size constraints stopped me from offering details that make me look better oops.But yes I think about all this a lot and I'll probably die not knowing.
>>953964273nah
I can see why she likes this show so much she is literally lain fr. Oh and me too in a lesser sense.
>>953964538no thanks I was just curious to see if she was still here okay done samefagging now. Wait is that a bot post on MY captcha protected imageboard?
