I buy crypto ETFs instead of directly owning it.
If you need it simplified for you, then that's fine. Ultimately you are a retard though.
I have 10k invested in a short bitcoin etf that pays a monthly dividend
Crypto ETFs go against the whole purpose of crypto, though. And things like BTC aren't anonymous so people can track each other. It's better to hold currencies directly and focus on privacy-based ones like Monero, Nerva (which is also pool-resistant and can only be mined via CPU), etc. "Not your keys, not your coins"