>don’t want coworkers to know my main hobbies are watching anime and jerking off>for years any time they ask what I’m doing I tell them grilling >fast forward to yesterday >”hey anon gonna have the famous grill going for the 4th?”>haha you know it>hey why don’t a few of us drop by to try some>blurt out “sure!” without thinking They are gonna be here in about 5 hours. I have never even touched a grill in my life. The previous owner of my property left one of these little round ones like in pic related, but I can’t even find the fucking on switch to make it get hot. Is there some kind of trick I can use to get through tonight with them still believing all those years of lies about me grilling? Or should I think about getting a new job?
>>220932835 hours...That should be enough time to watch the first season of Shokugeki no Souma, that should give you some ideas maybe.Taking 45 minutes to pleasure yourself to hotties from the show leaves you with... about 15 for prep.You got this, OP
You've lied to them for years so just lie one more time and text everyone that something came up and you're gonna have to cancel. You lie a lot, you'll figure out something.How the fuck is this even a question? How do people go through life?
>>22093290He is looking for the on button on a charcoal grill, I don’t think 5 hours is gonna be enough time to get him where he needs to be Plus, don’t they only ever do restaurant style cooking in that series?
>>22093297Dunno, never saw it. Don't really watch cooking shows. Some good eating shows recently, Meido-san ha Taberu dake last season was nice. Koufuku Graffiti is my all-time favorite, such a good show.
>>22093297Yeah he should just take a bat to the grill he'd never use anyway, order takeout, and tell people who come over that he damaged it moving it outside. OP is probably too stupid though so he'll probably just fuck up trying to cook something and get blown out by his coworkers.
>>22093283Have you considered purchasing fast food and passing it off as your own cooking?
>>22093283you legitimately have a steamed hams situation on your hands. please apply the lesson well.>>22093309 knows what's up
>>22093283watching tv and jerking off are not hobbies. those are pastimes. hobby implies skill-growth.
>>22093322Jerking off takes skill, especially after you do it so often you are desensitized
>>22093324It’s even more of a skill when you have to jerk someone else off
Tell them you have the shits so you dont want company
>>22093283your coworkers know you've been bullshitting them and they called your bluff. you're fucked. even if you manage to pull yourself together and buy some charcoal and sausages in the next few hours, a) I doubt you'll be able to pull off anything that suggests you have years of grilling experience, and b) a guy who's main hobby and passion is grilling isn't going to just have some dinky little round grill, he would have some serious equipment. so I mean, you can pull a George Constanza if you want and commit to the bit, but your coworkers most likely know you're full of shit and I doubt you'll be able to convince them otherwise. just call it off. say you have to attend to an emergency. they'll know that's bullshit too, but at least you won't embarrass yourself in front of them. and in the future, just tell people you're into video games or something. nobody actually cares that much about what you do in your free time.
wait until they are all inside your home then say "alrighty, lets start grilling!" and put on your favorite japanese cartoon and begin to masturbate.
>>22093353
>>22093283>I have never even touched a grill in my lifetrust me.
I refuse to believe this happened. Enjoy your anime and masturbation.
>>22093329True it's genuinely very difficult to jerk someone else off unless they're sensitive because too many men have masturbated for so long they know exactly what they want out of it. I could never get my ex off with a handjob, it was demoralizing.
>>22093329Yeah fuck that. When I'm rubbing a bitches clit and she's like right there, and I move even .01 cm and then it's not 'there' anymore. She can double click her own mouse nawnsayin'?
>>22093388That is brilliant. Would the ceramic ever get too hot and break from the charcoal?
>>22093404Sucks to be you. I make my man ‘splode all the time.
>>22093388All fun and games until you're 25 beers deep and absent mindedly sit on it and burn your balls off
>>22093404agreed. it's the height of hubris for women to even think about offering a handie.
>>22093302>Koufuku Graffiti is my all-time favoritegood taste
>>22093283>Or should I think about getting a new job?
>>22093409>>22093413Like I said my EX. My current bf I can get off with one finger
>>22093409>>22093420you both better be pretty girls
>>22093421Nope. And I live a much better life than you do. :^)
>>2209341125? I drank 15 the other day and I felt like I might've died.
>>22093421Dude, you are not talking to biological girls, LMAO
>>22093421Guilty as charged <3
>>22093424Meant to type 15 lol but I'm sure some true patriots will hit 25
>>22093433100 beershttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WzN-X-haYa0
>>22093309Update - this is the option I went with. I drove 90 minutes away to a small shop that had a 4th of July special on ready to eat hot dogs fresh off their grill. About 10 minutes before I’ll pop them in the microwave to get them real hot so they feel fresh off the grill. I get everyone a dog and a Keystone and I think I can pull this off
>>22093309Ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, Anonymous
>>22093456Brother they will know
>>22093456You got this anon, don't listen to the haters people will be happy just to eat some food and drink, even if some suspect no one is gonna be a cunt about it. And IF they are, great now you know they're not worth your time
>>22093456>keystoneGreat idea, that will make certain they never want to come back
>>22093456brother in 90 minutes you could.havw just bought charcoal and a pack of hot dogs. microwaving dogs is gonna fuck up the texture, and don't you think they will notice that the grill isn't even on? you're fucked lmao. should have just called the whole thing off.
>>22093463Depends, are these actual foodies? Or just coworkers trying to be inclusive? If it’s the latter, he might actually pull this off. He had enough brains to drive well out of the way to a non chain establishment. If he said they were having burgers then went to Burger King, yea he would be hosed. I think he has built up enough layers here where he might barely make it
>>22093481everytime ive gone to a bbq the act of grilling was part of the hang, never have i gone somewhere with everything precooked
>>22093480>the grill isn’t even onBy the sound of it, he doesn’t even have a grill in the first place. He has a hand me down one of those little $40 charcoal bowl grills, which more often than not are just rainwater collectors if left outside
>>22093483Seems like the easiest of the many layers of lies this requires >hey guys I figured everyone would be hungry so I got a jump start on the grill so we wouldn’t have to wait
>>22093456>he is a actually gonna try to Seymour his way out of this shit I really want you to succeed
>>22093456post dogs
>>22093421Im just here to masturbate to the cute transsexuals.Happy 4th
>>22093485that's fucking hilarious. it's going to.be so obvious that's it's never been used. OP, you still have time to call this off and avoid serving a bunch of guys microwaved hot dogs and exposing yourself as a liar.
>>22093283Dude just grill some brats, you'll be fine. Don't overthink it
>>22093503All he has to do is keep them out of the yard and they will never know
Time for an update OP. Show us the dogs
>>22093505who has people over for a grill and beer and doesn't even let them in the yard hahaha
OP is trollin but idc this is hilarious.I'm literally a tranny btw not sure if that makes a differemce. I don't give handjobs because my current bf made me afraid of sex a couple years ago and I never bounced back from it.
>>22093512Good point, especially for the 4th of July which is very outside focused. Idk maybe tell them he already put the grill away since the dogs were already done.
>>22093523The gun is always available anon
>>22093536>good lord what is going on in there!>grill storage >may I see it?>no
>>22093538I'm not American and have no use for one anyway
>>22093536people don't just put their grill away unless it's winter lol. there's nothing OP can do to not come across as at least a little bit of a weirdo, every excuse is just digging his hole deeper (assuming any of this is even real, which it very likely isn't but it's fun so whatever).honestly the best thing OP could probably do at this point if he isn't willing to just outright cancel, is say that he had something come up earlier in the day and ran out of time to prepare a grill cookout but he still wanted to host so he bought some dogs and beers. apologize and say you'll host a proper grill another time, which buys him enough time to actually learn how to use it, or just keep pushing it back until people forget about it.
>>22093536grillmeisters get a natural high from grilling in front of guests, questions WILL be asked why the grill is absent or any lack of charcoal smell
>>22093552He could say he put the grill away because he was afraid one of them would steal it because it’s such a good grill. That re-establishes his grill king status while also relocating blame for the grill being absent onto the guests
Wouldn’t it make more sense to just not talk about the grill at all to limit attention brought to its abscess?
>>22093556>charcoal smellpropane. taste the meat, not the heat
>>22093563perfect. and if somebody brings it up, just stonewall them.
>>22093547The noose is always available anon
Drop by a hardware store and buy a modest grill, leave the tags on it so you can return it next week, then show them that if they ask
>>22093547>have no use for oneI beg to differ.
>>22093577>yep here she is, where the magic happens. I promise you, this spotless grill that still has the tags on it was used an hour ago to make these hot dogs
>>22093588just show it to them quickly and from a distance so they can't examine it too closely.
>>22093283>5 and a half hours agoso? how's it going, anon?
>>22093283Update us you stupid prick take a picture of the hot dogs
>>22093283>main hobbies are watching anime and jerking offMore proof that people who watch anime are virgin incels
>>22093283I feel sorry for anyone who falls for this red-dit copypasta
>>22093637room temperature IQ take
>>22093523bro added a fun fact
OP I know this was a larp but you seriously couldn't even come up with a decent conclusion? come on, put some effort in.
>>22093456Delightfully devilish anon.
>>22093283Lies poison not only your soul but the souls of those who hear them. Maybe use this as a learning experience.
>>22093640No he's right you dumbass weeb
>>22093873My headcanon is the dogs weren’t actually cooked and OP is in the hospital with food poisoning from eating barely microwaved raw dogs while insisting to his guests they were grilled to perfection
>>22093309Only works if you have Aurora Borealis in your kitchen
>>22093283I’d fuck his wife if he asked me to. He seems like a good guy
>>22093456Hahaahaaaa this is great Youd better come back and update us. I need to know what happens top fucking kek this site is still funny sometimes
OP did not deliver
OP WE NEED AN UPDATE! DID YOU GET LEGENDARILY HUMILIATED?
imagine believing this shit
OP here.So long story short: they came and it seems they were not 100% honest themselves.They ran a train on me, they fucked me in every possible hole known to man. I must have imbibed a pint of semen. I was passed around like a rag doll and they left me on the floor. And now I am hungry and just have like 40 hot dogs in the microwave I just have to press the button
>>22093469>the people OP has been lying to for years aren't worth HIS time... Whew lad.
OP here, sorry for the late update, but we ended up going to a local fireworks show after and I got home late and was tired. Tldr - I think I got away with it>fortune smiled upon me and a light, but long, rainstorm passed through the area>not only did this give me a great excuse to have pre-grilled everything, it also kept everyone in the house and no one questioned me when I said I put the grill away>everyone thought the dogs were great>one of them actually name dropped the place I got them from, but it didn’t seem like it was in an accusatory way, but more just a reference to the flavor being similar >just laughed it off and said maybe they got the idea from me which made everyone laugh and move on>rained cleared out and a local fireworks show said they would be behind schedule, but going forward with their show>went and did that and I was in the clear They said we should have a grill out again on a nicer day, but I don’t think I can pull this off a second time so I’m gonna make sure that I never accidentally put myself in this position again.Thanks to >>22093309 for the excellent idea and getting me through this potential disaster
>>22094754>>one of them actually name dropped the place I got them from, but it didn’t seem like it was in an accusatory way, but more just a reference to the flavor being similaryeah he knew but didn't want it to get awkward if he pressed you lmao
>>22093309This. Find a local BBQ place and be prepared to drop $200 to save face. Or fake an illness and a trip to the ER.
>>22094790>trip to the ERThat’s $500 minimum
>>22094794stop being poor. thanks.
>>22094754I’m proud of you, you built a mountain of lies, and rather than falter on them or run and hide, you chose to add more layers to that mountain. And to top it off, you even got away with it
>>22093309I know it's an epic Simpsons may may but my family unironically does this all the time buying premade shit and bringing it to potlucks
>>22095336One time I forgot to buy something for a family luncheon so I stopped by kroger on the way and bought a pecan pie. Wasn't even trying to pass it off as my own but I thought it looked tacky with the kroger logo and everything so I just put it in a different pan People brought homemade desserts, including an actual pecan pie Everyone said "mine" was great lmfao
>>22093563>abscessWtf
>>22094024Wtf are you on where have you EVER in your life seen a legitimately uncooked hotdogYou're basically just heating them up out of the package
>>22094754Top fucking kek he actually pulled a Seymour and got away with itYour house isnt on fire, its just the northern lightsHilarious. And yeah i wouldnt ever have people over again unless you actually know how to grill. Maybe you should start learning now just because of this
>>22093283Literally just go to YouTube and you'll find nearly endless videos on how to do this. Retard.
>>22096804Look everyone its the fag who didnt read the thread and thinks he's smarter than everyone Point at him and laugh
>>22093297>He is looking for the on button on a charcoal grillkek
>>22094754did you celebrate your success by watching anime and jerking off?
>>22094754>Liquid SmokeThis is your grillmaster defrauding secret weapon for when they inevitably double down next year. Or just move.
>>22093413>WomenEveryone in this thread is male, dude
>>22094754You sly dog you actually pulled a SeymourPut me in the screencap pls
>>22093283How’d it go op?
>>22094754you better learn how to grill. grilling is nice.>>22097636lmao
please be real
>>22093283Quick! Go to a grocer that has grilled chicken. Get some charcoals and throw them in the grill along with the grilled chicken on the grates. Pass that shit off like you grilled it. Just microwave it before you put the chicken on the grates so that it is actually warm when you lift the grill lid to show your guests.
