>>22140681
post wife

>>22140681
It’s been a long time, seems like I got food poisoning a lot more as a kid than I do as an adult

I ate taco bell for dinner. If I get food poisoning I'll take a pic for you guys tomorrow.

Went to a new pizza place 32 years ago full of arcade games. The dough was undercooked.

Had bad diarrhea the next day. I didn't make it in time to the restroom.

>eating some fisher's dry roasted peanuts
>one tastes kind of bitter but swallow it anyway
>a bit later, start to get a terrible headache
>take some aspirin, doesn't really help
>start to feel sick, go to the bathroom and vomit
>instantly start to feel better

I still eat those peanuts and sometimes get a bitter one but now I just spit it out.

>>22140681
When I was around 8 years old I got food poisoning from eating fried chicken at a Chinese buffet.
After that I couldn't eat fried chicken. Even seeing or smelling KFC would make me throw up.
I didn't eat KFC again until my early twenties.
It was weird though, other chicken didn't have that effect on me, only fried and battered chicken specifically.

I remember having food poisoning on the fucking bus. I had to shit AND puke at the SAME TIME. I also had an energy drink a bit earlier in the day, so my entire body was vibrating and I thought I was having a heart attack. Felt like I was dying. Worst walk home in my life.

>>22140681
>normal day in college
>decide to include some sushi in my meal from the dining hall (buffet style)
>later that night, intense stomach pain
>dry heaving and vomit
>pain unlike anything I've experienced before
>basically bedridden from pain and nausea
>consider going to the hospital
>decide against it and just stick it out for the next several hours
I was in the dorms, so my roommate was there to watch me heave and die for a while. Lesson learned not to pick any sushi there again, but otherwise I still had to eat there everyday without a problem.

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>making smoothie
>put frozen cherries in a blender
>drink it
>remember that I didnt take the seeds out
>no wonder it tasted weird
fast forward an hour, I can't get up, abdominal cramps, weird taste in mouth and heaving. Turns out I had a mild cyanide poisoning because the crushed seeds are poisonous. I only drank one tenth of thre amount I made too. I guess I'd be dead now if I drank it all

>>22140681
>Have undiagnosed disorder
>75% of the time i eat anything I get explosive diarrhea within 15 minutes
>Makes it nearly impossible to travel long distances and makes me seem like a freak on work trips when I refuse to eat in front of anyone
>Have dealt with this my entire life

>>22140711
probably just rancid.

>>22140837
what kind of blender do you have that can turn cherry stones into a smoothie

>>22140839
Same but farts

Most food poisoning is almost impossible to track. It could be anything; it could have been something you ate weeks ago. It could be placebo effect. Bottom line you're a bitch with a weak immune system, but if you want to blame it on your wife that's cool I hope you get a good BJ out of it.

Buttermilk Chocolate Cake

Had some buttermilk to use up, found a recipe for chocolate cake and decided to use it.

Noticed that it had separated, thought that was weird, so shook the shit up and went on baking.

Tasted fantastic! Then the wife and I got the shits. Called out of work the next day and when we felt better, we ate more cake. Cycle repeats.

Mentioned to the wife about the buttermilk and her being a southern gal knew immediately what had happened. She pulled the empty carton from the trash and it was expired for over a month. Ah well.

Guess what I'm gonna make today?

Made a big pot of chili on Saturday once.

Got lazy and left it on the stove overnight. (No big deal, just throw the heat to it and it'll be fine). Ate it, no issues.

Got lazy again and left it out again, really pushing our luck. Decided to eat it Monday evening.

Wife and I both got violently sick for four days. Threw away the chili, never ate chili for a few years, and stopped being a lazy slob. Never had the issue again.

>>22140901
>Tasted fantastic! Then the wife and I got the shits. Called out of work the next day and when we felt better, we ate more cake. Cycle repeats.
Like that American Dad episode where the family gets violent food poisoning because of squid ink pasta and as soon as they get better they eat it again like idiots?

>>22140904
Yeah, we didn't realize it immediately.

Last one.

Wanted fish sticks, so got the expensive "not pulverized" fish. Heated up the oven in excitement!

Made 10, in case wife or kid wanted to taste one. Wife took one and I are the rest. She immediately started feeling bad and I got gassy as hell. Didn't think much about that one.

Couple days later, decide it's fish and chips time. Loaded up everything in a tortilla and was scarfing it down!

About an hour later, start getting the sweats (uh oh, something doesn't feel right). Mind starts racing, did I drink too much? Is it the gummy I took?

Start violently throwing up across two bathrooms and end up on the floor of our bathroom. Figure out it was the fish sticks. Threw those bitches out and ended up throwing away some really good tartar sauce later down the road.

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> offer to cook for in laws
> make salmon
> undercook only mine because i hate overcooked salmon
> end up in their bathroom for s couple of hours an hour after dinner
Great times
They all had a great meal though

>>22140904
Lol yeah that was on [AS] a few nights ago.

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>>22140681
Kraut here, visited my parents over a decade ago
>mom made meatloaf with cheese
>it was in the fridge, but I don't know how long
>heat it, smells and tastes like it should, eat it without noticing anything
>2-3 hours later
>First I experience diarrhea
>I get off the toilet, but then suddenly it comes back, and it doesn't stop
>I keep shitting out more fluids
>Then I suddenly feel extremely sick too, I start puking into the toilet bowl
>completely undress in panic
>and suddenly without any control of my own I start shitting out this orange mass out of my ass while I'm still puking
>and now I just cycle between shitting and puking while I'm trying to look for a fucking bucket in the bathroom
This goes on for at least 3 hours and I continue to be sick for another 2-3 weeks with low food intak. I'd rather experience a severe flu again than ever going through that shit again. It was my first ever food poisoning. I now understand why so many soldiers died in the past under such conditions. Nothing prepares you for this, nothing.

>>22140681
>Eat 5 day old homemade pizza, tasted fine.
>Wake up in the middle of the night with pretty bad nausea.
>Try to bear through it.
>End up getting a bucket and throwing up.
>Rinse my mouth with water and brush my teeth
>Go back to sleep
Overall not too bad.

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>>22140681
The worst one I ever had was, I think, from carrots
>just a normal day eating some salad before the meal
>3-4 hours everything is fine
>suddenly start sweating and feel a bit unwell
>try to take a nap
>wake up about an hour later
>feel ill
>just shit everything out
>doesn't get better
>again
>again
>suddenly start vomiting in the hope it gets better afterwards
>every 15 minutes I have to either vomit or shit
>after several hours still not better
>every time I even drink a drop of water I vomit it back out
>legit think I'm going to die
>call the doc
>call my mom thanking her for everything
>vomit up blood and bile
>completely weak just lying on the tiled bathroom without any clothes on
>doc comes, gives me an injection, 15 mins no more vomiting
>can finally drink some water again
>sleep for around 12 - 14 hours
>next day I feel fine after drinking a ton of water

>>22140681
Nothing spectacular.
>Get steak sub from local place.
>Either food poisoning or stomach flu kicks in an hour or 2 later.
>Food comes up mostly intact.
>Barf so thick and so much I can barely breathe between spews.
>Also start projectile spraying diarrhea with the second puke session. Wasn't expecting it so I wasn't on the toilet...which was lovely.
Have not had a steak sub since.

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a cucumber i just ate had small spots on mold on it. it was still firm and i peeled the skin off but now i'm scared

>>22141648
You will certainly die of uncureable penis fruit cancer. Get your affairs in order.

>>22141410
I don’t fucking trust carrots. They’re related to parsley and whenever I eat tabouli I get watery ass scraping shits that give me hemorrhoids. It could be the bulgar wheat but idk.

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>>22140961

>>22140681
>order some panda express
>take home and eat
>still have some egg rolls leftovers
>put them in the fridge for 2 days
>reheat them and consume it
>1 day later
>starting feeling sick, nausea, have headache
>it's fucking hellish experience
>vomit 4 times and shit 3 times
>after my fourth vomit, feel better again
I didn't eat any egg rolls for 1 year.

>>22140681
>around 15 years ago.
>still in college, just a kid, never had any health issues, let alone food poisoning, felt immortal
>had some work downtown during the day, was supposed to meet friends at a pub for dinner in the evening
>eat subway mid-afternoon because i was starving.
>stomach is slightly rumbling within the hour but think nothing of it because i've never had stomach issues before
>make the dinner meetup, eat light because I'm not too hungry yet
>excuse myself early because stomachache is getting annoying
>still decide to walk the full hour back home because surely it's not that serious
>twenty minutes in, i'm in serious pain
>get a cab to drop me five minutes away from home because that's the closest landmark i can remember in my state of discomfort
>leave the car
>can only manage a shuffling gait as i'm barely holding in my bowels
>pass by a couple of qt girls, who did their best to avoid me
>as soon as we pass each other some animal instinct makes me leave the sidewalk and step into the nearest lawn or flowerbed
>shit myself then and there and shake off the logs of shit so they fall down my trouser legs
>walk the rest of the way home, take another huge shit, take a shower and throw my clothes in the garbage
nothing like that has ever happened to me since then. people have told me it might have been unwashed lettuce from subway. anyway, i could have gone without that experience to be honest

>>22140839
have you been tested for carbohydrate intolerances? does it happen even if you don't eat carbs? i had similar issues but it seems to have been because i have celiac disease which messed up my gut and made me intolerant to most carbs although it slowly got better once i stopped eating wheat and treated the deficiencies.

>>22140839
That really sucks, sounds similar to the ordeal that the anon that has trouble swallowing food had to go through. I hope you both are soon cured.

>>22142707
lol at the homeowner finding your logs in their yard

>>22140785
since when do jeets use toilets you fucking moron

When I was 17 I went to a Chinese buffet in the beaner ghetto and are some crab legs. A few hours later I was super itchy and covered in hives and literally burning up. I do not trust and have not had crab legs in almost 20 years. I can't eat crab, lobster, shrimp etc no problem and do not have any food allergies which makes me wonder wtf they got those crab legs from

It's fascinating to succumb to a that literally heats up your entire body

>>22143975
Correction: I can* eat crab etc.

>>22140681
1. salad takeout
2. lettuce wrapped burger in-n-out
3. coconut juice that was opened over the weekend
I'm gonna blame poopoo hands from employees. Usually lasts 1-2 days. Don't hold in your vomit or shit, listen to your body and get that stuff out.

I got Giardia from swimming by a damn when I was 12 or something. I was spewing all night and crawling around the hallway outside the bathroom and just passing out everywhere with a fever. Next day I was still seedy but far better. I think I might have even put away some food. Since then I haven’t been ill at all unless it’s alcohol related.

>>22143975
>super itchy and covered in hives

this suddenly reminded me this happened to me when I ate a fucking almond nut , so fucking weird. I want touch a fucking almond anymore

>>22144057
>want

WONT*

>>22140681
>used to love salads
>eat one that seemed perfectly fine in every aspect
>hours later
>cold sweat, shaking, very sensitive skin, dizzy
>know what is coming
>head to toilet
>projectile vomit lettuce bits perfectly intact
>enough lettuce to make an entire salad
>couldn't eat salad for over 5 years
I love salad again.

Not really a poisoning case, but I had a 20 hrs bus trip overboard and, being inexperienced, drank some yogurt on the way. 15 fucking hours I was experiencing the pain as if my stomach was being squeezed by a steam roller, was holding my shit with a perseverance that would put Mike Tyson to shame (I had a cute girl sitting by me on top of that, who occasionally dozed off and put her head on my shoulder, can you imagine what would it be like to shit myself while being blessed with a heavenly nymph touch?). I was jumping out at every stop, trying to fart the evil spirits out as much as possible, but for some reason my anus got constantly blocked so I had to find a perfect balance to squeeze out something without turning the drill into a shitfest. Anyway, 15 fucking hours of non-stop suffering, then crazy run to a nearest toilet, a rewarding bliss, and experience for life.
Never. Fucking. Ever. Eat any dairy when travelling buses.

>Live in shitty ghetto at time of story
>A Japanese Korean place opens up, which is a nice change from the 50 fried chicken establishments in the area
>Take gf there to see what its like
>Place is absolutely dead with only one other table occupied
>Order a full meal and some sake to wash it down
>waiter comes over with 2 orders of sushi, on the house
>I didnt want mine so gf ate both helpings
>she spends the next week in bed, either shitting, vomiting or sleeping

Dodged a bullet, ghetto Nips must have realised the sushi was about to go off and tried to give it away for some goodwill. Never eat in the ghetto

>>22144097
>japanese-korean

That alone sounds sus as fuck

It's a stretch to call it poisoning, but up until last halloween I've never had any type of sugarless candy and proceeded to eat a whole bag of pull 'n' peels (Now With Something-itol™) and had the weirdest quietest diarrhea session of my life. Like zero warning spasms, cramps, or discomfort, idk how that sort of evil thing can legal for sale as food.

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>>22140681
>bought sausages
>got faint whiff of a unusual smell opening pack
>not that strong
>it's probably the seasoning
>make them, tasted fine
>30 minutes later become intensely sick
>spend next 4 days shitting blood and vomiting, whole body in pain
>the other person that had them was fine
My guess is one or two of them had gone bad and I lost the lottery.

>>22140681
>she leaves it out on the counter to "cool off" before putting it in tupperware and storing in the fridge
I hate people who believe in this shit. 70 years ago when fridges were shit it might have been solid advice to avoid overheating the internals, but in modern times the only thing that matters is that if you put a lot of a hot liquid (eg a big pot of soup) into a fridge it might not cool down enough to avoid bacteria growth, and leaving it out on the counter doesn't help that because it cools down even slower on the counter. The solution is split the soup into smaller containers.

>>22140681
>class trips '04
>we go to Philadelphia
>stop in Breezewood, PA to eat and stretch our legs
Breezewood is that one glorified truck stop that Europoors like to pretend is what the entirety of the US looks like
>eat shitty fried chicken
>shit and barf brains out entire night and feel sick as fuck on the bus the next day
sucked

not food poisoning but overeating
>be 12ish
>go to really good local Indian buffet on weekend as usual
>gorge self on pakora, tandoori chicken
>get second plate of baingan bharta and samosas with tamarind chutney
>they have goat curry today which they've never had before and fuck yes I am trying it
>get 3rd plate of rice and goat curry with more pakora and naan
>so distended with delicious food
>so very ill
>manage to hold it together until we are parked in a left turn lane at a major shopping district intersection
>projectile vomit partially inside my dad's new Mini Cooper and partially on the pavement as I open door
>a bunch of random motorists saw me do this
>had to smell my barf for like two hours as I cleaned it out of all the nooks, crannies, and speakers on the door of the car
good times
took me a long time to stomach goat again after that

got another
>be like 6
>vacationing in Myrtle Beach with my dad's parents
>we go to some Calabash place for dindins
>I proceed to hoover up buckets of fried seafood delights
>mum has to walk me around outside because I needed air
>puke on pavement and splash the wheel of somecunt's car
>sit on bench along restaurant exterior wall and catch my breath, still feeling like shit
>rest of family is seated at window right by me
>grandma holds aloft a plate of dessert, nods, and smiles at me as if to say "look! dessert! come get some!"
she was a sweet woman

>>22144116
they don't do it because of the fridge, they do it so they don't warp or melt their tupperware

>>22140681
>frozen crumbed chicken in the oven
>I can't remember why I bought it, maybe just wanted something I haven't eaten in years
>forgot to preheat oven
>still clearly undercooked after alarm but I was getting impatient
>ate it
>onset period passes
>three days of muscle cramping all over
I learned my lesson, don't be a retard (and have patience).

>>22144312
Why are you using tupperware that can warp under the mild heat of a cooked food?

>>22141260

Homo board is not here, anon

is it weird I’m 27 and never gotten food poisoning? I’m not even a stickler about food safety

>>22144438

It's the matter of random. After reading the stories here I supposedly should stay away from all the older-than-a-day food, but here I am eating all kind of leftovers and drinking expired beer all my life, yet only having bad cases very rarely. Guess a genetic disposition matters too, I farts a really lot though.

t.bus shitter-kun

>>22144444
>farts
*fart

I called in sick at least 4 times for food poisoning 1 year and I never really had food poisoning

Not food poisoning but I have had diverticulitis and that shit sucks. The final boss of constipation.

Also one time I drank 40 beers in Vegas and I was vomiting yellow bile all the next day

>>22144438
You have a strong immune system and could drink water from a pond like an animal with no consequence.

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>>22144444
very good get, I like it

>>22144444
/ck/ runs 4chan

>>22140839
I have the same thing. Took a while to figure out; in my case it's allergy to most (if not all) veg proteins like soy and peas. You know, the thing they add to everything nowadays

>>22140839
Thats called Dumping Syndrome.

>>22144438
What about alcohol poisoning?

>>22140681
Not sure if food poisoning or what, but any time I've ever had a Shadybrook Turkey (whether it be a frozen one, or cutlets/legs) I get severe diarrhea. Not just me though, my wife and kids. Butterball has no issue, store brand, turkey from butcher it's all fine. Only shadybrook does this to us. This happen to anyone else? Could it be hormones or antibiotics they feed their turkeys? The first time it happened we thought it was a fluke, but we tried another turkey and the same thing happened, like many months to a year later.

>>22140681
>be me
>residing in Taiwan
>find an AYCE "korean bbq" type place
>they bring raw food to you to grill on a little charcoal thing
>every time I go, my stomach feels weirdly bloated afterward
>one day
>go there, eat, feel bloated as usual
>bloating is getting really really bad
>think I might be about to be sick
>have to stop while walking home and just rest against a fence trying to burp or anything
>nothing happens
>finally reach my apartment building
>walk in
>OMFG it's happening
>head toward the bathrooms in the lobby
BLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
>guard and a couple of guys are staring at me
>I thought I was vomiting but that was 100% gas
>bloating is massively decreased
>make it into the bathroom
>lean over the toilet
BLEEEARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH
>ok that was 99% gas but included some stomach acid
BLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
>oh fuck
>that one was so powerful that not only did I spew some stomach acid into the toilet, I also forced out a couple of pounds of shit
BLEEEEARGH
>less powerful but still more shit
>after a few minutes more my stomach calms down
>I rinse my mouth out, flush the toilet
>I assume shit is leaking down my pants
>make a waddle for the elevator hoping not to leave too much of a mess on the floor
>guard is looking at me like WHAT THE FUCK MAN
>I make it into the elevator, hit my floor -- the very top -- and go up
>waddle to my apartment, open door, go in
>go to the bathroom figuring I'll have to rinse off in the shower
>drop pants
>wow, zero shit has rolled down
>take off underwear
>entire mass of shit is sitting inside my tighty whities
>just kind of rolling against the fabric like bread dough
>not even wetting the fabric
>drop the enormous ball of shit dough into my toilet
>flush
>take shower
>go downstairs
>guard makes sure I'm ok
it all went better than expected

Seriously, I don't know how all that shit didn't just pour down my pants legs and all over the place, but it didn't. My undies didn't even look messed.

>>22147419
>>22147420
Sorry guys, I tried to delete the incomplete one but it wouldn't allow me. Apparently the word "h X o X v X e X r" without the X's, or that one bleargh, triggered the antispam filter (fuck the antispam filter), which is why I had to repost something like five times to narrow down what was blocking me from posting.

I seriously don't understand what the fuck Hiroshimoot is thinking with that antispam filter. Common keywords and phrases trigger it at random. It's even worse when it allows the post to "happen" but dumps it into the bitbucket, leaving you having to retype the entire fucking thing.

>>22140681
>Wife (who comes from New England) says she wants "shitty pizza" for dinner because apparently she's tired of the amazing NJ pizza places we usually have
>Order pizza hut which apparently was her favorite growing up
>Eat it, tastes like frozen oven pizza with extra grease but edible
>Fast forward four hours later
>Stomach cramping so bad that I can't do anything besides lay on my back in pain
>Sweating like crazy, in agony for hours
>Spend the night throwing up every 30 minutes
>Bedridden for the next two days
>Wife was perfectly fine
I have never eaten pizza from outside the tri-state area since

>>22147421
Long strings of certain leters can set it off.
I remember getting a "please reformat your post" for a long string of eeeee..., but aaaaa... was allowed to go through.

>>22147443
Ok, thanks, but seriously it's not just that. I've run into dozens of these keywords over the last few years. The only one I remember offhand is "IYKYK" on /biz/. And then as a separate issue there are the wordfilter ones like "soy" (on all boards except /ck/).

Deletion went through this time, I guess it was just a time-based "can't delete so many in a short interval" thing.

>>22145544
>shadybrook
Interesting. My only local grocery store that carries turkey parts switched to them from Honeysuckle Farms some time last year. I haven't had a problem with either one, though. I usually get the thighs when available, otherwise drumsticks.

>>22145544
Just to add, I >>22147457 generally bake them at 375F for around an hour and a half, sometimes I forget them and they go two hours. Yes it's way overcooked according to most people, but I find the meat to be still tender and not dried out at all.

I don’t think I’ve ever had food poisoning that I can remember but:
>couple of weeks ago girlfriend gets some plastic containers from her dad and his wife
>use it to store rice on countertop so huge box isn’t wasting space in cupboard
>decide to make teriyaki chicken for dinner since I was feeling lazy and had all the rice for a side
>girlfriend notices food tastes weird and I mention it did have a bit of a soapy taste to it
>throw food away
>fast forward to next morning, kind of have the bubble guts and diarrhea
>after initial morning shit I’m in and out of the bathroom at work all day just dumping straight water out of my ass
>girlfriend texts me realizing her dads wife used the plastic containers for perfume storage and she never washed it before putting the rice in
Not as bad as what I hear about food poisoning but god damn it fucking sucked for a day.

Currently sick with food poisoning
Not sure if it’s my fault though.
Ate Indian food that had sat in the microwave for a whole day about 48hrs ago at this point.
Symptoms started around the 36hr mark.
Only other thing i had was pizza, but no one else is sick so far.
Everyone else who ate their Indian food at a normal time is fine too :(

>>22147517
GO SHIT IN THE STREET DUM ASS
You earned it

>>22140681
>be me
>in marine corps
>just came back to barracks after a week of vaction
>on lunch break
>see Wendy's chili in fridge
>call roommate who is on vaction
>ask if I can eat it he says sure Anon
>heat it up with the lil sour cream packet
>taste fine
>take a quick nap before work
>wake up in a cold sweat
>run to bathroom and hurl
>shit myself while vomiting
>sit on toilet and shit my brains out while puking in a trashcan
>this goes on for 40 minutes
>text my shop i'm not coming in
>Sergant comes to my room acting like i'm faking it
>opens my bathroom door and the oder hits him
>he wreches and has tears in his eyes
>literally start shitting green goo
>call roomate back later that day
>"Oh dude I forgot I got that 2 weeks ago before I left and I wasn't really paying attention to the question you asked."
>nearly break my phone
>continue to shit the wrong color for a week

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>>22147574

>>22147577
>>22141256
I think the only thing worse than the effects of rotten meat is stuff like rice or noodles gone bad, that stuff will end you without medical intervention.

>2021
>lockdown
>baking chicken breast
>oven gives out part way through but I don't know how long it had cooked when it broke
>restart oven, cut chicken in half, bake it the rest of the way by eyeballing it
>didn't cook it properly
>bed ridden for about three days, diarrhea and stomach cramps
>crawled back and forth between bed and bathroom
>wife is worried about me because I'm a bit delirious and not very responsive
>(in hindsight was probably badly dehrated from the diarrhea)
>don't remember much of that, but she set up a video call with a doctor
>doctor says "stomach aches aren't a common symptom of covid, but they can happen" (total nonsense)
>ambulance comes and picks me up, takes me to hospital
>wife can't come because covid
>get put in the covid holding ward and tested
>no one else there
>rehydrated on a drip and given lots of paracetamol
>sleep
>feel better, still pooing small amounts of diarhea with difficulty
>nurse comes in and says she isn't supposed to touch me (covid) but strokes my arm and says nice things to me before she leaves, "poor man" etc.
>pretty cute
>guy next door in the confirmed covid ward gets asked his pain rating and he's always like "10!" lol, retard
>covid test negative (obviously)
>some bacteria I forget the name of positive
>head nurse wants to keep me there at least another night
>I discharge myself
>go home
>everything fine
>get a letter from the council asking where i bought the chicken
>end
Only time I've been to hospital as an adult. I didn't realise they had cute nurses that feel you up even though they're not supposed to. Would do again minus the diarrhea.

>>22147735
Worst is mushrooms
> be me
> need to make lunch for tomorrow
> see mushrooms that need to get eaten.
> they look worse for wear, but they’re not moldy
> figure i can just cook the shit out of them and they’ll be fine
> do that, make a mushroom pasta thing
> eating it at work the next day
> about half way through start feeling hot
> stop eating it
> cold sweat, hot flashes, sounds slow down
> room spinning, schlump in my chair at work
> have tripped shrooms before, it felt like coming up on a horrible trip
> horrible sense of impending doom
> after about 30 minutes, symptoms start to subside
> still nauseous and sweaty, but all the vague trip-like symptoms fading
> boss opens my door, I’m still schlumped but at least can sit up
> “oh.. you okay anon..?”
> yeah, just i think my lunch is bad
> “well anyway, blah blah blah”
> stay at work, partially because I’m shaky still
> never throw up, never get the shits
It was crazy maaan

>>22140681
I haven't experienced food poisoning once in my 40 years. Sorry, I can't share a single story.

Worst food poisoning I got was from a Chinese buffet.
The problem was that there was a delay before it actually took hold, and by the time I was already feeling sick, I'd gotten onto a plane. To Switzerland.

The next 9 hours of that were effectively the worst I've ever experienced. I was lucky I had an aisle seat next to the restroom because I started blasting out both ends, and after there was nothing else for my body to eject, it felt like there was a knife cutting through my abdomen. I spent the rest of the flight curled up in as much of a ball I as could to cover my body with as much of the in-flight blanket as I could manage while I shook with chills. Oddly enough, I was perfectly fine by the time we landed if not a little drained. But there is a hell, I have no doubt in my mind it will be just like that air cabin.

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>>22147867
Anon, the fact that you're still alive is missing the point that he's not being hyperbolic about noodles and rice

>family vaycay
>go to cancun
>Eat the rare steak like a tard
>Comes out like it came in, nearly blue and practically still mooing
>Mom devastated as h1n1 hysteria risks us being stuck in Mexico
>Vomit with such gusto that I vomit continuous streams that can clear the foot of the bed without getting the bed sheets dirty
>Feel mostly alright, just sporadically vomiting spontaneously

The last time I got full-blown food poisoning was in high school, my dad and I both got it literally the day before Thanksgiving. We were stuck at home sipping water and trying to keep down saltines while everyone else went to dinner. My mom made us a slightly downscaled Thanksgiving dinner when we got better though.
>we narrowed it down to expired prepared horseradish, since only my dad and I ate it and no one else got sick

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>had some bad chinese food the night before
>stomach starts to gurgle
>can't go to the bathroom, already scheduled to play Mafia 3 for my twitch viewers
>stupid mom comes in and starts yelling at me to go to the bathroom
>ignore her
>she just gets louder
>finally end the stream after what feels like an hour, just so she'll stop nagging me
>Realize I completely ruined my pants, and my chair, by waiting too long
>still worth it

>>22147896
>it felt like there was a knife cutting through my abdomen
Reminds me of another Taiwan food poisoning incident.

>be me
>expat in Taiwan
>working late
>decide to go get dinner across the street
>haven't been to the Brass Monkey in a decade
>what the hell let's see what it's like now
>go in
>so dimly lit inside that I can't see a damn thing
>order a hamburger
>hamburger shows up
>take a bite
>feels weird and tastes weird
>eventually manage to flag down a waitress and have her get a flashlight
>she points the flashlight at the hamburger
>it's fucking raw inside
>apparently there is a "rare hamburger" trend worldwide
>and the fucking morons running the Brass Monkey decided to do it without bothering to mention it to me
>slight problem
>"rare hamburger" is supposed to be cooked with high sanitation standards
>meaning you grind the meat yourself out of whole steaks after trimming them
>you don't take shitty pre-ground hamburger that has been going through the supply chain for a week and then slap it on a grill for thirty seconds
>anyway
>send the burger back to be actually cooked like it's supposed to be
>finish eating it when they bring it back
>no of course they didn't give me a new burger, it was the same old one, disassembled, cooked for a couple more minutes, and reassembled
>fucking cheap bastards
>hours later
>intestines are bubbling away
>have massive diarrhea attack
>intestines feel like razor blades are being shoved through from end to end for days after
Bob Marshall, if you see this, fuck you.

Couple of clarifications on these:
>>22147420
Yes, of course I washed my pants and my undies, and of course I got dressed before going down to check on the guard and make sure I hadn't dripped shit all over the lobby.

>>22148722
Note also that when you grind the meat yourself, you do it just before cooking the hamburger to "rare", you don't do it a week beforehand even if it is quality beef etc. etc. Seriously, I have no fucking idea how those morons thought it was a good idea to take their crappy pre-made beef patties that might have been sitting in their fridge for a month and then not bothering to cook them thoroughly.

>>22144438
totally rng

i never had it then got it twice in a month, both from shitty dodgy places i should have known better about

>>22147925
I didn’t think he was being hyperbolic, just declaring mushroom poisoning worse
Nice autism you got there though, food safety is a good type to have

>>22148660
You couldn’t feel your own sewage?

>never buy fruit from this particular store, or anywhere, because it's a pain in the ass and always goes bad too quickly
>one day buy cotton candy grapes on sale
>delicious as the name implies
>guts hurt all day then i start shitting water
>keeps happening
>not sure which food i'm eating is causing it
>but i also microwave a bunch of different stuff so odds are it's microwave
>replace old ass microwave
>share some grapes with family
>they get the same symptoms
>it's the fucking grapes
>go back to just never buying fruit again
love my new microwave though

>>22148728
>Note also that when you grind the meat yourself, you do it just before cooking the hamburger to "rare",
yeah it should go without saying that bacteria lives on the surface
grinding the meat just distributes it, and letting it sit allows it to grow

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>>22140681
I bought a burger from a flyover food truck. That night I woke up with knives in my belly. For the next three months, I felt like my intestines were filled with needles and couldn't eat anything without it blowing through me.

I also have ulcerative colitis. So, since I was shitting 3-4 times a day, all my ulcers were open and every trip to the bathroom was like a trip to a pomegranate juicing station. I thought about killing myself a few times because I live in USA and nobody would help me pay for all these problems, but then it just went away and now Im fine.

>>22148978
>anon contemplated suicide over severe ass pain
lmao that sounds awful
but still lmao

>>22148887
Pesticides probably.

this thread is basically a warning against eating out and trusting old uncs in your family with food safety

>>22148660
I can smell you from here Demetrius

>>22148722
You know, it's funny that you mention it, because the first thing I ate after landing in Switzerland was Steak Tartare.
Tasted great, but didn't make me sick again fortunately.

>>22148660
It's a shame no one here seems to get your reference..

I had 1.5 cups of rice left in a plastic container. I measured a cup, poured some into a bowl. Looked into the contained thinking if I should just make it all. I see little black bugs in there.
In an extremely out of character moment, I decide to toss it all (into the yard). I eat things normally that are left out for a day or two (pizza, etc.) and have never gotten food poisoning before. Well, maybe once, idk if that was food poisoning or just upset stomach from food, nothing like the stories here.
Anyway. The next day, I find this thread. I can only think it was divine providence gifted foresight that helped me avoid something serious.
It's a pretty scary thing. I've seen stories where a guy ate a bad coconut and just fucking died.

>>22147896
What's the deal... with airline food?

>>22149462
used to work with a guy named demetrius. he preferred the nickname "django"

>>22149798
Give him some chains as a gift

>>22147735
Sometimes even with medical intervention you’re just permafucked like that one chinese family who all died from corn noodles