Hard boiled some eggs but the yolk was still liquid so I put them in the microwave to finish them off, then tried to bite into one.
>>22160986i microwaved some turkey basted in roux and the sauce separated.also, holly sexo
Tried to make hard boiled eggs with a microwave, they eggsploded.
>no dish washer>only one sink>not much countertop space for anything except the drying racki put all the cutlery in a container with dish soap and boiling water, jiggled it about for a bitdid it once more once it had cooled downleft it on the bathroom floor, which has heating cablesforgot about it for almost a whole yeardisgusting, but fortunately not stinky
I once spent 2.5hrs smoking like 30 drumsticks over indirect heat in a Webber charcoal kettle and as the heat dwindled they were still pink at the bone so I finished them all off in the microwave and everyone loved them and nobody knew what I done but it was dishonest
>>22161061I couldn't parse this.
Spent several hours cooking white stock only to pour it down the drain because I forgot to put a bowl under the colander to catch the stock as I was straining out the bones.
>>22161067Why wouldn't you toss them onto the direct heat for a few minutes?
>>22160986Once I applied lighter fluid too liberally to the coals in my new grill. It was a flash fire that burnt my eyebrows and most of my eyelashes off. They grew back unevenly for the rest of the summer. It was GIGA fucking retarded too because I actually do have a STEM education. I should have known exactly what was going to happen there and I probably would have stopped anyone else I know from doing it if I saw them try. I was just so fucking excited about my new grill that my head dented in like pic rel
>>22161076I speak retard fairly fluently.Basically, anon tried to create a third world dishwasher. It worked surprisingly well but then he left the entire unit in his bathroom for an entire year… for some reason
Put Jell-O powder in the heated pot before the water and burnt it.
>>22161198correct>for some reason50/50 laziness and forgetfulness
>>22161208>50/50 laziness and forgetfulnessnah bro, a week could be chalked up to laziness or forgetfulness. a fucking year? you got brain problems m8
>>22160986>use knife to chop onions>place knife in dirty utensil cup (keeps them organized until after cooking instead of just filling sink)>still need to chop carrots
>>22161061>forgot about it for almost a whole yearhow do you forget about something you have to walk around multiple times a day?
>>22161198>>22161208>for an entire yearfor a day is forgetfulness, for a year it's hoarder behavior .unless the size of your bathroom is measured in hectares, there's no excuse here
>>22160986Unfreeze turkey the day before
Soft boiled some eggs inside of my ass but the yolks got too hard so I microwaved my ass and now I have hemorrhoids and ass cancer.
>>22160986Back in the day where I live, it was either Mister Donut or Dunkin. Well, they had this Delaware Donut thing and it was a breakfast sandwich. Fucking delicious, tasted almost like a savory pastry. Was wrapped in like an aluminum foil paper thing. I was a retard growing up and put the whole thing in the microwave and heated it up. Microwave was destroyed. Smoke everywhere.
>>22161192lmao this nigga literally a scientist.
>>22160986Holy crap, is this a stealth Artemis Fowl thread on /ck/?
I was very drunk at 3 or 4 am and cooked a quick tomato sauce and some spaghetti. Loaded up the dishwasher and realized I was out of dishwasher pellets. I dumped some liquid dish soap in the pellet dispenser and closed it then turned it on. When I stumbled in the kitchen an hour later to get more beers there were soap suds all over the floor and oozing from the sides of the dishwasher.
>>22161999my brother did this with the washing machine
>>22160986>lust provoking image>irrelevant, time wasting question
>>22161184I was out of charcoal and it was too late before I realized they were undercooked
>>22161999Did that when I was like 17, it burnt out the motor and I had to pay for a new one.
>>22160986I once tried making these and found out that they are actually pretty dangerous to make, they start exploding really easy if you get distracted
I put bagel bites directly on the toaster oven rack. The cheese and oil dripped on the element and started a fire in the toaster oven. I screamed, panicked, and jumped out of one the kitchen windows in to my yard. Then while I was screaming in my yard I realized I was locked out and my house might burn down. I put a yard chair under the window and climbed in and the fire had already gone out.
>>22162119Your post strongly reminded me of this greentext
>>22161184because that would overcook the outside
>>22162076how do soap bubbles burn out the motor
>>22161422Reminds me of something that occurred once when I was a grocery store wagie long ago.>grocery chain I worked for did a free turkey promotion over the month of last week of October to Thanksgiving, spend $300 over that period of time and get a free turkey>working on Thanksgiving day because I'm a teenager wagie and had no choice in the matter>on register near customer service desk>woman and her teenage daughter come in and start trying to redeem the promotion>they didn't do it right, didn't have receipts, also it was Thanksgiving fucking day>Customer service lady gets fed up with her shit and dryly explains that even if she got the promo turkey she wasn't eating it today because all our turkeys were frozen solid of course>woman has a meltdown and starts screaming her head off about how we ruined her Thanksgiving for not having this magic unfrozen turkey she didn't earn ready for her>mfw watching her daughter have the most uncomfortable and embarrassing moment of her life (up to that point) I'm sure because of her retarded motherI felt for her but also lol.
>>22162285Hit them with the "can't you have some ham instead" look.
>>22161067Once you smoke for an hour, it doesn't really matter how it was finished.
>>22161183dude
>>22161422>unfreezeWe have a word for that. It's "thaw".
>>22160986I opened some juice and saw that it said "shake well", so I started shaking it right onto myself and everywhere else
>>22162119How cheap is that toaster over? One time I was really lazy and cooked burgers in mine, grease was everywhere inside and did not catch
>>22162355a classic
>>22160986>Get drunk>Want texas toast NOW >look at box for microwave instructions >says to never microwave>Fuck them>Grab plate and throw that shit in, smugly>Immediately see lighting appear in microwave >OH SHIT THEY REALLY MEANT IT>open microwave and take it out>realize I grabbed a metal rimmed plate>Have a laugh and put it back in on normal plate>Eat microwaved texas toast, smugly
>>22162221The float sensor stays up because the machine "thinks" there's still water in it, so the pump keeps spinning to get the water out.Unfortunately these pumps take advantage of using the water to cool down the coils, but with no actual water to cool down the coils the motor overheats.>>22162355LMAO I've done that too.
>>22161183RIP
>>22160986Masturbated so furiously I fell backwards and hit my head on the counter.
>>22162308or defrost
>>22162076>>22161999rite of passage for many newly moved out teens>6 weeks after moving out>dishwater pallets that parents got me have finally run out>look at dishwashing liquid>fuck it, whats the difference really>>learns lesson
>>22162285>trying to redeemNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
>>22161183my ADHS ass would 100% have done this already at least once if I hadnt read about other people doing this as a warning example, so thanks
>>22163250I was in my early 30s when I did that :(
>>22160986Burnt my dick on a skillet... lesson learned, always use the burner that is at least 9.3 inches from the edge of the counter.
>>22163426ayyywe're length siblings
>>22160986I tried steaming something in a colander over boiling water, and then picked up the colander without mittsI made it halfway to the sink before I realized what the hissing sound was that was coming from my hands
>>22162076>>22163250would it work if you used less dishsoap?
microwaved a pouch of cinnamon apples in college because it tasted strange at room temperature and i thought, oh, it's probably metal on the inside to keep heat in.>boom.i dropped out of college.
microwaved>sushi>salad>food with mayo>kimchi>eggs>fries>popcorn>pbj>coffee>tea>water to make coffee and tea>grapes>apples>bananas>steak>raw fish
>>22162119Holy fuck this is terrible. Besides forgetting filthy spoons in water for a year this one takes the cake. Reminds me of those girls who start a grease fire in the pan proceed to try to put it out with water, thing goes haywire and they run out instead of smothering it.
>>22163499I've done shit like this so much, I barely have any feeling left in my hands.
>>22162308It is what we in the linguistic circles call a synonym.
>>22163521For me it's dethaw
>>22162308I hate that I am so used to ESL and third worlder bullshit because of 4chan I didn't even notice this shit.
>>22161067Microwaving them first is legit though
>>22163529you can find "defrost" in english dictionariesi hate that i have to correct so many "native english speakers" with "ESL brownoid" bullshit on this dickhole website, because they think that dictionaries are somehow useless to themselvesholy fuck
>>22162355I did this with a full bottle of sweet and sour sauce while very drunk once. covered the entire kitchen
>>22163501dish soap is made to bubble because people like to see bubbles and think the bubbles mean something in terms of detergent quality. I imagine if you used a very small amount it would do something but it's just the wrong soap for the purpose. also like the other guy said the motor for the drain utilizes the water to cool itself and having air bubbles in the water makes cooling and pumping less efficient and can burn out the motor
>>22163617Yeah, defrost is standard English. Like defrosting a freezer. The ESL one is dethaw.
>>22163637>dethawFucking kek when we were kids, my [unfortunately highly uneducated] grandmother called my cousin and I asked asked us to help dethaw some meat she had put out that morning since she was coming home earlier than expected. She pretty obviously meant for us to put it in some cold water or something just to get it going a little faster. But smartass cousin hangs up the phone and is all>DEthaw???>does she mean… THIS?And plops the meat back in the freezer. So granny comes home and the meat is more frozen than before instead of less and started malding at us.Worse, grandma lived with me but cousin did not so I caught shit for that literally all fuckin’ night and also dinner was super late.>why didn’t you stop himI was a couple years younger and this particular cousin is absolutely TENACIOUS in his “totally hilarious” arrogant-smartass jokes. He would have fought me on that all fucking day and, being older and bigger, the shit would have probably ended up staying in the freezer anyway. What a fucking douche
>>22163637it's not really esl. it's just a common slip. >>22163657i don't know anyone who DOESN'T say "dethaw" regardless of education level or age. linguistically it makes no sense, but it's in the same category as malapropisms and the whole "i could care less" thing. if you correct someone you come off as the arrogant asshole no one likes because everyone knew what they meant. it's still stupid though.
>>22163664I've never heard anyone of any age or education level say dethaw irl and I'm in my 30s. I've only ever read it online or heard it said by retarded foodtubers. You must be young and/or retarded if you hear that irl.
>>22163678>if you heard it, you must be retardedbewildering thought process there
>>22163708People tend to associate with people of similar intellect. If anon hears "dethaw" he is probably retarded and hangs out with other retards.
>>22162285
>>22163678okay. i'm 30 and have heard it all my life >regardless of education level or age.you eventually learn to stop correcting people on how they speak if you want people to look at you with anything other than disdain. most of these people were also not very good at cooking and their best recipes were momslop from pinterest or facebook.i don't know how foodtubers speak as i don't watch youtubers. >>22161067>and as the heat dwindled they were still pink at the bone people serve chicken like this more than anyone else wants to admit, to their face anyway. as long as you actually finished cooking them and didn't poison your guests it's ayyyyyy okay.
>>22163723Not how it works in the real world Anon
>Started making boiled eggs>Took a nap>Woke up to the sound of gunshots>Spent the next day cleaning boiled eggs off my ceiling
>>22163760How bad was the smell?
i've set everything i've ever tried to broil on fire
>>22163765Not bad actually. If it makes sense, the eggs basically exploded before they actually burned. I was able to get it under control before it got worse.
>>22163770You need to watch that shit nigga And for the love of God, keep your oven open when you broil
>>22163760good thing your kitchen didnt end up stinkyi sure hope that was an accidental nap
>>22163819>i sure hope that was an accidental napI wouldn't be in the "stupid" thread if it was.
Not sure if it counts, but I was cooking chicken Cajun pasta when my power went out at night during a storm. I had the common sense to turn off all the lights in the house so I wouldn't wake up when the power came back on. But I forgot to turn off the stove.
My roommate left half a can of his cats food in the fridge covered in plastic wrap. I came home blacked out and went to the fridge for munchies. I guess I mistakenly thought the cat food was tuna and put a spoonful in my mouth. It made me immediately projectile vomit twelve plus beers all over the kitchen which I didn't clean up because I was too drunk. My roommate understandably made me move out after that. It wasn't the first time I made a drunk mess.
>>22163843>My roommate understandably made me move out after that. That seems kinda extreme.>It wasn't the first time I made a drunk mess.Never mind
>>22160986Microwaving a tub of Nutella with the lid off and the remnants of foil sparking plasma.Trying to remove a batch of lemon bars from the pan with the parchment paper immediately after taking them out of the oven and destroying all of them, which made me really sad since it was a big pan.
>>22163511>>water to make coffee and teathere is nothing dumb about this
>>22163520My condolences burnbro
>>22163529Dude, I have made some of the worst typos in my life in the last 2 years dealing with them regularly. It's a huge fucking problem. It's fucking infectious.
>>22163846>That seems kinda extreme.It wasn't. I painted the kitchen with vomit and I was so fucked up I passed out after puking and woke up still drunk and couldn't clean up so he had to. He showed me pictures. It was like this
>>22160986Nearly burnt my house down and ruined a good pot by forgetting to turn the stove off. Also coming a cunthair away from cutting a finger off with a knife.
>>22163952>Nearly burnt my house down and ruined a good pot by forgetting to turn the stove offPassed out while cooking pasta one night. Of course I had the element at the highest it would go! Thank fuck I woke up before it was a complete disaster. House smelled for days and that pot was trashed. I'm so careful with that shit now. I set multiple alarms a couple minutes apart, just in case. I also bought a fire extinguisher.I don't drink anymore, and I still do this.
>>22163952My mom left a tea kettle on the stove and went to work when I was a teenager. I woke up to the smoke detectors chirping and wisps of white smoke curling through my bedroom door. I jumped up and ran through smoke clouds to the kitchen, saw the smoldering kettle, grabbed it with an oven mitt and threw it in the sink.and ran the water. Then I turned the stove off, opened the kitchen door and went on the back porch for air because I felt fucked up from the smoke. After catching my breath I went back in and opened all the windows. We lived in an old house and some of the windows didn't work right but I wasn't thinking straight and forgot that. One of the last windows I opened was in the dining room next to the kitchen but it was broken. I raised it about halfway and it slammed down on my hands. It landed on the mid finger joints of both of my hands.and I was completely trapped. There was still a ton of smoke in the room and house and my hands were pinned down by a really heavy window. I panicked because I was stuck. The only thing I could do was rip my right hand out and in the process skin the fuck out of the top of all four fingers. My right hand started bleeding a lot but my left hand was still trapped. I slid my skinned bleeding right hand under the window and lifted it up enough to free my left hand. I ran out the back door into the backyard and sat down shell shocked as I watched my hand drip blood and I coughed up white puffs of smoke.
>>22160986I wanted to be the "hot sauce guy" freshman year of college. Put Tabasco in my coffee in front of friends trying to be cool. It was absolutely disgusting but I drank the whole thing. Mfw friends just called me dirt brew after that
>>22164014>tabasco in my coffeereminds me of eating elementary school cafeteria potatoes au gratin by scooping it with chocolate teddy grahams on a dare. same realm of "why would you ever do this"
>>22160986Set my oven to preheat. Completely forgot I had set a dirty pizza pan and plastic strainer in there to clear room in my tiny kitchen until I had finished the other dishes. Took a smoke break, come back to smoke alarm going off and plastic fumes in the apartment.
>>22160986>in cooking class at my local community college>decided to make some shitty broccoli stir fry in front of the class for my final>grab pan>light stove>put pan on stove>spend 5 minutes prepping everything else>pan has been on the hot stove the entire time>grab the oil, toss it in the pan>immediately smoke out the entire classroom for the next 20 minutes>go inside, finish stir fry>get a B-
>>22164618Also another one when I was a teenager>grab cup noodle, specifically one of the brands you DO have to put in the microwave>throw it in the microwave>sit back on the kitchen counter and wait>seconds later, smell smoke>15 year old retard babby brain can't put 2 and 2 together, walk over to the dining room to check outside if there's a fire, see nothing>walk back to kitchen, see smoke start billowing out of microwave>I forgot the water for my cup noodle>rush over with a oven mitt and grab it, run towards the front door>the entire time I'm yelling "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" loud enough that my parents are distracted from Wheel of Fortune>they watch me rush past the living room with smoke following as I open the door and place the cup on our porch>parents laugh at me once they see there's no damage to the microwave>no replacement cup noodle because it was the last one :(
>>22164618>cooking classWhen I was in high school we got to make pizzas, somebody on my team confused teaspoons with tablespoons and added way too much salt.I was so disappointed, the pizza looked beautiful though.
>>22163664>i don't know anyone who DOESN'T say "dethaw" do you live in a group home?
I don't I know if this counts but fuck itMy uncle had a birthday and he invited a bunch of people for dinner. He fried up a huge batch of Greek meatballs. They were left on a tray in the kitchen to drain and cool. I was 8 or 9 and an anti social little shithead who loved fucking shit up and fucking with people. I took the bottle of whole peppercorns from the pantry and shoved whole peppercorns in every single meatball. Nobody could eat them and he was furious and disappointed that I ruined his birthday meal. I don't know why I did that but seeing him sad that his meal was ruined and his disappointment in me made me feel really bad especially because he was a really good guy and always treated me very well.
