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Anonymous
still can’t believe nobody kno(...) No.22246276
File: IMG_5460.jpg (240 KB, 2560x1345)
240 KB JPG
still can’t believe nobody knows what to do with a fortune cookie  No.22246276
>be me
>chinese lunch with friends
>cookietime.gif
>friend reads his fortune, sticks it in his pocket
>friend’s gf reads her fortune
>immediately shreds it
>picrelated
>wtf you do that for?
>“releasing the fortune into the universe”
>read my fortune
>eat the paper
>explain that shredding the fortune just disperses it
>if you keep the fortune it decays
>you have to consume the prophecy to assimilate its power
>the fortune is the sacrament
>the body is the vessel
>the large intestine is the conduit for destiny, less so the small intestine
>but mostly the large intestine because it’s bigger
>prophecy requires volume not surface area
>the colon reclaims water and therefore any unabsorbed fortune
>defecation is the ritual by which fulfilled prophecies are returned to the universe
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246278
 No.22246278
it’s really no different from reading tea leaves. the physical medium is merely a conduit through which the universe communicates its intentions. the difference is that tea-leaf divination relies on interpreting the arrangement of the leaves, whereas fortune cookies provide an explicit written prophecy. shredding the fortune just pointlessly disperses the destiny into the universe, especially if you read it first, it’s like telling the universe “nah i’m good” and the universe is like “oh ok” and then goes back to ignoring you. but keeping a fortune in your pocket or wallet is a huge fuck you to the universe, you've acknowledged receipt of the prophecy but refused to accept delivery of your destiny, right up there with ignoring cosmic jury duty.

consuming the prophecy constitutes acceptance of the divine message and incorporates it into one’s being.

the fortune itself is the sacrament, digestion is the act of communion, and defecation completes the ritual by returning the fulfilled prophecy to the universe.

this also explains why you should never eat a fortune containing lottery numbers until you’ve purchased the ticket. the ticket must first be established as the physical vessel for the prophecy. otherwise you’ve invoked a destiny with no means of manifesting it. but it must be done with intent and promptly because destiny waits for no one.

other than that it's simple really.
>fortune goes in
>fate comes out
thus spake the porcelain oracle
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246282
 No.22246282
>>22246276
i thought you were supposed to cum on it then set it on fire
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246287
 No.22246287
>>22246282
you're confusing the invocation of destiny with the consecration of an offering. please don't spread misinformation on 4chan
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246289
 No.22246289
>large intestine
sounds like you should be cramming
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246290
 No.22246290
>>22246282
you're confusing the invocation of destiny with the consecration of an offering. please don't spread misinformation on 4chan.
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246294
 No.22246294
>>22246289
what do you mean by this? genuinely curious
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246297
 No.22246297
>>22246276
you're being odd about it.
here's the real deal:
>good fortune in the cookie
eat the cookie.
>crappy fortune in the cookie
don't eat the cookie.

it's not hard, anons.
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246298
 No.22246298
>>22246294
mouth is go long way, go other way, very faster, destiny now
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246309
 No.22246309
>>22246298
you’re probably right but the last time i shoved a piece of paper up my ass in a chinese restaurant i was shown to the bathroom sink and then politely asked to leave.
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246311
 No.22246311
>>22246276
>reddit
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246328
 No.22246328
fucking hell, can’t post anything here without someone taking it for internet points.
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246344
 No.22246344
>>22246309
they stole your fortune.
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246364
 No.22246364
>>22246344
which means at some point they would have had to eat my shit
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246396
 No.22246396
>>22246276
I also eat fortune cookie, iykwim
>>
Anonymous
 No.22246415
 No.22246415
File: ChingChong.png (128 KB, 581x443)
128 KB PNG
>>22246276
I got one that said "You are not illiterate."
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