My wife’s mother is visiting, and Tuesday night she’s cooking us a carp. It’s a tasty fish, I have nothing against it. But because it’s supposedly filled with impurities, she buys it live. And for three days it’s been swimming up and down in my bathtub. Up. And down. And I hate it. I can’t stand the sight of it... moving its gills. I haven’t had a bath for three days. I can’t go home until the carp is asleep. Because if I see it swimming, I’ll kill it.
i don't understand why you people lie about these things. do you not get any attention anywhere else in your life? don't reply, i already know the answer
>>22265183>>22265185We all know that this is that LARP. But the image is legendary enough that these threads are acceptable in very small and infrequent postings
>>22265183Wow, haha, look at him go!
>>22265183Seems a bit cruel to the carp.
>>22265188Its mewfag bait
It's real, they have huge buckets of them in Poland for the Christmas Eve meal I was asking my friend Maksimillian about it
>>22265213meh, mewtwo will always be cooler
>>22265188Carp larp?
Don't they shit up you tub?
>>22265183how do you even cook a fish this big?do they have fish fry in poland?
>>22265269Quarter it I'd assume
>>22265185>ebaums worldThat's a name I haven't heard in a long time.
>>22265256Most homes in Eastern Europe have a dedicated carp tub. Usually in the basement. For those without a carp tub they sell plastic disposable carp tubs during carp season. Think like a kiddie pool.
>>22265185The story falls apart when OP claims not to have bathed in three days.I don't believe anyone could do that. Yuck.
>>22265306how do you quarter something that is essentially just a tube
>>22265188This. >>22265185You’re a nobody.
>>22265183>no, it was my wife's mother
>>22265185Fuck off faggot. This is the best thread on /ck/right now.
>>22265352Are you stupid? >head>middle piece>middle piece >tail section
>>22265428HOW can there be TWO middle pieces?You're not making a lick of sense, man....
>>22265435Fuck you.>head>middle piece >tail sectionNow watch this>middle piece> cut in two>now have two middle pieceThus>head>one middle piece >two middle piece >tail sectionNow you have quarter fishLook at image and imagine it in four as I described
>>22265448that is a beautiful fische
>>22265183If you liked the movie (it’s kino), you’ll like the book even more. There’s a bunch of stuff that didn’t make it into the movie.
>>22265528i am meaning to read it since i liked the first book but I havent found the time between all the halloweeny kinos that need watching and all these carps that need quartering
>>22265328>I don't believe anyone could do that. Yuck.Oh, they're out there.
>>22265183why s this horrendous website full of so many third wolrders
>>22265183>>22265687Best jump scare in horrah in my opinion
It's a pity canned carp soups or stews are so expensive. They're genuinely the best way to cook it. The high pressure and acidic liquid degrade all those annoying y-bones, so they break apart when chewing. You can try using a pressure cooker at home, but it's not the same.
>>22265941My first thought when seeing it was "toilet paper mummy with hedge clippers"
>>22266001But it was good you have to give them that it was goodAlso weirdly it was directed by the novelist himself. Bit better than Maximum Overdrive (although I still love that movie but only for its charm)
>>22265995>canned carp soups or stewsrecs on brands?
>>22266013Hellraiser is better than both for a "directed by the novelist" horror movie. Also I think that Exorcist 3 jump scare and the movie in general is overrated.
>>22268188Eh I do like the first Hellraiser but not enough is explained for the plot to make any sense. It is good though. E3 is a weird movie, more of a drama mystery and although the plot is sort of muddled the characters are just so good, and as far as the hospital scene goes it's not necessarily an amazing jumpscare but the whole tension of the scene is just nourishing as fuck. For such a slow talky film it's always entertaining and aggravating. Anyway
>>22265185how do you know the story isn't true? maybe op just found that pic on Google so he could make this thread
>>22265185The Jew fears the bathtub fish keeper.
>>22267993>recs on brands? Given that canned carp is so rare, any you can find.
LadsI need to take a CARP
>>22265224Tell your friend that he doesnt need to partake in commie carp opIt was introduced to eat on christmas cause its cheap and easy to farm right after ww2 when poland was rebuilding by some kike commie bureaucrat who remembered his matron buying carp to eat cause its cheapHe can have cod like God intended nowIts tastier healthier and doesnt require to be alive,just deboned
>>22265269You cut it into "bells"It look like letter u filled with meat and fish bones,then you add salt pepper and some lemon juice and fry it with or without batterDoesnt change the fact that its a trash fish with horrible eating expierience
>>22265448>middle piece>cut in twoHalf of a third isn't a quarter though, retard.
>>22265183Run the tap for it to oxygenate the water. I suppose that would make its current fate at least more bearable.
>>22265224That Maksimillian is a good dude (I don’t know him but it was nice he explained the Christmas Carp)>>22265253Ayyy
In developing counties its very common to buy small stock in advance for a specific meal. You keep chickens at home for eggs, if you want to eat one you buy a broiler hen. That gives birth to poor people buying broiler hens and fattening them for a special occasion.Whether it's a suckling pig, broiler hen, goose, Turkey, the principle is the same. They cost very little to buy, several households fatten it with trash, eat it and invite everyone. Carp are the broiler fish, because they eat trash.
>>22265328where do you think you are friend
Carpet have a reputation for being impure, if caught, that's true. Because they are bottom feeders, the lowest level of the ecosystem their bioscumulate heavy metals, every pollutant you could imagine.That's why we keep pigs, carp, turkeys to eat household scraps. If they eat what we eat, they accumulate the same toxins we would have eaten anyway. So while it's a tradition to eat a broiler animal on a special day, like a recipe, and practice to clean feed it before it's killed, the whole reason for that tradition is because people used to buy a one dollar fish and fatten it for weeks on scraps, to sell as a very valuable livestock. Especially in urban areas, the poor could earn a significant amount paying a penny for scraps and selling a carp or hen for a Shilling. So their whole job in December was just buying scraps. A kind of Dickensian tradition of industrial poverty.It doesn't really make sense to keep trash eating animal unless you're buying other people's trash to feed it.
