I literally can’t open my jar of pickles what the fuck do I do
>>22274170Puncture the lid.When you have a jar you CAN open, save the lid for the next one that needs punctured. I supposed you could try popping the lid with a spoon or something first, but if you're not retarded you tried that already, yeah?
>>22274173you put a knife under and loosen it
>>22274170Tap around the lid with the back of a butter knife, then try it.
>>22274170give the top a few bangs against the table, jiggles the atoms around
>>22274179>>22274180how does that do anything
do zoomers really?
>>22274170Rip out 25 push-ups A dozen body weight squats Try again .. even if you still can’t do it today you’ll be on the path to getting that jar open next time
>>22274199I got up to this point last year but after I started drinking again it really hurts my joints
I got it open, thank you guys
>>22274189Different anon but I believe it loosens the seal. I tap around the edge (not too hard but enough to cause very small dents) and if it doesn’t work the first time I tap it some more and try again
>>22274206Why is there only 3 pickles?
>>22274206Looks like pickles are back on the menu.
>>22274209There’s a few more than that >>22274211I channeled my tard strength and now it’s pickles for a whole day
>>22274170Get a big plastic or ceramic or glass bowl, big enough to fit the jar inside.Microwave a layer of water, like half an inch of it, for a couple minutes to where it's near boiling.Place the pickle jar upside down in the hot water for maybe 1 minute. The lid will heat and expand to where it can be twisted off with a towel.This is more effective and efficient than running it under hot water from the tap
>>22274209it's a big pickle
>>22274170cheap strap wrench off amazon
>>22274170>run the lid under hot water>dry it>tap the side of the lid with a spoon>get pic relatedI used to do the first 3, then my mom got a few of those rubber things for free, took one for myself. I use that every time now. It works perfectly, and you don't have to fuck about with the spoons or water.
>>22274170i heard they added a new chemical to these that's made them soft
>>22274277I heard they added chemicals to the water that made me soft
>>22274170Mmmm yellow 6
hit it around with the back end of a knife and use a towel for grip. once a jar is opened the first time a perfectly sealed lid doesn't matter.
>>22274170Just run it under hot water for a few minutes then open with a towel.
>>22274170I get the mt olive hamburger dills and ice noticed the lids are on there super fucking tight as wellI've had to beat the lid with a spoon a good number of times before I can get it
>>22274177I use a church key.
Quit being a pussy
>>22274189jiggle the fucking atoms
>>22274170Literally? As opposed to what?
>>22274190This but with a knife or something sharper/flatter. The sharp side of a churchkey works best because of the lever action.
>>22274209*AREWhy 'are' there only 3 pickles? You use 'is' for one and 'are' for many. This is fucking basic language here. I'm sad that you people may not be ESL and still these rules elude you.
>>22274826Imagine being that made over one wordHow highly do you think of yourself?
>>22274830I'm trying to help people to not look stupid. 'Made'? Why don't you give your post even the briefest of proofreads before you leave it here?? I'm from a world where we had copy editors and fact checkers and responsibility. We used to care and I still do. You young retards seem to pride yourself on ignoring as many rules as you can. Punctuation, capitalization, and especially spelling. Who cares, right?Just tap it out on your phone as fast as you can and don't look back. They'll know what you mean and that's all that matters.
>>22274831>I'm trying to help people to not look stupidBy spazzing out over one ward?Take a look at yourself
>>22274180>jiggles the atoms around
>>22274170>what the fuck do I do1. Heat saucepan with 1 inch of water2. Bring to boil3. Remove heat source4. Carefully invert jar, and submerge lid for 1 minute5. Carefully remove jar and place upon countertop6. Carefully place a terrycloth towel upon the lid7. Twist counter-clockwise to openYou're welcome.
>>22274180>>22274817fucking lost
>>22274875Pull this out of the drawer because every adult should own at least one. Put the can opener end under the jar's lid. Pull a little until you hear the pop. It's that shrimple.
I'm a man so I've never met a jar I couldn't open and therefore can't fathom what to do in that event. Schedule bottom surgery, I presume.
>>22275090your an dumby
>>22275090You can't possibly call being stupid "a culture" and act like it's all intentional. Look at the posts now and ever and you'll see the awful spelling ones are outliers. Most of us just naturally follow the rules. It's unpleasant to look upon mistakes. Especially our own. You have spelled correctly. I guess your big "stand" here is ignoring one capitalization and one period. I know you notice it. You do it on purpose. One guy here even admitted he "corrects" his phone's spellcheck to dumb it down. My only question is WHY?
I know a friend that would to open that for 99 cents
>>22275115Nice counterargument. You have no answers or retorts besides "just go away". Use your fucking shift key, faggot.
>>22274170>I literally can’t open my jar of pickles what the fuck do I doLift more and eat more steak, bitchtits.
>>22275106
>>22275120>>22275115>>22275106>>22275090>>22274831Same fag
>>22275148Stop using logic on a fucking retard. Grammar nazis can't understand empathy, only their own rules
>>222751484chan tries to be grammar police sometimes by calling everything Indian/ESL but half the time it just makes them seem retarded because they try to call out things with no grammar issues
>>22275148I don't know what that website is and I doubt it has anything in common with 4chan.>>22275165They aren't my rules, they're society's. And here you are thinking you're arguing against me and yet you're not breaking the rules yourself. Do you just enjoy seeing incorrect posts? You enjoy that people "express themselves" through retardation?>>22275193This. It's just misplaced racism. One person called me ESL with their rationale being that my words were TOO correct and well chosen. Like a REAL white American would be dumber and more casual and only an impostor would be so formal and correct. I wish I understood the brains of all of the strange people in the world.
>>22274177Bottled opener works fine too
>>22275201You are stressed out over grammar LMAOJust make a script to hide posts you dontvlike
>>22275106What am you even be talkin about
>>22275201ESLs preemptively call ESL due to typos.>mean to type "once">type "onve" due to adjacent keys>ESL pops up and calls me ESLThere's a difference between typos and standard tardgrammar versus ESLisms due to nearly every non-English language having different word orders and whatnot.TL;DR Most of the people on 4chan either found the internet through AOL/Compuserve or iPhones, and both were tard waves. You're lucky their fingers aren't webbed and they can type at all.
>>22275040Yep, you're right.That's the easiest method, by far.
>>22274823can’t open my jar of pickles in the shadow realm
>>22275201>I don't know what that website is and I doubt it has anything in common with 4chanPlease leave. You are underage.
>>22274170Start working on being less of a useless bitch by doing your hand egg walnut smashing exercises so you can open the pickles.
>>22275480>... so that's what i was practicing for on the bus, your honor
>>22275480Arthritis? I hardly knew her
Put it in and then place the jar in a large bowl. Get a hammer and then tap the glass until it shatters. The bowl will catch the pickles and juice and the glass should be large enough you can just discard it in a few seconds.
>>22275366Don't try and educate themThey are not human
>>22275399It doesn't destroy the lid, retard. It just causes the vacuum seal to release. You only bend the lid by a tiny amount.
>>22275614Just enough room for those microplastics to really have a highway
>>22276417That fad is over. It's about artificial colors now.
>>22274170Jars are ableist
>>22274170Sounds like you're in a real pickle!
>>22275040If you hear a shattering sound you've gone too far.
>>22275040>>22275398I already posted it first and I didn't use the stupid "word" shrimple. Fucking incels.
>>22274826Didn't realize we were on /lit/, sorry.
>>22274826wut. that isn't the distinction of the words lmfao. god english majors are so far up their own asses
>>22276868Posting while not hating yourself is shrimple.
>>22274208I usually whack it dead center with the heel of my hand. Has the same effect. Failing that, I resort to a jar wrench like >>22274273, only mine's an old mechanical one. Got a rubber loop one I need to try some time too.
>>22276868>I didn't use the stupid "word" shrimpleWell there's your prawnblem.
>>22274823this frame makes it look like someone busted on george's head
i see you got it open, but you should invest in a tool for jars, if this happens often. it saves a lot of frustration. i am left handed and i have a disease that has severely weakened my grip strength. i use one of these and it hasn't failed me yet. you can find it on amazon searching for jar opener tools. other designs haven't been as good as this style for me. this was like $5.
>>22277772Maybe you are left handed because you eat so many things out of jars
>>22277809i do love me some pinkles.
>>22277826>pinklesBe car full. There are grammar nazis about
>>22274170Leather gloves, keep the lid stable with your right (dominant) hand and rotate the jar with the left hand.
>>22274177>>22275217no this does not work. you need an anchor point for the lever. that's why your bottle opener has two touch points with the bottle, not one.
>>22275090Agweed
>>22274170Soak a length of twine in kerosene. Tie it around the neck of the jar. Light it. Once it is fully lit plunge the jar into a bucket of water and the thermal shock will cause the jar to break along the stringline, breaking the top off.
>>22274170YOU TAKE ITAND THROW IT ON THE GROUUUUNNND
>>22277903It absolutely works, I've done it dozens of times
>>22274826in english doc
I've been avoiding pickles, because the price is a rip off.
>>22278418yeah you can make them at home for about 10% cheaper than buying them
>>22278421got a good recipe you can share? Thank you have a picture of some funny sushi as trade
>>22278463Nothing special anon, 50/50 vinegar and water, I have tried various vinegars but keep going back to plain white. salt of course and sometimes sugar. what I do is boil the brine with the veggies in it and then jar the veggies and pour the hot brine over and seal it up to cool. adding black peppercorns, mustard seed, garlic cloves, etc can be nice but it just depends what you're pickling. you literally can't do anything wrong. now my method is NOT pasteurized, it's just fridge safe for a few weeks.
>>22275148You're wrong. 4chan used to mock people for typing like a retard but that changed over time. I blame dumb phoneposters. Everything online got a lot worse in general around the early 2010s not just 4chan.
>>22278473ABSOLUTELY DO NOT use vinegar for pickles. You only use salt and water (and some spices obviously). It's like sauerkraut but better as pickles are most tasty before they are fully fermented (it doesn't work with cabbage as it would be just to chewy at this stage).
>>22274170
I've never understood the stereotype of jars being difficult to open. I'm not even that strong and it's never been an issue.
>>22278659>>22278418Wrenches are the poor man's soylent bot
>>22274170Typically I just smash the jar on the floor and put the pickles in a ziplock bag.
>>222750904chan had a culture of ignoring those things, but then we got invaded by chinks and brownoids who can't speak proper English and the best way we have to weed them out is by demanding they speak proper English.If your shitskin mouth is going to speak a civilized language, at least speak it properly. Not even that guy, but he's absolutely right to police you.
>>222788464chan never ignored anything. We were a bunch of uni students hunting for lolcows. No more, no less. The very word "trolling" is a deliberate misspelling of "trawling" - a fishing method where you navigate in circles while dropping bait in the ocean to attract fish. The very first and easiest lolcows were grammar nazis. Usually ESLs because they wrote better English than native speakers. Fucking election tourist.>>22274173>>22274179The correct answers.
>>22278846Are you alright? You sound a little angry
>>22274742>dildo edited outsoulless
rubber side of mousepad
Run the lid under hot water for several minutes. You want it hot. Then dry it off completely so you can get a better grip. Heat expands, cold contracts.
>>22278846lil chuddie havin a meltie luhWOOF
