Dumping the first two chapters of the web comic I'm working on.It's about two funny foxes going on an adventure!All feedback is appreciated.
Your style reminds me of drug addict schizophrenic gay furry artists I used to follow on tumblr in the 2010s. Looking forward to whatever the fuck this is.
>>154018833Awesome
>>154018865>unfiltered lucky strikes >smoking a cigarette with a filter Immersion ruined.
>>154018891I have no defense for this
>>154018788i actually like your artstyle. i hope you aren't actually a racist bigoted person tho. regardless, i like to read about crazy people doing stuff and being pathetic like that. helps me understand the way a wicked person sees the world. the main characters furries look cute.
>>154018788Would both of them
>>154018929Thank you!
>>154018929It's like a weird intersection of old timey Disney racism with the crows from Dumbo, edgy shooter vibes from that Jack webcomic, and the scathing critique of a declining run down society from JTHM. It doesn't feel like something that would get made in the 2020s but here we are.
>>154018999the crows as black people also reminds me of ralph bakshin depictions of them in his movies. but good of you from noticing the other inspirations as well!!
>>154019046We love Bakshi and Crumb
>>154019069well that explains. where can I read the comic in chronological order? do you have a website?
End of chapter 1. Forgot to post the cover art.This comic is co-authored by Bird (concept, story, dialogue, art, design) and I (art, design, color)
EXTRA>>154019101https://gjallarhornit.com/
>>154019122interesting. thanks for sharing.
PART 2
>>154019191Ah yes, the bibble. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZvGfsDzTfU
>>154019269Love the forest in the background here.
>>154019001>HeRuined
>>154018788>More AGP Furry slop for the pile>They're nazi'sDaring today aren't we?
>>154019682So true
End of chapter 2** EXTRA **
>>154018788Is this racially coded? Should I be offended?
THE END (for now)Hope you enjoyed it.Follow:https://gjallarhornit.com/https://x.com/gjallarhornithttps://x.com/sorrowful000for updates.>>154019803It's just wacky animals
Good stuff, to bad it's furry shit though.
>>154019699Your caricatures of blacks and hispanics suck ass and lack any of the interesting design or details that ur tryna call back from bakshi or crumb. It feels like I'm just reading through a where's waldo of:>Can you spot whose supposed to be a minority??
>>154019828Take ur furry troon slop back to TTTT
>>154018788safe edgy
>>154020202How can I make it edgier?
>>154020228Have a full page of the characters belting Nigger or hell make that the full chapter cuz it'd basically read the same as this shit dialogue
>>154018788Like the art style. Like our two main characters. But you desperately need to work on the world building. I get that they're violently against foreigners, but some background up front for their motivations would help ground things even if they're morally reprehensible by design. It was a nice direction hinting that Catherine is living in a group home after her parents died, but we really need more context. Especially for Earl. Right now it's just edge with a bit of a hint at some kinda story, where even in the first issue of Jack with the story basically taking a backseat to a school shooting, they managed to get the point and hook across. Would love to see where this goes if you have a serious idea for where this story is going, but at present it really desperately needs some structure.Also, are there humans in this universe? I saw that band poster and skull shirt and kinda want to know.Good luck, Bird or Sorrowful.Also really? Earl Turner? And you gave him those eyelashes and long hair. Is he secretly supposed to be a girl?
>>154020228Talk about JonBenét Ramsey, depict realistic child rape and get the characters addicted to meth or heroin.
>>154019828It's interesting. My initial impression is this feels wildly contradictory with the furries and the racist caricatures and power fantasy. Wasn't expecting lesbian Nazi furries enacting vigilante justice but there is a charm in the style. I am repulsed yet intrigued. This feels very "online" with scenes like >>154018949 that are littered with references. This comic certainly leads the readers to make assumptions about the author's political leanings. Setting aside my personal feelings on the politics expressed here I would say this has a lot of raw energy and you should continue going all out with every raw emotion and ugly feeling you want to convey through this.
Fritz the cat influence with the stereotypes?
Looks good, nice job.
>>154020228Have them hold hands
>>154020475You sick freak
>>154018788Well after reading it all, here's my opinion.I like the art style and designs. Very crusty,. Reminds me of a grimier version of both Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and some of the Crumb stuff, like others have said.I think it went overboard with the racism. It's way too extreme, so it stops being funny and just becomes edgy.Some of the backgrounds look cool, like in the forest. I also liked the coloring in some pages.I still am not sure what this is about. Are they mercenaries? Vigilantes? Just maniacs?All in all, I think the art is good, but it is not my type of story.
>>154020300i appreciate the constructiveness - took these into account, valid but most of this will be developed and expanded on as the volumes continue - dialogue & characters are hard to flesh out when you're working with an honestly pretty barebones and boring book like the turner diaries. also sigurd is a guy, i just like drawing eyelashes especially for fox characters.
>>154020475Jesus dude this is a blue board.
There may be a technique, probably related to lighting, that allows you to separate the background from the foreground.At the moment, I feel my eyes must perform double work to separate the characters from the scenery, because both set of components have the same color grading and lighting.Thank you for your hard work.
>>154020600Lean into Sigurd being a guy with long eyelashes and hair being mistaken for a girl as a running joke. Seems like an obvious trigger for him, and it will add some variety to the usual source of violence.
>>154020662not a bad idea
>>154020686To add onto that, crossdressing is also an incredibly common tactic for people that are undercover, on the run, casing a location, etc. Also it's furry bait gold, for the sex appeal.
It's like reading Redwall on PCP. Bravo OP.
>>154020801cool art, where from?
>>154020829Cheap Thrillshttp://cheapthrills.xepher.net/comics/comic1.html
This shit reads like Alfred Alfer, just edgy furry slop with a dash of schizo shit for good measure. Also why the fuck do the "crows" look more like ducks?
>>154020907Some of them just are ducks I believe. Also I think there might even be a raven too.
I think the issue is that you can clearly tell it's tailored made to be as edgy as possible and it comes across as attention seeking rather than genuinely shocking It really only does the surface level shit like racist caricatures and murder, but the amount of offensive imagery no where near as extreme as older comics can getFeels like you're shying away from how far you can go Like this anon >>154020345 said you should further and have some child murder, child rape, regular rape or bestiality You can also make it more topical and include israel, and indians
>>154020942I mean >>154018986 explicitly says "three crows" and they look like the love child of Daffy Duck and an A. Wyatt Mann comic.
>>154020964I don't think making it more edgy will make it any better honestly.
>>154021009I wouldn't do much. Everyone's been having a heyday making fun of the silly Garth Ennis writing in The Boys but he's been doing it for his whole career to a point that nothing he does is ever exciting or controversial anymore. The only people surprised at what he does hasn't already seen picrel or Punisher Max or whatever.
cute foxes 10/10. can we get some more m81 woodland?
>>154021104Ennis actually has some good qualities beyond the edge though, or at the very least tries to mix it up. This is just edge for edge's sake which is rather boring when that's all it offers.
>>154020228I didn't see a single swastika
>>154018788I've read it, and I want to say I've enjoyed it but honestly I think giving feedback will be more enjoyable, so that might've tilted my read of it.This is an interesting question >>154020228 because you need to be asking yourself to who? WHO is it that you want to be edgy towards? Ignore that "edgy" can mean whatever to any person because definitions are in flux or willingly misubderstood, and just ask who you are trying to get a rise out of. Soccer moms? "minorities"? Furries? Internet addled recluses with delusions of grandeur? Because inevitabley to some group(s) it's going to seem tryhardy, simply distasteful, and/or not enough to truly illict a response to groups they want reactions from. Just like what this anon said/observed >>154020964 in certain places it's not pushing the envolope enough or in old treaded ways (and in other places, they'd just ban you, not because they think you are too radical but the more pressing reason of being too stupid to know the written and unwritten rules of a place/group)>>154020300 is also important, to have edge (and interest) you have to have a point. Not necessarily a blantant political one personally I believe an american civil unrest would be much more apathetic, and lead people not to band together along racial lines but family/regional aspects. , but a sociological one. The audience question ties into this. Because it's titled what it is, the theme/messave could center around the aspects of stories/places that bear down on aspects of oneself. Parallels could be made to the internet as a place were people try to mytholigize themselves (and thus can then make fun of the concept) or how people group together on certain hobbies (making fun of furries). This isn't an end-all-be-all of "add this or it sucks" but if it is never even thought about, sooner or later it's just going to read "characters go from A to B slaughter whomever and there's some action) Part 1 of 2
May I see them in cute 40's Roger Rabbit weasels attire? o_0
>>154018788>>154018794>>154018808I like the energy, reminds me of the old punk comics i used to collect at flea markets, but its all just surface level psyop polshit. Its like what if we just took all the OP garbage from /pol/ and made it into a comic. Pure wank material for terminally online weirdos who think they're part of the master race but cant even land a chubby gf or run a mile. You got to make ur racist characters face opposite but equally racist characters. You gotta show how if ur superior you can outsmart the above average crow or rat instead of dabbing on petty criminals that act like level one NPCs.Thats my take at least.
what kind of humans would cats be in this? slavs? the kots.
>>154021658Yes, they would be
>>154021508Part 2For a pratical example of why i think you need to think about the point/message you're trying to make is >>154020662You could just have the perp who says it to Sigurd violently blasted each time, or you could actually lead it to pressuring his outlook on gender identity. Either his actual gender or at least the burden of how other people identify him mattering more than what a stoic would want. It could then be framed as a stupid thing to worry about on the meta level. Like with the follow up of >>154020718 will it have him crossdressing, but only offscreen to displease the people reading for their sexual gratification? Now, it might not read "edgy" but as "the gay crap I expected out of a furry webcomic." This is maybe not what you want your audience to respond with, BUT it is more of a reaction than a slight exhale when the joke is done how people expect. I also think the perverted idea of >>154020475 is a good thing to make people more attached to the characters. (There is a whole thing about "humanizing vs infantalizing evil" which is something you may want to lean into)Story pondering aside, I do like the art, but the compositons feel a tad samey with most of the focus being in the middle, or maybe it being single panel per image for the action which makes it seem longer/more static. I'd also encourage some wide shots or at least practice them to see if it fits how you want to tell the story. this >>154018836 seemed like a go at it, but you could potentially combine >>154018852 and >>154018865 with Sigurd and the Girl being on the sides of the shot of the gang. This could then lead to a close up image of the bag and listing all it's contents in the next panel with the muzzle flash lighting hitting the bag. You'd still get the setup of the fight with what I believe what would be funnier following up focusing on the bag items instead of the action. That's my opinion though. Congrats on making a comic. May respond more in the morning.
>>154020964Agreed, expect for going topical. It's predictable, boring, and won't solve OPs issue.
>>154021637The story really does need some sort of gigacrow from Baltimore as a sort of low level boss to work their way up to "the man".
>>154021672in that case i hope they can team up with the vulpes and defeat they're common enemy (small hat tribe birds)
>>154018788If you want someone to take a story seriously or give you honest critique, you need to realize that shock isn't a substitute for actual dialogue, characterization, or build-up and pay-off cycles.Also, work on your handwriting. If it's a chore to read on top of all the "LOOK AT ME, PAY ATTENTION TO MY COMIC!!!" /pol/-shit, then don't act surprised when you have a maybe double-digit amount of people that will actually give you the time of day to write lengthy and honest critique of the story. I say this as someone who's written edgy stories with the same heavy-handed political mindedness, and I also say this as someone who's been writing daily since I was 12. Pick up a few books on writing, watch movies that are very visual and constructed using Chekhov's Gun as a design document (Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Nightmare Before Christmas, Incredibles, anything that puts every character in there for some later pay-off; I name these because they are also animated, and you can thus use the same level of creative freedom as animation does). Hope this helps. it's obvious you have talent, but it needs to be honed in beyond (what is probably) your angry political teenage years. My works have flourished since then, and yours absolutely could as well.
>>154021782One would hope that the lead up is the duo some how being able to topple "the system" by inspiring others but comics like this always end with the team blasting into the lawyers office and shooting them up and then dieing in a shoot out with the feds.Then again, if the point is just to draw some fox supremacists getting revenge by killing cops and gangsters and yelling slurs then yeah, no more needed. Sometimes you just wanna draw your fucked up power fantasy, and theres nothing wrong with that as long you dont pretend that it's something deeper.
>>154018788I mean I do like the art but I can't say I was exactly gripped by the story or characters.There is a lot of potential here but as is it kind of just feels like something they would find doodled in a mass shooter's notebook.Maybe try giving the main characters a few more redeeming elements so that the audience could root for them a bit despite their very clear flaws or if you are going for intentionally unlikable main characters give the world a few less shitty elements so it is easier to care about their inevitable downfall.
>>154018788How did you do the coloring? Digital, traditional? What techniques?
>>154022318I would also like to know, the color work is definitely a highlight.
>>154019828i was wondering why the name sounded familiar before realizing you’re the music artist of the same name. haven’t bumped the genre since like 2021 post virginfest that carried me through senior year, but it’s sick to see what the artists from around that time are currently up to. like to see where this comic is heading and i fuck with your whole site heavy. sorry for the fangirling + faggot fumes emanating from this post but yeah would also like to know what >>154022318 is asking as well
>>154022646lol waddup
>>154022318just digital, basic brush
>>154019786>>154019191The christslop REALLY sells the rest the murder and raping. Kill yourself Pablo
>>154020228If you have to ask, you inherently don't get it and will only ever be capable of safe edge. Not trying to be rude, but that's just how it is. You might be better off making peepee fetish comics to fill the hole Asscastle left.
Can't tell if half this thread is baiting>>154019890These designs are way better because these actually look like how those ugly flea-infested brainless Niggerboos look
>>154020228>>154019022>>154020600Show Sigurd getting brutalized and gang-raped in the penetentry. While that didn't work in that horrible joker movie, it could work here to establish motivation. Give Sigurd a reason that he's racist, and a reason that's actually very realistic. Might also serve to establish how he got involved in a racial supremacy network. Basically only being spared some of the daily rapes when he joined a prison gang, also possibly indebting him to a few people. Maybe also have a bit of his time in prison made worse by the prison staff, intentionally putting him in a cell with an inmate they knew would rape him, or just some unfair treatment like extra beatings from the guards or punishment for minor offenses because he said something racist to one of the guards.
Looks great, keep up the good work
>>154023736>Give Sigurd a reason that he's racistWhat other reasons do you need to be racist beyond looking at the world around you?
>>154023736My reason for being racist is that dumb niggers are worshipped by the state and media, and let off for stabbing and assaulting Whites
The art is cool but is it just furry turner diaries?
>>154023986It is furry Turner diaries. OP even confirmed it here >>154020600
>>154024064so it's not only juvenile power fantasy, it's boring juvenile power fantasy
>>154024064It's easy to miss but they also directly reference it in this panel. >>154019022
>>154023986We need more comics featuring Fursecution.
>>154025615This image is older than most of the furries on the internet now. Crazy to think how hard they won in the last twenty years.
Good job, you make furrytroonslop.
>>154025890I'm practically a corpse. Not much longer before I'm yiffing in hell...
Well that was dumb, there's barely even a story to follow it's just a bunch of disconnected weird racist furry vignettes.
>>154019460i wish a guy hit me in the head so hard it makes me fall in love with him an d also gives me permanentb rain damage
>>154019069Figures>>154018788I don't know how to describe it anon, but this feels like the most 2010s internet mishmash comic i've ever read. It' got everything, literal /pol/ chud shit, furries, crass humor, 2 characters that are so obviously designed to be cute uwu types. I.. genuinely don't know how to feel about this.
This is just furry TND but black people are birds.
So the male protagonist is definitely fucking the girl they made an accomplice right? It seems pretty obvious
>>154027667They sleep separately though
>>154018788>>154018808>>154018822>>154018852>>154018865>>154018986this shit looks like Paru Itagaki but Worse
>>154019828this artist is definitely filipinx
>>154018949Sonichu
Furries are not beating the racist allegations
>>154019258I live in this map teehee
>>154020300 This is pretty obviously a power fantasy of some basement dwelling racist edgelord enacting his revenge on marginalized groups through his furry ocs (surprisingly).
>>154028449Which is weird because I thought furry was about escaping your real life identity. What's the point of it then?
>>154028449Okay Bluesky. Did you come to 4chan to ovulate?The guy asked for criticism he didn't say hey don't think about how this works as a story and react to the violence and racism. Being reductionist about a story and ignoring what might help it be more compelling doesn't really help anyone, and if I just judged it on your metrics and assumed there was no extra room for growth I would have wasted my time twice instead of once.
>>154028603NTA but as for criticisms, it's too disjointed, and I can't really care for it unless I turn my brain off, unless that was the intended purpose. Also, why aren't Jewish people rats? With Mexicans you could've made them pigs,rabbits or gophers.
temu bakshi
>>154028769Bakshi actually had something to say. So I wouldn't go that far to call them Temu Bakshi.
Also Bakshi liked black people lol.
most furries are white
>>154028809Yeah, and not a brown nazi lol
Well at least we have zootopia stomp stuff like this out.
>>154028583¯\_(ツ)_/¯
brown nazi comic?
>>154028680Honestly some of the race animal allegory choices seemed kinda derpy to me too. Though it also makes it more confusing that Cathy dying her hair black would be compared to Mexicans when rats are Mexican in this furry universe... Would wearing a fake beak on your face be considered blackface?>>154028583The point it yiffing. Always has been.
>>154018788Hmmm i aplriciate the racism OP. This isnt gonna turn into a gay thing is it?
>>154020347>lesbianI thought that at first, but >>154019001 seems to imply the tall one is male, and then has the name “Earl Turner”, which is taken straight from the Turner Diaries. The fact said character has prominent eyelashes makes me think he might be a femboy type?That combined with the Bible verse here >>154019191 makes me believe the artist is just taking the piss with irony poisoning.
>>154029044it has lesbian sex
>>154029044TIs the season.
>>154029119>>154029140Why?
>>154029119wtf is that bru I was eating
why is op posting scat
>>154029182>the messy chickWhy?
>>154018788I beat my meatus to furries
either a trans guy or a low t guy could make this, I would image op is also pasty white
Is this a retelling of The Turner Diaries?
>>154019682did you expect anything lessnazi are degenerates
>>154028789And Crumb was into big women with fat asses, very horny dude.
>>154029089>LesbiansThanks but Im all set
>>154029988Now i domt know what to believe.
>>154029988>Confused racist reverse trap going on a murder spreeGotta admit that that would be a fresh angle to take.
>>154018788I can't say I wasn't interested the whole way through. I really like the artstyle. Got a wonderful early 2000s grunge to it, though I echo the criticism of some of the crows. They're caught halfway between being crows and being hyper caricatures and I feel like you'd be better off picking one and sticking with it. Especially since the rats, foxes, and vultures all look like rats, foxes, and vultures. I do wish you were using this style to depict a story with a bit more meat on its bones. But I see that its an intentional adaptation of something, and its not like I didn't blitz through it wondering where the fuck it was going. Overall, it alright. The people calling it safe edgy are on crack through
>>154018949Reported for horse
>>154030429I think it's honestly underwhelming as racist against black people. This is coming from a black person though. I've seen niggas be more racist against themselves than this webcomic could ever be.
>>154029379or a klansfem
>>154030610I would agree. Likely a symptom of the story itself being pretty thin
>>154029436>nazi are degeneratesrich coming from 4troons
>>154019890>that ur tryna call back from bakshi or crumbBakshi always sucked ass anyways, don't tell me that schizo jew is famous for anything outside his boomer liberal takes mixed with offensive material.
Volume 2 promo
>>154029988>>154031727girlfriends
Pourno
>>154031817Either a white person made this or the brownest motherfucker alive did this. No inbetween.
>>154031817why is she saying nigga and not nigger?
>>154033174Fake racist, she does it for her girlfriend.
>>154031427lol shartroon moment
white people be like: I made the furry say slurs
>>154018788I had a cheeky wank
The bible verses made me visibly frown as a Christian. Please don't use the Bible for slop. Everyone else already does that. It'd be interesting to see someone use another religion for edgy bullshit for once.
>>154018788This is absurdly edgy, but I enjoyed every second of it. Your art is rough in all the fun ways and your character designs are really enjoyable. This is unhinged in a way that only a truly inspired, autistic mind can be. God speed you insane faggot.
>>154035086NTA but as another christian it just felt kinda tacked on. Not really touching anything like Christian Nationalism or the racial divide that still exists between denominations. Almost gives the same vibes of quoting Confucius or Greek Tragedy out of context.Par for the course is all I'm saying.
Sieglinde kind of reminds me of Mymy
>>154028680>why aren't Jewish people rats?because the author is secretly woke and believes blacks are the real israelites
>>154035086The problem is that you can't really tack another religion onto this brand of edge. Those other religions are from other cultures that the characters would assumedly hate.
>>154029379>I would image op is also pasty whiteDidn't you get the memo? These types tend to be some sort of mexican nowadays.
>>154036242I thought most neo-Nazis were pagans (at least Yuropoor ones).
>>154020228you're not being vulnerable enoughyou're just parroting what is at this point very generic and kind of tired internet meme racism, things that /pol/ and twitter shitposters have turned into a safely half-ironic in group signal for communities that imagine themselves as much more extreme than they are to collectively smirk aboutyou need to be willing to expose your own, unique and personal fucked up ideasyou need to be not just unashamed cringe, but spitefully, even hatefully cringe
>>154036494nah, the fagshit and ugly style makes it way less likely, mexicans and other brows lean towards anime girls
>>154036900I mean, RebelLatinX is right there
>>154036950where is his white supremacy comic then
>>154019828hey anon please add a RSS feed to the comic so I know when an update hits
thread stills up. coming back with a clear and more parcial opinion. its just not good. doesnt have anything for me. feels just like shock value and just not very written. the art is good.
Why is the teenage fox girl genuinely an ESL? I read the paper she got an F on, and it reads like someone who doesn't understand the English language.
>>154037462That's not ESL writing, it's retard/dyslexic writing
>>154037539Makes sense, only the retarded and uneducated would ever love a man from /pol/.
