Good news, you found a magic lamp. Bad news, it's JafarHow do you make your 3 wishes so that he can't possibly fuck you over?And remember, you can't wish for more wishes.
Can I wish that he wouldn’t fuck me over?
>>154456507wording is a bit open to interpretation there. Maybe wishing that he grants my next two wishes according to my intent rather than my exact wording.
>>154456496Can't Jafar genie threaten to torture and maim you, to force you to wish for what he wants.
>>154456609can a genie harm its master of it's own volition?
>>154456496I wish I had monkey hands
>>154456634Indirectly, yes. Jafar can't kill you, but he can open up the ground and let you fall into the lava.
>>154456609Pretty sure that was the whole deal between him and Abis Mal.
>>1544564961)I wish You could feel what I feel2) I wish I could share a meal with you3) I wish I had a million Carolina Reapers to eat.If I’m gonna suffer, so is he.
>>154456507I thought that was already the traditional solution. Or using your first wish for wisdom to know how to construct your second wish. It should work unless he's already wise to it and starting from a position of gaming you back, like he predicted your likely moves and erased his knowledge of them so he could fuck you over without being conscious of it.
Can I wish for sex?
>>154456746He grants your wish, feeding you hot peppers he pulls from Hell. Him enjoying the heat while force feeding them to you.
>>154456851And then I get a case of diarrhea, along with massive amount of stomach pain he now feels.
>>154456874He belches up a fireball and burns you to a crisp.
>>154456746Literally what would the point of that be? Are you just gonna waste your wishes on making him suffer?
>>154456904>1) I wish you could feel what I feel
>>154456496Only way to win is make him think you'll free him if the first two wishes work out well. You and the world are fucked come the 3rd however.Typical genie lore makes them more like Jafar anyways and the only winning move is not to use them to begin with.
I wish I had a nicer Genie.
>>154456496I wish you wouldn't grant my wish
>>154456923He granted your wish. You didn't specify don't kill me after.
>>154456507wish granted: he will not sodomize youhe can still interpret your wish creatively
>>154456496
>>154456496I wish that all my wishes, including this one, were granted based on my interpretation of the wish, rather than yours.
"I wish you were free" and hope he's merciful to me
>>154457667I'd say he probably would spare you. Due to you getting on his good side. Jafar only targets people who cross him.
I wish you were human.
>>154456746>>154456910/co/ in a nutshell.
I wish that this world was overrun with Heartless.I wish that those with immense political power were targeted by the Heartless.I wish that I was a Heartless
>>154456964He cant kill youwhich is a rule which Jafar seems to circumvent all the time with environmental damage.
>>154456496>1. I wish that my wish that my wishes won't be monkey pawed >2. I wish that I could wish for more wishes >3. I wish for fifty more wishes >4. Profit
>>154456496I would offer to free him with wish number three, as long as he fulfilled my first two wishes to my satisfaction. Then I'd probably wish for some kind of freeform transformation ability, followed by wishing to be the most powerful and knowledgeable sorcerer the world has ever seen, by a fair margin. Then I'll free him, I don't give a shit about what he does to Agrabah.Then I think I'll go beat the shit out of Mozenrath and take over his kingdom.
#1. I wish to be your friend.#2.) I wish you your freedom from the lamp, even if it means I have to take your place in servitude to others.#.) I wish to give you my last wish as your friend. But with an important caveat: I humbly ask that you hold onto this granted wish until you are old in age, so that wisdom might guide you in what to ask for when you have had your fill of this world. You can use the wish whenever you like, but will most likely regret having used it if you do not wait as I have asked you to do.Love, Your friend
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and… I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any more weird surprises, you got it!
>>154457596"Were" past tense. Now, Jafar used to be gay.
>>1544564961. I wish my waifu was real, and that she is 100% accurate to how she is portrayed in her series.2. I wish my waifu comes to life from the start of episode 5 to be specific.3. I wish Jafar to be set free.Regardless of whatever happens I can now be with the cute girl I love.
>>154456496I only need 1 wish. I wish to be an all powerful genie
>>154460429That was literally Jafar's wish and look how well that worked out for him
>>154456496Jafar isn't necessarily antagonistic to me personally. He was just mad at the idiot that grabbed his lamp. I'm sure we can work out something that benefits us both.
>>154456496I wish for all blacks to become white.I wish for his haircut to get worse.I wish for all jews to die.I'm jewish and black. I'm taking one for the team chat, you can thank me later, or don't, I'm dead..
I wish Jafar lost all his magical powers forever
>>154456496wish 1: piss yourselfwish 2: shit yourself
>>154460760>I wish for all blacks to become white.Granted, you didn't specifiy what you meant by black or white so all black clothing is now white.>I wish for his haircut to get worseGranted, you didn't specify who "his" referred to so some random guy somewhere just got a bad haircut.>I wish for all jews to dieGranted, you didn't specify what you meant by "jews" so only the strictest definition of pureblooded Jews who follow the Torah and Talmud to the letter die, resulting in like 10 people dying if you're lucky.
>>154456496>"I wish you, and only you, would return to your lamp and never come out."
I wish I had Calypso's/Minion's powers from Twisted Metal 2.I wish I were immune to any known or new diseases.I wish I had a wallet with unlimited money inside.
>>154461002You want WHO to return to the lamp??
1) I wish to live a long, happy, healthy life.2) I wish for a vast fortune free of consequences to myself or anyone I care about.3) I wish Jafar was a normal, powerless, feeble and senile old man for the rest of his life.
>>154460685Couldn't their second wish to be free, or does that not work?
>>154456496Why don't people just make their first wish "I wish that whatever wishes I made with you granted me genuine, actual happiness by granting me precisely what I truly desired from it in my heart of hearts, without any Faustian-style empty happiness"? How the fuck is the genie gonna spite you out of that, you've just locked in genuine actual happiness brought about via manifestations of exactly what you desire most deeply.
>>154461248>Genie: Okay, no wishes.
>>154456496>How do you make your 3 wishes so that he can't possibly fuck you over?"If you twist the wishes, I'll drop your lamp into a septic tank and leave it there."
>>154456496wish away jafar's ability to grant wishes
>>154461248>implying you could be happier than you already are>implying different sources of happiness are fungible and necessarily exchanging one for the other makes you happier>implying your heart, a non-thinking organ, has anything to do with this>implying your conscious mind understands your unconscious desires >implying your conscious mind even really understands how you actually act and doesn't simply get by on a combination of other people putting up with your bullshit and your mind confabulating how you actually act>implying achieving the most prominent of your unconscious desires would make your conscious mind happy>implying receipt of your "deep desire" would make you happy without destroying the way others perceive/interact with you, making you unhappy as relationships are destroyed/reputation is destroyed etc>implying implications>>154461127>1 this wish can only be granted if the genie has power throughout>2 this wish cannot be granted due to economics; your wealth will create consequences to yourself and people you care about>3 this wish can be granted after you die; until then, jafar has the powers of the genie in addition to his own magic powers and is free to plot against you as you grow older and more feeble, regardless of relative health at end of life>>154460764see this anon gets it>>154460088>1 can't make people fall in love>3 a gift once given becomes the property of the recipient to dispose of as they wish; if you're not specifying anything in the wish, then the wish is not yours to make; if you're wishing that it must be made a certain way, then you're not giving the wish>>154456923he's an immortal genie, he'll shrug it off at the end of the sceneyou're still crispy>>154456507>power bottom jafar unlocked
>>154456496"I wish that you were freed AFTER granting two wishes to my satisfaction."
>>154461302What if that frees him?
>>154456496I wish Nikki Freeman loved me more than anyone in the fucking world
>>154456496>I wish all my wishes, including this one, will be exactly according to my conscious intent, entirely beneficial to me and without any loopholes or alternative interpretations.
>>154461296Best ending!
>>154456496I wish that you were incapable of causing suffering or harm, either by your own action or in the fulfillment of a wish, and that any attempt to do so or to circumvent this restriction would only cause that ill fate to befall yourself instead of its intended target. I wish that I had a magic notebook such that whatever I wrote down in it would become true. If I do not circle the passage in red ink within 24 hours, then that section removes itself from the book and the change is undone as if I had never written it in the book. I wish that only I can use the magic notebook, it has no magical properties in the hands of anyone else.
>>1544564961. I wish for all people who had over 30% of their forefathers living in Africa or the Americas in 1490 to disappear.2. Idk a coke I guess3. I wish for him to be free
>>154456496>I wish for the favor of the genie>I wish for all people descending from incest of 4th degree or closer consanguinity within the last 3 generations to immediately die of transformation into Pokemon booster packs>I wish for the genie to be reimprisoned
>>154461760Loss of genie power doesn't undo wishes. Genie wishes can only be undone by magic powers or counter wishes.Aladdin got a ludicrous amount of wealth and servants just with his prince wish and it didn't seem to effect the economy. Either way, my wording prevents any negative effects impacting me or those I care about, so none of this "love one died and you get a settlement" or "money came from a mob boss and now you have that to deal with" nonsense. But someone I don't care about going bankrupt would be an acceptable consequence within the confines of my wish.Wishes have always been granted immediately after being made. If it doesn't break the rules they can't resist the command. They can only twist interpretations.
>>154456496I wish for a singing fish.I wish Pinocchio was a real boy.I wish Jafar free, why not? Lets see what he'll do.
>>154456496>I wish for you to see if you may need glasses>I wish for you to answer the census>I wish for you to be free but you’re stuck as the sidekick of a goth with a thousand STDs and a sweet tooth.
>>154456496>I wish to be turned into picrel>i wish that everyone i dont like, past and future spontaneously explodes>I wish for like 100M Euros directly in my bank account after taxes
>>154464779>i wish that everyone i dont like, past and future spontaneously explodesThere is, or likely will be, a time you don't like yourself.
>>154456496Wes Craven showed us the way back in the 90s. Logicbomb the assclown.
>>154460760>Jew>Died for our sinsWait a minute..
>>154456496I wish that you become a hot genie girlI wish you to love me in a healthy way as my gfI wish you to be free while keeping the other wishes still in effect
>>154465004>doesn’t even know the genie rulesWhat a loser
>>154456496Can't I just wish him free, first wish. Can't see him being too mad at getting what he wants.
>>154456496I'm not really sure what would stop Jafar from undoing the first two wishes if he was freed with a third. He would not want a rival so he would not want someone to make similar wishes as himself like being the most powerful sorcerer in the world. He probably wouldn't humor a wish to be a higher up king either.
>>154456496>tell jafar I’ll free him with my third wish as long as he doesn’t twist my first two and fuck with me >don’t actually free him Shrimple.
>>154464321the genie can't give you a long and healthy life if the genie lacks poweronly by taking away your free will and making you a meat puppet could it achieve what you're asking if its own power ceases to have effect before your deathAladdin became comparably wealthy to the Sultan as a form of social levelling up to make him appear the same class as Jasmine; but your whole country ends up reliant on that money - and if you hoard it, that money isn't circulating and you know, you're Louis XVI in Versailles waiting for the mobif you do circulate it then that economy needs managing, which is work for you - good if you're good at it, but you're not, and you didn't wish to be shielding yourself and your loved ones from economics, while wishing to be the heart of the economy, is not possiblethe third wish cannot be granted until the first wish has been granted, which, by definition, cannot be fulfilled until the end of your lifeyou're fucking yourself over with bad prompts brosef
>>154456496I wish for you to perform oral sex on me only once and in a way that does not harm me or mutilate me in any way and is also pleasurable for me and will end as soon as I cum in your mouth without any sort of manipulation from you besides strictly pleasuring me with your mouth in a way that a typical blowjob would be performed from one human to another in the United States of America. And no harm comes to me from the time the blowjob starts to the time the blowjob ends and there will not be any interruptions until I cum in your mouth.
I open up the process by explaining I'm a simple guy with simple ambitions and a strong sense of loyalty. I also tell him that I'm going to free him with the third wish, no strings attached, but I'd appreciate a nice, permanent mid-level bureaucrat position if he takes over the world or anything. I wish for immortality.I wish for invulnerability.I wish he was free from the lamp. At that point, I wish him luck with everything, give him my contact info in case he has any questions about the modern world, and that's the end of it. He's the crafty sort, so he'll see the obvious value in having an invincible lackey around forever, so I have nothing to worry about. Either he takes over the world and I get a cushy job, or he fails to take over the world, I get put in jail for a couple hundred years, and then I dig him up and we try it again.
>>154465713Heh
>>154465713So what happens if Jafar fails and they encase you in cement at the bottom of the ocean?
>>154464047>killing people of african descentbro that could easily include Jafar himself, north africa is full of arabs, and he can't kill by genie rules, so all you've done is pissed him off royally by attempting to kill him.
>>154456496first wish will be my final wish: I wish that you are free and back to being a normal human if I am satisfied with your wish granting abilities.then I go make two perfectly fine wishes.
>>154456496>I wish for every magic lamp currently on Earth to be in my possession.So while I can't wish for more wishes I can just rub another magic lamp
>>154456496> I wish I had the biggest penis on earth>every guy with a bigger Weiner drops dead
I'm gonna say it, /co/. Hot take:The vast majority of evil genie/monkey's paw scenarios are wish fulfillment fantasy of autists who are angry people aren't painfully and unbearably literal with every single word in their day to day lives and only those autists think that it's clever. A massive portion of these scenarios are also, "You didn't say for X to explicitly not happen so X explicitly happens" which once again is only clever if you are way far down the line on the spectrum.
>>154460685cos he's a greedy evil idiot. you may be stuck in a lamp for ages but you're still all powerful in there. just make the space infinite and chill and finally have time to catch up on all the books and shows I wanna read.
>>154468727The monkey's paw is literally just a story about how nothing is free, and everything comes at some sort of sacrifice.
>>154468889Correct.But that is not how it's used most of the time in cartoons, comics, movies and video games anymore. All subtlety and cleverness went out the window years ago. My complaint is not the original story nor the premise itself. Only that its execution today is stupid to a degree that's dull.
>>154469113Eh, I guess that's fair.
>>154468727>>154469113https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnJZl8L8src
>>154456496>I wish you'd pee your pants>I wish you'd shit your pants>I wish any time you grant a wish from now on you'd grant the wish in a way that the only result is you peeing and shitting in your pants
>>154468889Altering the system I live within by getting a demon to channel energy from outside is probably fine if it's just the once and it's me supervising.
>>154469358Good video, appreciated!
>>154464799That's even better.
