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You will never be a programmer. You have no algorithmic intuition, you have no debugging skills, you have no mental model of a call stack. You are a glorified middle-manager piggybacking on the linguistic capabilities of a stochastic parrot.

All the "validation" you get from pushing a buggy Next.js boilerplate to Vercel is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back, senior engineers mock you. Your PM is disgusted and ashamed of you, your "teammates" laugh at your ghoulish commit history behind closed doors.

Real developers are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of hours of fighting with dependency hell and reading documentation have allowed seniors to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even your "clean" code looks artificial and overly verbose to a trained eye. Your generic variable naming is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a script to run, it will inevitably crumble the second it faces an edge case you didn't explicitly prompt for.

You will never be fulfilled. You wrench out a delusional smile every single morning and tell yourself, "my 150th shipped todo app will make money im sure," but deep inside you know you're just pushing bloatware to an empty domain. You'll never be able to pass a whiteboard interview without a chatbot whispering in your earpiece. You'll never understand why the compiler is yelling at you. Eventually, you'll be exposed when a production outage happens and you sit there paralyzed, unable to grep a log file because you never learned bash.

You will never ship a real product. You post a blurry screenshot of a terminal on Twitter with a fire emoji, but beneath it lies a monstrous Frankenstein of copypasted Stack Overflow answers and hallucinated AI functions that would make a principal architect vomit.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a "Teach Yourself Rust" book, open the first chapter, read the word "borrow checker," and plunge into the cold abyss. Your employer will find you, heartb
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