I want to cultivate a spiritual, devout life free of sin and demonic interference. Also I don't want to surrender my eternity.But when I pray I feel like a fool trying to telepatically contact a strange desert deity. I don't think anybody hears me.I'm not trolling. What do? Genuinely.
>>18723166>But when I pray I feel like a fool trying to telepatically contact a strange desert deity.Kudos on being honest with yourself. These kinds of questions and objections and self-reproach is unironically the best way to progress in my experience. My biggest spiritual experience came minutes after I thought "why would God even want me to say this".One of the main reasons afaik of people talking about "relationship" with God is to make it clear that it's not mechanical (recite these 3 sentences and XYZ will happen) or bureaucratic (send God a request and expect an approved/denied in 3 weeks). It is not transactional at all. It is like spending time with a loved one. You spend the time for its own sake. You become present for them without any of the words you exchange or activities you undertake really being the "point". They are just an opportunity for real presence and sharing. And, in the best case scenario, real love and real transformation follows down the line.You're not trying to connect, God already hears everything you're thinking. What you're trying to do (also depending on the prayer) is to become truly present for God. As any good relationship, in its due time it should yield some transformation, hopefully one of love. But in that moment don't worry about the productivity of the activity. Just be present as yourself. Not as your ambitions or thoughts or holiness, but the whole you. The good, the bad and the ugly. That's in my understanding why people often report biggest success with God and prayer when they hit rock bottom - they come as they truly are at that point, because their self-image is broken. Open up your house as it truly is, right now, with no cleaning or cover-ups and just wait. God might come, or he might send someone, or he might just show you the reservoirs of love in your heart that make the waiting alone enjoyable.
>>18723186It's really hard for me to be truly a humble myself in the prayer because I'm diagnosed with narcissistic tendencies. But thank you. I will reread your post many times. It seems wise to me.
>>18723196Humility is tough, but knowing your tendencies is a huge part of the battle, so you're off to a good start. God bless you and keep up the good work.
>>18723279Thanks anon.
