Hi anons i hope you all doing well btw here's a silent comic I've did in 6 days to challenge myself feel free to criticize so i can improve thank you page 1
page 2
>>7858688page 3
>>7858689page 4
>>7858690page 5
>>7858687Hi, Leith Talbi. Nice work. All of the panels are clear and understandable to me except the bottom-left and bottom-center on page 1. Not sure what's being shown in those two panels. Also, is there more to this? At this point (with 5 pages shown), I don't see how pages 4 and 5 relate to pages 1 and 2. Each of those feels like an incomplete story. I commend you for keeping the panel layouts simple and clear. One more thing: Capitalize your last name on the title page.
>>7858691page 6
>>7858701page 7 >>7858694thx anon for the great advices but also for the other advices too (like for the name) and since you know my name, come and say hi in my socials directly if you want and you can criticize the work i post (it really need it)
>>7858719page 8 (you'll notice that the quality has dropped that's because i was rushing to finish it while preparing for my graduation ceremony)
>>7858720page 9 and the final one if you want to see the sketches or you want me to draw something for you just tell me here i'll be happy to do it
>>7858722Well done anon. You did it. Since there are 9 pages, page zero (10) could be a Title / Pin up page.
>>7858701Possibly the worst training montage ever. Watch Rocky.
>>7858726i was thinking about doing that like page 0 for the title with a cover then i tried to think differently >>7858730like the movie ? thx for the advice, as i remember the training montage of the first movie was iconic (stupid me trying to put all of her training in just 4 panels) i should take more references, inspiration and do more research in general in upcoming works
>>7858687I had already seen your work before, with the comic about the girl running. This time, the result is actually pretty solid. The story is easy to understand, the character has a good arc, and the pacing, at least in the first part, works well. The drawing has also improved.That said, my problem is with the last two pages; the training is not very well represented. I would have liked to see two full pages focused on the training, showing her gradual muscle gain. Then, the final page should have been only about her preparing for the match, with the last panel mirroring the splash page, but with her replacing her childhood hero.Of course, you still need to improve your drawings, as everyone does, but overall, this is actually a pretty good story.
It's cute, and I like it. Like the others said, the training montage needs to be improved. There seems to be a missing emotional beat between the gym time and signing the contract. It feels a bit too easy, no? It shows she puts in the hard work to train and immediately gets what she wants, but without facing the rejections and failures along the way. Anyway, I really like this story. I live the same life as this girl every day, and am too afraid to full-send it into becoming a full time artist and leave my shitty cubicle though. Wish I had the courage to abandon it all to chase a dream.
>>7858687>feel free to criticize so i can improveFirstly, it'd help to indicate that it read Right to Left, since the context is that you're an english speaker, making an english comic for other english speakers, we'd naturally read Left to Right unless told otherwise. An anime/manga aesthetic doesn't change that, since there's plenty of comics inspired by such aesthetics too, that read Left to Right.>Page 1 I have no idea what the bottom middle panel is supposed to be... a person jumping the ropes, perhaps?This page gives an ominious, tense feeling, when I think that wasn't what you were going for.I assume this page is a moment that comes after her deciding to go pro, whilst she is training, but there is no real indication that's the case, or that she is the one watching the television.>Page 4The hatching feels sloppy and amateurish in panel 2, and isn't particularly great anywhere in the comic. There's also something about how it's cutting from a past memory (black background) to current time that doesn't feel quite right, like it's too sudden and jarring... maybe some black coming in from the corner of the page and fading to the white would have worked to make it feel smoother?In Panel 6 the hand holding the phone suddenly switches. The forced perspective also feel a little extreme and goofy.>Page 6In panels 2,3, and 4, she goes from having open eyes, to shut eyes, to open eyes again. Maybe I'm just looking for things to be critical, but it just seems oddly redundant? Maybe panel 2 should have been her climbing out of the subway or something similar.Panel 6 just doesn't really look like she's pressed up against glass. You probably needed to add highlights, and circular squishes to the pads of her fingers and hands for it to look right, rather than some random hatching.
>>7860792cont.>Page 7She's suddenly spun around in panel 1, which breaks the no-no rule of spinning the camera 180 degrees suddenly.The two puddles of memories in panel 2 don't really feel like they indicate she absolutely loved wrestling.Panel 3 Looks like we're focusing on a building's Roof, rather than her home flat.>Page 8I'll agree with the other anon that this montage doesn't really work. But I think the big issue is that it looks like a single sessions, rather than the progression of time it's probably meant to. You probably should have shown her in different clothes each panel, or panels of a change calendar, etc - just something to indicate time progressing.>Page 9No idea what Panel 3 is.The last Panel doesn't have quite the impact I think you wanted. Maybe it would have been better if it were a backshot of her looking into a large crowd? Or maybe her doing the exact pose from page 2?But overall, it reads well enough, the art needs work but isn't so bad that it distracts from the read, the only glaring issue I think there is; is the mystery panels from pages 1 and 9.If I'm coming off overly harsh, it's simply because I'm looking for things to critique, rather than simply reading and appreciating it for what it is.Good job on making a comic, you've made 9 pages of drawings more than most of the people on this board.Keep at it!
>>7858720>quality has dropped>literally the best pageTrust me, I have read all the manga.
>>7860646Thx for the criticism anon Glad you still remember the other comic I've did >>7860760Thx anon for the criticism We all face that, I'm newly graduated, looking for a job in software engineering, not because I love it but just to gather money for a drawing career and project so let's keep working on it >>7860792Thx for pointing all of this, I really appreciate that and I've already took a screenshot of your criticism and advices so I can fix it in upcoming works >>7860808Oh really, glad you've like it I said that the quality dropped because those two pages I've did in like 40 minutes each (super quick which is bad instead of taking my time in them)
>>7858687looks like /beg/ shitshow "comic" attempt
>>7863699>super quick which is badThis sounds like cognitive bias.
>>7858687What's the bottom middle panel supposed to be?
>>7858687felt kinda rushed, 7 pages for the setup and then resolving in 2
