The US government has tasked you, yes you, with the sole responsibility of bringing the vile criminal Raul Castro. They've proclaimed that you must assemble a crack team of elite /k/ommandos and have given you a "no expenses spared" pass for the budget of the operation. The only caveat? The target must be taken in alive and live to see his day in court. What sort of team are you assembling and how are you going to arm and equip this elite force of /k/apable /k/ombatants?
>The target must live to see his day in court>age: 96Odds are I fail even with a teleporter
>>65170917Strong breeze could end him.
>>65170903I place a bunch of TVs around Cuba with various sitcoms and BBC programming from the 60s to the 80s around, then I crank the volume all the way up. Next to these honeytraps I will put a big cargo container labelled "Cheap Nicknacks", with a remotely activated door. The TV lures him in, the doors shut, we airlift him out of there. We'd have to clean the traps periodically but we'd send all non-targets to a temporary interment retirement home.
>>65170917>>65170930My money's on this being used as a casus belli to invade Cuba
>>65170950You've clearly done this before.
>>65171011He’s just plagiarizing Ian Flemming
>>65170903>Bringing in Raul Castrowhy? he's cubas greatest liability as putin is to the fsb state, if an opponent has an incompetent in charge, leave him there
>>65171038>Ian FlemmingIRL a man of purest /k/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O1_0hikl-Ahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffY3wDF6BGo
>>65170903>have given you a "no expenses spared" pass for the budget of the operationI find the cushiest open-air, no-walls, minimum security prison with a hospital wing. I make sure the cells are comfortable, spacious and equipped with daytime television.I staff it with the best medical team I can and use the blank cheque to give it all the toys that the finest private hospitals in USA have.Then I send him an invite to move in.
>>65170917LMAO
>>65170903Nigga would probably have a cardiac arrest during the transport. Trump should just Khamenei him.
>>65170903I'd just bomb the shit out cuba . Let those little niggas know who's really in charge
>>65171011Someone has to corral all the senile and demented pensioners who wander off. It is slow and laborious work, because they're unpredictable, and slow-moving, but it all pays off in the end when we can torture another family by having grandma bitch at them for another few weeks before she wanders off to look for her childhood rocking horse or some shit. Cubans are by and far much easier, because they're on an island and the old instinctively avoid beaches out of fear of having a good time.>>65171038How could you do this to me?
>>65170903>wait for the bus that comes to take him to one of this many MANY medical appointments. switch it out with one of ours.
>>65171629If you have unlimited money you might as well switch out the hospital for one of ours, otherwise we'll get less funding next year.
>>65170903>no expenses sparedI buy McDonald's and use a special artillery battery located in the keys to bombard Cuba with fries
The US could invade with minimal resistance. The economy is nonexistent and it's only tourist bucks and the threat of military suppression keeping Castro in power. Unlike Iran there's no long range strike manufacturing, no strategic resources to threaten, no neighbors they can hit or threaten, and no way for anyone to supply them. There's no relgious fundamentalism driving them and the general population's standard of living has backslid by a century at this point. This isn't some case of misguided "they cry out for freedom", they'd be happy to be an actual puppet if a weeks worth of food didn't cost half a month's pay.
Hey so what ever happened with Maduro? I feel like everyone kind of forgot the US yoinked el presidente after Iran kicked off
>>65171681He's the half time show at the world cup final.
>>65171632i've been told cuba has the best healthcare in the world, we couldn't afford that even with unlimited funds
>>65170903>lost the war in Afghanistan>start a war against Iran>losing the war against Iran>want to start another one in CubaHmmm...I'm seeing a pattern here
>>65171690Their healthcare is to die for.
>>65170903>The US government has tasked you, yes youThe US government can do a Götz von Berlichingen on me. Not my government, and cetainly not my problem.
the commie seething if this happened on /k/ would be off the charts, Cuba has been their promised land, their utopia, since they all convinced themselves it was a permanent nonwhite party zone with free healthcare for trannies
>>65171728then fuck outta the thread thirdie before your government finds your unlicensed spoon
>>65171662>The US could invade with minimal resistanceNow where have I heard that before?I guess Cubans and Floridians are basically brother peoples though, right?
>>65171748>seething burger detected
>>65171773You're being laughed at brownoid
>>65171758Yep. Now if only we stop pussyfooting around and glass Tehran.
>>6517176960 years ago this wasn't the case. The revolution had succeeded, the US was dick deep in Vietnam, and the CIA was writing checks it couldn't cash. Couple that with the fact the communists actually did improve the general standard of living people would actively resist a counterrevolution. Fast forward to now when the ruling class and its favorites enjoy all the benefits of the EU tourist bucks, basic service like water/sewer, waste removal, and power are failing all across the island, food costs the average Cuban 60-70% of their income, medical supplies are in short order, and the Cuban government is moving to separate the Peso Dollar (tourist cash, highly valuable) from the Cuban Peso (effectively worthless). The US might as well be an invading translight alien force for all the fight the Cuban military could put up against it. And the population is most likely not going to lift a finger to support a government that's not even trying to fulfill its promises anymore.>le brother peoplesNo, they're a completely different culture that got to enjoy colonialism from two different masters over its history. If one of them comes back and says "hey here's cheap food, clean water, and all the other shit a functioning society has, just let us remove these guys watching you starve" the reaction isn't going to be armed resistance for a generation or two.
>>65171933>If one of them comes back and says "hey here's everything you want..."Yeah, that's not everything they want, that's a promise to give everything they want.Believing that your promises (which probably won't be kept, anyone checked in with Iraq's kurds recently?) will be believed is wishful thinking.Remind me who's responsible for the embargo on Cuba again?
>>65171926Ah yes, of course, it's other people's fault that the geriatric retard walks back on everything he says and delays it over and over and over again. For a guy who always talks big, he's quite a fucking bitch.
>>65171959>Maybe work on that navy if-oh wait you can't afford to.The win for you here is to show that you're trustworthy and friendly.Telling Cuba that they're helpless before you isn't going to do that.
>>65170903Since the government was stupid enough to give me a blank check: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJu3esmAy98We definitely don't need all that, a few fast boats with 20-30 /k/ommandos armed with whatever they've got at home would be enough to handle the Cuban military at this point, and Castro's too feeble to fight us himself.But a man only gets these opportunities once in his life, he shouldn't waste them.
>>65171681Locked up in a dungeon in Brooklyn until Trump can personally strangle him during his Triumph.
>>65171687>show trial of hated foreign leader in the middle of a packed stadiumThis would be contrary to everything America stands for, and flagrantly unconstitutional, but it would be kino. We need to make sure the judge has a flair for the dramatic.
>>65172217>We need to make sure the judge has a flair for the dramaticThere's really only one red blooded american judge up for the job.You know Trump's showbiz instincts would have him on board in a heartbeat.
>>65172248
>>65170903>The target must be taken in alive and live to see his day in court. What sort of team are you assembling and how are you going to arm and equip this elite force of /k/apable /k/ombatants?I getting 5 Albanians and we are beheading him and his family and giving the heads to trump and keeping the women as sex slaves InshaAllah>>65171744trvke nike
>>65171744I hope it happens just so I can watch all the Hasan and Vaush fans on /pol/ livestream their suicides.
>>65172217>>65172248Would the guilty or not guilty verdict be decided like American Idol and every US citizen can vote?
>>65173142>and every US citizen can vote?Have you never seen the beacon of judicial sensitivity that is Judge Judy?It will be her opinion alone and she'll decide the verdict by whatever lets her lay smack down on people the hardest.Go watch some to see the pinnacle of the US justice system*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1lpxlsQUhQ* (not 100% part of the US justice system)
>>65173142>Implying there is any such thing as innocenceAnon there is only one verdict that can be given. The public must see justice done after all?
