How do I make sure I have a cool nickname in the military? I might join but I'm afraid of getting a name like, "Fatboy" or whatever mean names they give each other there. My last name sounds close to a body part so I have to be on the ball with it. My cousin, different last name, was called Poopers for a whileMy solution is to tell everyone I have name back home and pick a badass name like Panther.
Yeah, that should work.
>>65380581Fatboy is actually an A tier nickname
>>65380581>How do I make sure I have a cool nickname in the military?That is not how nicknames work in the military.You get a nickname because your real name sucks, your real name sounds like something, or you fucked up. It's only by coincidence that they can sound cool to people who weren't in. I knew a Warthog who got that name after a case of VD.If your last name is "Butte" you're gonna be "Buttboy" to nearly everyone even if the company commander calls you "Montana" because he doesn't want to say "Butte" every time he wants coffee.If you actually want to avoid nicknames you may have to legally change your last name to something extremely short and plain (so it can't be shortened or memed). Then just hope that nobody in a backoffice reads your file too closely and that you don't fuck up badly enough to get a reminder nickname.
If you get a nickname, it will be for a fuckup or a flaw of yours and you will be expected to take it on the chin, laugh at it and roll with itIf you try to pick your own nickname, let alone a "cool" one, you'll be mocked relentlessly and given the most humiliating nickname imaginable as a punishment for being "that guy"
>>65380581You have to get the highest K:D or the game winning killcam. Then they'll call you something like "Killer" or "Grim Reaper."
>>65380581fatboy is a pretty good name thoeverpenisbeithttps://youtu.be/ub747pprmJ8https://youtu.be/XQ7z57qrZU8
Mine was fatboy, until it became "big country"
>>65380581Even if you get a nickname for being cool, it'll sound dumb. I knew a WO who got his nickname for being able to pull girls way out of his league and making them scream when he went down on them, and he still wound up with Slicker for the rest of his career.
>>65381130>slicker than scum on a swamp
>>65380581>pick a badass name like PantherGood to meet ya, Pussy.
>>65381143Slit-licker
>>65381145oh lel
Id probably get called dick
>mfw I am Pagliacci
>>65380581Order a t-bone steak for lunch.
>>65380581>My solution is to tell everyone I have name back home and pick a badass name like Panther.That will work.
>>65380581>Fat... cat?>FAT CAT! FAT CAT! FAT CAT!
>>65380581Start telling everyone your name is Sexual Warrior and refuse to answer to anything else
>give everyone nick names in my unit>they stick>call a FNG by his first name because its cool. >transfers to new unit >gets sad no one calls him by his first name anymore>feels alonesorry Elliot. I buddy fucked you.
>>65380581If you try to choose a cool nickname for yourself, everyone will go out of their way to give you a shitty nickname.If you get a cool nickname, it will be for an embarassing or obscene reason. In my case, my nickname was "Gravedigger". But it's because a bunch of gay dudes/gay escorts went missing from a gay hookup spot as soon as I was posted there.
>>65380581You'll be known as Poopers' Cousin, and you'll like it.
Won't work. Your nickname can never be cool. Only time I've seen someone able to use an existing nickname in a new group was by doing something like "Hey everyone my name is Brian Boychuk, but everyone just calls me "Bees". I prefer Brian."At which point their name is forever "Bees" or "Beezy"As long as the nickname is lame to begin with but makes sense no one questions it
>>65381296>In my case, my nickname was "Gravedigger". But it's because a bunch of gay dudes/gay escorts went missing from a gay hookup spot as soon as I was posted there.kek, that's brutal
>>65380588Yeah it is. My friend got Robot cuz he dissociated in basic after coming from a broken home.
>>65381123Forgot the entire reason why, but I was Big Purchase for a bit. Then China-man. Didn't mind. I am a large Chinaman.
>>65381123Big back big country
>>65380581I got called "Adolf's Wet Dream" when my squad found out that my Opa was a German soldier in WW2, which was not helped by the fact that Im 6'4"+ aryan stereotype. It was "Big Bird" before that, but thats slightly less fun
Your nickname is given to make fun of you.>BiscuitThat was mine. I had the misfortune of being in a basic class with females. When the utterly repulsive rat faced Alabama trailer trash girl that never showered said she wanted to butter my biscuits it was all over. It later evolved into Playboy when the autistic weeb retard girl with a black baby and exclusively spoke in anime girl voice decided I was her boyfriend. There was a fight about it. Drill Sgt chewed my ass. Fired me as Squad Leader.>800Black dude from Seattle with thick glasses that talked white in a room full of brothers from GA. Drill said he looked like the only nigga in the room that had good credit.>PorkchopHe was fat.>ChodeAlso fat but Porkchop was taken.>GremlinShort kid with big ears that had the misfortune of falling in a water filled ditch and emerging from it covered in pond scum. Looked like Stripe from the end of Gremlins and it stuck.>HufflepuffHe was there too>HawkeyeDude couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn but we all liked him so on his last chance to qualify someone that had already passed shot his targets from the next lane over. We all joked he got a 63/40.>Short BusRetard>Special KRetard but Short Bus was taken and his last name started with a K>SparklesHis family sent him a glitter bomb as a joke. Everyone in his platoon got fucked up over that one.>Icy HotHe put some on his balls so someone would switch him fire guard shifts>JinxBad fucking luck just followed that kid>Bam BamHis bunk would bang against a locker when he jerked off>JellyfishGot caught jerking it in the shower>OpieNobody could pronounce that Italian shit>AlphabetDude was like Azerbaijani or some shit with a super long hyphenated last name>ButtercupI dunno he was a soft ass Mormon kid>TikiHawaiian with another hard name to pronounce
The Blue Fountain. This guy was on the losing end of a game of beer pong but we were doing shots of white lightning and blue Gatorade. In his drunken wisdom he decided looking straight up would help keep the vomit down and the result was predictably one of the 10 most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.
>>65381313The best ones weren’t even nicknames but rank combined with unfortunate last names. Private Hair, Private Thrasher, Seaman Good, Seaman Giessler. Fuck man just join the Air Force at that point.
I knew a guy in basic called "Powder" and I have no fucking idea why.
>>65380581>PantherYou’ll be faggot and you’ll like it.
>>65381550is it because he was a telepathic albino?
>>65381550Had to be something to do with foot powder no? Did he snort it? I’ve seen that.
>>65380581>How do I make sure I have a cool nickname in the military?Fuck up in a highly entertaining but not very embarrassing way and hope for the best, that's pretty much it.
>>65381296>If you try to choose a cool nickname for yourself, everyone will go out of their way to give you a shitty nickname.No, they will call me Ace
>>65380581>My solution is to tell everyone I have name back home and pick a badass name like Panther.Yeah good luck with that, panties.
>>65380581>My solution is to tell everyone I have name back home and pick a badass name like Panther.Do not do that anon.
>>65381145Still sounds nice and hetero-cored.>>65381296Lol.
>blah blah your nickname is derogatory Explain Iceman. Because the last name or because faggot mutant?
>>65382133Oh wait iceman from comics was made a faggot in 2015, so it's about his last name?
>>65382112If you dig a really shitty trench....
>>65381524>Drill said he looked like the only nigga in the room that had good credit.kek that popped me
>>65380581I fell onto a lifting bench that had not back rest on it and I got impaled on a metal flanged designed to support said back rest/seat i doctored it myself and seemed no medical treatment and stuffed it out i was called spike.
>>65380581either fuck up really bad in a unique way or say some shit other people dont understand that sounds funnyI was called chub for 3 years because that's the standard industry word for large ground meat tube packages but my retard partyboy gen x managers never heard it before>walk into big busy bar for my night shift>surrounded by hot women>3 times out of 10 someone would yell>"Hey it's the chub!>we're busy tonight don't go soft on me!"
>>65382112>No, they will call me Ace...of Spades.
>>65381313>BoychukThere's much worse things to be called than Bees.
nicknames always feel like forced blue-collar culture. just pure 'i saw it as a kid and now i gotta do it' shit
>>65381123I worked with a guy we called Big Country because he was a literal farm hand lookin Lenny-tier moron. We also called him Mongo(loid).
>>65380581Odds are you'll get a nickname based on your surname.Royal Navy fag here, I was given Fromage or Bentos depending on the age of the oppo.Or if you're a retard you'll get one from fucking up.
>>65382352PRIVATE HODOR
>>65380581you're going to be private faggot if you're lucky. If you're less lucky you're going to be private creampie.
>>65380581If your biggest concern is what nickname you'll get then you might not be cut out for the military. Have you thought about a nice career in the postal service?
>>65382385mail carriers see more action than most soldiers lolTHIN WHITE LINE
>>65382385Postal service have to endure niggers on the daily lmaoEnlisting may be preferable to constant chimp outs
My dad when he was in the army was called 'Dr. Dolittle' cause he tried to pat the K9 unit and got bitten on the nose
>>65380581you cant pick your nickname. It comes naturally from whatever group of people youre with. My brother was called "Jimmy Neutron" for a day and was forced to scream "GOTTA BLAST!".
>>65382388>i always see you coming by my house in those little blue shorts, and i thinks to myself how can i get me a piece of dat?
>>65380638Extraordinary post
>>65380581>My solution is to tell everyone I have name back home and pick a badass name like Panther.You have it backwards: once you get out of the military, you tell everyone back home they gave you a badass name like Panther instead of Whistle Dick.
>>65381524Kek
Mine was Noodles, I was a lanklet and my arms were long and skinny, it was later changed to Tripod once they saw me naked
>>65380581Panther Claws
>>65382687pussy hands
>>65382686and then everyone clapped
>>65380638This, my nickname was "Microsoft" simply because someone saw my last name. It was my first day with my company too.
>>65380588>>65380581https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMrIy9zm7QY
>>65380646Like Copelord
>>65380581>PantherCongratz, your nickname is now Panties
When i joined up i decided i really wanted to choose my own nickname, so i went with “Doughboy”. The idea was to me it was a cool name because WW1 and all, but it sounded lame and insulting enough that i could probably astroturf it to convince people to actually use it. It actually worked until i was assigned my first unit and to my horror basically no one there used any sort of nicknames at all except for one mexican guy everyone called jorge. Everyone else was just called their last name. Huge shame.
>>65380581>panther>term for young woman who pursues older menyeah anon, it'll stick for all the right reasons.>>65382133knew someone called iceman for getting his balls stuck to a frozen pole christmas story style. black guy got nicknamed frozone for eating shit on a patch of ice and breaking an arm. 90% of people were just 'lastname'
>>65380581Best you’re gonna be able to hope for is something that seems innocuous to outsiders. I got Professor because of interjecting into too many discussions and the my autistic history knowledge without someone asking or to give context.
I have a big jew nose and everyone called me gru in basic
>>65383462My GF was in the marines and had an italian nose. They called her Rhino.
>>65380638This, it will almost always be fucking stupidI got called "hollywood" for ages because apparently I sounded very american when I was made shout stuff in training, which wasnt too bad in hindsight to be fair. Better than "cumsack" anyway
i want my name to be Holocaust
>>65380581OPs nickname is kitty
>>65383103That's half the reason you signed up
>>65380581>find a candy bar or snack with a cool name>eat a shit ton of them in view of everyone >get the name you wanted Simple as.
>>65383690Congratulations, your nickname is now Snackers. Or Kit Fat. Or Obesees. Or Slam Jim. Or, because sometimes people are uncreative, just plain Fat Fuck will do.
>>65383690>Doublemint Dave
>>65380581Just go with your gut
>>65380581wouldn't it be cooler to have a shit nickname but be badass than have a cool nickname and be a fag?
>>65383745I think that's vintage now.
>>65383870Yes but the former is not an option for OP.
I was dickhead and then shithead. Garble stuck because nobody could pronounce my last name.
>>65383897I still think about it every now and then
I had a short fat black negro who got blessed with Mr Popo due to his massive DSL
had a couple diffrent smiths in our platoon so we just named them be descriptions. >black smith (nigger smith from friends) >dirty smith (got mrsa 3 times) >faggot smith (from new yawk and let everyone know it every time) then he became some inside new yawk name joke from his fellow east coasters. >mick Smith (just from boston probably not even irish)
Its a roll of the dice, just accept it.Had a guy wearing the waffle thermals at PT because it was his first winter in Georgia and he got called "Waffles" for the rest of his enlistment. Another guy got stuck in his sleeping bag after his foxhole flooded and while thrashing around earned the nickname "Gator". I had a couple cringe ones.>>65383803Thats an Ogryn.
I got called "Chief" due to being the only injun there.
>>65381206You're name is Coco, deal with it.>>65381296Lmao>>65382343Butthurt no nickname.>>65383690You'll be pogie bait, until someone changes it to queer bait.>>65384315>SmithWe called the black one Whitey and the White one Blackie.>>65382694Pussy Hands is a Mafia tier nickname, way too cool for OP.
>was caught talking with another dude about squirrel hunting with pellet rifles as kids>was Ralphie forever after
I got caught eating weeds when I was hungry. I was thereafter known as goat.
>>65380638>If you actually want to avoid nicknames you may have to legally change your last name to something extremely short and plainDoesn't work. Your name in the military is your name on your birth certificate
>>65384564Bullshit, trannies and women married before joining don't use their birth names.
>>65381524>His family sent him a glitter bomb as a joke. Everyone in his platoon got fucked up over that one.Absolute fucking lunatics.
Once met a US Coastie who was called DingDang. They made him talk to one of our arrogant Quebecois officers. He sounded like a retarded version of Boomhauer from King of the Hill. They didn't understand each other, and nobody understood them. It was glorious and we nearly pissed ourselves laughing watching them try to interact.
>>65382658Is that your dog, anon? That's a cute dog.
>>65382726No, that was because his phimosis was so lengthy it reached the floor. So it looked like a tripod.
We called a new kid at the unit Beans, nigga looked almost exactly like him. We teased the fuck out of him. He went AWOL and never heard from him again. Copple, I hope you're doing okay, we weren't trying to be mean when we asked how you fold towels without a chin.
>>65380581yeah im going to call you dipshit until the squad lead tells me to stop it or he takes my 5 away.
>>65383165Lmao
>>65384637he's so proud of his work
>>65382113This is exactly what will happen. You don't even need to be in the military to see, just top have worked in an all male environment.I got called granny-fucker at work for nearly a decade, and I didn't even do anything, just got hit on by a woman in her thirties when I was 19 on my first trip to the pub with workmates.
>>65383469>GF>MarinesThey called her something else, anon
>>65383469>>65385466SHE FUCKED A LOT OF DUDES
>>65380581You could join a military that doesn't do nicknames. Like the US is fortunate to have the best equipment, cause Private Faggotface is certainly not gonna go on an 100 kill spree against all odds with a name like that.
>>65384300What is DSL?
I got called Pornstache because my moustache would noticeably grow back between Friday morning and Sunday night.
>>65380581You dont ask for a nickname, you get given one
>>65381296>In my case, my nickname was "Gravedigger". But it's because a bunch of gay dudes/gay escorts went missing from a gay hookup spot as soon as I was posted there.This is probably the funniest thing I've heard all week
>>65380581My grandpa probably got the best outcome, his was "Crazy Ed".He was an engine room mechanic on an LCI ship during WW2 somewhere around Japan. He got it because when he heard that the ship prop got wrapped up in a steel cable net and they needed someone to dive down with the rudimentary, hand pumped diving mask and cut it off with a torch, he apparently ran up from the boiling hot engine room as fast as he could, in his underwear, dripping with sweat and grease, to volunteer.He thought diving was the coolest fucking thing and wanted to do it every chance he got, even if that chance came in enemy waters off Okinawa.All his shipmates thought he was out of his fucking mind.I remember he once mentioned you could tell when the guys operating the air pump got tired because the bubble around your face would get smaller.
>>65385617Dick sucking lips
There was a guy whos last name is close enough to "Fuck" so "Fuck" was his nicknameLucky for him he was actually fast as fuck and competent, so "hurry the Fuck up" became a joke about keeping or catching up with him
>>65380638>You get a nickname because your real name sucksI have a Norwegian last name that starts with H and everyone just called me Howard because they couldn't pronounce it. My cool Army nickname was literally just a different name, and a pretty lame one at that. =(
>>65381296Holy shit that's the funniest thing I've heard in years.
I know for a fact that if I had ever joined up I would have pretty much immediately been appended my father's nickname: Bob.
>>65381420lol never happened
>uncle was in vietnam>nickname was "silly sally" or just "sally">wouldn't tell us how he got it>he's dead now so we'll never knowMy biggest fear is that he was the squad homo or something and jerked everyone off.
>>65380638My nickname at the last PD I worked for was "lemon pound cake", I literally quit so I could get a fresh start somewhere else.
>>65385989how'd you get it?
>>65385787 based crazy ed
>>65381286
>>65383745>Carl Car Windows
A friend of mine got called "Lucky Luke".Not because he was good with a gun, but because once he was out with some of his mates and they brought some hookers back to a hotel.Apparently he came near instantly, hence being called after the man that "shoots faster than his shadow".
I told my buddy im talking to a femboy named Rain, someone heard and since that im rain in meraiiiiiin in meeeee
>>65380638We had a guy get chlamydia from the same girl multiple times and we started calling him Chlamydiot.
A guy called me "The Sailor" I'm in the armyAnd another called me "Special little guy"
>cousins is in the marines>they're out drinking and daring each other to have to sex with the fattest woman they can find>my cousin is the only one who actually does it>probably close to 500 pounds>they called him "the hog hunter"
>>65385989>I literally quit so I could get a fresh start somewhere else.kek
>>65386195Other then him we had major doofus whos name sounded similar and was a moron no one respectd. He got bullied out of the regiment. Our capt who we affectionately referred to as the Fuhrer. Are the only nicenames I can remember it was kinda uncommon.
>>65383469>hadDid they buy her a new one when she passed 100,000 miles?
>>65385989https://youtu.be/9xxK5yyecRo
>>65380581Always keep Vaseline on your dick. They'll call you Slick Willie.
>>65385441They called me johnny appleseed because i wore a flannel on my 1st dayI still respond to johnny. I got fuckn pavlov'd. Some called me spitter cause i pissed on a guys shoes who was trying to fight me next to the urinal.
>>65385787Holy based.
>>65380581Change yo I r name to Dick McPussybanger, should get you of the hook.
>>65380581Be the guy they forget exists i.e. don’t fuck up and be their target. Not including roster calls, drill instructors called me by name 4 times in boot camp
>>65381296Better than gaydigger that’s for fukn shur lel imagine if you hadn’t killed them
>>65386203>hog hunter>not pigstickerBUNCHA SLACK JAWED FAGGOTS
>>65381192you HAD to be air force cause no one in the navy watches plays that aren't gay, the army are too drunk to remember them and marines can barely remember their own real name, let alone an italian clown
>>65387420>the only people who know about Pagliacci are the ones who watch playsHe's not an obscure character in fiction. There's a famous joke about him, there's a shitload of references. Do you normally live under a rock?
>>65381295No nickname is truly the worst. It means nobody gives a fuck about you.
>>65382112They will call you Acehole.
>perfectly average, on neither end of the bell curve to draw attention>made no friends>not only did i not get a nickname people barely knew who i was
>>65381524>800I don't get it
>kool aid main: tried to shoulder charge the door to the duty office after he locked himself while taking a leak. Lock held up, he just put a him-shaped hole through the door and then noticed the keys hanging up outside>spiderman: was caught slinging webs in his barracks room repeatedly by at least 3 separate peopleOnly ones I really remember.
