All I want is for someone to tell me that I’m good. I need to hear that I’m not evil, that I’m pretty enough, kind enough, and smart enough to deserve to live. Everytime I go out I doll myself up like crazy so that I’ll get to hear someone say “I love your hair” or “you’re so pretty”. I’ll try to be as nice as I can so that I can hear people say I’m “a ray of sunshine” or that I’m kind. I live for it. It will help for a while but it always fades. I get compliments a decent amount when I try but it’s always a temporary fix.I hate this. I hate that my friends telling me I’m a good person isn’t enough for me. I hate that them saying I’m pretty isn’t enough. I hate that the good feeling lasts longer if a man says it. I just want to feel like it’s ok for me to exist and this is the only way I know how. T.ranny
>>43685520i also need help with this tbdesu but like one thing to look into is severe mental illness my need fkr validation comes from crippling moral ocd and dpd. some things that have helped me with my issues are to recognize that validation doesnt actually help me at all. It just pushes me into patterns of continuing to seek validation without the core issues being resolved. From ther e i can redirect my thought pattern away from validation seeking but I still don't know how to work on the heart of the issue.
Probably speak to a therapist about this because that's a deep rooted emotional issue that strangers on the internet won't be able to guide you for. But pretty much all human beings require some amount of validation and recognition from their community for emotional fulfillment, it's just a spectrum where needing it too much becomes dysfunctional and makes life harder. If you believe you are pretty, kind, have nice hair etc you won't need to hear it as much from other people, you have to have strong positive beliefs about yourself and that's called self esteem. Ideally we have childhoods where we get praised and complimented by parents and teachers so that this doesn't happen but you can patch up that emotional hole as an adult if you want to.
>>43685724I have an ok idea what caused it. I’m not gonna trauma dump a ton but I have a constant deep feeling of shame (Catholicism lowkey does that to a tranny) and a really bad burden complex that started after I tried to off myself as a teen and saw how much it hurt my parents. Like i understand why I feel such a deep sense of self hate and why I have such a desperation to have anyone tell me that my existence isn’t a burden and that I’m worthy of life. I know why I feel this way. I just don’t know how to fix it other than praying for people to tell me that I’m not damaged good
>>43685807agree w the other commentor about therapy but if not something possible you should try to stop fishing for validation its difficult but its like a drug. you get a hit and then the problem returns and it wears off and you want more. have to cut it off st the source. part of it is reconceptualizing your identity, learning to live with yourself and learning to maybe not love but be okay with the person thst you are and that's a years long process or so i am told. its good thst you know this is maladaptive because most people don't get to that point. dont let introspection be the end tho. did thst for years, just learned about myself and nothing gets better. you gotta put things into action. anything gets the ball rolling. try to move past the pain. you will fail most of the time but occasionally things will work. it's a coping mechanism and it was designed to keep you from hurting so when you change things its going to hurt occasionally but things do get better. idk. i still feel like I haven't done enough to be giving advice but that id part of my issue so who knows.
>>43685875> learning to maybe not love but be okay with the person that you areThis actually helped a lot to hear. I always hear people telling me to “love myself” but when you spent a decade hating yourself that sounds like such a huge ask. I don’t think I could love the woman who tried to kill me, at least not yet. But maybe I can learn to be ok with the girl she tried to kill.
You need to generate your own attention.It involves looking at your life, looking at yourself, and loving what you see.This is very doable even if you suck and you hate yourself. You just start correcting from both ends at the same time. Give yourself some slack, give yourself some pity, then use the extra mental energy from doing this to be a little better, follow your good habits, hold yourself back from something you know is harmful. Then you keep oscillating between these two until you have worked on yourself enough to start being impressed by how much you've grown.
>>43686496> until you have worked on yourself enough to start being impressed by how much you've grown.This is going to be a really long road to recovery isn’t it, anon?
>>43686978You'd be shocked how far the simple feeling of positivity can take you.
>>43685520You have to self isolate for a while so your system can learn to run on its own "validation" again
>>43688203> You have to self isolate for a whileI don’t think that’s worth it. I’ve been making really strong effort to get out more lately and it’s been making my mental health better, especially in these isolating times. There’s probably a better way
