How to cope with trans gf being lowkey useless? I’m a boymoder dating a trans girl 5 years older than me. She had a job the two years we were dating before we moved in together. She lost her job a month before we signed the lease. We got a really good deal for the area so our rent isn’t super high. I’ve been able to cover the rent for a few month now. The issue is she doesn’t seem to want to put in effort to get any job. When I come home from work or on the weekends, all I see is her watching sports and anime and maybe getting groceries. We split the apartment upkeep work. We live in a decent area with job prospects and she has a car but doesn’t make effort. Whenever I bring up her working on getting one, even part time, she just goes mute. It really sucks because she is such a kind and lovely gf outside of this. It was fun being able to date and travel the two years when we weren’t living together, but now with bills and me being the only one that works, we don’t do much. My plan right now is just to hold out hope but if she doesn’t get a job by. lease renewal, I think I have to break up with her. Am I being too cold here? It’s just the lack of trying and the silent treatment when money comes up when I bring up rent/job that bothers me the most. I feel like I lost my partner when we moved in together.
She's doing it because she thinks she can get away with it with you
>>43703311prob but makes me sad :(
>>43703344How many other things have you let her get away with before this?
>>43703435there wasnt much to get away with. were good on communication besides this
>>43703503Offer to do part of the application process for her if she agrees to do an interview a week
>>43703518I offered to use an auto applyer for common application formats but she turned it down
>>43703277same reason i broke up with my trans gf. i should have waited to have sex after the lease broke because she had a psychotic episode after i brought a girl home. like how r u gonna be crazy and jobless pick a struggle
>>43703543Maybe say she only has to get a part time
>>43703646I did before
>>43703543as someone who may have been in a similar position to hers, offer to gently spend a bit of time with her every few days to make progress on applications, e.g. just 25 minutes on talking together and filling out an application together - goal isn't to be done, it's to help make it easier to make progressthink adhd body doubling and being a sounding wall and someone to gently (reduction of anxiety and bad feels is key) discuss things with and have someone to help offer a less self-blaming thought processdidn't read most of your post btw sry
>>43704093>>43703277>doesn’t seem to want to put in effort to get any job. When I come home from work or on the weekends, all I see is her watching sports and anime and maybe getting groceries. We split the apartment upkeep work. We live in a decent area with job prospects and she has a car but doesn’t make effort. Whenever I bring up her working on getting one, even part time, she just goes mute. It really sucks because she is such a kind and lovely gf outside of this>silent treatment when money comes up when I bring up rent/job that bothers me the mostmight be that she's uncaring, but might indeed be that she's at the ptsd-tier procrastination/dissociation stage that I was inhaving my ex gently help me with my trauma would have had me start work back in 2021, I would have had enough income to buy us an apartment or even a house. instead I got ultimatums that I was too numb to react to, only got a job by miracle in '24 and by that time the relationship was dead, and now people at my income level are also priced out of home ownership>if she doesn’t get a job by. lease renewal, I think I have to break up with her. Am I being too cold here?I'm glad I made sure to not entangle her in my finances. I knew from the start I didn't want to drag her down. I'm sorry op, this is unfortunate for both of you, I hope your gf gets lucky like me but ideally luckier, and soon so at least your relationship has a happy future
>>43704093>>43704130I will try some of this. My only concern is having to do this for someone whose nearing 30. What I want in a partner is someone whose mature enough to see the situation and grind out apps to help out, rather than someone who treats it like a bad report card. I don't want to have to pester my gf for a basic thing most mentally ok able bodied adults should be doing.
>>43705643oh I was older than 30 while struggling with those. trauma dgaf about age>want a partner mature enough>financially entangled>pester gf for basic thing most mentally okshe's not mentally ok, she's not mature, she needs help and not someone who wants a cripple to run daily jogs. break up before it becomes a tragedy so she can find someone with whom they can build each other up
>>43706077I think your projecting your past state onto her. shes doing ok most days, its just the inability to put effort to find work. shes capable of going out and helping her family and doing other stuff. her mood is good most days. it more just comes down to baseline maturity.
>>43707816>shes doing ok most days, its just the inability to put effort to find work. shes capable of going out and helping her family and doing other stuff. her mood is good most days. it more just comes down to baseline maturity.hey me too. yeah i hope she doesn't have what I had
