I will learn to accept that I am a cis man
Bro’s learning to accept that he’s a cis man
you sure? lmao
>>43732082
>>43732082ok, tranny
>>43732082Same anon new art?
What about learning to accept you are an effeminate gay man without taking estrogen or removing your balls?
Repperkun fighting with trannyism accusations.
>>43732082ah, the pic finally changed, I was running out of ideas...
Today's music rec: residue by 아버지 https://father2006.bandcamp.com/album/residue
>>43732605Yeah, I've been doing this for just over 4 months atp unfortunately
>>43734483This pic was drawn by another anon/nona and I didn't know how to properly thank them, so I decided to post it each Friday.Your drawings are really nice too
>>43732271>>43733081Cismoid, how have you been holding up? You kinda give of a different vibe ever since you became Joe Chip
>>43735623I've been sleeping less.
>>43735644I'm sorry to hear that. Is there a reason for it?
>>43735735Got into a weird mood where i agressively daydream 4hours a night while listening to anime ost and then go to sleep once the birds start singing outside. Missed 1 exam because i slept through it yesterday but it was an easy one so i can just do it on the second date.Sleep deprivation makes repping 1000x times easier desu. I'm getting 0 deep sleep tho. Anytime i go to lay down i just immediately skip to when i've awoken up. No dreams or any real rest.
>>43735794What do you daydream about?
>>43736235Story ideas mostly
>>43736267i'm in love with you
>>43736276A-anon-kun!!! Yamete!!My heart belongs to a hypothetical post-srs gyaru passoid who pegs me up the ass with a strap-on sorry.
>>43735794>Got into a weird mood where i agressively daydream 4hours a night while listening to anime ost and then go to sleep once the birds start singing outsideThat's literally what I was doing when couldn't rep anymore >Sleep deprivation makes repping 1000x times easier desuExactly. At this point you're even admitting that you're repping "cismoid"
>>43736416I'm repping my cisgender and heterosexual desire to ingest exogenous sex hormones to be cute(r)
>>43736416>cismoidMy name is John Horus.
>>43732169
>>43732082It’s easy so I think you are just regarded
>>43732082You still can't accept it Alice?
>>43732082/ttt/ sanest repper
>>43738853I am currently at this very moment losing my mind over how I'm genuinely destroying everything I have, so no, I haven't accepted anything yet
>>43739094Mood
>>43739094I'm sorry you're going through a hard time
>>43739191Don't be. I shouldn't be pitied. It's all my fault after all.I quite literally am not psychologically equipped to transition
Bet
>>43739219It's a complicated process due to social repercussions so I can understand
>>43739280That's definitely also adding to the stress, but I am mostly freaking out over the simple feeling that I should have estrogen coursing through my veins
>>43739405Fuck, I meant "*shouldn't* have estrogen coursing through my veins"terrible spelling mistake
>>43739423Freudian slip moment
>>43739457It wasn't a freudian slip, I'm just overly exhausted. I should've never touched estrogen in my life. I was foolish enough to believe that the absurd dissonance in what I am and what estrogen represents can be safely ignored
>>43739575I have, and that's exactly what brought me here. I can't care less about being inexorably male. So male that being a woman would make me dysphoric. So male that I have only come to gate my body infinitely more ever since I started hrt.So male that it's impossible for me to imagine living as anything but a man.I am destined to be something I hate because it's me
>>43739634Sorry I deleted my post, I felt it was overly dismissive. I’m in the same boat basically and I’m not sure what to say. Testosterone puberty is a curse. Women sometimes get disfiguring burn scars and things like that too, it is what it is, all anyone can do with their circumstances is move forwardI also feel shittier about my body since starting hrt, since before I could generally ignore that I even had a body, but now I have to identify things to improve and the things that can’t. I think that’s pretty normal
>>43739758>Sorry I deleted my post, I felt it was overly dismissiveDon't worry. I believe you were right. I just don't believe that I have what it takes to have that attitude>Testosterone puberty is a curseI remember basically nothing about my puberty, but considering the fact that I was at my most confident when I was at my most masculine, I was probably a curse I deserved>Women sometimes get disfiguring burn scars and things like that tooI never was a woman>now I have to identify things to improve and the things that can’tTrue, although I'm only able to identify how to improve myself in a male manner. Nothing feminine comes naturally to me. I can't even begin to understate how I'm genuinely just the polar opposite of a woman
>>43732634I'm an effeminate gay man that takes estrogen, what's wrong with that?
two more weeks until anon learns to accept himself
>>43739869>Nothing feminine comes naturally to meRemember we are animals and in most respects women learn how to be feminineYou should make your next thread “I will learn to accept I am a trans woman”, whether you believe it or not. The stakes are zero
>>43739986I wish. I just want for this nightmare to end atp
I believe you can break the cycle nona, just remember the jenga analogy from last thread and stay on e no matter what, even if you insist you are a cis man until someone calls you out irl for being retarded because you dont look like one anymore
>>43740013I fully agree that women have to learn how to be feminine, but they also have a foundation set on which they can build upon. I completely lack any sort of foundation.I have tried to see whether I can accept myself as a trans woman in the past, and I only found that I get nauseous even just from thinking of myself as a woman. It wouldn't be merely an insult to women if I were to call myself one, it would be so fundamentally wrong to call myself one that it feels beyond sinful
>>43740090>just remember the jenga analogyI am currently building a new jenga tower on a much more unstable and worse foundation, and it will inevitably collapse, if it isn't already>you dont look like one anymoreThat will never happen, especially if the other person would get to know me better. I have such a permeating and omnipresent male aura that I'd be seen as male even if I were to perfectly pass as a woman
>>43740141Build the foundation, then.>an insult to womenIt’s funny you say that because I feel the exact same way lol. I have never claimed to be a woman and it honestly still feels wrong even claiming to be trans. It doesn’t really matter though, what matters is what you want to look and sound and act like and the steps you need to take to move in that direction, right?
>>43740278>Build the foundation, thenWhen calling it a "foundation", I was trying to refer to everything which is immutable about us, and what lies at the core of our selves. To me, it carries the implication that it's impossible to just "build a foundation". Even if it were possible, I can't even imagine how I'd go about building one>what matters is what you want to look and sound and act like and the steps you need to take to move in that direction, right?I would prefer to not look or sound like anything. Having a tangible existence and identity is just a burden. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to want something, and for that something to actually also feel right in the end
I'm sorry for dooming. It's all my fault
>>43740276>>43740141>I have such a permeating and omnipresent male aura that I'd be seen as male even if I were to perfectly pass as a womanSame, why do you think you need to change everything together? I cant fathom calling myself anything other than a cis man, the socialisation seems impossible to overcome, so just ignore it for now, this is just my view on things, but at the moment my only aim is to change the physical reality of my body as much as possible, from hrt, exercise surgery skincare and voice, which are all changeable in a quantifiable way for anyone, fashion and makeup are extra skills relating to that to, but they are extraneous to the physical reality, merely a facade to the underlying physical reality, so without changing that first I see no point in considering them, let alone something as ambiguous as "socialisation", so i just ignore them as to the current me they are fundamentally incompatible with the current me, an objectively cis male physically, and focus on setting in motion every means at my disposal to change that.But that's just me, It could work for you nona but everyone's different, and im hardly normal
>>43740544You're putting in so much effort into physically transitioning, but how will you know that the changes won't just make you feel worse?I already barely feel tethered to reality, and everything feels way more painful that it should be, and I cannot imagine that ever improving by changing any of my physical attributes. After all, I don't even understand why any of this matters, but apparently it does
>>43740661>but how will you know that the changes won't just make you feel worse?Well i put the same amount of effort into my appearance and socialisation as a guy, not because I wanted to more out of necessity and I had to, and it has served me well over the past 10 years or so, but after moving far away for uni, A large portion of the identity and it's socialisation I had worked on proved inadequate and ill suited for my environment and going forward and its reason for existing disappeared, so I completely broke down for a month or so, where for the first time in the past decade every bit a trauma, repressed emotion and personality I'd split off and hidden all came back at once, including the association of my body with me, which was probably the worst experience I can remember, the endpoint of that was me looking at the two available options, rope or change my body enough to the point I can let the other parts of my self ive had to hold in take hold, so now im back to dissociating still, but ive made some changes socially for uni specifically and doing the physical things is enough to keep the rest of me satisfied mentally for now, but my mindset is that couldnt be worse than killing myself, like literally it cant, and in terms of pain as long as im dissociated i cant feel it mentally atleast, physical symptoms still pop up occasionally though if my I slip up mentally
