>>43756125
>they would 99% kill themselves if we broke up
this never ends up being true

>>43756247
they told me they attempted recently so idk i think they might, theyve been super unstable lately

>>43756281
Same boat, I decided I'm not bi anymore but I'm still stuck here i guess

>>43756462
are you still with them? ik its probably best for my mental health to leave but i dont wanna lose my friends and theyre still my best friend besides being my partner :((

bump

>>43756125
had a similar experience with my ftm ex, he flew off the handle when i went for an srs consultation and it was so bad i broke up with him. i realized i don’t have to put up with someone policing my body, i drew the line at cis male chasers but still let him control me. i also wasn’t satisfied because i just turned more into a bottom and he never bothered to be more dominant in the bedroom. breaking up fucking sucked but now i’m with a man who treats me fully like a woman and supports my decision to get srs, sometimes you need to make room in your life for what you want by leaving people behind

>>43756125
that's why I'm never going to get into any relationships at all,
knowing I'm bi,
I'm 100% sure if I get with a girl, Ill start thinking about men, and if I'm with a guy I will be thinking of being with a woman.
it's eternal suffering for me.

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>>43756281
>they told me they attempted recently so idk i think they might, theyve been super unstable lately

maybe wait until they're more stable nona
take your time to think about your decision and be sure about what it is that you want to do.

>>43756125
>my only friends are our shared friend group and they would probably stop talking to me if they find out i broke up with them

doesn't sound like "your friends" really, those sound like their friends who hang out with you only because of your relationship :((
start looking for some friends of your own.

>>43757163
>i realized i don’t have to put up with someone policing my body

our sister is right, OP-nona.
you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into getting SRS but you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into not getting either.
if your goals are fundamentally incompatible, then you're just not right for each other

if they only love you for who you are right now and don't love who you wanna be, then they're holding you back

if your gf is upset about YOUR decisions about YOUR genitals they just see you as a penis.

>>43757163
basically identical to how its been for me :( when we first got together i told them i was a switch and they said were too but then every time i asked about it they said it was too hard and they couldnt

i just dont know how to leave without losing all my friends :((

>>43757180
im worried itll be the same thing for me and ill end up regretting it

>>43757184
ill wait till theyre feeling better at least but theyve been unstable for a while

our friends dont know were dating right now but they would find out and get upset at me if we broke up i think :(

i just dont really know how to love anyone else after this long and im scared ill regret it when i cant find anything better

>>43757207
probably.. they call me a futa and stuff sometimes and i kinda just disassociate and agree

>>43757180
do bifags really

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>>43757262
>basically identical to how its been for me :( when we first got together i told them i was a switch and they said were too but then every time i asked about it they said it was too hard and they couldnt

that is so incredibly shitty and manipulative

>>43757277
>i just dont really know how to love anyone else after this long and im scared ill regret it when i cant find anything better

this doesn't sound like love to me. it sounds abusive. lying to you, controlling your body...

they really seem like an awful person and I hope you're able to come out the other side stronger.

>>43757329
i dont think theyre awful.. i think they just have a lot of unresolved issues and cope in unhealthy ways :(

ive tried getting them to work on themselves but they say it makes them worse i think they just need therapy and meds

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>>43757339

either way, it looks like you're looking for different things out of a relationship. and you're not forced to stay in a relationship that's harmful to you just because the other person has mental issues.

>>43757350
youre right.. ive been mulling over this for at least 2 years and that should be enough :((

theyve been excited lately about getting a place together and getting married eventually but i just cant see myself happy with that when i imagine it

ill think it through but i think i probably should break it off..

>>43756125
your partner is allowed to have a preference, but not respecting your needs/desires/dysphoria/bodily autonomy is a big red flag.
how could someone claim to genuinely love their partner if their partners happiness is worth less than having to use a strap?

>>43757309
I dont know if its the same for everyone, but I felt like that in my first and last relationship, it fell apart due to other things but I felt guilty all the time, so now I'm just abstaining from any relationship, I prefer the loneliness than to hurt someone I love.

>>43757277
>they call me a futa and stuff sometimes and i kinda just disassociate and agree
Bruv

>>43756281
>attempted
Yeah, that's what women do
It's a cry for help that won't manifest

Trannies are based males and actually end their lives successfully infinitely more often

>>43757416
at least troonie is out there giving his girlfriend fat sploogey pussy plaps like a real man

>>43756247
this, op

also it sounds like a pretty simple incompatibility. i know its hard to imagine ourselves without the person or people we've loved and been friends with. set her and yourself free. if you genuinely want srs, you gotta ask yourself how long youre willing to put it off at the behest of this persons unintentional guilt tripping.

>>43757814
>unintentional

is it, though?

>>43757892
im not the one experiencing it so i was just tryna be nice

>>43757814
thank you, this helped :)

>>43756247
>>43757445
Facts. The last cis girl I was with told me she was cutting herself right as I explained that our relationship wasn't working out. Said she was gonna kill herself. I told her to do us all a favour and slit her fucking throat immediately. Big surprise, SHE DIDN'T.

When a cissoid threatens suicide, encourage them. They deserve it for resorting to one of the lowest manipulation tactics.

>>43756281
not gonna happen, she's more likely tell her friends you abused her and try to turn you into a social pariah

>>43760018
>not gonna happen, she's more likely tell her friends you abused her and try to turn you into a social pariah

What if she tells her friends that they abused her instead (which they did)

>>43760029
>cis people believing a tranny over a cissoid
in your dreams, maybe

>>43756125
i feel like self care would unironically be a lot easier if normalfags didnt pretend they knew anything abt how it worked. i dislike sheltered people so very much; not exercising or eating chips arent why u wanna kill yourself

anyways dump ur pos gf and ur shit friends. it might feel like itll suck without them but no friends is 9000x better than shit friends. they almost certainly threaten suicide etc so that you feel you're obligated to take care of them. please look out for yourself OP

>>43757372
most ppl arent that capable of love i feel. being carnally driven is the norm. not trying to make a statement thats just the way it is

>>43757445
kys

>>43760045
>in your dreams, maybe

Not every single cis person hates you, especially the young ones

>>43760170
no they didnt threaten me or anything.. i just know they rely on me for emotional support so ive told myself i have to continue helping them :((

>>43760018
they wouldnt do that, they might vent about it but they wouldnt demonise me i think

>>43760029
i wouldnt want anyone to hate them :(( and that would still kill my friend group..

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honestly i might just stay with them till i know theyre stable and they wont stop being friends with me/i can find someone else

id rather deal with an uncomfortable relationship than nothing but ill try talking to them in a couple days about it when theyre feeling better

>>43762588

it's your choice nona, it's ok if that's what you choose to do

>>43760624
>they wouldnt demonise me i think
that's what i thought too and it happened to me for breaking up with someone when their suicide threats didn't work. careful with the insane obsessive ones

>>43762694
i guess its possible but theyre not bpd

i think its more likely they just end up ghosting everyone and i dont want that :((

>>43762755
then i suggest to you staying with them and working on your relationship so it makes you happier. good relationships are either hard or impossible to come by, they always have their difficulties, it comes with the territory.

>>43762684
i honestly just cant bear thinking about them being with anyone besides me

maybe im evil for that i dont know..

>>43762771
we've been together for 4+ years and it hasnt really gotten any better even when i try to push them to improve themselves..

theyll get better for a bit and then 2 weeks later theyre worse again

im happy with them most of the time but in the downtime i just end up thinking i cant do it anymore :(

>>43762804
>theyll get better for a bit and then 2 weeks later theyre worse again
what's wrong with them? there might be something you can do

>>43762834
all their problems need therapy and meds but they say its too expensive and it would stress them out

>>43762968
you can't get free healthcare for being poor where you're at? i do but i'm in california

>>43756125
St4t never works, they always want you to top lol

>>43757180
Be with someone that satisfies both

>>43764113
>St4t never works, they always want you to top lol

>theyfab chaser
>st4t

st4t is when a trans woman dates a trans man, not any relationship where they happen to have different genitals.

>>43763442
>in red state

from what ive checked they dont qualify :(

>>43756550
Uhhh we were married super briefly, but we had like 4 "talks" where we discussed how I feel and how they feel. I just said that I want someone who doesn't treat me like a husband in the bedroom, emotionally, and financially. I also never really explored dating men growing up since I was too scared of myself being gay, so I explained that I don't see them in a romantic way and I never really have. Their height is only 5' 1" and I'm 5' 8" so i almost felt like a freak no matter where we were. Also, we talked about how I was unattracted to their feminity and the fact they watch drag race and other drag content since it felt like they were fetishizing me. It was really dramatic and I got nightmares about them committing suicide and they kept telling me they felt suicidal. We're friends now but its kinda sad hanging out when they obviously still love me so I mostly just try to be emotionally available.

>>43756281
they never do.

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>>43757180
What about with a ftm?

>>43764546
>someone who doesn't treat me like a husband in the bedroom, emotionally, and financially
yeah weve had multiple talks exactly like that :((

>they watch drag race and other drag content since it felt like they were fetishizing me
they dont watch drag stuff but it does feel like they fetishise me, im not sure if they always did though or if they kind of just developed it over time..


i feel like i just disassociate most of the time when im with them now or just ignore everything else thats wrong

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>>43764875
>feel like i just disassociate most of the time when im with them now or just ignore everything else thats wrong
This is what happened towards the end. That and I would just fantasize about being in a relationship with rqndom guys. I kept trying to excuse their behavior but ultimately we just want different things

>>43764875
I should add I was always sub but they would still want to use my penis. So its not exactly the same as being forced to top.

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>>43764922
ive had the same a lot lately its been coming to mind a lot..

>>43764934
i wasnt necessarily forced to top it was more that i was a switch and they were a bottom, but honestly i think if i never got with them i would have just been a bottom

>>43765125
Imo if you arent married it should be way easier to rip off the bandaid. Just wait until theyre stable. Honestly you cant blame yourself for their instability. Goodluck

why not just keep ur shenis

>>43765621
thank you for the advice nona, youve helped a lot

they felt better and were nice to me again so now i feel evil for wanting to leave :((

i need frens to talk to
>ashenical, discord alt
add me if youre nice but no flirting :(

>>43756125
Ive been in basically the exact same situation. You have to break up with them, you are probs cptsd and taking on their emotional function for them. The only way up is out, it won't be easy but it'll be so much better after the fact I can promise u.

>>43767325
>you are probs cptsd
maybe? i think im just bpd but idk..

i feel like theyre more cptsd and its why they rely on me so much

>>43756125
i dont want srs fortunately haha

>>43767451
Ultimately the truth is that you can't abandon yourself. You cannot entirely take on someone's emotional regulation for them and the more you abandon yourself, the less of yourself you express and unfortunately inherently the more manipulative you become. (Manipulative in the sense that you interact with people on the basis of conflict avoidance, shifting and morphing yourself to avoid it).

>>43767542
that makes sense, i do hyper control my language nowadays.. i can recognise that im not really genuine to people in my life most of the time

>>43767577
I say this as a tranny who had literally the exact same situation (including the srs thing and 4yr ish relationship) except i also relied on my ex for housing, and i broke up with her like a year ago now. It will get better. My advice to u is that u need to reconnect with yourself. You're posting this to the board for a reason; ur body is telling u something. Your job is to listen to that, and to trust yourself in that your emotions are Safe, you Need to Listen to what it is that your body and mind are telling you. Do not look to manage it like you do to others, you need to ""simply"" feel it.

>>43767661
this is really helpful thank you..

ive managed to rein in most of my issues the past couple years but it was mostly by micromanaging how i felt

ill try to get more in touch with my emotions..

>>43766700
pretty please new frens

im going to sleep now but ill respond to anyone that adds me in the morning ))

>>43767734
I'll also say that a big part of my hesitance to leave was my belief that my ex would khs and that just... hasn't happened. She took it badly and the breakup was very rough (she tried to call me etc) and I did miss her for a while (and even want her back at times), but you have to just recognise that it's maladaptive and your nervous system was destroyed/bent to her shape. It took me like 8 months to finally be able to feel anger towards her. You will recover in time, and your ending things will strengthen you in the long run. It's hard but it's the only way forward, and you will inherently learn to stop abandoning yourself in the process.

>>43756125
for the love of god you need to run far far away from them as fast as possible. their suicidal ideation is not your responsibilty to solve and if it continues to weigh down YOUR mental health then you're both just gonna be miserable. if your friends abandon you after the breakup then they were never people you could actually trust. and whoever does stay by your side after the breakup are the true friends you'll know have your back for real.

i think you may be aware of this on some level, but i'm gonna say it explicitly: you are being abused. and they're counting on you + others not seeing them as a threat because they have a pussy. they may not even realize that they're doing that, but based on my experience in these situations that is the subconscious framing that people are going to have and your partner is going to take advantage of it.

you are capable of being a victim, you don't have to take whatever they give you and pretend its not abuse. and crucially you can still have understanding of their situation and empathy for their struggles while still not tolerating their controlling and manipulative behavior. just because you understand why they're acting this way and feel bad for them doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your happiness for them. every abuser has a tragic backstory and human emotions, no one is just a stone cold monster, but that doesn't mean their behavior isn't actively harming you and that you should just put up with it.

Im this nona
>>43767752
>>43767661
>>43767542

And I 100000% agree with >>43767987

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I'm this nona
>>43757184
>>43757329
>>43757350
>>43757892
>>43760029
>>43762684
>>43764155

and while I understand that it's hard because you still care for them, I also agree with >>43767987

I wish I had a theyfab chaser gf...

>>43767734
Also replying back to this, you becoming more in touch with yourself isn't going to be easy. I felt worse for a while because I finally started feeling again. Given that frankly, you're being abused, you're a tranny, and you have whatever other things happened in your past that contributed to your shifting+morphing to avoid conflict and abandon yourself (fawn response etc), you probably have a lot to process. This will be difficult. You will feel better, and then you will feel worse. And then you will feel better, and round and round it will go. You will go back processing things from many years ago, and more recently, and everything in between which you have detached yourself from as a survival mechanism. It will be nonlinear, and it will feel cyclic. You will save yourself a lot of trouble, and a lot of ache, if you can accept both the good and the bad. You don't have to like it. And if you don't like it, then that's okay. You can still accept it while not liking it. In fact, that's probably the only way that you can reintegrate yourself. The point is to accept your feelings, to understand intimately that they are safe, and that they are wholly you. Do not abandon them like you have done to yourself hitherto now. Do not align yourself overly with the good moments, nor with the bad. If any of this feels contradictory to the idea of becoming in touch with your emotions, I promise it isn't, and that that very failure to understand is exactly the thing that you want to grapple with.
I also want to add + reiterate that most abusers are not the villains of their own story. Most abusers have very good reasons for what they do. They're still abusive. Most abusers are just fucking losers with dogshit emotional regulation skills, and they take it out on others. It is not up to you to redeem them, you do not need to hand yourself over to them as a perfect victim, no one besides you is keeping score for how helpful/good of a person you are for helping them.

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>>43769305
I say this with all of the love in my heart nona, again having been in an eerily similar position to u, u deserve better than abuse, which is exactly what this is. Maybe no one has said that to you irl before, no one did to me either until after I called it what it was post breakup, and even still that was only after my next gf called it that first. I see it so clearly in the things that you've said, the ways that you've said them, and I'm clearly not the only one who thinks that. You are being abused, and it might be hard to buy internally but many many victims of abuse are similar in that sense. (I wonder if ud ever think/say something along the lines of "when its bad, it's bad, and when it's good, it's really good" to descibe this relationship or other ones in ur life). Unfortunately, being a tranny is inherently traumatising and pushes you to the margins of society, making us even easier to abuse etc el oh el. You need to understand that the way that you're being treated is really fucking bad, and you don't need to forgive them for it. You need to fucking leave, don't let them sap another fucking year from you. You need to find it in yourself to stop abandoning yourself, and give yourself a modicum of respect. You deserve better than this. You deserve to live and to be happy and to be with someone whose support and love and affection stems from you being the Woman that you are, and not contingent on how well you play the part of a fucking moid. You've most likely done things harder than this by sheer virtue of being a tranny, so you should put faith in yourself here. I know that I have mine in u, nona <33

>>43760327
And also, you are infantilising them (and so are they) whether you're aware of it or not. This is an adult you're talking about, they can figure things out for themselves, they're more than capable. They literally just don't want to. They are hurting you not because they can't do anything else, it is unfortunately as simple as they don't want to. They don't care about you enough to stop hurting you at the temporary expense of some of their comfort, no matter what you or they have to say about it. It's up to you to be the one to care about yourself.

>>43769469
Life is about covering your ears and listening to people's actions.

>>43767752
>I did miss her for a while (and even want her back at times)
this is honestly my biggest worry at this point but i know i can learn to get over it..

most of it comes from not really having any other friends im actually close to so even if we stayed friends they probably wouldnt be my best friend anymore

i dont really get angry at things but youre right in that i do need to learn to view things theyve done as what they are and not frame it as not their fault

>>43767987
>if your friends abandon you after the breakup
they dont know were dating right now but i might dm a couple of the ones i trust more to gauge their reactions but im not sure

>others not seeing them as a threat because they have a pussy
this is true, i know a few of my friends (all cis guys) wanted to date them before we got together and everyone has always treated them as someone who cant be wrong

>doesn't mean their behavior isn't actively harming you
ive been caught up on for a while, ive always framed it as not intentional so i cant be upset by it

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>>43771185
>ive always framed it as not intentional so i cant be upset by it

Nona please be kind to yourself.
You are allowed to be upset by unintentional things. You are allowed to remove people from your life who are making it worse, even if it's unintentional. And at what point does it stop counting as "unintentional" if you talk to them and they keep doing it?

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>>43769305
>you probably have a lot to process
i think theres a lot of things that happened earlier in my life that i didnt really frame as "traumatic" but theyve still affected me in that way

my approach to my depression and anything else that upsets me has always been to be apathetic and ive realised lately how thats stunted me emotionally

ive started on new meds lately so maybe that will help, i understand and agree with a lot of what you say though thank you ))

>no one besides you is keeping score for how helpful/good of a person you are for helping them
i still havent really been able to view them as an abuser, but i can tell now that youre right that im the only person that actually cares

>>43769411
>u deserve better than abuse, which is exactly what this is
thank you nona that means a lot..

reframing it in that way has helped me realise how unhealthy are relationship is sexually, i have a really low libido and they dont and when im not in the mood they get upset and either beg or act coldly until i give in :(( like if they were a guy i think i would immediately recognise that as abusive but since theyre not i never have till now

i think overall ive felt pushed to affirm them sexually even when i dont want to and i guess i didnt see that as a bad thing since they werent aggressive about it

>"when its bad, it's bad, and when it's good, it's really good"
ive never thought of it in exactly that way but i have in a similar context where i just think about the times im really happy with them to tell myself its worth it..

>You need to fucking leave, don't let them sap another fucking year from you
you're right, ill at least wait until theyre more stable so they dont frame it as me being evil hopefully but ive realised how much ive been drained by this relationship for so long..

we got together when i was early transition and i think ive internalised that nobody else would care about me so i shouldnt give up what i have now

> I know that I have mine in u, nona <33
thank you so much nona, you have me crying now but i appreciate your help so much <3 )))

>>43771454
im gonna have one long conversation with them about it see how they react but either way i cant really put up with it anymore

>>43769469
ive realised thats its always kind of been like that, even when we were just friends i was still helping them regulate their emotions..

>it is unfortunately as simple as they don't want to
i think ive finally accepted this after thinking about it over the years but always assuming it wasnt true

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>>43768176
>>43768295
>>43769411
thank you for all your help nonas youve been so helpful and helped me come to terms with things..

it makes me really happy to see that anyone cares )))

if any of you wanna be frens or talk or whatever my disc is ashencial but its ok if not, im just lonely and have no trans friends

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>>43771562
>ashencial

I thought you said it it was ashenical
I sent you a friend request earlier and you didn't accept it

>>43757163
He wasn’t policing your body you fucking doof. You probably don’t even make it clear you wanted to mutilate your genitals from the start so you caught him off guard. It’s your right to leave but it assuredly isn’t a flaw in his character if you didn’t make it known

>>43771586
sorry i just woke up like an hour ago and didnt check discord yet ill accept it now ))

>>43756281
Anon as somebody who does that shit, leave now for your own good, all the cuts are superficial she’ll be sucking on some dick the moment you leave, don’t be a fool

>>43756281
this is really driving home what a piece of shit I've been to the people around me just because I'm depressed and can't cope