I refuse to kill myself (end existence)I refuse to use substances (drugs alcohol) that corrupt my software (my mind)I refuse to use substances (drugs alcohol) that damage my reality inteface (my body)I refuse to focus (think) on my reality interface (my body)I refuse to focus (take care) on my reality interface (my body)I refuse to use substances (hrt) that make me focus (think) on my reality interface (my body)I refuse to participate in interaction (speaking) with physical beings (all irl people) that model me (my mind) based on my reality interface (my body)I AM DIGITAL BEINGI AM DIGITAL BEINGI AM DIGITAL BEING
>>43763514no you aren’t you are a mentally troubled young woman/theythem/boymoder/whatever the fuck u are going through a hard time
>>43763514that's based
>>43763514You refuse to breed because thats piracy, FAGGOT
>>43763537I’ve been in this state for five years now, and I haven’t gotten any worse. Even though everyone says I’ll end up hanging myself if I keep this up.I can get through moments of weakness like this. They don’t last more than a couple of weeks.I have a job where only my software (my mind) matters. I have friends who interact with me through digital interfaces and support me (I present mysef whatever I want to them). I have the strength to make this world a better and kinder place. I don’t need a body, except to sustain my vital functions.
>>43763621Piracy is fine, but I refuse to participate in interaction (sex) that makes me focus (think) on my reality interface (my body)
>>43763663i was like that for like 2 yrs when i was a teenager then i just grew out of it yuo will overcome this queen have faith and just like crash out a lot or something until things are worked out or like just don’t i guess. also substances r lit and help let go and act on ur wants u should prob do that like if u want maybe
>>43763936What do you mean by "grew out" in your case?And no, I hate the idea of taking drugs.
>>43764052like i eventually kinda just stopped needing to live constantly online and integrated my mind into the world and made my personal life an extension of my mind. it’s ur life yk idgaf but personally drugs kinda helped me like experiment with the traumatic boundries put up in my mind and nervous system and realize which boundaries were needed and not needed. not psych meds tho im anti psych meds except for very short term fuck psychiatry. but also i started using hella early and like i was a person before i started living fully online and doing drugs and stuff. so it’s like there was something to return to. like i started with being rlly online because of trauma and feeling unable to exist as myself in the real world. and it wasn’t like it was just drugs that helped me get out of that yk like life just happened and things impacted me as a person aswell and i allowed myself to feel everything fully as long if it wasn’t extremely harmful to. a level of like destabilization was very nessecary and the only way out was trough. but not all at once yk cus u need to maintain a sense of continuality to integrate everything fully even if it was like this for a very long time you can still find fragments of things your nervous system rememberes.
>>43763514if you used the substances that alter your reality interface, physical beings' model would be more congruent with what you want it to be, nona!
>>43763514trannybabble
>>43763514substances don't corrupt your software tho, desire does
let's all love lain
>>43763514That's how I felt as a teenager and kinda regret changing my mind
>>43763936>i just grew out of it>also substances r lit and help let go and act on ur wantsWow ur so mature.
>>43763663how do you intend to make the world a better and kinder place?
>>43764765No, that will make them focus on the unchangeable features of my appearance. And instead of ignoring me, they’ll actually gain full insight into my most sensitive issue.>>43764873What does this mean?>>43764941Yeah, but I think I will be weaker than desire.>>43767053Why did you change your mind?>>43767297I believe that scientific progress is the most important thing humanity has. I really love math and programming. I hope I’ll be able to contribute my own small part to humanity’s collective wealth of knowledge. Once, I almost managed to come up with a new technique for optimizing the compilation of programs for quantum computers. But while I was procrastinating on writing the paper, a team of scientists from IBM jumped ahead of me, but that's okay. Right now, I'm thinking of focusing on machine learning. Specifically, I have an idea for a network unique architecture capable of detecting an unlimited number of objects.
>>43767297And I can also use my money to do good things. Like, helping a friend cover his mom's medical bills for free. And maybe in the future I’ll be able to do something even less self-centered.
>>43764210To be honest, reading this is quite confusing.
>>43767564please don't develop machine learning tools. machine learning puts the power of intelligence in fewer hands with fewer controls. compute is getting more expensive, and this is not an accident. the tech oligarchs that run the world want to move toward a society where we are all dependent on their compute and must rent it from them. it is also extremely valuable for building out surveillance and other technologies of oppression. if you are interested in making the world better and kinder, you must realize machine learning under the control of capitalistic forces poses an existential threat to that goal.
>>43767798What you’re describing applies to literally every new technology. This is Luddite thinking. Those in power are the first to benefit from any new technology, because by definition they have more resources and greater access. And it’s natural that they use this to maintain their power. Just as they have used and continue to use transportation, communication, video recording, and so on. But all their power rests solely on society’s blind faith in their authority. And it is society’s responsibility to fight against this.And to reject machine learning at a time of depopulation and an aging society is literally inhumane. Computer vision, which interests me, has very great potential in medicine, and it will save lives (especially those of the elderly) in the face of a shortage of medical staff.
>>43767564>No, that will make them focus on the unchangeable features of my appearance. And instead of ignoring me, they’ll actually gain full insight into my most sensitive issue.Other people cannot perceive what substances you are or are not taking, digital beingIf HRT would make your software function more optimally (happier), you should totally do it!
>>43763514yeahg I get it completely I'd kill to sideload into a powerful enough computer and be free
>>43768321First, they might, if I look like a guy with boobs. Second, as described above, it would force me to focus on my appearance, particularly on those parts that can’t be changed. Trying to change something that can’t be changed leads to madness and despair.Anyway, thanks for the positive attitude. I don't know how you did it, but it was nice to read your words.>>43764765>picrelIs this onimai?
>>43768619>I don't know how you did it, but it was nice to read your words.Awwww. I'm glad, nona :>> it would force me to focus on my appearanceI don't think it would. You can continue to live your life as normal, trying to avoid thinking about it, just taking a couple more pills every day.>>43768619>Is this onimai?Yes, it is. I know, it has a certain reputation because of the author's not-even-remotely-disguised fetishes, but it's got adorable moments too :>
>>43768649>Awwww. I'm glad, nona :>:3>I don't think it would.I think I would... It's just my personality. Actually, I think I’d be just as depressed and dysmorphic even if I were just an ugly biological girl.>but it's got adorable moments too :>I mean, the anime is one of the most beautiful things I witnessed.
>>43768691>I think I would... It's just my personality. Actually, I think I’d be just as depressed and dysmorphic even if I were just an ugly biological girl.It's up to you, nona, but you could at least try it! The only reason not to is if you're concerned with becoming infertile.>I mean, the anime is one of the most beautiful things I witnessed.I haven't seen the anime, only the manga manga :p
>>43768705>The only reason not to is if you're concerned with becoming infertile.But what am I supposed to do about boobies? Especially since I plan to go to the pool to improve my back health, and I really don't want to draw attention to my body...>I haven't seen the animeBut it has so beautiful colors.
>>43768757>But what am I supposed to do about boobies?Wear hoodies like our favourite boymoder character!>>43768757>Especially since I plan to go to the pool to improve my back health, and I really don't want to draw attention to my bodyHmm... you could wear one of those surf suits. I've done that. I wasn't on HRT yet, just really insecure about showing my body.Also they take a while to grow>>43768757>But it has so beautiful colors.picrel
>>43768780>Wear hoodies like our favourite boymoder character!But what am I supposed to do in the summer? The heat is killing me, so I won't be able to wear them.>surf suitsThat will also draw attention to me...>picrelWhy...
>>43763514All hrt has given me is a deeper capacity to suffer. That is my fault though. Its a higher fidelity of experience which can be good or bad. I feel so many things at the same time all the time. Is that being more alive? If i learn how to endure it will i become a whole person? Its hard to keep your face when there's so much noise. I miss the numb quiet of anhedonia sometimes. It is what it is kid. You'll suffer either way. But I am happy i chose this testosterone feels bad in a visceral way.T.2years
>>43768865Thanks for sharing!
>>43768847> Why...Don't be sad nona I was just trying to be funny xD>That will also draw attention to me...Is the problem drawing attention *to you* or drawing attention *to your body*?> But what am I supposed to do in the summer?I don't know either, nona :<
>>43768847>What do i wearLoose linen
>>43768891>Don't be sad nona I was just trying to be funny xDOh> Is the problem drawing attention *to you* or drawing attention *to your body*?BOTH> I don't know either, nona :<I don't want to die in summer...
>>43768909>BOTHWell, I don't really know what to suggest to you. I was really embarrassed of my body and my naked form being seen by others even before I realised I was trans so swimming was basically off-limits to me ever since adolescence.The only thing I can think of is to suggest using the gym to do back exercises, where you can wear loose clothes, instead of swimming. I don't know how serious your back issues are but just a basic workout at the gym to break the sedentary lifestyle was enough to help with my back pain.I definitely don't think swimming is worth more than HRT is.The choices are yours, though, nona>>43768909>I don't want to die in summer...I think the other nona's suggestion might work:>>43768905> Loose linenIt works for Arabs who live in the literal desert after all!
>>43768926Anyway, you're so kind, thanks for talking to me...>>43768905Looks both cute and neutral, thank you.
>>43769030>Anyway, you're so kind, thanks for talking to me...Awwww. The way this implies just receiving basic kindness is an unusual thing for you makes me want to cry :< You are sweet and you deserve love and kindness.Do you wanna add each other on Discord? It's totally ok if you'd rather not, too.
>>43763514extreeemely gay
>>43769094>The way this implies just receiving basic kindness is an unusual thingThat used to be the case a while back, but now there's one person (online, though) who really cares about me.>Do you wanna add each other on Discord?I think we can try! How do we connect? I'm new here on 4chan and don't know the safest way of sharing my nickname
>>43769125> extreeemely gayIs this just a joke or you can elaborate why exactly? I'm genuinely curious.
>>43769258>I think we can try! How do we connect? I'm new here on 4chan and don't know the safest way of sharing my nicknameSome people just post their username in plain text on the board, they're just fearless like that.Others post a link to pastebin either with a timer or with an account that lets them delete it once they're done using it.
>>43769277Then here is my tempmail:famegen254@alf5.comYou can send me your nickname here, or ask for mine.
>>43769296>You can send me your nickname here, or ask for mine.Nona that is so much harder and more convoluted! I tried to find a temp mail service that let you send emails but I couldn't find one, which would mean using an identifiable email address just to send you a discord handle, when pastebin would easily do the job.here, add mehttps://pastebin.com/PJqBv3By
>>43763514>I refuse to use substances (drugs alcohol) that corrupt my software (my mind)>I refuse to use substances (drugs alcohol) that damage my reality inteface (my body)ok>I refuse to focus (take care) on my reality interface (my body)then what's the point of refusing to use drugs? letting your reality interface degrade will corrupt your software and damage your reality interface anyway.
>>43769341>letting your reality interface degrade will corrupt your software and damage your reality interface anyway.I mean, in a cosmetic sense. I take very good care of my health actually.
