>>43763677
Unrelated, but it'd be nice to meet people like the trannies, reppers and inbetween from here, people in normie leftoid queer spaces are usually mental in the worst ways, and most are a drain to be around, the the ppl here are fun and enjoyable to talk to for the most part

>>43763677
Why
>>43763741
Okay but we're also mental in terrible ways

>>43763744
Its a different kind, one is exhausting to be around because they're so ideological, and usually jaded against those who oppose them in any way, its impossible to have a dialogue or joke with them without lying through my teeth and trending on thin ice, its impossible to form a connection that, sincerely at least, but most here are more open to that stuff and handle talking directly better, yeah most people here are traumatised and jaded or mentally ill for one reason or another, but they're aware of it and are able to talk and joke about it, even if it comes off as abrasive or crass, but thats what comes naturally to me so I prefer talking to those who are like that too

>>43763840
That's fair. Brazen mentally ill vs broken mentally ill.

>>43763744
Also normie people are just way less interesting on average, /tttt have cool hobbies and interests to rant about

>>43763875
On average? Idk. There's a lot of people here who are just bored burnouts.

>>43763677
OP are you Anna? If so, please no. It is not a good idea. I am entirely too toxic to you and you don't deserve that.

>>43763921
I like to think even them are redeemable they're just in unfortunate circumstances some way or another, maybe im just naive though

>>43763981
It's all about consistency. Like I know I'm a burnout and trying to be less of one just made me into a bigger burnout, and my brief bouts of being better don't make up for the rest of it.

>>43764007
>my brief bouts of being better don't make up for the rest of it.

Im fine with that, I put such a such a strain on the people around me because of my incompetence and them putting up with me is more than I deserve, so I try to do what I can to give back in any way,I cant condemn someone for not always up to par, when I Never am, its the least I can do

>>43764102
I know I can blame health issues on part of it, and it feels really shitty knowing that HRT kinda saps some of my energy (I notice I am more productive at work when on a lower dose) but it's frustrating. I'm well liked at work and get work done and have a good reputation there but ultimately outside of it I'm just very tired and just wanna stay and bed and sleep.

not OP, but snoymoder you seem nice, we've talked a few times. you seem overly harsh on yourself always. i hope you're doing okay, i'd hug you if i could.

>>43764144

>>43764209
I'm harsh on a lot of people please don't hug me
Seriously I get these reccuring pain issues that flare up and I get really depressed and weepy and I feel like I'm burning up and touch genuinely hurts and while they've gotten less frequent they're pretty bad today for some reason

>>43763741
This, irl trannies are usually redditor types who make me want to stab my ears. On the other hand I would hang out with many trannies here even if not sexual.
I fucking hate normies

I wish I could be friends with people but I'm too neurotic and woke from being shoved through the great filter that I scare people off. Or those who know better want to interact with me want to drive me deeper into insanity. Its like living in the matrix after seeing the other side yet I'm not unstable enough to go on a shooting spree to save people from this hell. I'm not even sure how to live this way other than rotting since everything is just a viel of fake and at this point my transition and living as a girl is my only comfort until my organs eventually fail.

>>43764144
I share a similar sentiment, but I dont have a real reason my incompetence, especially im just slow, literally in terms of speed at just about everything, im just lazy and cant get a grip on myself spacing out, but I dont have a condition or anything, its just how I am, and while I loathe it and feel guilty for how it impacts others and that I cant live up to my own or others expectations, I don't deserve to to wallow in something thats my own wrongdoing, so i try and do as much as I can and never let on how much it affects me mentally, because what right do I have to complain about my own inadequacy? I cant make people worry about something like that, it just frustrates me when it manifests physical symptoms like insomnia and panic attacks and stuff, as if has any validity as a real issue

>>43764252
>>43764262
>>43764228

>irl trannies are usually redditor types who make me want to stab my ears
Trvke
>even if not sexual
Yeah most are turbo sex brained, which i get too but I cant act on it because I have a crippling fear of intimacy for some reason, but usually they dont believe me and its just bad for everyone involved

grossest thread of all time

>>43764302
I mean I don't understand my own ability at this point. The times where I was most capable were also the times I was the most insane and horrifically dysphoric. I became an extremely locked in student in high school while privately horrified and barely holding it together at home.

Same with how I was locked in at the tail end of college and when I first started my office career.

I know I'm extremely capable but I make poor decisions and am lazy despite that. I literally got into Yale off of absurd test scores, tons of AP credits, and comprehensive extracurriculars and then chose a state school because it was the only campus I seemed to like.

But as I've transitioned I've somehow gotten less functional too. Even old hobbies, neutral things like cooking can bring back weird somatic memories of how my body used to be and it's just so absurdly difficult to function. Oddly I feel best when I'm at work, like I suddenly become a person again.

File: EzvyfUQXEAcQi7k.jpg (39 KB, 300x300)

39 KB JPG

>>43764373
Idk seems wholesome to me

>>43764394
I assume it's just the dedicated hater I seem to have but I don't blame them tbhon. I spend too much time here.

>>43764368
>When being mean is your only personality trait or how you can feel emotions so you have to dunk on others to feel better about yourself
You'd be a natural redditor

>>43763677
>>43764401
wtf Snoy gets TWO threads. do u have discord?

>>43764460
I do but I legit don't know why people are making these. I know I'm very active but it feels weird. I only started namefagging because of a greentext when my bf came down to visit for the first time.

>>43764391
>I know I'm extremely capable
>lazy despite that
>locked in
I seem to fumble that last part sadly

>But as I've transitioned I've somehow gotten less functional too

I mean I havent transitioned and ive only been on hrt for 5 months, but i kind of get it, I used to be able to completely suppress my alot of myself, and atleast when I didnt self sabotage, I could completely apply myself to anything for hours no matter how stressful or miserable, but its been getting harder to do that recently, and I find myself succumbing to that stuff mentally more often, but frankly I don't think I had a choice, it was hrt or rope so i still prefer it this way

yeah me too she's always been really helpful and kind to me
i hope you can feel better about yourself snoy

>>43764433

>>43764518
Thank you britmoder. I hope you leave this place sooner rather than later but only because I feel like it makes people worse.

File: Zw.jpg (22 KB, 320x320)

22 KB JPG

>>43764433
?

>>43764557
i'd say i'd try my best to but that'd be a lie. in all honesty i'll be stuck here until i pass and even then probably not immediately leave, just post more and more infrequently until my life outside of here gets better
i agree with you that this place makes people worse but i've gotten some genuinely good advice and also met my bf here so it's not all bad

>>43764517
It gets better. It's cyclical, but it gets better. I was probably at my best right before my sister died though and it's been recovering since.

>>43764613
There is good advice here from time to time but it's difficult to sort it out from the bad and there are many people who do just try and drag you down intentionally.

How are things with your bf?

>>43764627
things are good thanks, we've been together 3 months but haven't met up yet because we both sort of mutually agreed that we didn't want the other to see us like we are now. we were gonna meet this summer but pushed it back to this winter at least. i hope that we'll be ready by then because i want to hug him so bad

>>43764704
Awwww I hope it goes well. Stay strong, soldier.

>>43764618
Thanks
>at my best right before my sister died though and it's been recovering since
Sorry to hear about that i hope you can get back your best again, from the sentiment ive seen you seem like a good person, definitely one of the better ones here lol, hope you do well, I should get on with my shit for my exam though and stop clogging other people's threads with my drivel -_-

>>43764733
thank you, i hope everything works out for you too!!
okay now i can stop namefagging

>>43764618
oh, and i'm really sorry to hear about your sister i can't imagine. i hope you're okay

>>43764704
Online relationships can be really messy but im happy its going well for you, hope you 2 become a happy irl couple

>>43764762
Definitely study/take your exam!
>>43764802
It's still weird re: her but I'm trying

>>43764816
thanks, i know they can but really we couldn't have met anywhere else. we're st4t and trying to find masculine trans men who want to go stealth/are stealth is extremely difficult so i'm really lucky and happy that i have him. we'll try our best

>>43764228
aw, i'm sorry, well still i'll send you a virtual hug with no touch involved

>>43764562
Exactly my point. If you feel that I'm legit crazy, the last thing you should be doing is then calling me crazy. You act nice for those you like and can get something from, even if it's just positive interactions, but then act like a bully towards total strangers by putting yourself on a pedestal of meaningless posturing just because you saw someone else do it. You act holier than thou by punching down on those who use reddit but act like 99% of redditors. You're not a retard or special snowflake. You're a sociopathic chameleon that weaponizes sympathy who then turns into a vindictive psychopath when someone doesn't tolerate your intolerance. You want to know what my problem is? People like you. The types who pretend to be outcasts when actual outcasts understand we're all in this together. That it was outcasts who made and maintained this site before people like you came to shit up the place, make everyone else feel lesser, write it off as just jokes bro, problem, and then complain how the place has gone to shit because nobody wants to meaningfully interact anymore. The entire basis of human interaction you try to emulate to take advantage of others just like any other supposed normie. Fuck you.

>>43766781
You're a sociopathic chameleon that weaponizes sympathy
>true but I dont enjoy it
>turns into a vindictive psychopath when someone doesn't tolerate your intolerance
I don't know where you got that from
>The types who pretend to be outcasts
I get you but why do you think thats me? Ive browsed here for almost 14 years
>actual outcasts understand we're all in this together.
>did I disagree with this? I dont remember insinuating anything opposite this
>make everyone else feel lesser
>write it off as just jokes bro, problem
When did do this???, I sent the image because I got called mean and like a redditor out nowhere, im just confused why.
>nobody wants to meaningfully interact anymore
Thats literally why im here though, because I cant irl
>The entire basis of human interaction you try to emulate to take advantage of others just like any other supposed normie
You're not wrong, but I hate that I have to, literally why I came here to get away from that
>Fuck you
Fair enough,

>>43763677
Me too she seems nice but I am always scared of trying to make friends trough here

>>43767992
I am not nice and not really a she

>>43768547
Shush, you're a foid nona, YWNBAM

>>43768805
IWABAC

So would I. We'd exchange mefy impressions
Ideally we'd hang out with my hubby and her bf. Could be fun.

>>43768835
I'm not actually that MEFy ig it's weird. It's very chaotic? I think I have some kind of identity/personality disorder that makes me extremely fickle and it's been a problem since I was little (like I was actually abused by my stepfather for being two-faced and being really polite in public but less so at home but at least half of it was just hating him so much).

>>43768897
You'd get more mefy if you were to hang out with me
I make a very good case IRL on why demoidification is good

>>43768915
I'm a chaotic mess desu. Sometimes it's desired but other times I retreat back into who I was desperately trying to chase after manhood thanks to huge insecurities around it.

>>43768928
>other times I retreat back into who I was desperately trying to chase after manhood thanks to huge insecurities around it
IKTF. It's fixable. Now i laugh about it.

>>43768953
It comes back. That's actually partly why I want to surgemaxx. I want to excise out from me under the knife to make up for the years and years I spent fighting so hard to avoid what I ended up doing anyways.

>>43768963
>want to excise out from me under the knife
>insists she's not that mefy
Nona...
I got srs precisely for this reason.

>>43768982
I'm kinda terrified of it. Bad results, worried about regrets (even though I 100% wanted it before HRT shit got weird), surgical complications (two different blood clot mutations fmsbcl), and also just like

worried about bf stuff ig

not sure if I'll ever be appealing to anyone other than chasoids because I don't think I'll ever pass as normal

>>43768982
Also it's not MEFy because it's driven by hatred and anger rather than finding it hot. But it's also terrifying even though I've had intrusive thoughts about impromptu orchis since I was 14 or 15.

>>43768995
Nona, i married my chaser. This board is a psyop aboyt chasers. Most are actually nice and kinky guys.
>its not mef because anger
errrr, it's both.
i found it hot to be emasculated but i also hated not being yet

>>43769292
I don't actually hate chasoids as a rule. I hate dl ones and bottom chasers who pressure trannies.

As for anger, it's because, to an extent, I genuinely hate the feeling of having testicles. I hate them. I have hated male rapebrain libido since I was a teen. I hated it so fucking much and fantasized about cutting off my balls to get rid of it and whatever mechanisms I put in place to keep myself from doing that are still strong and I hate that even more.

I don't find the actual act of that kind of emasculation hot. My MEF is more social dynamics.

>>43769306
>nuance differences
you should embrace the libido though. it's good for yuo and for your man
i'm a luckshit in this regard. i continue to be high libido even after srs much to the delight of my husband and my pervy brain
take it from the expert fake tranny: there is nothing wrong in being a sexual person
>mef as social dynamics
heh, now i really wish we could hang out IRL. I had to learn mechanically to be a woman socially and it took years until i started loving it. souns like you're more natural at it

>>43769951
no the male libido is bad
There's a qualitative difference between the libido and how arousal feels and the male one is awful and horrible and I hate it
I'm honestly pretty good at body language and everything to the point people caught on to things long before I actually trooned out but I moid out every now and then it's weird
It's cyclical and that's the worst part. I think there's genuinely just some kind of split brain issue or dissociative thing going on

>>43770082
>There's a qualitative difference between the libido and how arousal feels and the male one is awful and horrible
Oh, i agree. But i didnt say to embrace male arousal, but libido as an idea (which changes with time the more you change your mind and body).
i mean... when im horny it kinda feels like getting hard combined with a craving. it's really hot since the only way to resolve it is for my man to fuck the boy out of me

>>43770338
Oh no when the more "female libido" is there it's incredible.

There were periods where it was really strong and I cried (in a good way) but I couldn't do anything with it. There's not been a night quite as good as this time a boy danced with me at a club and I just wanted him so fucking badly but was too afraid to do anything. I wanted him to hold me and squeeze me and touch me however he wanted but I was terrified because I know my body is horrific. Not just from testosterone but because I used to be horribly obese.

>>43770082
>There's a qualitative difference between the libido and how arousal feels
>. I think there's genuinely just some kind of split brain issue or dissociative thing going on

Like there's a fragment of yourself that embodies your male identity, usually limited to a voice in your head, but sometimes the balance shifts and causes an internal conflict with the rest of you, where you feel dysphoria both ways, but the masculine one is built up from a mix of trauma and past expectations, but the main "you" is the one you feel intrinsically and is the one that fundamentally feels like you, so the same thing can feel very different depending on which "fragment" it comes from? E.g male libido manifesting feels disgusting but female libido feel good/normal.

>>43770485
No there's like an actual physiological difference in how it's felt. It's even been this way before HRT (and it was different in early puberty too) but HRT made it weirder.

>>43770582
>No there's like an actual physiological difference in how it's felt.

Yeah like the sensation of it and the feeling it brings out? Its hard to put into words but I think i get what you mean, it feels wrong calling them the same thing, at least for me the male is kind of a flat feeling without much intent or emotion, just something kind of ingrained into the body, but the other one is alot more visceral and extends the whole mind and body together, but feeling is just different, i can't really describe how though, regardless of which feels good or bad that depends on the person

>>43770582
are you sneedledee or someone else? names are simmilar vibs is all i'm going on tho ive not read your posts because ive got important buisness to conduct.

>>43770749
Who?
>>43770705
Physical sensation and feelings, yeah. After HRT the feelings changed but the physical sensation sucks so much I hate it.

>>43770582
>been this way before HRT (and it was different in early puberty too) but HRT made it weirder
>Physical sensation and feelings, yeah. After HRT the feelings changed

If we are on about the same thing I think that adds up, I remember first experiencing in early puberty but it was too much and set off a panic attack every time(prolly cus of BDD and self issues), I tried to avoid it cus it ended up being terrifying whenever I did slip into that "mode"(?), but since changing how I view myself (which lead onto hrt, but i dont think it changed that much regarding it) its easier to handle it a little and tap into it a little at a time

>>43770904
I mean the emotions aren't quite as bad as they were at their worst before HRT but the physical sensation feels so much worse and trying to alleviate it just makes me cry.

>>43770949
Yeah i suppose thats the difference, i dont have gd and enjoy both now usually, but i remember how crippling it felt before like my brain was tearing itself apart, Sounds like srs would do alot of good for you, but even without it I hope you can through it mentally, I think this is the first time ive managed to bring this up without people thinking im nuts lol

>>43771054
I just want to figure out what's wrong with my brain at this point.

File: db165a0b1e0902996feaf8ff2(...).jpg (29 KB, 470x442)

29 KB JPG

>>43771133
Ditto, I just missed 35% of my exam because I got forgot keplers 3rd law and started deriving for some stupid reason and ran out of time before I realised what I was doing, I would've been able study it if I wasnt zoning out for hours at a time