>be me 21 >cis man on hrt for 5 months>I've had to embody alot of the societal "male" expectations growing up due to abusive step dads and being poor>those ideals are inseparable from who I am now>go to uni finally as family is secure and stable>FFW 1 month mental breakdown over my image>wtf i thought we got over this like a decade ago>have the ultimatum, get on hrt and aim to become cute/pretty or rope>ask mtf friend for a few pointers on how to DIY>she assumes im an egg, I try assert I am simply a man on hrt>FFW to today, in vc with ppl who dont know im on hrt, she blurts out "when are you just gonna come out already anon?">shut things down so nothing slips out>clearly though my prior explanation didn't cut itWhat do I do in this situation? Im not agp, I kind of had to this to not rope, but I have absolutely no desire to transition, and I have no intention of lying either the idea of doing so when its something so important a vulnerable group of people makes me sick, but I do need something that will put this to rest ideally.
Just say it how it is, and if they inquire or call bullshit then tell them to fuck off. Don't let them troon you out because you don't fit their image. Stay true to yourself
Can i ask why you are on hrt while cis?
youre actively changing your sex OP
>>43792417I can't fathom spending another day aging on T, I detest what its doing to my body and would rather die than continue on that path
>>43792381Frankly I don't want to lose them as a friend, so i want to handle it with what tact i can
>>43792136I think the play here is to just tell her that you're not ready to socially transition but you're gonna medically transition.
>>43792504>you're not ready to socially transitionThis does still feel somewhat disingenuous since I have no intention to in the first place>medically transitionIt does feel odd saying it aloud but I suppose what im doing does amount to that
>>43792136>I've had to embody alot of the societal "male" expectations growing up due to abusive step dads and being poor>those ideals are inseparable from who I am nowwho would you be if you could abandon those ideals?>have the ultimatum, get on hrt and aim to become cute/pretty or rope>she assumes im an egg, I try assert I am simply a man on hrtdo your ideals allow for a man to be cute and pretty?>Im not agp,stop worrying about terms created to explain observed data gathered in a time when it was still incredibly dangerous to be out, everyone who transitioned for any reason other than to snag a man got shoved under agp>I have absolutely no desire to transitionsocial transition is a choice, certainly. You're already undergoing hormonal transitionyour internal self image seems feminine but you've also internalized being a man as a matter of necessity. Is it a defense mechanism? Were you beaten for being anything less than the perfect young man? Or do you believe that if you were a woman you couldn't carry the responsibilities others placed upon you?if you could push a magic button, do it all over again as a girl, be free of the toxic men in your early life and just be yourself, would you do it?
>>43792650>who would you be if you could abandon those ideals?I don't know, I can't imagine living without those expectations I feel I'd end up being more of a burden than I already am If I gave them up, which I have no right to do>do your ideals allow for a man to be cute and pretty?Yeah, although its frankly illogical, as I'll be weaker physically from what im doing, but even if its harder as long as I can do what I and others expect of me its fine >Is it a defense mechanism? Probably >Were you beaten for being anything less than the perfect young man?Yes amoung other things, but worse was watching worse happen to my mum brother and dogs while I was to pathetic to do anything.>if you could push a magic button, do it all over again as a girl, be free of the toxic men in your early life and just be yourself, would you do it?If it meant my family didnt have to go through what they did I'd do it in heartbeat for that alone, i really couldn't ask for more, so I cant imagine how I'd feel being born a girl past that, neutral I guess, but if it was in the same circumstances I lived through i was born as one, id still rather be born a guy since it made it easier to get us out of that situation.
