So basically I think the severity of the addiction began when a Transwoman who sent me nudes on discord blocked me. I still have her pictures luckily but still this made hungry. Not for trans porn but for the feeling of receiving nudes. I don't understand or or know how to describe but for some reason I feel immense positive feelings when I get sent nudes and I feel like a Crack or alcohol addict ever since I got blocked. I think there are places om discord for this but idk its a lot of work and also I don't want to show my face idk. My point is receiving nudes feels mind numbingly different from watching it is not comparable. Im kind of annoyed with myself though. I can't stop feeling things i don't want to feel or control myself sometimes or just idk. Im an aimless lust demon monkey. I think my body is really weak cause I know what I want but I keep folding because of my physical weaknesses. When I try to not think about lustful things or try to not be annoying it feels empty and fake because its not the real me idk. Although I have to pretend im not a lust demon because nothing good comes from that either so in both ways I lose. I think i always had thoughts like this. Maybe ever since I was young? Like 4th grade? It wasn't just porn it was also like I would look at girls but I always like i could never do anything or say anything to them. I think I remember always seeing things I wasn't supposed to see from anime and other weird tv shows or movies or internet videos(i think this was grade 1 to grade 2). Basically it was my siblings that would watch something and whatever they watched i would also watch it. Parents mostly weren't there idk. I think i remember seeing women scissoring and also I remember this weird French animation where God gave Adam 100 penises. Also God was getting a blowout from an angel. There was also this 3D animated cartoon about a 3 eyed alien horny for this robot girl and yeah.
I really do kinda hate this existence where you can see lustful things and feel lustful things but you can't actually experience lustful things physically.How do you go beyond what the flesh wants? How do you let the strong will tame the weak flesh?And im only doing this not because I feel bad for being lustful but because In the rewards arent as good as I want them to be and I get punished for it idk I am also attracted to regular women but I think I watched so much porn that they're boring now. I'll always like hentai and danbooru though Also 4chan captcha is annoying.
>>43809460You should a digital detox or whatever they call it. No social media or internet at all for a week and see if that cools you down or not. Or if you wanna see me nude I can do that.
>>43809529Nta but I wanna see you nude
Didnt read all ur shit but drop your discord i'll send you naked pics and vids of me if u want.
>>43809538no Ill only send if the gooner addict wants
>>43809529>>43809538Seconded
Especially when other people can get everything they want without trying. They are born as angels living in peace. As the Malcolm in the middle song says,life is unfair............
>>43809553 im kinda scared of the mods but sure send it i want to see
>>43809529 I also want to see your nudes as well
>>43809568No one is going to eat a ban for that.
>>43809588 yeah you're right nevermind. It didn't work the last time I did the discord strategy so I don't think it would work again anyways
>>43809568>>43809585Alright then. Are you gonna try the digital detox thing tho?https://litter catbox.moe/qfa4pxfn511fk195.png
>>43809598Beautiful tits and midriff
>>43809598 yeah I can easily do it especially in summertime cause the hot weather make it less fun to go and get stressed on the internet. Also the litter catbox link isn't working try again
>>>>43809598 Nevermind it worked. Thanks
>>43809606thanks>>43809611it might help you lock in. or just find someone you can trade nudes with for fun so you can do it then get it out of your mind.
>>43809460I'm not sure. The only girl I ever felt even close to like that was one who sent me nudes that also shared in some similar nerdy things and fetishes which is the main reason I liked her. I found her beautiful but beauty is a dime a dozen and not my primary attraction in people. I've tried to forget about her and now I'm not sure if she hunts me down or it's someone larping as her to try and keep me in a constant state of torment from gang stalking which most people aren't going to believe anyways. I've also had people accuse me of being infatuated or obsessed and just wanting to emulate her as some cope. Often as a way to completely invalidate my own transition or cause me distress in my identity when the closest it was to that was just a kindred spirit type of thing that I was repressing. No different from someone who looks up to others as a role models or those who give the strength to push through the fog. She isn't the only one or what I could directly call the reason for my trans realization since I looked to many different people and sources of strength most of which being a self reflection of my childhood. Other sources I had to look back upon in hindsight for when I was too busy disassociating from childhood abuse to properly notice my own behaviors in comparison to others. It's all very frustrating but people love to gawk and the peanut gallery will always chatter.
>>43809816 interesting. Overall it seems that people,while few will help you, most people exist to block you from getting what you want and destroy you. I think I've noticed this before in my life a lot. In the end the way to freedom is that while you can interact with people you can't let them put a chain on your soul and brain.
