>>43819558
its all horrible riff material riff4life

I'm not though.

>>43819582
When did you realize you were wtv that flag os

>>43819558
i never knew i was a tranny because im not a tranny but i started knowing i liked trannies when i first started browsing 4chan and saw naked trannies on soc. then i tried jerking off to a naked transwoman video and i came buckets to her girlcock. thats when i knew i liked girlcock

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>>43819558
this year I learned that twinkhons are beautiful angels

>>43819597
What do you think enraptured you? instead of causing disgust or some other emotion

dont really know about the second part and i dont have any fun facts so im just going to post this song that youtube served me up that im enjoying https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKrjz6P4z0g

>>43819592
when I was born they saw I had lady parts and put female on my birth certificate. Soon enough i'll trenscend beyond the physical and outgrow such labels. But in terms of LGBT I'm lesbian. I came out to my mom at 15 and she screamed at me and almost hit me, I had to put my weight on the door so she wouldn't come in. Idk why I'm posting on here I'm genuinely extremely bored and have some subconcious shit going on my mind rn.

>>43819612
I feel like you learned that more than a year ago, no?
>>43819629
Do you happen to be nordic? I only ask because of genre, I'll listen to this
>>43819640
subconcious in a bad way? I hope you can work through it
Also dumb mom desu, imagine being lesbophobic in the bit 20(year u were 15)

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>>43819657
yeah I did I just wanted to remind all the angelic twinkhons that they are pretty

>>43819558
IK I'm a tranny bc I like guys but don't want to be with a gay guy and want to be his wife instead. Also I hate having a penis it disgusts me.

did u know that the no-sugar-added apple pie filling from walmart is only 210 calories and 35g of sugar for nearly 600g of pie filling

its very tasty

>>43819558
i know im a tranny bc i lie prone and kick my legs in the air. and i have lordosis

>>43819693
wait i do that sometimes too

>>43819558
I got psyoped into realizing I'm a tranny and whoever they are. Thank you. Even if it was all just a joke and just to ruin my life. A thousand thank yous.

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This year I learned that snakes and ladders or chutes and ladders dates back to 13th century India!

>>43819697
i mean its not like a guarantee thing but it feels very fem to me for some reason

>>43819558
Are you a granny OP? If so how did you know?

>>43819666
Very nice then, ty for the fact MWAHnon
>>43819668
Hope u can get srs if that's a way you see to alleviate your disgust
>>43819670
Is the 35g all from the apples then? That's not bad calorie wise, ty
>>43819693
what's lordosis? kicking legs in the air is objective fun

>>43819722
>Is the 35g all from the apples then? That's not bad calorie wise, ty
yup :) i like using a little bit of it on whole grain bread with peanut butter

>>43819614
well i talked to a lot of 30 y/o trans women(and some of them are from tttt) on the internet when i was like 13 years old and they had a channel where they sent nudes but i wasnt allowed to see it so i was curious but it wasnt really sexually curious but more like morbid curiousity and see how disgusting trannies are when naked.

but to answer your question i think i just found that trans women didnt look like scaly monsters and just like women with penises and i got hard because i like women and the pebis was a bonus.

>>43819721
Tranny* FUCK

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>>43819722
<3<3<3
>>43819736
I'm a granny (31)

>>43819657
sadly i am not nordic

>>43819722
your spine curves in above ur butt so your butt looks bigger than it is. its a joke that has nothing to do with being a tranny. my back hurts so fucking bad

>>43819753
: 0

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>>43819670
>talking about calories

You people really are foids aren't you

>>43819693
>>43819722
you should both post a pic of you kicking your legs in the air. preferably wearing only a pair of panties or nothing at all

>>43819770
i am a man built like danny devito with a whole ass dick and balls brother

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This has delved into what the original intent is trying to fix. Cum brained animals

>>43819698
Why thank for the psyop? Do you enjoy being 'trans' now?
>>43819711
Wowie.. those indians huh?
Chess and now this? what will they think of next...
>>43819721
Yes, I don't really remember I have memory recall issues stemming from childhood trauma
I know I started to 'crossdress' at like 6 though, tried makeup and stuff, played house with sister instead of with the weird marine chud's son (he wasnt weird actually he was alright)
>>43819734
Ohhh you don't even use it for pie?
I got sugar free marmalade recently, tastes funny I wish I could have found a low sugar one instead
>>43819735
Oh nice-ish?, glad they kept u out of nsfw chat, thank fuck for that optics nvke avoidance
Glad you can appreciate trannies

>>43819771
not getting foldered sorry. and i look horrible anyway. i'm doing it rn and am naked, if it makes u feel better

>>43819791
>ptics nvke avoidance
why?
i still have never sexed a tranny tho

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This year I learned that the octopus has a nerve cluster in each of his tentacles, and that this nerve cluster can make decisions independently of his brain, so it’s a bit like he has nine brains :D

>>43819799
i dont folder. i just wana see it so my dick gets hard. i bet you look goergous
>'m doing it rn and am naked,
what are you imagining

>>43819558
How I learned I was a tranny?

Got drunk for the second time in my life, had flashbacks to the first time I got drunk (attempted suicide as a young teenager), and wrote a note to myself about it and all the dysphoria I had been dealing with since.

also unrelated how TF do I socialize at a club I decided to go by myself on a whim and am totally lost

>>43819799
what would you do if your dad/roommate/brother walked in and was like "what are you doing son?"
>>43819693
>>43819762
also i also have lordosis and my butt looks really big but im a straight male

>>43819813
>he
based on this evidence alone i conclude u want to fuck professor inkling from the octonauts

stupid spam filter
>>43819754
Ah, okie just curious
>>43819762
I have mild scoliosis, my hips are uneven because one leg is "longer" sorry ur back hurts
>>43819771
Nobody would want to see that (speaking for myself solely)
>>43819786
Do u pull? A lot of women seem to like danny devito, I think it's his charm
>>43819790
i like this image

>>43819817
>what are you imagining
getting to swim in a pool again

>>43819558
5 years old telling my parents i wanted to be a boy, got dismissed
9 years old on the internet found out what nb people were
identified as that in secret for a bit
10 years old cried to my mum abt wanting to not be a girl
11 came out to a couple friends
12 told basically everyone in my life
its been a long ass journey but i'm still here all these years later

>>43819791
>I got sugar free marmalade recently, tastes funny I wish I could have found a low sugar one instead
i find grape jelly works well sugar free if that's ok

>>43819833
>what would you do if your dad/roommate/brother walked in and was like "what are you doing son?"
gaslight them into believing its normal. quite easy.

>>43819833
>what would you do if your dad/roommate/brother walked in and was like "what are you doing son?"
actually wait no youre trying to get off right? umm uhh id feel my roommate up and seduce them

>>43819809
Because a 13yr old shouldn't be seeing nudes of 30yr olds online is what I mean
>>43819813
Where's this vase originate from?
Also yeah! Octopi are super cool and intelligent
>>43819818
Damn..I'm sorry to hear that snoy, as for club 0 clue
I don't go out, but it could be good advice to talk to someone else that's also alone as theyre less likely to be focused on someone else if theyre friendly to speak
>>43819869
Sorry they didn't listen earlier, did you get anything out of coming out at 10?
>>43819872
i'll have to try it, ty :)

>>43819558
i always assumed id get to wear necklaces like my mom when i was older

>>43819846
>Nobody would want to see that
straight men would love to see that
>>43819901
>youre trying to get off right?
no just a bit of small talk with trannies

>>43819902
>a 13yr old shouldn't be seeing nudes of 30yr olds online
ii thought it was fine if it was women nudes

>>43819846
>Do u pull? A lot of women seem to like danny devito, I think it's his charm
i can get casual partners but a long lasting relationship eludes me :<

>>43819558
>how you knew you're a tranny
this is a babytroon topic

>>43819791
>why thank
because I was a repper and that gender confusion either came out as aggression or alienated people. Even other gay people who could tell there was something more to me than just being effeminate and genderfluid. Some might view me as a fake woman but that's still worlds better than faking being a man

>>43819902
nope.
didnt get medical help or supported by my family when i properlyl told them at 12.
still not on hrt because i can't afford it.

>>43819939
I'm like that other anon, I'm like danny devito
>>43819918
Do you get to now?
>>43819947
Shouldnt be fine for anyone, any nsfw stuff honestly
i read my first literotica at like 7 or smth, that's unhealthy
>>43819964
im sorry to hear :( i hope you can find one
>>43819965
im bored

>>43820024
no, im boymoding and i havent gone out and bought any. i dont have that much interest in them now. maybe it would feel good though idk

>>43819970
Ah, i see i misread slightly at first
well then im glad you were able to come out of denial and confusion
>>43819972
oh :(
Can you find any providers diy or legit with free supplies, need based or giveaways type stuff?

>>43819902
it's terrifying and honestly all dressed up just makes me wish I was a woman but I'm not >.>

yeah that suicide attempt was kind of pivotal because it not only made me rep but it also started a 3yr relationship that basically destroyed my brain

>>43820040
sadly not, i've just gotta wait until im more financially stable
T is way more policed in my country than E so its a pain in the ass to get

>>43820031
Ah, maybe could try it tho just because idk if it'd necessarily feel good but it'd be something to do
>>43820050
Ur a woman tho snoy
Are you in a better relationship now? I know you have a bf but i don't stalk snoylore
>>43820051
Good luck anon, i hope you can start soon

>>43819902
>Where's this vase originate from?
Minoan civilization

>>43820074
I have a bf but it's long distance w/ bi monthly visits and he actually encouraged me to go out

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>>43820117
minoan boymoders would have been SCREWED

>>43820074
Also not a woman rarely am

>>43820150
You sure that lad looks like he's been hitting the estradiol

>>43820150
Phenomenal post

>>43820167
they wouldnt be able to hide their tits is what im saying

>>43820190
Do they need to he already looks milkable

>>43820150
>SCREWED
yes, minoans were greek, so they would rape (screw) boymoders id bet

>>43820117
ooh nice
>>43820142
That's nice of him, hope you can have fun
also woman
>>43820150
lmao

>>43820167
>>43820190
Those are pectoral muscles, anon.

>>43820235
im not saying picrel is a boymoder you dumbass

>>43820251
This reply has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with my post.

>>43820040
It really wasn't so much denial and that itself might be denial. I was very much genderfluid and still am in still regards. It took a long time trying to figure out why that alone wasn't making me happy like being called a girl did or the indifference and disassociating from being called a boy. I never didn't embrace being a girl but I was also approaching it from a femboy type of mindset. In fact I think many people are genderfluid to certain degrees but that reasoning itself turned into just a cope for me. The masculine parts of my identity was not my primary identity so there was that personal struggle always working behind the scenes of my psyche. A lot of my realizing was looking back to when I was a child and how I was punished for my behaviors. Punishments that conformed me more toward a masculine persona when that was in conflict to who I really was. It's also why I had to look toward stuff like genderfluid and effeminity to begin with to compartmentalize the bullying and my dysphoria. Don't get me wrong. Modernized forms of gender identity and homosexual expressions are good but it can also lead people down the wrong path if the underlying issues is the more classic forms of gender dysphoria.

>>43820251
please, no harsh language :(
well harsh insulting language, say anything else idc

>>43820235
MILKABLE
>>43820231
no
but yes he's nice I don't deserve him he deserves someone who isn't an unfaithful whore at heart someone who isn't broken someone who won't ever think about anyone else seriously he's really sweet and I hate how I went from wanting to marry him to feeling avoidant

>>43819558
>Talk about how you knew you're a tranny
Not a tranny BUT as long as I can remember I was unhappy with my body, which dialed up to 11 with puberty, where while looking up how to looksmax and not be indescribably ugly, found hrt pondered the idea and tried to find a part time job to experiment with it( no knowledge of trannies atp) but that was shortly drowned out by an overwhelming need to be strong and masculine from external factors and trauma, which lasted about 8-9 years, then after a month of being left alone I associated my body with me and broke for a few weeks, having to accept either rope, or accept what I actually wanted to look like, which was feminine, and started hrt a few weeks later.

>>43820274
wait are you responding to the milkable guy?
you replied to >>43820190

>>43819558
>Share a fun fact you've learned this year
The Aryan Republican Army, a gang of white supremacist Christian Identity bank robbers, was founded by Donna Langen, who eventually refuted her previous views and started transitioning while incarcerated in 2014. The group had some ties to Timothy McVeigh, but no concrete direct connection to the Oklahoma City bombing.
>Talk about how you knew you're a tranny
No clue, I'm not really trans. I started taking testosterone at 20 after I realized I had spent almost half my life mulling over my desire to be male though.

>>43819558
thanks for bein a beacon of positivity puffin

>>43820319
*girl
He's milkable he's so fucking milkable I need his tiddies now

>>43820282
Do you mean that by modern views don't necessarily treat dysphoria as a direction to start hrt, and instead explore identity?
>>43820290
yes
how're you an unfaithful whore at heart? I hope you can work through the avoidance issues it sucks
>broken
same..
>>43820304
Glad you were able to start hrt eventually, even if it took some thinking
>>43820326
Woa what..idk those names but how tf the leader gon troon out
>>43820331
It's the least i can do

>>43820374
I got addicted to male attention online right after starting HRT and it got bad again

Also the maid recruiter guy was tempting and I emailed him after his previous thread because unironically I think it would work better than my current job and also I actually have the weird tech skill set to help with that stuff and could unironically add it to my resume to land a high paying FAANG job and cover whatever stuff the blue state insurance wouldn't

>>43819558
>Share a fun fact you've learned this year
hitler was actually asexual!

>>43820402
what was eva braun doin

>>43820395
>Also the maid recruiter guy was tempting and I emailed him after his previous thread
Did he respond?

>>43820369
genuinely sorry snoy my apologies

>>43820408
fucking the maid probably

>>43820426
no it's okay I say that I am the opposite of whatever someone says I am because we are GAMING

>>43820421
Yes actually we talked a lot the other day and he disclosed more information and we talked through stuff like pay and insurance and whatnot but out of respect for his confidentiality I didn't mention it in the most recent thread

>>43820395
This place makes me worse for craving attention desu
How was maid guy
>>43820402
Really? He was also vegetarian/vegan right? And had 1 testical
he's got weird facts

did you know sometimes otters bones can turn purple! it’s caused by a chemical inside the sea urchins they eat:) lemme know if u want more autistic facts,,,

>>43820374
The other way around if anything. I've seen many people who are nonbinary just end up stalling out their transition since it can often mask dysphoria. I know because I was also one of them. I've also seen it turn into transphobia or treated like a social accessory. That can also happen with dysphoria but it's much much less common and most nonbinary folk are a lot less likely to transition or even remain as non binary once they realize most cisgendered people, or at least the progressive ones, are just like them and individuality isn't strictly tied to gender.

>>43819558
One day, I had a dream where I was a woman, and I was so, so fucking happy.

When I woke up, I realized what this meant, and hid it away for 7 years.

Eventually, I realized I was never getting any younger, and I was living a hollow and miserable life when I could have been being myself.

So I chose to do it and I've never looked back.

>>43820478
He actually seems really nice definitely on the spectrum but I would cuddle and let him hold me

Funnily enough maid stuff was something I explored right after I realized I was trans and was looking for ways to fill the need without trooning out

Didn't do anything IRL but did do erotic hypnosis (actual hypnosis since it was a thing I was into since age 13) to try it out.

>>43820501
Proud of you for doing what you needed to do in the end

The world should be kinder to use faggots and dykes and trannies and who all else

No one deserves to be brutalized for who they are or who they love with mutual consent

>>43820524
Yeah. I thought I "didn't have dysphoria" but it is only in hindsight I realize those suicidal flare ups where I mimed blowing my brains out were not usual behavior and in fact were dysphoria because I hated my body and the way I was living

Shit's great now btw I turned out to actually be super freakin hot

>>43820548
Awww proud of you. Hugs and kisses.

I know I turned out hot to some but my dysphoria is still bad. Hate that I can't sing without either wishing I was a woman or wishing I wasn't a tranny because goddamn it's a good singing voice it's just male.

>>43820487
What?? Doesn't uh... that one acne medication have potential to turn your bones green? please share facts
>>43820498
I think i get it now, you've unstalled now then yeah? i'm glad
>>43820501
Glad you took the change, sorry it took 7 years..
>>43820502
I looked into that stuff sort of, live in maid, butler, nanny, tutor etc for ultra wealthy but then i never looked further because why would they hire a tranny

>>43820568
Yeah. Also it helps that this maid guy actually does stuff that's not far from what I do for work and I could actually be a real business partner and could catapult myself up the chain to be able to afford whatever I want and maybe help some friends along the way.

If I could find DW again and maybe help her figure out what's wrong with her that would be great.

No money will ever fix that I'm a moid tho

>>43820568
there’s 13 species of otters in da whole world, two of them in the us:)

>>43820623
My interest is otterly piqued

>>43820623
14 if you frequent the bath house or leather bar

>>43819558
>Share a fun fact you've learned this year
The Israelis share photos of dead arab kids on telegram

>>43820631
u made me laugh,, I love to,, sea,, that kind of jokes,,

>>43820655
You see, when I see the opportunity I MUSTelidae take it

>>43820654
wtf that's so fucked up maybe Israel shouldn't exist maybe ethnostates are bad

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>>43820675
ilysm u made my shitty evening a lot better

>>43820595
Tech tranny... lucky
who's DW?
agree to disagree
>>43820623
woah! that includes all sea otters, river otters and everything?
>>43820653
lol
>>43820654
that seems unfun

>>43820691
I love you too mysterious internet user *mwah*

>>43820702
I have two different STEM degrees. One is packaging science (was in engineering but burnt out because I was a semester ahead and my program was being shut down) and game design (last ditch effort to find something to do that I could have passion for).

So, tech but not tech that makes good money.

DW is daughterwife OP. I made friends with her on Reddit and we chatted every day until she quit the internet shortly after her suicide attempt.

I am heavily moided

if anyone ever wants more dumb facts i can try to remember my discord is fireflyy143

otters will wrap themselves a bit with kelp so they don’t drift away,,

>>43820727
Ah.. the bad tech, hopefully you can find a way to faang regardless
I hope dw is ok then
I've seen what u partially look like, that is not 'heavily moided'
>>43820734
may i?

>>43820769
of course:)

>>43820769
I'm too much of a bitch to post face now that I namefag but I have 18" bidelt and a gigawide ribcage.

34.5" UB too

>>43820802
mogged...
I tripfagged for years posting myself then subsequently issued takedowns because im retarded

>>43820820
If you're genuinely interested I can post discord and send images or smth
I trust you you're s positive influence on the server but I've attracted haters (deserved tho)

>>43820828
That's entirely up to you
bdd matches are dumb also idk my bideltoid
also don't trust internet randos on 4chan baka

>>43820856
You're not a random you're one of the nice trips anyways @ me at actually_april and I'll send you stuff

>>43820936
Mmm ok

>>43820964
pogchamp

>>43819558
We have ridges on coins because jews used to clip them or shave off the edges to smelt the clippings into other objects with which to trade.

>>43821045
what

>>43821045
I mean this is true, but .. I don't think that was like limits to jewish people..

>>43821045
That's an interesting fact, very based, very redpilled.

>>43821112
Coins used to be smooth now they have ridges.

Jews used to shave golden/silver coins and resmelt the shavings.
Ridges were made so you'd know if the coin has been messed with(By The Jews).
Nowadays they're used for blind people and to prevent counterfeit.

>>43821126
I mean i think it was mostly opportunists in general but jews got blames for it in the history books so.

>>43819558
My friend threw a party of like 30 ppl for her birthday, and i ended up chugging an energy drink and taking acid. I was so overwhelmed by the ppl caffeine and acid that i started hallucinating really hard and seeing myself in the 3rd person, and i hallucinated like a sailor moon type transformation of me turning into a girl and after i managed to calm down i kindatalked through everything with my friend the whole night

>>43821339
Jesus christ nona
if it worked it worked tho

>>43821339
wild but how do you feel now?

>>43821386
It didnt help that my bandmate kept playing earrape clips under the door the whole time lol

>>43821388
Recently just kind of lonely. I feel good abt my time with hrt but ive just been full hikkikomori the past few yrs. Tried to use creative projects to replace having a life, which felt okay until i stopped smoking weed

>>43821419
*hugs*

Going out every once in a while might be good. Have any friends you hang out with online or IRL?

>>43821429
Yeah i see my irl friends, and im very grateful and love em to death. But we're all hitting late 20s early 30s, and everyone is slowly building lives with partners and stuff. Just worried everyone will slowly drift off and then ill really be alone

>>43821503
*hugs*

It can be scary. How are you feeling in terms of transitioning?

>>43821590
Mmm i definitely consider it a positive, although my fashion has definitely changed. I used to dress scene and die my hair a lot the first few years, but recent years i dress more like a grunge guy, i guess its mostly boymoding, but ill still wear makeup occasionally. Just lazier with fashion now. But the hikkineet shit has left me feeling like not a person, so i prob need to get that sorted out

>>43821662
definitely

Honestly I find that a job makes me feel more feminine than I am at home so if that's a struggle might be worth it for you

>>43819558
the version of Young Girl A by siinamota that i'd been listening to for years was a remastered version, not the original. the original was only ever released outside of YouTube/NND like last year

>>43822268
Any idea why they kept the original exclusive for so long?

>>43822286
Likely has something to do with the original artist having committed suicide about 10 years ago :(

>>43822312
oh :(
That's awful, I hope if there's any royalties, ad revenue or sales of any kind supportive family could receive it

>>43819813
octopuses are one of my favorite animals. its either them or Raccoons

>>43820395
>>43820441
>maid guy
lol
so he's real? it seemed obvious that he was larping in the last thread

I convinced myself that the years of vicious dissociation and hovering over my crotch with scissors was actually just a 5d game of brain chess I was playing against myself

I had heard so often that i was apparently being a disingenuous manipulative bastard that I began to wonder sometimes if it were true, so any time I had a problem that wasn't bleeding out or burning food I would think, "I'm just making a big deal out of this for the excitement of having a real problem, my life is actually perfect and I'm just trying to seem interesting to some imaginary audience."

So eventually I just figured it was weird freak shit and that I only got depressed and sad and scared of aging and growing because of mystery reasons, not because the desperate need to actually be like the poor girls I projected myself onto. Then one day a few years ago I realized that I'm an adult and the feeling that I was 17 just a minute ago was actually a really bad thing, and getting assumed female in text chats in games made me ugly cry a few times so it seemed like maybe I actually really did want that thing that I had basically selectively brainwashed myself into believing was just anime fetish bait

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ9lESB8Hsk
I have issues with accepting my good qualities or perciving I have then at all but I have been making a big effort to acknowledge my owm strengths as strengths and not things to expect out of myself. Being kinder to myself in ny head makes the world seem a lot less scary..

>>43822961
>, "I'm just making a big deal out of this for the excitement of having a real problem, my life is actually perfect and I'm just trying to seem interesting to some imaginary audience."
Have this too, feels crazy just have to stop feeding it

>>43822997
I can only imagine how much worse it's gotten for people younger than me. My formative experiences were things that I could do in private, I never maintained that sense of being witnessed for more than a few heart wrenching seconds. There was just no way, unless someone dedicated themselves to following me around. The world just had more dark corners, as far as I was concerned, than it does now. It's barely a real part of life to me even now.
Now people are coming into themselves who have seen first hand that anything and everything is only safe from witnesses by pure coincidence. People sitting in a silent apartment they hate, surrounded by things they bought because they thought it would look good in a hypothetical video they never recorded, imagining a hundred times more often than I ever did that they may be seen, not only seen by their peers and role models, but by hundreds of thousands of strangers. An endless performance for the indifferent god of public perception, the impulse to avoid shame and judgement like contacts that got left in over night. Grim stuff

>>43823026
Yes! I hope the powers that be steer the ship beter or I dunno if being alive will be all too pleasant in 2-3 generations. I'm sure equivalant pleasure domes will be great though

>>43822961
I'm glad you were able to finally realiz terrible you blamed it on other factors like attention seeking first tho
>>43822993
> I have been making a big effort to acknowledge my owm strengths as strengths and not things to expect out of myself.
proud of you anon, that's a great step towards happiness

>>43822909
he's real enough that he was serious about answering emails

Haven't nailed down 100% concrete evidence but life is more interesting if I choose to believe him and then work from there

>>43819558
I've never held hands with a boy,

Knew i was/wanted to be a girl for as I can remember. Prayed about it, had dreams of being mangled in a way I had to be transitioned lmao classic shit.
Had my mum tell me she wouldn't bear having a trans kid like when I was 12.

>>43824676
why not?
>>43824685
did you bring up that topic or did she?

>>43819558
>All current threads suck
>So I'll make an equally dogshit one

>>43824700
She did. I think I was considering talking about it. I decided not to to make sure I'd survive. I was already keeping a screwdriver next to my bedstand in case one of my parents tried to kill me.

>>43824583
i dont think it's just shitposting, he is being very insistent for a long time, but im saying larp as if he is a guy just trying to get pics, a kinky casual thing or just straight up trying to rape/traffic/murder people from here

>>43824716
I hope insulting my thread has improved your day and brought you both some semblance of joy and satisfaction
>>43824718
Was she schizo or smth? How's a parent randomly bring up to their 12yr old that they don't want a trans child
anyways hope she died based on other things you've posted about parents

>>43824765
>I hope insulting my thread has improved your day and brought you both some semblance of joy and satisfaction
it did. whenever i insult someone on 4channel dot org i giggle like a little slut

>>43824720
I'm pressing him on contractual details but he's also the kind of interesting fella that's fun to talk to.

>>43824765
>Was she schizo or smth? How's a parent randomly bring up to their 12yr old that they don't want a trans child
>anyways hope she died based on other things you've posted about parents
Nah just narcissistic. I think it was clear i was not "normal", and I've always been more feminine than masculine ig. Ig in ways it was forced as no socialisation and books only with a mother that complained about my father/men all the time despite ah whatever
She's still alive. I text her sometimes but that's it. Idk if i should. I don't like being mean. I can't even bring myself to hate them.

>>43824812
That's fair, I hate being mean and it's really hard to disavow or ignore family entirely
I am a little perplexed though, weren't you enjoying schadenfreude in the instagram thread?
>>43824774
woaw... i'm glad it actually did then

>>43824842
>I am a little perplexed though, weren't you enjoying schadenfreude in the instagram thread?
Because she's just text and I'm just posting text and it isn't real it's just ephemeral words data on an image board destined to be lost it won't hurt her she will never read this so it's not bad
If she'd posted I'd have said I'm so sorry and that life is horrible and yknow ofc poor girl shit is horrible but in that moment it's just ahah yknow whatever

>>43824914
Sometimes I forget that there's better adjusted individuals that separate online and real life
Makes sense though, it's easier to be mean without consequence or affect

>>43824974
Yeah but I don't think I'm well adjusted either dw lmao

>>43824981
is anyone on this board?

>>43819558
found out about hrt in 2017, it all clicked, before then i thought transition was only surgical and created hons
i guess i knew implicitly but was too young to put thoughts to feelings, world was still rly homophobic + transphobic when i grew up and there was no info out there, like i was bullied tons for being "gay" by schoolkids and my dad which whipped me into line on what behavior and thoughts were/weren't appropriate, if i didn't i'd be abused for it
first time i remember having tranny feelings was watching the fairly odd parents episode "the boy who would be queen" where timturner turns tranny, but again too young to put thoughts to feelings
next was doing the quest "recruitment drive" in runescape - basically you had to swap your characters sex/gender to win a competition, still to retarded to realize but yea
I was always a maladaptive daydreamer but come puberty i started daydreaming a lot about living life as a girl, I kinda rationalized it as impossible and became a hiki chud obsessed with tsf doujin instead
i think as an adult i had a lot more breathing room to actually explore my thoughts on this stuff too, like once i'd found my place in life and wasn't bullied and had some self esteem, le maslow hierarchy meme

>>43824992
Definitely not!

I'm a tranny cause the the thought of getting any more moided makes me want to kms, simple as

as to the process of finding out, that's more confusing. at first I just fantasised about being a foid cause they seemed to just have better social lives (not to say mine sucked or anything but idk it just seemed better from a distance), somehow that ended up making me look at trans spaces online and a while after that I started noticing how wrong everything about me looked

put that way it really does seem like I just psyoped myself huh

spiraling

>>43819558
dragonfly larvae will hunt small animals like salamanders and newts

>>43824992
I'm #1 adjusted on board
>>43824997
How long did it take you? You said adult, but maslow hierarchy of needs make it seem on the older side of 20s since you'd then have shelter and safety
>>43825031
a little yeah, self-grooming into trannyhood

>>43825041
why
>>43825084
fully grown salamanders and newts?? or

>>43825100
>How long did it take you?
started DIY at 21, I'd say I realized and began searching online at 14 and properly questioned myself at 16
so that'd be like 7 yrs or so, ignoring pre-puberty/childhood
i had a job + bank acc at 16 so i think if i had access to info/edu i'd have prolly found a way to get HRT, it was 2012 so things like QHI & IHP were around
(also when i write it out it sounds like I knew with conviction but as a kid my thoughts weren't nearly as sapient - i was like mega dissociated and not there mentally from all the bullying, like lights are on but nobodys home kinda thing, more interested in escapism thru cartoons/toys and then the internet)
>seem on the older side of 20s since you'd then have shelter and safety
i still lived with parents at the time lol

>>43825363
I assumed you'd moved out due to your father bullying you for being 'gay'
I get the disassociation, I'd not focused much on it and just assumed I was a weird gay person
If I'd been a kinder person I could've trooned at like 14-16 probably if not younger

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>>43825100
maybe I can be groomed out of trannyhood...

>>43825602
ewhh what happened to the formatting

>>43819558
I think autists just get one-shotted by emotional dysregulation and victim complexes rooted in their childhood

>>43825602
Doubt it, light can't escape a black hole
>>43825624
This happens to almost every autist regardless if they turned out to be tranny or not

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>>43819558
First question:

In 1974, teams led by Burton Richter (head of SLAC) and Samuel Ting (head of brookhaven) both independently discovered the same meson particle they would respectively call Ψ and J.

The ψ meson was also named by Richter before they observed the decay pattern which happened to also resemble the symbol psi.

A pet theory I have is that Ting named it J after his daughter Jeanne Ting, which is like really sweet if that's the case and why its my head canon.

There's also a fun story I remember for the total synthesis of B12 but its probably too long. Oh and also the geometric structure of aromatic compounds like benzene being dreamt up + and gouterman's four-orbital model. Its pretty cool, science history has a lot of fun lore/drama.

Second question:

Grew up in a pretty awful household but that also meant my parents were almost entirely absent.

I grew up pretty independent and wanting to be a girl was something that slowly took up more and more space in my head until I'd realized there was this essentialist barrier that made it impossible, a physical impossibility of my body once I got my first sex-ed class in middle school.

I learned to loathe my body so much that I dreamt of castrating myself constantly, like an intrusive pattern of thought that still haunts me.

I really didn't know what it meant to be trans for awhile until like sophomore year of highschool? Repped for a few years and then started DIY when I could. I still refuse to believe it's a genetic thing or whatever honscience puts out, god forbid being a tranny is affective process, I don't buy having to pathologize ts.

>>43825433
>I assumed you'd moved out due to your father bullying you for being 'gay'
nah, it's complicated, i was way too dysfunctional back then to do that anyways
funnily enough he ended up being one of the biggest supporters in the end, we ended up really close
>I get the disassociation, I'd not focused much on it and just assumed I was a weird gay person
yea ditto, like i was too busy watching tv and collecting yugioh cards over contemplating identity anyways
though i try not to frame it that way since it plays into the TERF ideology of like 'let kids be kids' - im sure kids can figure themselves out, i never did but i was never given the tools to thrive in childhood let alone live, i'll never know what it'd be like to be a kid with self awareness to that degree
>If I'd been a kinder person I could've trooned at like 14-16 probably if not younger
like kinder to yourself in a way?

>>43825664
I actually know a fair few well adjusted autists, they just don't draw attention to themselves

>>43825692
I think it's interesting how there's been independent discoveries made across the world, sometimes in very short time order, especially before like 1900
If you don't think it's genetic what do you attribute it to? especially considering your anguish
>>43825813
Oh, that's actually quite nice how he turned out supportive. I'd have explored myself more if I wasn't poor and traumatized probably.
>like kinder to yourself in a way?
No, I used to play gmod as a teenager, I found a server I really loved and started to mod in and stuff. I'd avoid voice chat and use text only, making friends and putting off as if I were a girl
There was a transgirl once who was semi-regular, but everyoneade fun of her and called her a freak, I naively joined in even though she interested me. I tried asking her about trans stuff but she turned me away, probably assuming I was going to bully her more
Anyway then I started using voice and got called a freak a year later so

>>43825897
>Oh, that's actually quite nice how he turned out supportive
true, tho i still don't know what to make of it all, it was really confusing
he wasn't a good person but neither was/am i, we bonded over what we had even if just eachothers company
it's complicated evolved over time, we both put in effort to repair things over the years
>I'd have explored myself more if I wasn't poor and traumatized probably.
yea same same, you're not rly afforded the ability to in many ways
>There was a transgirl once who was semi-regular, but everyoneade fun of her and called her a freak, I naively joined in even though she interested me.
thats really sad, breaks my heart to read but i get the joining in part, i did similar in school so i didnt put a target on my back, i didnt consider the other person and still fucking hate myself for it
generally tho you'll never know if she was in a position to help you rly, though yeah i guess it might've been nice to have someone to speak to about it
and i don't mean it horribly but it could've been more trouble than it's worth - like I had a friend i met in a diablo clan once, he'd drink heavy nearly everyday and vent to me about his life and how he planned to kill himself etc, but i was like 15 and like wtf do i do man, shit genuinely fucked me up a bit
>Anyway then I started using voice and got called a freak a year later so
wew

>>43819666
what about the demonic twinkhons tho?

>>43825859
Do you imagine them lonely?
>>43826401
I'm glad then that repairing things over the years has worked out
Also she wasn't much older than me, even if they said the word HRT or something I might've looked into it since I was terminally online
I was still stuck on the "But...you're a boy why do you call yourself a girl" with the same amount of self-awareness as a goldfish
tried reaching out a few times in past to apologize and also thank them in a way, found out they died though
That diablo guy had issues, was he a grown alcoholic saying that?
>>43826436
dont exist

>>43819558
>>43819614
why have you turned a terf during this thread?

>>43826633
The flag or what I said?

>>43826672
the flag

>>43826685
I just keep switching flags sometimes

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>>43825897
>I think it's interesting how there's been independent discoveries made across the world, sometimes in very short time order, especially before like 1900.

Yeah! A good example was actually how QM was independently modeled by Schrodinger and Heisenberg using two different methods roughly around the same time (differential equations and matrices respectively; heisenberg came up with the matrix version before schrodinger's diff eq version funnily enough despite the diff eq form being favored for formalism in classrooms nowadays) that turned out to be completely equivalent!

>If you don't think it's genetic what do you attribute it to? especially considering your anguish.

I just think its just a bad idea both philosophically and politically to try to define transness by one thing?

I find it really essentialist that a lot of trans women swear by either the brain dimorphism thing or that some unknown series of gene expressions -> transness + its an easy target for justifying eugenics.

I guess for me, being pathologized is just a slippery slope to being controlled/managed by institutions that I think is more dangerous/harmful than whatever legitimacy it manages to acquire.

More importantly why does it matter to have a cause for being trans? Do we owe the world a reason for existing?

That's kinda my cope b/c I can't really answer why I wish I was a woman concisely either, I just wish I could be a daughter, sister, wife, mother, to someone. I worry its somehow traumagenic and my experiences being SA'd by older men during HS, and being repeatedly abused and degraded by my father who reiterate how he wish he got my sister out of the divorce settlement kinda grooming me to this.

Like somehow I got groomed by the abuse to view womanhood as a source of safety? It sounds gross and fetishistic and would hate if it could be explained that way. Or its the other way around and I'm just projecting untold thoughts unto those events.

Sorry, this is a ramble.

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>>43826572
>Do you imagine them lonely
nah they make friends just fine they just never got bullied so they're not neurotic and can pass as normies, might be a chicken and egg thing though

>>43826696
a lot of trannies are essentialists as a cope. i agree completely with becoming a bwo. the contradiction is the point. the contradiction in my identity is a mirror held to the bouegeois substrate of fascism

>>43826572
fuck my browser crashed and i lost my reply lol
>even if they said the word HRT or something I might've looked into it since I was terminally online
yeah thats why i fucking hate that they're isolating kids from info & resources on transition/trans ppl, they know what they're doing
>"But...you're a boy why do you call yourself a girl" with the same amount of self-awareness as a goldfish
the apex of my reasoning was like "men better than women" lmfao, or like i'd have a better life as a man, i was basically the proto-chud, blinders on
thing is aswell like, it's hard if not impossible to speak about those feelings with anyone beyond parents, because the person on the other side assumes massive social (if not legal now) risk discussing that with young ppl
>tried reaching out a few times in past to apologize and also thank them in a way, found out they died though
oof fuck, that must've been gut wrenching to find out esp. given the context, im really sorry nona
tho she prolly would've told you to fuck off, there's a balance between apologizing for your own sake v. theirs, even if you're truly sorry
>was he a grown alcoholic saying that?
iirc he was 22 or so, so grown but technically still young, can't remember if he knew my age tho

>>43826696
It is essentialist, but idk I'm usually ambivalent about it
If it is genetic, there wouldn't be a single gene or environmental factor that causes it, maybe you could eugenics it out a while from now if the case but idk
idc why I am the way I am, I just now it's unchangeable, and I don't think there was any deciding psychological factor that pushed me towards this
>>43826836
I always assume they made friends because of blending in
it's hard to imagine anyway my age or older that wasn't ostracized but I'm a little jaded even if I don't claim to be autistic
>>43826970
It's going to be a self-feeding cycle where they deny hrt and create depressed hons who prove to them hrt doesnt work by design
Yeah, I carry a lot of guilt from decades ago despite being in my 20s. It was likely more for my own sake I can recognize, even if truly sorry
22, so not terribly bad, but damn to hear he was struggling so bad at that age

>>43826887
oml we got people larping having read anti-oedipus on /tttt/

>>43826995
>I always assume they made friends because of blending in
in my experience friendships you make by blending in aren't worth the effort. too shallow

>>43827078
it's weird that you would get pissed off over my "misuse" of a fuzzy concept. y u so bittah?

>>43826995
>It's going to be a self-feeding cycle where they deny hrt and create depressed hons who prove to them hrt doesnt work by design
back to the 70s with egomaniac doctors lording over your life, grim
end goal where im from is to claim "transition has no benefit" and they're stacking the decks any way possible to realize that, it's crazy bad
>I carry a lot of guilt from decades ago despite being in my 20s. It was likely more for my own sake I can recognize, even if truly sorry
i guess you could say it's something to learn from right? or like lessons carved in stone, only not stone but your psyche
that's what i try and tell myself at least - feeling guilty or remorseful over what i've done is normal, good even, like i should feel bad, but i shouldn't let that weigh me down, instead it should propel me forward as an impetus of change, so I may learn from it and grow to never make such mistakes again
or something like that
>but damn to hear he was struggling so bad at that age
dude was from eastern europe i think bulgaria, he had a very hard life, i hope he's okay

>>43827142
wait no I was just joking, saying someone is larping for no reason is just kinda funny, its really impressive that you're even aware of D&G!

sorry its hard to communicate properly through text.

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>>43827241
it is i who should apologize to you. my sarcasm detector must be on the fritz again

>>43820150
fashion peaked here unironically

>>43819558
slowly realised i was girl between ages 13 to 15 but was deeply ashamed of it. tried to kms out of shame at 15 and failed because i didnt actually want to die. in the psychward i confessed to my mother i wanted to be a girl and she shouted at me about gender affirming surgeries before saying i wasn't a girl. i then told my psychologist i wanted to be a girl but she ignored me, tried to kms but for real but got caught in the ward. after that i forgot the whole trans thing. i repped extremely hard until i was 22 and living alone and felt safe enough to accept myself and started hrt

>>43827241
D&G is extremely transcoded

>>43827241
>>43827341
yall in on the dgqc reading streams? sam pride keeps me sane

>>43827192
>It's crazy bad
yeah....
>Something to learn from
It's neurotic unfortunately instead of helpful lessons, I'm a permanently flawed and evil individual
>Bulgaria
Eastern europe can be rough from what little I know, can be way worse depending on year too
>>43827323
I'm glad you were finally able to start at 22. I never understand the yelling and dismissal tactic for changing your child, it's always just abuse they call love

>>43827459
D&G is great, their work has been very influential
>>43827477
yeah. i only managed to finally transition after i moved out and cut my family off. it's only been 6 months but life has never been better, i finally care enough about myself that ive been working on my mental health with therapy, meds, and somatic work.

>>43827459
I tend to read alone sadly, and dgqc feels kinda iffy to me because of brooks and others. Maybe's its just a loud minority.

I also have a pretty heavy chemical engineering courseload atm so properly reading literature has been difficult to find time for. I'd also like to read fiction/classics once in awhile too so that makes it even harder to give time for theory.

>>43827477
>It's neurotic unfortunately instead of helpful lessons, I'm a permanently flawed and evil individual
its like staring into a mirror reading that sentence lmfao
an evil person would know how best to avoid it, im sure you're capable of good and have done good by others even if unaware, and to that end you need to be good to yourself too - you have permission to be human with all its merits and flaws, you've had a hard life by the sounds of it
most importantly though, you need to do good by yourself too, or *feel* like you've done good by yourself, in that you've acted in accordance to your own values and principles, which isn't easy for most people (hence why most dont even try, like maga)
like i live in the shadow of my past actions, i try to practice what i preach and i know its not easy if not impossible - because im a neurotic perfectionist who holds herself to insane standards, but at the same time i know that i need to move on from it and that if i dont i'll be miserable forever, haunted by my past in a cycle of self flallegation
to move on is to build a new life separate from the old, you just gotta try and try and try when you can, do whatever you can to move in that direction when you can - to me that's admirable, like i admire my dad for trying for example, despite everything that happened

>>43827519
i've been meaning to pickup reading again since the internet died, though philosophy lit comes across as a bit wordy at times (excessive prosidy or imagery to describe simple concepts, or for things i've an intuit for already), there's interesting perspectives i've picked up from others readings though
>>43827632
ah i only came across his channel last week, what strikes you as off about him? he did come across as a bit snarky and conscending when i lurked his informal stream, still even then he's a drop of fresh air for me in some regards (at least compared to the people i know online & irl)
>I'd also like to read fiction/classics once in awhile too so that makes it even harder to give time for theory.
yeah that's understandable, hope the work is interesting and/or engaging at least!

>>43827519
That's great nona :)
>>43828049
Eh not that hard a life
If I wrote a memoir it wouldnt sell
I try my best to be a good person even though it can be difficult, many people don't though yeah

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I had the usually AGP origin of doing my own makeup and wearing girls clothing when I was like 8 or 9 but whats more interesting is my repper origin story where I was crushing on the son of my babysitter when I was like 8 and since I was a kid I had no sense of being normal so I guess I was extremely obvious because my mom told me to stop talking to him. I remember her talking to the father of the kid and he was suggested I was gay which my mom denied and then he said I might be a tranny and my mom got really upset and said that would be horrible.

>>43819558
I learned that you can swallow an acrylic nail and it will pass out your body with minimal blood

>>43828331
i doubt you were very "obvious" if you have the sensitivity to internalize these conversations so thoroughly for so long. i am sorry that happened to you nona

>>43828331
That's terrible, could've been a troon at 8 if he was ur dad maybe
>>43828355
don't swallow acrylic nails, but also interesting

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>>43828359
thnx,,, she kinda ruined my life in some ways. When she found out I was gay she made me promise to not troon out. Idk why that is such a neurotic issue for some people. But now im 22 and starting hrt instead of 18 or earlier yayyyyy </3

>>43819558
>Talk about how you knew you're a tranny
i looked at passgen for the first time and realized i wanna try to transition
and i also realized why i always felt disgusted with myself when i had facial hair (i didnt think i could look good without it for a long time since i was a teenager) and why i felt so enamored when i saw a really pretty girl in 2 different kpop music videos

i still dont know anymore and i switch between like 2 personalities but it just depends on whether i look bad and didnt shave yet or not
if i feel like i look too male that day i feel like levi from attack on titan or like an immature playful boy and i still kind of have that sense of humor but if i feel pretty then i feel more feminine but i cut my hair recently which was a huge mistake though it wasnt my fault so im depressed

i also knew at 12-13 but then changed my mind about actually transitioning with hrt and just was in denial for like nearly a decade after

woaww back from the dead
>>43830929
So the feeling of gender you experience is based upon your own appearance?
l

>>43828331
I would get scolded for stealing my mom's makeup and using her nail manicure kit. It wasn't about her being transphobic at the time but that we were poor. I wasn't a mommy's boy or wanted to copy her but I would play house and dress up every chance I got with other girls and usually their parents would shut that down and stop the friendship for arbitrary reasons.

>>43828465
it do be like that tho. i remember my dad telling me once if i'm gay he'll support me but he hopes i'm not for various reasons. when he found out i was a tranner he didn't take it too well lol

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>>43830982
>So the feeling of gender you experience is based upon your own appearance?
yeah that's actually a good way to put it
i guess I'm very "defeatist" in that way
i don't really "have that dog in me" and feel actually like a girl all the time like i did when i was 12-13 but i do still think i have a good sense of style for feminine things/taste but I'm honestly just a "good actor". I'm happy that i still look at least a little bit feminine enough to where everyone usually thinks im fruity but im definitely not a femboy. i basically have gender envy but for actually feminine femboys. i also messed up my hair and had to cut it after 2 years of growing it out and i feel like a prisoner now. so i just dont feel feminine anymore, just like a slightly sassy and jaded guy who wants to feel elegant

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>>43831805
>who wants to feel elegant
*sips jasmine tea*
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=iKHB_hx-ON8

>>43819558
>chudposting
no such thing, fuck off subhuman