>>43822014
I dont have a car so i feel you

>>43822014
I experience constant agonizing loneliness ad disconnect, despite this place and online friends I can interact with on a daily basis
The last time I had an irl friend was 2015
I am inhuman

>>43822068
Why do you have a new flag in every post

>>43822019
I didn't have a car for a long time and that sucks. Used to walk everywhere and that really wasn't safe where I lived, so I hope you can get one soon

>>43822014
Oh yeah. Where I live everyone is mostly chill, and there's a local pride group with a couple of trannies in it, but I don't really have any friends and certainly no close ones.

>>43822014
I dont even have online friends and i live in a shitty rightwing desert state.....
Do i just end it?

>>43822014
are you in like kentucky?

>>43822075
I like seeing all the flags

>>43822068
Makes me really sad to see you in particular say that. Anyone'd be lucky to have you as a friend, you seem incredibly kind. Are there any pride events near you that you might be able to go meet people at? Easier said than done, I know, but maybe there'd be someone to connect with there

>>43822092
Close, Ohio
>>43822086
I'm sure you can at least get yourself some online friends :)
Every once in a while this board will make a thread good for finding people to talk to. You just have to start a conversation and see if you can keep it going long enough to ask them to chat somewhere else

>>43822119
Everytime i do that i get ghosted or theyre a shitty person or they tell me they love me then stop talking to me after a couple months

>>43822102
There's a few, but I get extremely anxious/paranoid in large settings if I'm alone and I don't have anyone to go with
If I went to pride act tried to say hi or smth and they didn't hear me
i'll eventually have a breakdown and be convinced it was a set-up to watch me fail and humiliate myself for others amusement and in this case if I went would attribute to you in this hypothetical for telling me to go
but thank you anon, I'm glad you think i'm kind

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>>43822134
A lot of the people here aren't doing well, try not to hold it against them too much. There's definetly luck involved. Don't give up on yourself, you deserve to have some good friends :)

>>43822134
>>43822162
Also i had a rly close friend i talked to everyday for so ling and she started doing rly bad and ended up killing herself :(
She was like the last person to be my friend

>>43822151
God, I relate to nearly every single thing you said. "Easier said than done" was really an understatement. Maybe there's some quieter spaces you could try? Maybe smaller's a better word, I'm not sure. Or check tagmap and see if you can make a friend and eventually meet up. I don't know, I'm so jealous of my one friend who really gets this stuff, she always impresses me. I have no interest in hurting you, though. I can say that much

>>43822178
I'm so sorry. For both of you. I can't imagine how hard that must've been. Makes me way sadder now that your first post was asking about ending it :(
I promise you that there's more good people in the world. I really wish neither of you had to go through that, though

>>43822151
Ya i would be ur friend irl, you are really nice and cool

I have to go to sleep, but I'm glad I stayed up this long to talk to everyone. Maybe you can use this thread to meet some people, try talking to others who post in it. If it's still up in the morning, I'll be back. Love you guys, be safe please

>>43822191
I'll look into some things too see if there's really small events, I could also check tagmap
I'm sorry you relate to so much of what I said, and relationally I know you don't, just not when I get into those situations
I hope things improve for you nona, you're also kind

>>43822248
If only..
I think I'm actually a decent friend irl, as long as it's 1 person, 2 people and I go silent

>>43822279
I get that, in groups of friends i def get more quiet

>>43822014
if it's any consolation i'm in a city full of trannies walking distance from me and i still self sabatoge enough to feel lonely and disconnected from everyone

I had this online friend (ftm) who really helped me to get better. After two years of being friends, we finally met when he came to a concert at my city. I thought it would be awkward since both of us were more of introverts, but we really bonded together. When we got to say goodbye, i gifted him a necklace and he gifted me a ring. Everyday, everytime i wear it, it helps me to remember every connection i made is real, and that im loved

>>43822151
>>43822191
Oh man I member being this messed up after some effective enough childhood bullying, I was lucky to have some pity friends as a kid to at least keep some social life.
Ngl I get the itch to be a friend of peeps like that just so I can run interference and make them feel at ease in social situations, to get that exposure therapy going.
As soon as you find someone so that you're not alone, you can go to so many more places, just to check them out, and when things are not magically vibing with the rest of the peeps, you two can keep hanging out in the common area regardless, without feeling like an outcast weirdo. As you continue to do this, it greatly increases the chance of meeting other people you vibe with.
Seriously with the loneliness epidemic (thanks zucc & friends), everyone that's solo should have an "emotional support dog" in human form (undercover ofc), we're wasting so many lives due to this social isolation shit.
/rant

>>43822260
Thank you and I wish you luck! :)

>>43822014
this is why i dont make online friends anymore id rather be alone than watch myself get left out and have to pretend everything is ok

>>43822014
Unfortunately, the solution is moving. I struggled making frens for years and then I moved somewhere better and I don't have any problems with it now

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it’s incredibly hard for me to find friends,, i have a lot of interests, i love getting to know people, but it just seems so so hard to get close to someone, even just online,,

>>43825155
I wouldn't go that far. But maybe just because I met the best friends I've ever had online. It hurts, but being able to have that connection at all is worth it
>>43826712
I just don't even know where I'd go. And I've unfortunately kinda locked myself in here for a bit. Even when I think about moving closer to the friends I was talking about, what the hell is an american tranny gonna do in the blakans? I'll have to figure out something eventually, though

>>43822014
Redmans lament spotted

>>43826985
If you live in Ohio, move to Chicago

>>43829167
Love Redman's Lament, everyone watch The Gmod Stream, pls
>>43829521
I considered that when I finally got away from my family, I just got scared because I didn't know how I'd even make a living somewhere else. I'm admittedly a bit fragile in multiple senses. That might be my next move once I have enough stability to consider it again

>>43830286
U got based taste

>>43830316
I just found it through the normal creepypasta retrospective video, which you should also watch if you haven't already seen it

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>>43822014
i havent had a normal social life for 3 years bc of family problems and ive accepted being alone
i just have fucked up "stats" or luck like how people have different luck in different aspects of their life like romance, friendship, money
i made a friend here but i think she ghosted me (i also thought i got signs she committed suicide but im trying not to trust stuff like that atm and i saw someone post something about ghosting someone in a thread that seemed like something she might have said)
i dont have online friends anymore either because i stopped wanting to talk to them because of how abnormally fucked up my life became and i cant relate to people with normal lives anymore, it upsets me to talk to them

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>>43830689
I hope your life isn't so fucked up now. I don't know how bad it was, but I can relate a little bit. When I said I was fragile earlier in the thread, part of that is that I think I have some pretty severe ptsd. A lot of it's been hitting me pretty hard lately and I've realised that I have to learn to live like a normal person somehow. Constantly anxious, though. I don't really trust people who try to talk to me. I don't suggest it, but all of my friends but one I only met because I was drunk enough to try to connect. I'm still constantly scared of all of them to some extent. Just powering through until one day I can hopefully feel safe

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>>43830855
>I think I have some pretty severe ptsd
same i have it too and actually have been having multiple nightmares about my father recently which is very bad and long story short apparently the restraining order that got issued on him for assaulting me may actually end sooner than expected if he pays some fee so we will see what happens heehee
>I have to learn to live like a normal person somehow
i cannot
i have ultra severe bad ocd and my meds (ssris) dont really make it go away and a lot of my issues with it are also related to paranormal/spiritual stuff and ive had experiences with it and it also makes me notice tons of shit i cant do because it causes bad luck like drinking certain types of tea or using certain things as my phone wallpaper and it happens EVERY time so i basically feel like im playing "scary maze game" in real life 24/7
>Just powering through until one day I can hopefully feel safe
i have lost so much and my life has become so insane that ive just given up and just do the bare minimum and just deal with whatever happens as it comes. seeing a quote from a scene from aot that said "No one ever knows how things will turn out." yesterday helped me
im becoming much worse and more careless/reckless/childish because nothings really getting better but im hoping. my main issues atm are family problems and money problems
the car i share w my mom broke too recently and i had to walk home w heavy groceries for the first time (i live in the us where its not normal and it takes forever to walk anywhere) and on the way home i felt really ashamed and confused and sad and wondered if i really deserve whats happening to me. i felt like Satoshi from Higurashi (picrel)
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=KyMzLp80GyU
and thanks for the kind wishes <3 i hope things get better for you too

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>>43831018
this helped me too

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>>43831018
>>43831067
A man should withstand everything Yeah~

>>43831018
The nightmares suck, I'm sorry. I usually don't sleep deep enough to dream which is good and bad. I've always struggled sleeping in general, though. I'm sure that's not unfamiliar to you. I don't know how restraining orders work, but that seems REALLY fucked up that you can more or less pay to have it shortened. I hope you can just get a new one because that's stupid. I have a friend who has pretty bad ocd, so I can only imagine how hard that must be in combination of everything else. I can only really offer my sympathies on that one
>i have lost so much and my life has become so insane
That one I can understand again. I've only survived as long as I have because I went a bit insane for a long time. I only realised it recently because I've started getting more lucid. I end up getting sad a lot. Was on the verge of crying earlier because I finally came down from a panic I'd been in since this morning. Kinda feeling it again. I use alcohol to keep me at a bit of an in between, but obviously that's not a great fix. My memory's kinda shot at this point, I hope that also gets a bit better soon. I just try to get by on my bad days and try to make things better when my brain is functioning. It really sucks. Family problems are always rough and based on what you said openly, I imagine things are hard there. And no car is even worse. I only had to do the grocery thing once, but yeah, it isn't fun, so I hope you get the car back soon. I wish I was more familiar with Higurashi so I more knew what you meant. I'm only familiar with some of the music and that's very pretty, at least. Same as the song you shared. And thank you :)
I'm sure we can both make it eventually

>>43830661
Of course ive already seen it
Peak youtube. Im excited for divine hammer.......

>>43831503
Same! I wanted to see it in the theater so bad, but the closest showing was still a 4 hour drive on a monday night, lmao. As soon as it's online, I'm watching it right away

Same here bro

No car+online school means I have near 0 social contact irl, shit sucks.

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>>43831466
>I just try to get by on my bad days and try to make things better when my brain is functioning.
I get this but I'm basically just getting by 24/7, i feel like picrel
>I only realised it recently because I've started getting more lucid. I end up getting sad a lot. Was on the verge of crying earlier because I finally came down from a panic I'd been in since this morning. Kinda feeling it again. I use alcohol to keep me at a bit of an in between, but obviously that's not a great fix.
I was coping much worse a few months ago but honestly idk i just try to distract myself with things i like as much as i can like going through "aesthetic"/photograpby stuff on pinterest and tumblr or listening to music or occasionally reading either higurashi or umineko (the vns not the manga), but lately its been getting "stale" so i came on here for the first time in a while because not socializing for too long does irritate me but the only other board i like is /x/ which is mostly us talking about the same things we cant get actual answers about (religion/spirituality questions) so its not so helpful always unless theres something interesting up or if i want to discuss something specific
>I wish I was more familiar with Higurashi so I more knew what you meant.
It's cause he just got really unlucky with his family/life situation in the story and i just felt sad for his character because he was really sweet but also got a really bad hand and basically was the character out of the whole cast who got a sad(ish) ending so far anyway cause i havent finished it. my emotions/situation made me think of his character and situation at the part of the story where he appears

>>43831601
Same, which makes me mad cause im in a major city it shld be showing here....
Hearing them talk about it makes me so excited, makes me wanna make my own movie. Movies will always be my number 1 passion

>>43831665
>basically just getting by 24/7
I get that. It's a bit of an empty statement, but it'll pass some day. You've at least got some healthier coping methods. Music used to be mine. Socialising is so difficult. It's much easier for me to just come on here, so I understand. It's just not always fulfilling. This thread staying alive has been a godsend, though considering every single one of my friends managed to make me scared today. Just a rough day in general. I guess I could've put some of that together through context for Satoshi, lol. But I understand better now, so I'm glad I asked. Sorry for the really slow responses, btw. Been drinking, if you couldn't tell, and just kinda messing around and not realizing how much time has passed

>>43832103
>though considering every single one of my friends managed to make me scared today.
what happened? i really hate stressful situations
>Sorry for the really slow responses, btw.
It's ok

>>43832039
Same, there's like 3 major cities closer to me, but no luck with any of them. And same on the movies. I have a friend who wants to make a movie and I desperately wish I could actually help her. And I have something that'll probably end up being a mixed media project that I would love to involve her with, but we're thousands of miles apart. I really don't have it in me to do it on my own at this point, so I hope either I move closer or get it together soon, lol

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>>43832103
>You've at least got some healthier coping methods.
Also yeah this I thought about sometimes that I'm glad i dont like drugs or self harm or anything cause i realized some people have really really bad coping mechanisms. I have my own bad habits like liking some unhealthy food but it's mostly just occasional sweets and white bread with butter
Music is always good. Creative stuff in general helps me the most, i kind of got forced to use creative stuff to cope because part of my situation involves having lost my pc and some other stuff so i basically only have a phone now and can't play video games i liked, but reading vns i guess counts but i just do that thriugh youtube walkthroughs, and i mainly prefer vns for their soundtracks and have only actually read a few. I've listened to more vn soundtracks than played vns
Ah i also like drinking tea too cause it makes me feel nice emotionally. Jasmine green tea is my fav cause something in it makes me feel calm and comfortable while regular green tea feels more rough and i just feel alert and not as relaxed

>>43832161
Woke up to a concerning message from one, (ended up being fine, thank god) my best friend was just acting super weird and said like the meanest thing she's ever said to me and the tried to oretend like it didn't happen and her girlfriend just agreed that it wasn't said, (she's never done something like this. I think I pissed her off by messing with her too much, but it's more the acting like she didn't say it that freaks me out) and my other friend is in a constant state of scaring me because I hear from her like once every 2 weeks or so and I usually just don't know if she's okay. May need to message her again to see if she responds. Okay, I have one friend that didn't scare me today, but that's only because I was terrified of him for no reason other than my own paranoia last week and it's beem cleared up now and I did not hear from him, so he didn't really get the chance again

>>43832184
Mhm, i realized that like, i cant make any of the kinda art i want cause i just dont have irl friends anymore lol. Theres an interview with Matt Johnson where he just says "if you wanna be a director and you dont have a TON of friends then youre FUCKED"
Idk learning animation would be fun, thats something i can do by myself ive always wanted to do but it takes so much time.....

>>43832206
It's kinda funny to me that I find it hard to even see those things as bad coping mechanisms because I've always eaten like garbage, lmao. That's just a treat. I'm glad you at least know that having that isn't too bad for you. Just don't do too much. Lack of pc sucks. I only got a good one a few years ago and now idk what I'd do without it. Same with the video games, that sucks, too. Creative stuff does help. I need to get back to making my own stuff. It's a really nice way to vent. I have read a total of 0 vns, so you're beating me. Really wanna check out Umineko, though. I just know that I'll have to be able to focus for that. I don't think I've ever had jasmine green tea. I like regular green tea, so I'll have to give that a try

>>43825155
yep same, i can no longer do online communication, except for this transactional shouting into the void. ive lost and am losing what remains, except for those i can meet irl. the mind is slowly starting to enforce boundaries, maybe to push me to do what i needed to do decades ago. maybe it will work, maybe it won't

>>43832257
I've needed to watch Nirvana the Band the Show for years. Matt Johnson sounds like a cool guy and all I heard last year was that the movie was one of the best to come out at the time. I've always admired animators. That is an intense artform. If you go for it, that's awesome, just know that it is a lengthy process. I need to learn to draw better before I could even attempt that, lmao

>>43832464
Ive been keeping up with nirvana since the web show days, seeing the movie in theatres made me so fucking emotional. His work is one of thr most inspiring things in the world to me and everytime i hear him talk all i can think is how i need to get off my ass and make something
Also you dont need to be a good artist to start learning, animating helps you become a better artist. Hideaki anno is famously one of the best animators in japan and he can NOT draw. Even miyazaki said so

>>43832509
Obviously I can't relate with him specifically since I don't know his work at all, but I know the feeling. Went on vacation last year to see a concert for the first time in my life and got the same thing. Even the creepypasta retrospective did that to me a little, lol. Art's amazing
>Anno can't draw
That's incredibly funny to me, but is also inspiring. Hate to say that the only work of his that I've actually watched is Shin Godzilla, which, as a live action movie, does not involve animation outside of cgi. Need to get on Eva. Two of my friends are very into it

>>43822086
but important if ur in tuc or phx

>>43832569
Eva is my favorite piece of art its so good. But his first live action movie, Love and Pop is just as good to me. Its based on a ryu murakami novel and it was all shot with camcorders and no permits. Shin godzilla is actually the only thing of his havent seen yet.....
Also yea i remember going to a concert for the first time a few years ago and it was amazing. Ive gone to several others since and i always get intense passionate feeling each time

>>43832597
Salt lake

>>43832614
I've heard a lot of people say that about Eva. I just missed out because I tried to watch it with the wrong person when I was a kid, lmao. I'll keep Love and Pop in mind, too. I've been wanting to check out more Japanese live action stuff. Shin Godzilla is really good. Like, I haven't seen a ton of Godzilla movies, but it's still one of my favorites. Maybe my favorite overall. It's definetly different for the franchise, though. Really hoping it gets the sequel that's been rumored. There's a bunch of unused concept art from when the first one came out that I'd love to see put to screen, but I doubt the studio would give Anno enough freedom for it. I'd love to go to more concerts. I've missed out on some that I really wanted to see over the past few years just because of time constraints

>>43832620
literally not a desert

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>>43832772
god don't get me started, I could talk about Japanese films for HOURS. I actually haven't seen much kaiju or Godzilla at all, which is why I haven't tried Shin yet
My first concert was like, 5 years ago I think? It was the Cure when I was living in NYC. I've also seen Xiu Xiu, NIN, Swans. I'm thinking of seeing Boa this month and for sure am gonna see Gilla Band later in the year. I was gonna see Boris, Mass of Fermenting Dregs, and Aesthetic Perfection but missed all those shows cause of work/money trouble :/

>>43832802
I've only seen a couple of Japanese films so far. Just got lazy looking for them. Seen a couple of Miike films, the original Ring, Battle Royale, and a bunch of random Godzilla movies. If you've never seen the first Godzilla, I highly suggest that one. Another one of my favorites. If you have any specific suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them. Work is the bane of my existence. My new job is why I missed the show I wanted to go to the most and it might've been my last chance to see them, so fuck me, I guess. I know a few of the artists you mentioned, but I'm honestly not super familiar with any of them, but that's super cool, even if I'm a music pleb :p
I think I have to go to sleep now, lol. I have to be up in a few hours, but I'll reply then if you post again. Thread should still be up. Lots of fun talking to you, goodnight :)

>>43822014
i understand but more in way i have no friends at all