It feels like there is no way to live a decent life as someone who just cannot pass or look ok.I can cope alright by being a shut-in and escapistmaxxing but I can't make friends, love, go outside etc. I'm just a shut-in. Is there a trick?I am 3.5 years hrt and I've had FFS for the record (never malefailed).
>>43824841just accept you're one of the unlucky ones. the majority of troons don't pass.
>>43824880I know, but at least they typically aren't very self-aware and manage to cope with it just fine. I can't.
>>43824901they're delusional, it confuses me too
The trick is to have cis friends who treat you like a girl even when you don't look like one.I can't help you with going outside or love because I don't do those either, but I guarantee you that you can make friends without even leaving the house. You can meet them online.
>>43824958I don't even let my trans friends online treat me "like a girl", it's too cringe when I am male in every way. Can't imagine how it would feel having CIS people IRL do that. Like even when I go to the surgeon or laser or endo I insist on being called he.
>>43824983> I sabotage my own transition and I give myself dysphoriaI know the feeling, I understand feeling like you're not enough, like you don't deserve it, but I don't think I've ever gone so far as to sabotage myself in that way.I highly suggest you try to be kind to yourself and stop doing that. Let them do it, let them do it enough times until you get used to it.
>>43825360I am not sabotaging anything, I am just asking for what makes me the least uncomfortable.Being seen as a tranny or gay while I look like a man makes me actually shake with disgust and horror.
>>43825410You're still gonna be seen as a tranny, just a weird tranny without self-respect.It's like that greentext with the boymoder who presented herself by her deadname and then kept flinching whenever anyone called her that, thus making everyone else uncomfortable because they knew they were hurting her.At some point, you just have to accept that you're gonna be seen as a tranny and it's not so bad.
>>43825481Currently I am not seen as a tranny, in fact I do my best to be seen as a heterosexual man by my family, I even pretend to have had a gf etc.And honestly I wouldn't care that much about being seen as a troon if I at least looked decent. Being seen as an ugly mannish hon through? I really don't want that.
>>43825582i feel the same way, if i can't be a passoid i'd rather be a man
>>43825582I get it. I can't say I don't. It's up to you if you wanna stay in the closet.I don't think it makes sense to do it with the people actively providing you with gender-affirming healthcare like your endocrinologist. My laser tech was really nice and accepting and I'm glad I told her. I don't think it makes sense with your friends who know you're trans, either. It is your choice, though.I absolutely guarantee you, though, the overwhelming majority of people wouldn't look at you with the kind of disgust you yourself do.
>>43825642My endo is a troon so it's kind of an outlet to vent my unhappiness to force her to call me sir etc.As for my friends and other professionals I just get a deep feeling of cringe which makes me shiver when they pity gender me. God I wish I could look ok. The Gods are cruel.
>>43825686is your endo a hon
>>43825701Late transitioner (started in like mid 40s) but short. Face okay ish after surgery, and very passoid voice. Definitely mogs me despite being around twice my age lol.
>>43825701does she relate to your feelings?
>>43825686>My endo is a troon so it's kind of an outlet to vent my unhappiness to force her to call me sir etc.That's so mean :(Please be kind to our sister who is only trying to help you> As for my friends and other professionals I just get a deep feeling of cringe which makes me shiver when they pity gender me.I get it, but I think it would be better for you to try and navigate that until you become more comfortable with it, to step out of your less-discomfort zone, to endure that "feeling of cringe" in the short term so you can be better off in the long term.If you don't let anyone else, at least let our sister refer to you as a woman.
>>43825750Nah not at all.Gave me a SUPER CRINGE speech about how I have a little girl inside of me that I need to let out and everything.Also called me autistic so many times I nearly started crying because I felt terrible.Also wasn't aware of Blanchard's typology and I had to explain it to her, instead she was talking about Serano.And finally has a Wackovski sisters wallpaper.
>>43825772call her agp
>>43825772>Gave me a SUPER CRINGE speech about how I have a little girl inside of me that I need to let out and everything.She's so cool, I wish her the best> Also called me autistic so many times I nearly started crying because I felt terrible.There's nothing wrong with being autistic, anon... although I do get that it can come across as mean in certain contexts :(>>43825772>Also wasn't aware of Blanchard's typology and I had to explain it to her,BASED> instead she was talking about Serano.She seems incredibly based, I love her.You're really lucky to have her.>>43825799KYS
>>43825772Also she's trying to forcefem me into at least showing signs of femininity here and there or whatever.She doesn't get I want to look cute. I want to pass or at least look good.I don't want to wear women's clothes or whatever, that's so secondary, I want to stop wanting to vomit and feeling weird at the knee when I see my fucking reflection and several rounds of FFS havn't fixed that.>>43825769I don't want to be referred to as a woman when I look like a man. I do admit that triggering her out of ressentiment is pretty pathetic and I should stop that tho. But she's the one always bringing that up anyway.>>43825799Eh she gives me a preferential price despite my status as a "student" being very approximative nowadays so I will try not to get on her bad side.>>43825808She's a good endo, very thorough. But yeah. It doesn't solve my issue which is being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
>>43824841you dont, but the sad part is you have to actually try to be a tranny before you can accept you arent going to pass and being trans is a waste of time, even if as a repper you look at yourself and its so obvious you will never pass or would need a godlike ffs, but you have to try anyway to really let it sink in that hrt really doesnt do anything. everyone that passes looked like girls pre-hrt
>>43825910Ain't that the truth..
>>43825843>Also she's trying to forcefem me into at least showing signs of femininity here and there or whatever.I love her. I hope you take her advice, when you feel ready.> She doesn't get I want to look cute. I want to pass or at least look good.I guarantee you that she does. We all do. We all want to be cute, we all want to be pretty. But at some point we accept looking like an ugly woman to be preferable to looking like a man.> I want to stop wanting to vomit and feeling weird at the knee when I see my fucking reflection andDon't we all?I don't know what you look like, but is there any chance that you do look ok and you have some form of dysmorphia?> She's a good endo, very thorough. But yeah. It doesn't solve my issue which is being stuck between a rock and a hard placeWhat about your surgeon? Do you think it's their fault that you still feel this way after several surgeries?
>>43825985>ugly womanaka man in a dress
>>43826002Not what I was referring to. I meant that not every transition will produce someone looking like Hunter Schafer, not every cis woman is attractive either, and you have to be OK with looking like an ugly cis woman when you decide to transition.Some people are able to come to terms with looking like a man in a dress, others aren't.
>>43825985The first surgeon was a pooner and I feel quite disappointed with the jaw and chin work.But I mean my face was super bad from the start anyway.Second was ok I guess.I don't know exactly why I look so male. Guess it's just the sheer size of my face + neck thickness + midface + whatev
>>43826039that's why i hrtrep
What'a your voice like, OP?If you present male, I'm guessing you still use a male voice?
>>43826134I present male and use a male voice, of course.But that's not what makes me dysphoric, my appearance is.
>>43826159You should voice train. You complain about never malefailing but if someone thought you were a man and then heard a woman's voice come out of you there's a high chance they'd just think you were an ugly woman.
>>43826180Believe me, non one is going to assume I'm an "ugly woman" lol.They'd just assume I'm a faggot and I do my utmost to avoid that.
>>43826180you sound delusional, most troons just look like men
>>43826244dumb statement. selection bias. when you see the ones that don't look like men, you can't tell they're "troons" to begin with.
>>43826193hi OP, I do the same thing when I manmode, but it's worth voice training to help get yourself out of your hovel and into girlmoding IRL
>>43824841live vicariously by being a mama tranny to the young 'moders until they abandon you for cis society
>>43826272statistics show that the majority don't pass
>>43826277this drawing including facial hair of all things is stupid. regardless of how masculine your face is, you can shave and get laser.
>>43826273I dont plan on ever girlmoding.I still have to get rhinoplasty but after that is done and I still dont malefail (and I know I won't), i'll give up entirely.>>43826277I'd rather fucking kill myself.I feel no kinship for trannies whatsoever.I'd rather be a rapist pedophile murderer than what you described.
>>43826296I haven't seen any such statistics, but even if it were true "not pass" and "look like men" aren't the same thing.There's a "looking like a tranny" middle point that's distinct from both looking like a man and looking like a cis woman.
>>43826302at a certain point a hon stops caring
>>43826309>after that is done and I still dont malefailThis shouldn't be the standard.If you get all your surgeries, wear makeup, dress like a woman, sound like a woman, and still don't pass, that would be the point at which giving up is justified in my opinion.> I feel no kinship for trannies whatsoever.Skill issue.We're here trying to help you because we do care for our sisters and so should you :(
>>43826335the idea of sisters is so funny, like a youngshit passoid and a john 50 have anything in common
>>43826159can we hear your man voice? im genuinely curious.
>>43826389It sounds like a normal nerd's voice with a strong accent.
>>43824880The majority of cisgendered women don't pass. This is the issue with the term passing and how a bunch of shitheads used it to target the trans community. It's doublespeak for pretty passing.
>>43826515the majority of cis women look male?
>>43826532By the standards I see proliferated, especially around these parts. Yes. There are outliers but people just tend to look like their parents regardless of gender with more or less expressed genetics that can skip generations
>>43826331get busy honning or get busy dieing
>>43824841>How do you cope with being a never passer?I drink
>>43826610cis women can get away with having one or two individual deviations from the norm and still pass. trans women are nothing but those deviations from the norm and thus most don't pass
>>43826639>cis women can get away with having one or two individual deviations from the norm and still passtrue> trans women are nothing but those deviationsvery pessimistic to the point of being transphobic
>>43826639Most people don't have just one or two. They have things like makeup and style with secondary traits such as regional dialects, emphasized behaviors, and sex characteristics they can all be learned and achieved through affirming care. There is no discussion here from people like you. It's just going to be a never ending moving of goalposts since most people have enough tact to avoid admitting how shallow, sexist, or transphobic they are. All of which is ridiculous on an anonymous forum of all places.
>>43826720It's not pessimistic, it's just true unfortunately.
>>43824841Simple detransition, or don't transition on the first place
>>43826639>>43826720>>43826769Why is it true and why is it unfortunate if it is true?
>>43826789> t. transphobic faggot>>43826841> why is it unfortunate if people who desperately need to be women, and want to kill themselves when they look like men, are unable to look like women?lol
>>43826854Why would they desperately need to be women here? I'm gay and I was much more feminine childhood than most of these so-called trans women. IWhy can't they just be gay, or accept being feminine males?They don't need to go any further with it, otherwise they're just sick in the head
>>43826881>otherwise they're just sick in the headwe are
>>43826881glad you had a supportive environment i guess
>>43826893Thank youI believe most so-called transgender women, are just gay boys who were punished for being feminine in childhood
>>43826881Because of a medical condition known as "gender incongruence". Trans women are not like you. It's not just that they like men, since not all trans women like men. It's not just that they want to be feminine, since men can be feminine and even though almost all trans women want to be feminine, not all do. It's literally a medical condition. Being a woman is not a means to an end, it is the end unto itself. You cannot settle for being male because that is the problem itself.I hope what I wrote gave you some insights.>>43826932This is objectively wrong, most of us are bi/pan and some of us are lesbians therefore this objectively does not explain most trans women's experiences.
>>43826949The real difference here, you believe this and I don't
>>43826881"Why can't you just be feminine men" is never a good faith question>>43826961case in point. ignoring a well-written answer to what you asked.kys, faggot
>>43824841It's called repression my friend.
>>43826961"I don't believe in cancer"Thanks, anon, you just cured my stage 4 liver cancer. I feel so much better now. I'll be sure to tell other cancer patients they can just snap their fingers and accept that they're healthy people.
>>43824841>How do you cope with being a never passer?cringe response but whenever it gets too much i just stop eating. feel too big? just stop eating and you get smaller, simple as. my favorite delusion is that i have fat inside my lower ribs and if i just get skinny enough theyll get pulled in
>>43826983I believe in every case of a 'transgender woman', is a failed gay man who fails to come out as gay.
>>43827046Your belief is demonstrably wrong but what do you care? You already know everything, your opinion could never be changed by something as insignificant as facts or reality.
