I've had a lot on my mind lately. I don't even know where to start. Well for beginners, I don't think I hate anyone anymore. I used to be transphobic because of societal misogyny, but it was kind of forced. I'm starting to think of things in a more existencial way now, we're all frauds. I got overly irritated with annoying internet people as a teen and it made me blind to the real stuff of how actually feel.
>>43833895Why come here to talk to someone?Also, what specifically about misogyny made you transphobic?
>>43833921I don't know where to go and I want to talk with a trans woman I think because I think they might understand but probably not because no one never does. I just think in stupid vague gibbrish.That whole thing is complicated but Bio Women are historically oppressed but it's not about that it's never been. it's about the idea, I'm not devaluing btw everthing is fake. We're all playing pretend. This whole society thing is a huge pretend game. I always thought that people should do whatever they want. And I was hateful because I was frustrated with all the things that happened with me and looking at people hate on a group of people made me feel like I belonged. This silly feeling went away when I became an adult though.
>>43833963What's with the 'we're all playing pretend' stuff though? what do you even meanjoining in on hating a group/person because you're angry and others like you doing the same is normal as a teen, but alot don't grow out of it like this
>>43833994It's a bunch of gibbrish but we don't live in nature anymore. Things are made up. The idea of a woman was vaguely based off the biological female but it grew into it's own thing that they are both alien to eachother. Cis women are female but they aren't more women than you because they're still spending every waking moment to fit into this magical persona they have in their head. I guess maybe normie women don't but I feel like I'm not a real woman even though I'm female. Like I don't feel like a male or some gendershit I feel like I'm a monster desperately trying to play pretend but one day people will see through and see my true form and it makes me panic. I've been traumatized a lot through my formative years so multiple things are fucked. I can't do anything but continue living.
>>43834044That seems more like you're feeling inhuman or in psychosis than a revelation about humanity reallypart is true though, nature has been dead for centuries, and as technology continues everything will grow more meaninglesswhats there in 1000 years when sex is unnecessary for population, if there's real equality between all genders and races?most fear is primal and evolutionary based on avoidance of change and unknowncis women and trans women both play ac active role in society and will blame biology, psychology, or something else but scores introspection particularly on the side of cis women to see its all been an actHumans are so very close and with little sexual dimorphism, enforced societal role's and biological functions like nursing or birth were kept because there's no alternative, there's no divine feminine, there's scarcity, hence technological progress inexorably eliminating sex once everything can be made artificial
>>43833895>i wanna talk to a tranny about how gender is constructedread julia serano while nodding along and saying yes and mhm every once and a while for a close approximation>>43834044and also read wittgenstein with the same setup as above but pretend hes an egg for humourous effecthalf-jokes aside, what i think you might be dealing with, nona, is brainworms. normally, theyre not supposed to get to you, because youve had a shield over you from it, your cagab. but you've put that away for the good of other people, so now you are subject to all the absurd thoughts we have to deal with.
>>43834088I grew up as an internet addict so the virtual world has always been more real to me. When I dream it's always been somewhat digital. I'm not in psychosis I think, I've always thought this weird hard to explain stuff and recently I've been hanging around this group of people who talk a lot about these topics. My dad passed away though and my current fixation on the nature of reality got worse. But I have to keep going, there's no way out but through. I always thought the idea of someone who was orginally male to chose a female avatar out of their true, honest desire was charming to me.
>>43834121I really need to read more but I genuinely appreciate the recs. I've never really had a shield against brainworms but they either get better or worse. I feel so awful all the time gosh, I waking up and I shower, I even went to the cinema yesterday with friends but I constantly feel as if I'm being torn apart.
Is there a better place to talk?This post was triggered by me watching tadc in theaters. But I've been going through it, existencially. Jax is a dipshit and the writing was flawed af, but even with all of that I had empathy for Gooseworx and Jax. It was obviously very self indulgent, but I'm also hyper self indulgent - I only think about myself! I've had a saviour complex so people who are so insistent on fucking themselves over kind of drive me to push back against that. Why won't you let me in? I know how you feel! And the fight Jax had with her mother reminded me of my mom when I came out as a lesbian. There was so much screaming I had to push the door so she wouldn't come in.
>>43835287https://dominoclub.itch.io/good-writers-are-perverts
>>43835430Holy shit thank you for responding with this. I read it and agree with it. You have to let fear go to truly make good work, you can't hold back. A lot of my current suffering and inactivity is due to the shame that was developed in me. When I reached puberty is when I started to create, draw, write, I even tried programminhg, all to make some sort of imaginary inner fantasy come true. I meditated and every night I used to imagine fully complex worlds just to fullfill my desires, my fetishes, my woes and my childish needs. Then the shame kicked in, I got excluded and all I had suffered until that point caught up to me. I had realize how truly weird I was, that maybe my differences that I previously thought made me special like a main character were the differences that made an excluded abomination. So at 12 years old I stopped everything, I stopped coding I stopped drawing, everything. After that I dedicated myself to celibacy and skinwalking and discipline, so I wouldn't turn out to be a shame to my family. That lasted until I was 15 and I had an arguement with my sister and mother and finally straight up confirmed, everyone else isn't repressing, I'm the only one who feels that way, I'm gay, I'm a homo. Then I told my mom, she looked at me weird, tried insisting to somehow implant the idea that I was just being silly, and I felt shame again. I need to break free of this shell. Or else I'll be nothing. Maybe I'm thinking more of this because of my father's passing, I could die tomorrow, and I wouldn't have made a single thing, because I was too scared to reveal myself, I was scared to be vulnerable.
>>43835839wasn't expecting that to have such an impact lol but glad it did ig
