I haven't visited my family in like half a decade. I was going to. I had a ticket bought. But i didnt get on the plane. I felt tremendous guilt for having chosen my solitude over catching up with them.I mulled the dopamine numbers over in my head and no matter how i cut it spending 1 week away from my actual home just isnt pleasurable at all.Sure itd be fun for like 1 day. But an entire week? Im sorry but im a working lass. I just cant get much dopamine out of spending time with my family for an entire week.Ive never been the sappy kind, im rather cold i know. Some might even say callous or even cruel. But i have to think of my happiness. As a working adult i only get so much free time.I dont want to spend it in a country i dont care for with people i rarely if ever think about.They didnt do anything wrong their only crime i suppose is not being entertaining, i jest. My thesis is that i dont think an adult male brained individual such as myself should be expected to be all sappy and catch up with relatives. Ive never been a family person, nor even a friend person. People have expressed much affection for me but i never much for them. I have less love to give it seems. Nonetheless, i apologize for being a pos scumbag. I apologize for hurting those who raised me fine.I apologize for caring not enough.And i will make some effort to visit. For 2 days sometime...i can crunch those numbers just about
