how do you guys cope with the hopelessness of being a perma-manmoder?8 years hrt, but I still live and present as a guy. been more depressed lately, a lot more. realizing i will never have a chance to live as myself truly and freely. that i must keep who i truly am locked away and buried somewhere deep and dark. the despair at realizing i will never be a mother, but a strange faggot man, who met an untimely death, and was buried by his mother. wearing a suit, under a slab of stone, etched with a name that only brings pain. no dignity reserved for a creature such as that, not even in the death. truth, happiness, freedom, ways of living that never happened for it. nothing more than the emerald light, always out of grasp, always out of reach. the light quietly fades to black.
>>43891122stop posting ropefuel and start voice training and saving money for ffs
>>43891134
Lowkey very fembrained to be such a spineless pussy that you haven't came out in so long. Unless there's something more dark going on, in which case ignore
>>43891122After 3 years I am giving up and detransitioning, probably going to do TRT+Dutasteride>>43891134FFS is such a fucking meme. I once told a girl IRL to her face that she'd pass after FFS when she had already had it years prior.
>>43891122You do it to yourself, you're too dumb to see it
>>43891122>how do you guys cope with the hopelessnessI don't, I simply endure the pain like the man I always will be.
>>43891272Because you want to be a man you just want something to bitch about
>>43891253lmao that sounds like you being retarded. it works for most troons, and if it doesnt least you can say you tried. if youre a complete ogre theres nowhere to go but up
>>43891122I haven't manmoded as long as you but I live vicariously through my drawings and characters that I write to interact with each other, they're successful, in love and free to be themselves. Just pure escapism.
>>43891285>Because you want to be a manI don't, but what other choice do I have?
>just save up thousands for plastic surgery while facing extreme depression and employment discrimination from being a hon>no FFS totally works every time you're just being brainwormed>clavicle? what's that?
>>43891122i don't know, i don't really cope anymore i just kinda decayneet life to minimize human interactions, and just distract myself all day>>43891134>start voice trainingthat is really difficult if you aren't out to anyone, if someone overhears you its overand i can't handle the self-harm resulting from listening to recordings of my voice>>43891253>After 3 years I am giving up and detransitioning, probably going to do TRT+Dutasteridei am 8+ years manmoding, and yet i still cannot imagine stopping hrt. at the very least testosterone isn't poisoning me anymore
>>43891122Why cant you simply stop repping?
>>43891122i see my future and it is bleaki hate being a tranny this is the worst thing that could happen to someone
>>43891253I think I will try detrooning and taking T when I turn 30 and if it makes me even more miserable I’ll just end it there
>>43892428Again nona, why cabt you simply come out?
>>43892442im ugly and very mannishim tall, i have broad shoulders, i have a massive ribcage, i have the facial bones of a neanderthal i will never pass, even for a second even with ffs and any surgeries money can buyso whats the point, why humiliate myself so that someone might call me she out of pity or social obligation and pretend for a moment they actually think im a womanthere literally no point to coming out, i will suffer until i eventually cant take it anymore and decide its time to go
I too will have to man mode forever.>>43891122How do people treat you at least, like a normal guy or do they know you’re a fag?My cope is sleep a lot so I don’t have to be awake as much.
>>43892522Stfu nigga and take your estrogen
>>43892522Nona, our existence is a constant humiliation ritual and regardless of whether or not you pass, you will be humiliated over and over again for eternity. It is better to be humiliated and happy with yourself than it is to stew in self-pity and hatred whilst you cope that at least you are on estrogen
>>43891253it often needs multiple passes unless u go to a big name surgeon
>>43892568i do retardim just gonna be a manmoder forever>>43892569but i wont be happy living as a gigahonthat would be just as painful as living as a manmoder
>>43891122Wahhhh - miss lamentations
>>43892613You wont be a gigahon forever because you care about how you are perceived, so you will be forced to actually put in effort to actually look and act like a woman socially. Worst case scenario if its no different than you are now, why not try it and see if things improve?
>>43892522there is nothing wrong with being an hrt femboy
>>43892351The social reasons alone are enough>>43892440I want to try it to know for sure what the right path to take.>>43892442>why can't you overcome your deepest rooted shame and admit to your family that you financially rely on that you're a freak of nature?>>43892601What a fucking meme surgery
>>43891150idk if being fembrained helps or not when i still am malelifed.>>43891253idk if that would help. i think TRT would make me feel worse since i do like the changes HRT has made. i just, feel this great despair and hopelessness since i know i will always be the weird boo ridley eunuch monster living in his mother's attic, and i will never be a real woman. i'll never life as one. i'll never be seen as one. i'll never be treated as one. at very best, sympathetic liberal minded people will gender me she out of pity, but deep down, they'll just see a mentally ill weirdo.>>43891266idcwhat i need to do to myself it shoot myself
>>43892631i cant just choose to magically improve my bone structure, and no the worst case scenario is everyone i know abandons me and i get hatecrimed to death>>43892642im not feminine
>>43892659>>43891272ok this is based i think>>43891296ooo i like this...i wish u could make tranny sims and have them transition and face the hardships that come with that....>>43891391yuppers>>43892351wow...another 8 year+ manmoder...there's dozens of us!i relate very much to the decay though. feels like i'm just a rotting corpse waiting to die most days.
>>43892659>>43892672website keeps thinking my replies are spamthey probably areall my thinking power was put into the OP which really can be summed up by "im a dumb sad tranny pussy">>43892373idk.i live in a ruralish state, many people here do not like trannies.it would make my life a lot harder. i would become a social outcast. my job would be a fuck ton harder since i work with blue collar people in an admin. role.i'm too scared to do all this.i'm too lazy.it's easier to just fester away and rot.>>43892428there are probably worse things but this is up there i think. the mental illness that make you crazy and think you have the wrong sexed body. it is a unique sort of torment.>>43892558i think a lot of people think i'm some sort of faggot, but i also act a bit chuddy, so idk. i dont really have a lot of social interactions outside of brief ones at work.
>>43892657would u rather they go too hard the first time and bog you?
>>43892659>>43892672>>43892679good night petals on the wet black bough
>>43892657>The social reasons alone are enoughwhat social reasons though? you don't even have to tell anyonebreast growth can be an issue, but after 3 years, that's probably already present, and if not, all the more reason to continue.>>43892672>i relate very much to the decay though. feels like i'm just a rotting corpse waiting to die most days.literally...it feels so bad, but i think the worst part is that i'd still feel incapable even without most of the transition issues. my brain is just broken, and i'm already too old for that to be acceptable/understandable
>>43892679>there are probably worse things but this is up there i think. the mental illness that make you crazy and think you have the wrong sexed body. it is a unique sort of torment.there probably are worse things but i cant think of another issue or disorder that is so psychologically torturous and yet makes someone so universally reviled and hated maybe like schizophrenia or something but even then it isnt a common belief that people are choosing to be schizophrenic for a fetish
>>43892660i wasn't either for the first 5-6 years until i finally got out of the mental hole not too dissimilar from yours and simply said "fuck it, nobody has to know, approve or like" and just went out in progressively cuter outfits, signed up to make up and theater classes (with real humans IRL, none of this terminally online shit) and started chatting up people.slowly, little by little, things started improving.yes, iwnbaw, but i'm slowly becoming the cutest femfag i can possibly be. now i'm further motivated since i live with my bf and got a better job too.i'm still a weirdo and a perv, but now i'm cuter and know how to talk to people and to socialize and, guess what, normalfags are a lot more tolerant about all of this if you're not weird and brainwormed about it.thank God i listened to the old tranny that used to post here about how to unfuck yourself. clearly most of you didn't (at the time most posts were calling her privileged, insane, a liar and all sorts of names). the crabs in the bucket mentality and the constant BPDemon posting is what makes this place objectively a bad thing atp.you (yes, you personally) are your own worst enemy by far. your second worst enemy is also yourself.
>>43892769maybe i am my own worst enemy and harming myself in the long run but it wouldnt be the first time and it probably wont be the lasti simply dont wish to live as feminine fag (which would be pretty out of reach for me anyway)
>>43892682There's just no winning lmao>>43892725Not being a minority, not being looked at weird, not going through the whole rigamarole of being a closeted tranny it hasn't helped my dysphoria one bit.
>>43893409yes there is. get a good job where ffs is covered with insurance and then just get free ffs twice or even 3 times
>>43893409>Not being a minorityif you don't pass, what difference does it make? are they going to see you as 100% male but somehow clock hrt??>it hasn't helped my dysphoria one bit.but imagine how much worse the dysphoria would be, with more time with testosteronesecond puberty memes aren't entirely fiction
>>43893704That's what the dutasteride is for>>43893704Yes its called boobs
>>43892769>thank God i listened to the old tranny that used to post here about how to unfuck yourselfMother Bat?
>>43892769this only works if you are normal enough and not ugly. bad advice
>>43894791bullshit. being an abnormal weirdo IN PUBLIC and with other people is a choice 95%+ of the time. the anon i'm responding to is coherent enough to not be a drooling retard so he can in fact make the choice to be less of a weirdo with other people.it is in fact a good advice but you're just one of the many crabs in he bucket.>not uglythe vast majority of people are ugly, nona. yet somehow the vast majority of people figure it out how to be somewhat functional.
>>43891122I don't really cope anymore, I'm completely hopeless, I don't leave the house, barely even leave my bed for years now. Every single day is just more and more suffering
>>43895678its like an alien world to me im always weird and abnormal weirdo in public its literally not a choice for me
