being trans and disabled is making me increasingly suicidal and I've started self harming again. I don't know how to cope with the fact I'm near-uselessly crippled on top of being a freak in being trans and then even other trans people think of me as this: making shit up so I can feel special. I don't want to be special by means of my disability, i think if I wasn't disabled I could actually be special by means of my actual personhood and interests and efforts and not just spending most of my life in pain and unable to do much of anything related to being a person. and I really don't care to be special regarding gender either. being a tranny has gotten me way too much violence to be worth any supposed "cool" points. I wish more than anything that I could have a normal body and brain. if not both cis and abled then at least one. being seen as a freak in both ways is too much. I'm tired
>>43895705You're not alone sweetheart. I had a melty in group therapy yesterday because someone fired off some hairspray and I couldn't get the paint to mix right. All I could think while I was outside doing breathing exercises was how much I wished my brain wasn't a fucked up piece of shit.
I have chronic treatment resistant depression and I feel so useless and I don't feel like a real person most of the time I'm a neet and have no friends because of this and idk what to do anymore so ur not allow here OP
>>43897167**alone here
