> make new friend> personality is exactly the type i like to be around> really nice> warn her im mentally ill> she consoles me and reassures me> drifts away anyway> see her active online but not texting me for multiple days> finally sperg out and unadd heri will never have real friendsi will never be the type of person people likei will grow tired of this loop one day and either self isolate or become an hero
>>43952734is it so bad to want companionship and reciprocationi wasnt even that mentally ill i just genuinely wanted to talk to her and she got tired of mehow do you make friends when you cant pretend not to want to talk to someoneit feels like the only people who want to talk to me are the people who i dont put effort in with
trying to get close with people is a human curse because it always feels one sided. i hope u find a very nice friend one day nona
>>43952751i just wanted a friend who liked me. she reaffirmed me when i was anxious and it was just her lying to make me not be a problem for her even though i wasnt trying to be a problem, i was expressing worry because she seemed disinterested despite being initially interestedit just feels awful to have someone reaffirm you about leaving and then slowly leave anyway
>>43952763it absolutely is awful, but don’t let the situation cause you to feel differently of yourself, they did something bad, you just needed help.
i just want for someone to care about me and want to talk to me just as much as i want to talk to them, but every time i stop putting in effort when they're not matching it, they entirely forget i existit doesnt even feel like a high bar. its literally just that i want to be texted a couple of times a day and maybe have a conversation about some random bullshit. discussing a plot of a game. discussing the framing of a movie shot. every conversation fails to get past the "hi!! i hope ur doing well <3" preliminary pleasantries and i feel like there is something just deeply wrong with me>>43952776i would understand more if i was actively harming myself and guilting her but i was so unfathomably understanding and kind and doing my absolute best, and she still lost interest
it somehow got even worse because at the same time that she was ignoring me, she posted an image that i sent her while asking for someone else to talk toi dont even know why im coming to 4chan during a slight breakdown i dont like venting to people i just dont want to be alone right now
is it so bad to want a friend who doesnt treat talking to me like its taking out the trashis it so bad to want someone to actually choose me for once
>>43952734fucking MOOD i literally did the same a cpl days ago and i’m trying not to think abt it bc that means the opps are winning
>>43952857she was so interesting and cool. her personality matched mine so well. i just wanted to talk to her and instead all i did was annoy her until she went looking for someone else, and now i have nobody to talk to until next time the cycle repeats
>>43952734tch basically same exact thing is happening to me right now…i wish i could be normal about my interpersonal relationships
>>43952874 >>43952857im so sorry for both of you. this is the worst feeling in the world and i wouldnt wish it upon anyone.
>>43952734i do this a lot too nona. it sucks. i hope you can find a person for you.
>>43952881it really is suffering and i fall for it every timeat the same time being alone and not having someone i really really want to talk to is suffering in equal measureendlessly cycle of misery blegh
>>43952874the worst part is i always tell them "im mentally ill so i understand if you get tired of me" and they always, ALWAYS, affirm that they won't, that i'm okay, and that they're here for meit's so fucking easy to say that when you haven't interacted with someone much and don't truly know how they work. whats worse is that my mental illness is placated by the bare minimum and its still completely impossible to find someone willing to even go "hey im busy right now but ill text you when i have energy"thats literally enough. just sending that is enough to comfort me. im not hard to comfort, its not impossible, its just that i am not worth the effort
>>43952888+ im truly sorry that you have to experience this nonny
>>43952888life feels so empty without another person to talk to about random thingsi find it really hard to talk about the things i like due to my ex girlfriend slowly grinding away my personality until i literally had no things i enjoyed left. she would get mad at me for having nothing to talk about, but bringing up something i like would result in either criticism, a lukewarm response at best, or both at the same timei just want someone who would reply "oh i see what you mean!" to me talking about how the framing in a movie shot is foreshadowing and analyzing a long chase scene for fun
>>43952896im the a similar way :/i dont need constant attention i just need an explanation of any kind so my brain doesnt dream up the worst case scenario to convince itself ofim sorry you feel like you arnt worth the effort nonny, you just need to find someone who will treat you with the kindness you deserve i truly believe there is someone like that out there for everyone mainly because the alternative is so miserable i dont want to consider it..
>>43952734I left a tranny on read recently and I almost thought it was OP, since I know she browses this place, because most of this is 1:1. But we haven't talked about movies so it can't be. Phew!
>>43952911i am such a miserable person but i advertise myself in such a way that im extremely happy, so when that person sees through the cracks and notices im massively fucked up, they can't look away and can only think about the way i looked more like an animal than a human in the dim light, they can only see the way my eyes look vaguely canid at a glance, then when they look back, the world is right againto them ive stopped being a person and become a beast who needs to be cut off from human society because despite knowing what to do to be human, i cant seem to get it rightto reveal my true nature is to permanently damage the way they see me, and it feels like suicide every time it happens
>>43952925if this is E fuck you
>>43952925its okay you act nothing like her, its okay to not want to talk to someone. i know im exhausting, im not faulting her for that reason
>>43952927im sorry for you..i feel similarly, tho i have a few times felt like i found someone who genuinely saw my true self and accepted itbut it never seems to work out in the endmaybe theyre just acting that way out of obligation who knowsi will find my person one day tho, or else
>>43952952i will never have that and im trying to compromise but im watching myself also not have the compromised version of a relationship that i promised myself and im realizing that i may genuinely die alone
>>43952968if its any consolation it hurts way way more when they leave after making you feel truly accepted..
>>43952981yeah, if anything im glad she stopped talking to me closer to the start. the worst ones are the 2 month ones where by the 6th week you genuinely think they might stay forever then suddenly you wake up removed on everything with no explanation after hanging out for 4 hours laughing and playing a game the night before
>>43953000blegh exactly…idk or like when everything is fine for months and then randomly within the space of a week i can feel everything crumbling for no reason and theres nothing i can do to stop it
>>43953000okay this is hitting way too close to home and now i’m scared
>>43953017 >>43953020you pretty much have a choice when you feel it crumblingyou can let it die. the last conversation ends, and one day goes by, then two. then a week. then a month. you think of them every day but when you think about it, instead of knowing they're thinking of you, you get that dull pain in the depths of your lungs where you just know they didn't see it fit to keep up the relationship, and simply let it lie where it is, as if it was already limping, half dead, and not even worth buryingor you can be the paragraph person. you can try your hardest to fix it, what you didn't just spend 2 months of your life on, and be labeled crazy, obsessive, needy. overbearing. you aren't their friend anymore, you're a ravenous beast clawing desperately at someone who just wants to leave the cage peacefully.your choices are to be forgotten or be remembered as a beast. there's no in between.
>>43953034i got tired of being forgotten, and being remembered as a beast who fought to her last breath is starting to wear on me more than being a forgotten distant memory ever did, because at least when i look back on those who forgot me i can say that at least if they ever think of me, it might be one of the happy memoriesits not even worth it to continue a friendship if they ever come back. everything will now be dictated on a basis that they were willing once to leave without a word. what's to stop them from doing so again? will this argument be the last? will they get tired of me if i say this? everything is now a points counter and you're constantly calculating just how much leeway you have before they choose someone else
try to make irl friends where something ensures you get regular irl hanging out comfy time with each other, otherwise it's too easy for life to happent. drifted away from everyone
> asking a recluse posting on 4chan to go outside and make a friendi compulsively call everyone ma'am or sir and it does not stop even in a social context where it is wildly inappropriate it is so fucking over for me irl
>>43953034>>43953063its genuinely awful and i wish it didnt have to be this way but i feel like thats how it always ends :/and having a scale in my mind constantly weighing all my actions against what i think might make them leave is one of my most hated feelings i hesitate to ask given the circumstances but did you wanna talk more mayb..u could drop a discord or something
>>43953099i would rather kill myself than have this conversation be the basis of another friendship and then STILL have them leave in the endit would just be too on the nose and i refuse to humiliate myself in that way
>>43953113thats a reasonable choice, and probably for the best
>>43952734maybe try to learn that ppl still like u even when theyre too busy to text u every single day of their lives
>>43953118if you are interested in:- genuine communication- occasionally engaging in literary analysis (watching movies together and actually commenting on the directors choices and MAYBE actually playing the story mode of a game)- playing video games together- being somewhat clingy but otherwise relatively low maintenance (if it becomes a therapy friendship i will genuinely explode)then Maybe !!!!
>>43953129if you see a pattern, and you see it many times, and you see it every Single time, and it Always goes the same way, is it So wrong to nip it in the bud so i dont have to handle the slow pain of checking to see if they replied every day until i finally unadd them anyway, or god forbid, they unadd me?
>>43953131>genuine communicationyes!>occasionally engaging in literary analysis (watching movies together and actually commenting on the directors choices and MAYBE actually playing the story mode of a game)im too stupid to do this effectively but i would atleast try>playing video games togetheryes!>being somewhat clingy but otherwise relatively low maintenance (if it becomes a therapy friendship i will genuinely explode)unsure exactly what you mean but probably?anyways i respect your initial decision and have no desire to force your hand
>>43953168i understand, but i think i was a bit rash when i said that because of how tonight has been. do you mind if i add you instead?
actually nvm i read the thread, u seem pretty cool so ill explain further, heres the perspective of a person whos somehow popular b/c of my personality & has a lot of people messaging me for attention all the timei interact w/ a lot of normies irl & unfortunately ive picked up some of their mannerisms, their attention flits about constantly & they dont really have a detailed model of everyone they interact with, they dont feel that anythings missing b/c their social meter is constantly filled up & the momentum of constantly going back & forth is enough for them to basically keep up w/ everyone importantits pretty soulless behaviour yea & i try not to do this too much, but i have my own cycles of mood + activity & its normal for me to go 2 or 3 months without a detailed convo w/ someone, thats just kind of how it is, i have to prioritise where my limited attention goes & sometimes im not talking to anyone at all b/c im trying to read books or going into hyperfocusmy most successful long term online connections have taken into account the sporadic/periodic nature of like, even having something interesting to talk about, for ex theres one person who i have a 7 hour long conversation with once or twice a month, it gives both of us time to queue up interesting topics to go through & share life updates without it feeling oversharey, or like im in a couple peoples personal discord servers & i mostly lurk and linkpost but sometimes i drop an effortpost when i feel i have something worth contributinghaving been on the other end of this as well, b/c its not like ive been a likeable person my whole life, faith is a virtue that u have to cultivate, sometimes u have to be prepared to just effortpost into the void & not get a response, the nature of online interaction is its extremely tiring if u have to treat it as fully social, u have to be somewhat strategic & cultivate ur own appeal in parasocial ways
>>43953232thank you this actually helped a lot
>>43953144addressing this specifically, this is something ive also struggled with in the past, absolutely u are stressed out from doing guesswork on every single interaction & eventually u crave the relief of closuretheres a bit of a cynical calculation u have to do tho, which is basically, if u know u are about to sperg out then u might as well sperg out in a direction that u want to be stronger inwhen i met this person whos one of my closest friends today, we spoke & got along well for like 1 week & then i didnt hear back from her for like 2 whole months, & i was about to do the same thing & unadd, but instead i decided "why dont i try the stupid thing that i assume probably wont work, before i do the thing which i 100% know will leave me w/ nothing"so i messaged & basically played dumb & said something like, "hey im not sure whats going on, idk what frequency of texting ur used to but are u ok? how have u been? [insert rambling about stuff i had on my mind at the time]", & it basically turned out that she was also wanting to reply for a while but was initially too busy & then just assumed that i already lost patience with herits like this i guess... i mean this is something ive been told from the "once or twice a month" friend as well, many times the thing that makes a relationship strong isnt constant unbroken contact, its recovering strong after a break, maybe b/c it brackets the range of behaviour u can expect from someone, maybe b/c its proof u like each other enough to forgive
>>43953285unfortunately, i tried that and she still did not bite. trust me when i say this was a bit of a mental last resort after she intentionally didn't choose me.
>>43953296sometimes it still doesnt work out yea :^(theres no guarantees when interacting w/ another person, one guy who i liked talking to a lot just suddenly blocked everyone 1 day b/c he felt his personal self was getting too exposed, this happened within a few months of going to dms after like 3 years of comfy interactions in the text channel of the voice channel of a mutual serverbut i dont regret having gotten closer, i grew a lot from sharing w/ him & i hope he got a lot from sharing w/ me as welljust backing up a bit tho, imo it helps immensely if u have a mutual "space" that u can both check in & out of, theres a lot less social pressure that way & (for me at least) the feeling of ambient presence calms my brainworms, in general i think relationships often go wrong more from lacking in community background + triadic attention than from lacking in dyadic commitment
>>43953177sure sorry i took a minute to respondregisters3
