> AMAB> briefly considered being trans around 14 but dropped it (idk why anymore)> almost a decade of gender questioning now> if i had a choice of sex pre-birth id have picked afab> tend to admire women more than men> usually feel like my life would be better or not significantly worse if i was afab or was trans and already transitioned> sometimes get envious of women> ideal realistic (as in possible irl) body/self is probably androgynous woman/theyfab (mayb even ftfemboy) with very little boobs (but maybe not nothing)> ideal unrealistic body is looking like a cartoon character in a style that kinda makes everyone a bit androgynous, but still being recognizable as female within that style (this is very stupid and specific ik)> wish i was "more trans" occasionally. Ie that i have more/any dysphoria or am more certain/certain at all i am or want to be female> would probably prefer to be seen as female/woman first rather than male> might prefer she/her over he/him, tho only minorlybut also> on hrt for almost a year now> sometimes love it, finally sometimes like what i look like (esp face and skin, but also boobs sometimes)> other times freak out im making a mistake and will regret it for the rest of my life> primarily freaked out by breast growth, especially when randomly brushing up against it can feel odd, also scared cuz irreversible and very visible> constantly anxious going back and forth between these 24/7, feel less at ease than even pre hrt bc of thatWhat the hell am i supposed to make out of all of this?So far ig ill just stay on E longer despite freaking tf out constantly too. Not sure what i want or am, but whatever it is probably leans closer to female than male. Plus after how long ive been on it i already need surgery to detrans so may as well see where it goes first ig. Tho this reasoning does not stop me from freaking out all the time either.
You're a trannyNEXT
>>43956793hey me too. it wasnt like this a few weeks ago but now i have the curse. i guess i didnt really confront the fact that this is all real and not internet games and i have to go outside and to work with this body and people will see it.
>>43956946Same desu. Tho for me it started like 6 months ago and hasnt really let up lol.Tho i feel like summer might have made it a bit worse cuz its harder to hide my body, so i freak out more about breast growth.
>>43957079>Tho for me it started like 6 months ago and hasnt really let up lol.how long hrt?>Tho i feel like summer might have made it a bit worse cuz its harder to hide my body, so i freak out more about breast growth.yeah me too. and also just cause i hate hot weather and the sun and live in a place with high UV exposure. i hate it. i even get like seasonal rage instead of depression cause im always fatigued about it for like 3 months im scared people can see them or notice and are judging me but men dont stare only women, so i think they are looking at my complexion or hair? they are like the size of half a small lemon. bigger than a golf ball now but not a handful. theres no way people dont think they are just pecs, except they are kinda pointy. like you cant tell in pictures even with no shirt at some angles, but at others... idk maybe it passes as cis? ugh i bought a pack of white "a-shirts" i think thats the same as tank tops. they smooth things out and make me feel more secure. i always liked how they looked but have never worn one. i dont wear them out tho cause im stupid and dont like change and was so worried about getting a bra/binder that im still paranoid about straps. im gonna go buy a pack of mixed dark grey and black ones since i wear a lot of black. maybe a size smaller. i think the tightness helps my autism and thats why i feel secure, like a weighted blanket. but three layers a-shirt, t-shirt, light flannel unbuttoned is almost undetectable and feels great. the feeling also makes it seem like my tummy is flatter and i like that but my outer shirt does kinda bunch against the inner and ride up making my chest even more prominent lol. maybe i really should get a few compression shirts
>>43957393>how long hrt?8mo now>im scared people can see them or notice and are judgingSame, but idk yet, luckily im in the position of not having to go outside much at all. Altho idk if itll stay like that for the entire summer (nvm next summer).> hey are like the size of half a small lemon. bigger than a golf ball now but not a handful.Same, tho also my nipples have become annoyingly puffy sometimes which makes it look quite weird under a tshirt imo.The few times i went outside i just bit the bullet and wore a sports bra and hoping no one notices or if they do wont notice its a bra.Gonna keep ur advice of a-shirts under t-shirt in mind, i might try sth like that as well. Flannel i could try too but i never wore them and changing that is odd so idk if i will.
>>43957714im about 6 mo and im only freaking out now. i think its related to other things tho. i didnt expect to have to deal w this so early. >>43957714>annoyingly puffysame. ill just be doing something then go to the bathroom and see the mirror and be like fuuuuuck i cant be wearing this shirt i need to go get a thicker one. or ill see the mirror and flash myself and do an agp smirk and snap a pic lol>>43957714>Flannel i could try too but i never wore them and changing that is odd so idk if i will.yeah ive been obsessed. and landscapers here wear thin white button ups in the summer anyway. a lot of the thinner fabrics are more like a hawaiin shirt but with the flannel pattern. or those dragon shirts autists war. i usually leave them open, and if its cooler i wear unzipped zipper hoodies. i think the moders usually go for full hoodies but i think when they are small you can get away with just layers and visually breaking it up. at least i fckin hope lmao. i am getting to the point where they make my shirt tent out over my stomach so they are the most prominent thing on me. at work i wear a shirt with chest pockets and keep a bunch of shit in my pockets i dont need like pens and wear a badge, radio and one of those air quality things too but im the only one who never takes off my high-vis when its hot inside >changing that is odd very relate. i panic growing my hair out, cutting it, starting to shave, moisturizing, wearing concealerno one notices at all or cares they are all in their own heads/lives and thinking about themselves and im like "they know" "theyre clocking me rn" "everyone knows ur a loser fgt and cares a lot and they hate you for it" etc
>>43958052>i think its related to other things tho.Same kinda, i finished uni at around the same time. So now i feel like i might be freaking out just because so much is changing at once it might just be too much for me.One of the many reasons i wish i started earlier desu. Maybe id have more stability and freak out less.>ill just be doing something then go to the bathroom and see the mirror and be like fuuuuuck i cant be wearing this shirt i need to go get a thicker one. or ill see the mirror and flash myself and do an agp smirk and snap a pic lolSame on the agp smirk and taking pictures XD. Also (now that its hot enough im being forced to wear shirts) with noticing how visible they can be sometimes :/.>keep a bunch of shit in my pockets i dont need like pens and wear a badgeooh thats a neat idea too. Tho idk if i can justify having anything at all in there lol> i panic growing my hair out, cutting it, starting to shave, moisturizing, wearing concealeryeah releatable, tho now i think im (somehow) a bit over it? Idk i think part of my brain just broke at some point, now that the endless gender questioning is still not solved despite me having grown small boobs, so i vaguely started to not gaf to a certain capacity. Changing things is still hard/feels odd tho, despite being a bit less scared of doing gnc stuff now ig (as long as its not super visible).
>>43956859Yeah ik it kinda sounds like that and its maybe even the obvious answer.But still there are some conflicting things in here and its kinda light stuff on the tranny-ism scale right?So i would also appreciate some more detailed responses.
someone said flannels make it more obvious and i was like wtf no they dont but i think i just figured it out, at least in one situation. now that that is the widest part of my torso my skinny twink flannels get opened and just frame itfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuthat might explain some of the looks i got today. and its definitely not even cold
doubtermoder blog entry stardate 1267:does ur mum kno ur gey? do you live alone and if not how do you navigate the space between bathing and getting dressed. do you dress in the bathroom? wrap your chest with a towel? i bought much wider towels because i am kinda tall and i wanted them to go past my knees so people couldnt see my shaved thighs. but now i think i should wrap my chest. but then they will see my legs. its too steamy in the bathroom and it makes me sweat so i run out with the towel on my waist holding my clothes to my chest. up until a few weeks ago i just kinda hunched over and speedwalked but im thinking someone is gonna notice soon
>>43956793>haha guys what the HECKING HECK AM I? haha! I'm so special, pay attention to me and talk about me and my specialness!You're a mentally ill, retarded attention fag. Get mental help.Only two sexes, only two genders (same word meaning) and infinite personalities.No one is "born in the wrong body" and no one is "assigned" their sex.You sex was observed at birth and written on paper. Not "assigned" by a doctor.Get over yourselves faggots.
>>43963538for me my mom knows but i also live on my own so it doesnt matter.If those werent the case tho id probably just get dressed in the bathroom, its kinda what i do most of the time now anyways too.Also ofc u know better than me and it depends: But ime really dont care as much about shaved legs as u might think. I also tried hiding it for a long time, but eventually it just kinda slipped out anyways (cuz my family wondered why i took so long in the bathroom lol). This was before i mentioned i am/might be trans to any of them either, and really they mostly didnt care.
>>43956946This shit is so relatable cause wydm i have to rewire my brain basically for socialization
>>43956793i just want to know what's going to happen to me. i'm coming up on 10 months and feel the same as you. am i really going to become a woman? it still seems so distant to me. i look in the mirror and see her sometimes. but most of the time it just feels like a ridiculous dream.
>>43963890>I look in the mirror and see her sometimesBAHAHAHAAA!!
>>43963899STOP!
>>43959379>so much is changing at once it might just be too much for meyeah i cant even handle minor changes in my routine usually. so much has been going on i just havent really noticed and i felt confident and prepared for a lot of it and i made so many self improvements since i started but in the back of my head i was always waiting for the crash like it couldnt stay this good forever. i really expected to just drop my diet and start my addictions again but ive stuck with all my good habits for the most part. >with noticing how visible they can beit would be fine if they werent so firm and pointy the size is like unnoticeable. >tho now i think im (somehow) a bit over it?>so i vaguely started to not gaf to a certain capacityif i do things for a while i get used to it and then i dont care anymore. its just sometimes i second guess. idk i think my whole emotional complex is tied up with my physical state at lot closer now or maybe im just way more aware of it. like i can tell right away when im down because i havent eaten or im slept. and thats most of what sticking to my routine has always been about, making sure that im at a baseline to be able to get through the day without it being unbearable. but now that i added all these good things and quit the bad things and everything else it actually feels good sometimes? and so now im extra freaking out at what used to be baseline and dipping below that is so much worse. i noticed that today when i was freaking out about something dumb i said to someone and then i remembered i used to feel like that every single day and that just going outside anyway makes you dwell less on each interaction because you just keep embarrassing yourself every time eventually you get used to it and it stops bothering you because the list of dumb things you did gets so long you cant even remember them all. like you can only lay awake about that one thing that you did if it stands out. if its just like every other day then w/e
>>43963899someone please get her a sharps container T_T
>>43956793retarded with little awareness on your sense of self
>>43963890> i just want to know what's going to happen to me.Same, if i knew how im gonna end up, visually or mentally or anything i would probably be a lot less spooked. But unfortunately its just a completely blind gamble. Like even just breast size or how itd look on me is completely unpredictable kinda :c. Nvm any of the other effects or how its gonna affect my look overall.I can relate less tho to becoming a woman. Its part of the reason im so unsure im actually trans cuz idk how much i actually care lol. Unfortunately im kinda neutral brained in that way, to me women and men dont actually seem that different. And if anything i only have a small preference to be grouped with the women.So for me its less like a "ridiculous dream", since its not like, idk, explicitly my goal, but a big massive fucking gamble to see if i might end up feeling any better.On the other hand tho i kinda relate to looking in the mirror and seeming more female sometimes, and yeah a lot of the time i also think that is pretty great and it seems to make me a bit happier...
>>43964035You never "became a woman"you're still male and always will be.Stop trying so hard to redefine words that already have a definition. No one is buying your dumb tranny ideology.Woman = adult human female.
>>43964010true but like i kinda already know that, otherwise ts wouldnt be this difficult and take this long for me.But is it retarded with little awareness of my sense of self - but still a tranny/better off taking E.Or retarded with little awareness of my sense of self - and cis/better off not taking E.
>>43964101you have literally been brainwashed not only by the tranny ideology but by the drugs you've pathetically and willingly put into your system.If you get off estrogen, and get a decent amount of testosterone back, you will wonder why you even started on that tranny shit.I know because I had a friend go through the same thing. People usually think what ever they're currently doing is "the right thing" for them in their life.You won't understand how much better being back on testosterone is until you do it and ditch estrogen because it's literally warped your neurons.Only thing I can suggest is you do some research on the black and white mental differences of having testosterone flowing in your brain vs estrogen.You will gain confidence about yourself, ambition, etc instead of being a pathetic, weak, depressed loser who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing or who he even is.
>>43964155you're wrong and retardedkill yourself and let her live her life, you obsessed moid
>>43964206>you're wrong>but I won't elaborate, instead I'll just cry and be a retardcool!
>>43964218> waaaa waaaa why won't you give my bad faith arguments attentionkekwyou actually fell for MEF and you expect me to entertain it
>>43964245>retard blabberno one cares. Literally
>>43964251we should sneak into your house and put estrogen in your cereal
>>43964260more proof of lgbt faggots being degenerates and disrespecting a person's consent.Wow I'm shocked!Go groom more children while you're at it. They can't consent either
>>43964326you don't have to worry about that, you'll never have any children since no woman will love a misogynistic moid like you
>>43964340I already have children and it's so sad that you have to constantly redefine words just to fit your argument like "misogynist" which isn't defined as disrespecting retardation (yes it's possible to find women who aren't retarded)
>>43964364it is gonna be so funny when your kids come out as trans and CPS takes them away from you for being an abusive piece of shit
>>43964521More redefining words by retarded faggots who don't understand English. wow what a surprise!Please explain to everyone how I'm now "abusive" in your delusional mind?Because I don't respect retards and delusional people, that to you is "abusive" and "misogynistic"?My children are being raised to not be retards or susceptible to insane gender ideologies so they'll be just fine.You believing kids decide to "be trans" on their own is hilarious.Kids have only begun "choosing" to "be trans" since the gender ideology came along in recent decades and never happened before the mid 2000s because it's not a real medical situation. It's an insane belief system that doesn't align with reality pushed by sexual degenerates like yourself and other leftists who think gender is "a feeling"
>>43964572trans people have always existed, dumbass
>>43964759what do you define a "trans person" to be?because I don't think you even understand what you're saying lol
>>43965375someone with the mind of a woman in a male body, or vice-versa
>>43965403well then you're just plain being retarded because not even today is there any scientific evidence of any a female mind ever being in a male body nor vice versa unless maybe you personally define the words female or male as something different from the English definitions.
>>43965467faggots will say shit like this then turn around and believe in god
cool chat. anyway
>>43956793There is a whole phenotype of androboys that take loads of E to look as androgynous as possible, and they usually grow and feel alright about their breasts, but bind publically because actual androgyny = woman to society so to get truandro you have to lean a little masc or you just look like a woman.
>>43964101yeah its actually pretty annoying in some respects that hrt works, despite the people saying it "does nothing". like if i could just not grow tits or guarantee they would stay small it would be no questions staying on it for mental effects alone and passing off the smooth body hair and fat redistribution as a result of diet and exercise or a health condition to anyone getting to interested, even tho i obviously like them too. im pretty sure they fluctuate with like glycogen and dehydration too cause they will be bigger one day and smaller the next which really throws me off especially when im in a calorie deficit and they still get bigger. and its hard to get an accurate visual survey of my family because one side is like average with 8 male children and the other had breast cancer and only one child. but im still gonna anamax. i like the look. they told me i would get a beer belly at 30 when my metabolism slowed and they were wrong, even after quitting nicotine, even tho that did happen to my cousins and uncle. >>43964035very relate as always. esp ridiculous dream. im so autistic and in my head all the time and half disassociated that i accidentally come off as narcissistic and self centered some times when im really just daydreaming. so sometimes i snap back to reality and remember im not just a guy and think "oh thats right, im a girl/tranny... fuck this is weird"
>>43967312>yeah its actually pretty annoying in some respects that hrt worksYeah i agree lol. I also sometimes wish it did as little as people are saying. Then i could have a guaranteed working (and easy) boymode for as long as i want to (including maybe forever).Esp in terms of breast growth i agree id prob also be a lot more relaxed if i could guarantee it stays small.I also have a hard time guessing how i end up based on other family members.My immediate family only has little/infrequent contact with a good chunk of the extended family (for geographic reasons) so i dont have a big sample size of pictures or anything.And within my immediate family my mom is unfortunately quite big, as was my grandmother i think, and one of my sisters is a bit above average as well :/My other sister tho is quite small, she also weighs the least tho. However im p. sure shes not like anorexic or sth so i think shes still p. small even for her weight.
>>43967197>usually grow and feel alright about their breastsIm still holding out hope that this will be it for me. Im the most scared of "having to" get them removed desu, like cuz i cant deal with em or sth.> androboysMy ideal isnt true androgyny, but like female leaning androgyny. So from that perspective i really shouldnt be overthinking taking E this much i think.
>>43966011So you admit there's no scientific basis for anyone being "transgender" and that a "transgender" person is simply one who is delusional about their gender or who falsely chooses to believe gender is "just a feeling."Great. Glad you finally had the logic to catch up to the rest of the sane world.
>>43967780I mean, I have some metaphysical information related to breasts that I have found helps a lot of reppers, I myself sought these connections to try and find peace within myself, to sense the completeness of my male form as it exists now. The throbbing in the spongy little cockhead tucked inside my body, the warm tickle of my skenestate gland being pushed against, the rumble in my throat when I claim someone, or feel a mental father behind me telling me to laugh in the faces of those who would harm the sister that is my body, that his voice in my throat, and that he needs no arms, he can destroy with a word. I am already male, I simply, not forced, but choose to be male in this way, that appears like a woman, this is my preference, “repping”. Continued to breasts!
>>43968429>My preference is being a freak of nature who can't fit in to society.You do you, fag. Just keep it away from kids.Might want to get on that sex offender registry too.
>>43968402No, I was just pointing out your hypocrisy on how you think some beliefs are ok and others aren't just based on your own prejudices.
>>43968588No, because I never once brought up religious beliefs.You changed the subject to religion as a whataboutism to avoid the actual subject we were discussing.But yes you did admit it right there that transgender is a belief system just like religion and therefore is not grounded in science nor is there such thing as a transgender child, and in fact leftists are just responsible for indoctrinating impressionable children.Thank you.
>>43968429I think it must be noted that all bodies are female, and all minds are male, the cock of our spine runs into the cunt of our meat. To be above is to be male, to be below is to be female. The top half of the body above the diaphragm is the tomboyish elder sister heaven to the nonvital organs of rugged and thankless earth below, the lid to the pot. In most animals, breasts are female, below, next to wombs and ovaries and organs of digestion and excretion and no different than them. Mostly, they are related to child rearing, and disappear outside of mating season. In the human, the breasts are male, they are placed next to the lungs and the heart, they are always present, not just to rear children. Beyond merely rearing and feeding children, they are vital, essential to the human being. Unlike males of most mammals, human males naturally develop functional and healthy breasts that simply never experience the conditions of development, a step behind a woman who never lactates is the man who does not enlarge his breasts, but unlike a dog or a bull, a man has breasts that are quietly awaiting these conditions. If the upper half of the body is heaven, the breasts are the rainclouds that water the earth below. When the wellsprings below the belt have finished their emitting, it induces the clouds above to let down their rain. This nourishes a baby, in a mother, but I think it also nourishes the body itself more fundamentally, in a way we don’t fully understand. It stores fats to dispense later, to the benefit of no infant. Generally, to restrict and boundary is female, and associated with blood. The cunts of the blood vessels are tight, and it is this squeezing, contraction that pushes it, you see, female. But the breasts expand, they emit, they do not receive, they do not limit, they grow and cause growth, they emit and cause emission. In this sense, they are masculine, like a father who gives his son an allowance, who puts food on the table, who nourishes.
>>43968471I have 7 kids by two different fathers since I was 25 anon…. And they are very well protected from imax level projectionists like you that want to say their mother is hurting them so you can have them all to yourself.
>>43968833triggered much?Might want to read what I actually said.
>>43968705Acknowledging you think it's that is not the same as me confirming it's that.
>>43968872Yeah well, you come for our kids then, how many you got? Seems you’re outnumbered, unless… I don’t think a smelly tissue is a descendant for most people anon, but if they were you’d be genghis khan for sure! So alpha! You sure showed those hardworking people that sustain the society you live in what a useless bitter fuck you are.
>>43968402lmao theres no scientific basis for gender in the first place
>>43968429>>43968763are you fucking retarded?
>>43968895Well then please give your brilliant definition of "transgender" unless you're the same retard as >>43965403 who falsely claimed it means one gender's mind is in another gender's body.>>43968922>You come for our kids by wanting kids kept away from my indoctrination ideology!KEK! Nice delusion.>false assumptions I don't have a jobI guarantee I contribute more to society than you, freak, not to brag but I make over 100K a year even if you don't count overtime working for the railway and being a key component to keeping the transportation of important goods for the country and economy up and running.You're here talking about how you think your spine is a dick and other perverted shit.You really shouldn't have children if you're honest with yourself.
>>43968952How so? The word "gender" is a polite term for the word "sex" when discussing males and females and to also differentiate from the word "sex" defining act of sex itself.
>>43968429>I have some metaphysical information related to breasts that I have found helps a lot of reppersim not sure i understand or did you not post it?>>43968763oh i see, interesting. yeah i think about as above so below a lottoo. i read a lot of things when the event happened that pushed me to acknowledge i was a repper. twin peaks and lynch had a big influence on me, and the emerald tablet and stuff like leary and watts. idk i kinda id with hermaphrodites and nonbinaryand i kinda like them a lot, and theyre MINE which feels great to say. its like i have something i didnt before even tho they were physically present before just smalller, latent like you say. its incredibly affirming and makes me feel so secure. its just 110% social anxiety
>>43969020uh no they mean different things thats why they are different words and not the same word?
>>43969058I know they mean different things, as in what I literally just described lol. Can you even read one sentence?The word "gender" is for discussing the categories of males and females such as inputting your male or female sex on a doctor's form. The word "sex" can mean the same thing, but is also used for the act of intercourse, so the word "gender" is still different.Also there are many, many words in the English language that are even closer synonyms than the words "gender" and "sex." I'm sorry you grew up in clown world after leftists tried to change the definition of the word "gender" but for decades it's properly been a synonym for "sex" with regards to male and female designation.
>>43969160Trans people change their sex.
>>43969256You can believe that if you want, but without scientific proof of it ever happening, no. No they do not lol.You don't know the definition of gender, and you don't know the definition of sex.
