Its so unfathomably unimagineably unbelievably horrendously over I should hang up my hat and peace out from existence desu. Today at work I got forced into having a discussion with my manager about being a stupid stinky tranny and how I need to shower when like I HATE MYSELF AND I DONT WANNA SEE ANY MORE OF MY STUPID UGLY BODY THAN I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TOand yetAND YETLITERALLY WITHIN 4 FUCKING HOURS OF ME THROWING ON SOME FUCKING DEODORANT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A F U C K I N G MONTH I IMMEDIATELY GET HIT ONBY A CISHET WOMANLike holy fucking shit FOUR FUCKING HOURSare you telling me that I am that fucking chadly? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? It is a genine labor of effort to keep myself disgusting enough for women to not be interested in me AND THEY STILL FUCKING ARE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO I DONT WANT TO BE A FUCKING MAN AND ID RATHER BLOW UP MY OWN LIFE THAN SUCCEED AS A MAN!!!Like holy fucking shit just fucking end me, someone looked at me today and thought some fucking variation of "Yeah I want that MAN to penatrate my wombanly vagaina with HIS MANLY PENIS"Kill me.
Like is there any solid way to MK ultra myself into having an AAP fetish? Please? I have a perfect body for it BUT MY STUPID RETARDED FUCKING TRANNY BRAIN WONT STOP SCREAMING AT ME THAT IM NOT A WOMAN and will never be one
You put on male deodorant didn't you?Get a woman deodorant and some samples of girly perfume.
>>43963948I used the girl deodorant
Tort nona you can cover the mirror in the bathroom if you want, even a cursory shower with your eyes closed is better than festeringand sometimes women fw people for looking like women, that's also a thing>BY A CISHET WOMANDid she say that? Maybe it's uncharitable to assume the conversation went smoothly despite your discomfort, but that is exactly what I'm doing desuEven if it did go well, people tend to try and let their cute little snowflake identities go unspoken and implicit if they can
>>43963957Which one?
>>43963982Okay but you see Im a retarded comphet tranny and have to make heteronormative assumptions for everything.No I cant cover the mirror its a communal bathroom, I live in a lovely little house but it manages to be even worse than my last place that had a WHOLE ASS WALL for a mirror, and instead this place has a perfectly see through window in the shower area which like, fair theres no AC but also theres only half a curtian on it and Im the only person in the house that is tall enough to actually stand over it and like its so fucking over and Im fucking retarded and blaghhhhhh its 5am and I went to bed at 3
>>43963934what did she say?
Ew nigga take a shower
>>43963934these are the kinds of trannies who end up on the news for multiple axe murders
>>43964908>>43967585Basically this>>43967585Guilty as charged desu and have considered many many times, fantasies first started when I was a teenager with my parents.BUT Im doing my best to normal mode no matter how fucking much I despise it and everyone else who forces this stupid retarded dumbfuck cucked role on me.
>>43966145all these bitches crying about how no man pays attention to them and it turns out they bathe 4 times a year at most
>>43967585So I removed the entire internet from my phone in an attempt to fight axe murder brain!!! which is cool and I've been using the internet a lot less!I actually daydreamed for the first time in years yesterday instead of the usual dissolving into the internet which was cool.Daydreamed of Transylvania where only trans people are and that theres enough bullets to never be fucked with again and sawing the guy in front of me down the body starting with his balls and pepperspraying him in the initial injury made by the saw BUT I did daydream at all which was a notable improvement!!!
>>43967785I actually do still get a lot of attention from men :<I just havent had sex in 6 months because I have a massive complex about it and always get too self aware of how subpar of a human being I am and how subpar the person Im with is by extension of that or objectively is and Id rather not go through that.Idk one of my exes said that he'd say Im somewhere on the asexual spectrum but he also raped me so IDK if his commentary really counts there.
>>43967804jfc ok please actually kill yourself
>>43967858I finally got out of the slum shithole I lived in and into a proper place of my own, and I finally have a proper diet and shit, if I cant become passoid within the next 3 years desu I probably will kill myself or... not gonna finish that statement but yah either or.I dont think I can describe the amount of pain there is to be had in having been a passoid (not just a passoid but a pretty one) and then losing it because your fat ass roomate ate every single ounce of food in the house for months and didnt ration properly and you nearly starved to death and now your face looks like a fucked up crackhead'sI will say theres been a lot more clear days lately, sometimes I can almost feel like I did when I was younger when those fantasies werent quite a daily thing but were just a like once a month thing.Id imagine its all some combination of the severe head trauma, bipolar/bpd, trauma, and dysphoria.
>>43967785
