>>43967925
Hi, OP :)
How're you today?

>>43967955
Hey
I'm doning fine. Ate a lot because I felt like it.
What about you? How was your day?

>>43967981
What'd you eat?? I guess it's been like objectively okay. Just struggling with mental stuff lately, but that's not fun to talk about :p
Honestly haven't done much of anything the past two days. Played some video games, at least

>>43968064
Pizza leftovers from yesterday, in short.
We can talk about whatever. If you want to talk about mental stuff we will talk about that.
Have you eaten?
What games have you played? In connection to the mental stuff, have you played just to have something to do (I've been there)?

>>43967925
hi, is ist okay if you speak to two trans ppl today?

>>43968129
Of course :)
How are you then? Are you German perhaps?

>>43968113
Oh, that's what I had for lunch yesterday, nice :)
I'll just leave it at I'm losing hope that things will get better. Kinda exhausted. But yeah, I ate some leftovers. Been eating a lot of fast food lately. Hard to manage much else right now, lol. I was mostly playing Borderlands 2 again and that's the exact reason. Helps that I've played that game so many times that I can just turn on youtube and do both at once. What type of stuff do you play?

>>43968161
wtf how did you know?

>>43968161
also doing okay
how about you
also also
how the fuck did you know im German

>>43968176
Not that nice, I feel bloated as fuck now.
>I'll just leave it at I'm losing hope that things will get better. Kinda exhausted.
Hmm. We can leave it at that, but if you want to talk about it we can also do that.
>Been eating a lot of fast food lately. Hard to manage much else right now, lol.
Makes sense. Do you like to cook when you're in a better state?
>I was mostly playing Borderlands 2 again and that's the exact reason. Helps that I've played that game so many times that I can just turn on youtube and do both at once.
Why both at once? Drown out the thoughts? I might be projecting here.
>What type of stuff do you play?
You know, I bought a hefty setup recently and I tried to play some new games and I just can't get into them (or old games for that matter). I only play league of legends basically, and that is strictly because I enjoy competition. I don't do competitive sports any more, so league is my competitive outlet.

>>43968224
you typoed ist and they picked up on it i guess

>>43968206
>>43968224
Humorous guess based on your typo.
I'm alright, watching some stuff and relaxing. Talking to some people (you, for example). Had a good weekend so far? Done anything?

>>43968241
i wanted to write 'is it okay...'
funny coincidence, just freaked me out
are you German by chance?

>>43968266
was at a pride parade today actually.
what are you, watching is it good?
what do you wanna talk about?

>>43968296
Which pride parade? How was it? How's the weather? Were you alone?
I am currently watching tw tv oldschoolrs (some Runescape event).
I don't have a topic in mind. As long as we can keep the conversation flowing anything goes I think. Did you have a topic in mind?

>>43968233
>I feel bloated
Yeah, I've been not feeling great for the past week or so, so I get it, lmao
>if you want to talk about it
Idk, I'm just tired of thinking about it. Maybe thinking in general. The work I have to do just never stops and I'm stuck in a very transphobic area. Nothing's gone right. And I have a lot of mental stuff I have to work through because it's effecting me more now that I have any time at all to stop and think about it
>Do you like to cook
I'm not amazing at it, but I like cooking kinda simpler stuff. I'd like to learn how to make better food, but I'll get there eventually
>Why both at once?
Combination of I've heard the game's dialogue like 15 times and what you said, lmao
>league
I also have trouble starting new stuff lately, but god, I would hate that being the only game I can bring myself to play, lol. I used to play it, but now I only play if my friends ask me. I don't really like how they've made certain stuff more restrictive, you used to be able to experiment more. If it was just like that in ranked, I'd get it, but it's no fun being corralled in a casual match. I totally get the need for competition, though. It's why I wanna get back into fighting games again. I'd love to go to some locals, but I just don't have much time and am usuallh out of the loop on those things. I also used to like more athletic competition, but competitive cycling was one of the things I kinda had to give up because everything sucks, lol

>>43968313
>Which pride parade?
im not gonna dox myself. was a really small and local one
>How's the weather?
way to hot. sweated the hole time. ruined my makeup
>Were you alone?
yeah, kinda sad i know

i also dont have a topic at mind. thats why i was asking you. but if you want here is a wird question:
do you life by a life philosophy. if you had to could you describe it in one sentence?

>>43968341
>The work I have to do just never stops and I'm stuck in a very transphobic area. Nothing's gone right. And I have a lot of mental stuff I have to work through because it's effecting me more now that I have any time at all to stop and think about it
sorry to hear it sis, hop it gets better for u <3

>>43968341
I'm sorry to hear, and I understand. Let's leave it at that then.
>cooking
Simple is good. Doesn't take much to go from simple to amazing, any way. You'll get there in due time.
>Combination of I've heard the game's dialogue like 15 times and what you said, lmao
Yeah I mean, projection like I said. Do you watch anything specific on Youtube? Like a topic or channel or something? I'm kinda stuck just cycling through garbage when I open up that site.
I wanted to ask if you'd recommend Borderlands 2, but no matter what game I try I just can't enjoy it.
>league
I kinda get everything you're saying, and I've heard it from other people as well. What can I say? I do like the game, even if we ignore the competition aspect.
>It's why I wanna get back into fighting games again
I never got into fighting games, but I have a friend that travels over the whole country attending fighting game local event things. He basically lives for it.
>but I just don't have much time
Work?
>but competitive cycling was one of the things I kinda had to give up because everything sucks
:(
No chance of restarting?

>>43968344
>not gonna dox myself
Yeah that's fair, no worries.
>way to hot. sweated the hole time
I just checked the weather in Germany now and that's insane. Inhumane, even. I am north of you and I'm sitting here in my underwear and a tank top (it's 14° here).
>yeah, kinda sad i know
That's not sad, it's nice that you went out. Did you know any of the people there?

>do you life by a life philosophy. if you had to could you describe it in one sentence?
I don't really live by a life philosophy, but when people close to me talk about stuff that worries them I am quick to tell something retarded along the lines of
>if it's fixable, go fix it, if it's not, why worry?
Do you live by a life philosophy?

>>43968362
Thank you, nona <3
>>43968490
>Do you watch anything specific
I mostly just watch gaming related stuff, idk if that interests you at all. Some livestreams. Sometimes I'll use my brain enough to watch something more creative or informative, lol. As for Borderlands, it's worth a try, but I still suggest just pirating it because fuck gearbox and I think they screwed up the pc port in a newer update anyways if I remember right
>I do like the game
I have a soft spot for it, too. I don't think it's the worst thing ever like some people, I just don't have rhe energy to play something like that myself anymore. The only moba I'm really interested in right now is Deadlock and even that I just haven't had the energy to learn
>I have a friend who travels over the whole country
Oh my god, I'm so jealous. I wish I had that level of dedication. I just stopped after I stopped talking to my one friend that I played with. I mostly just mess around with older stuff now, but I wanna focus on that stuff again once I can get my head on straight, lol
>Work?
Yeah, I work full time. Stuck in a pretty awful job because I'm not very employable, lmao
>No chance of restarting?
I already had chronic health issues followed by a knee injury that never got to heal right because I got dumped into my current job a week after. I've got a lot of other chronic pain from that job now, so probably not. Wanna at least get in better shape again, though

>>43968161
all trannies are aryan ensouled

>>43968575
>I am north of you
where are you roughly?
>I'm sitting here in my underwear and a tank top (it's 14° here).
are you taking about 14°C cuz if yes how the fuck do you not freez to death. I start shivering so easily like at 15°C at night, especially if i don't wear much.
>if it's fixable, go fix it, if it's not, why worry?
have you made any big decisions in life by that metric
>Do you live by a life philosophy?
Not really. I used to think all life question could be answered by empathy.

>>43968769
>gaming related stuff
>Some livestreams
Do share.
>fuck gearbox
Why?
>league
The energy part makes a lot of sense, actually. It does indeed take energy to play that game. I've noticed that on days I plan to lift I'm kinda out of energy if I grind ranked beforehand. It's mostly mental, of course. I just can't focus on the lifts.
>Deadlock
I have heard a tiny bit about it. Sounds like MOBA for boomers, but what do I know
>I wanna focus on that stuff again once I can get my head on straight
You could always just go to an event to hang out and watch some games, no? That might be part of a "healing process" (for a lack of a better word)
>Stuck in a pretty awful job because I'm not very employable
Ah, I see. Not sure if it's much of a consolation, but one job is better than no job to be honest. At least working keeps your minds off of other things, no?
>chronic health issues
Well that's shit. Have you seen a doctor? Don't let that stuff compound ...

>>43968798
I am in Norway.
>14°C
Yep, I am very warm blooded. I can't handle heat at all.
>I start shivering so easily like at 15°C at night, especially if i don't wear much.
That doesn't surprise me, I feel like all women are like this. At least all women I've been with. Also the ones at work. And my sisters. And my mom. Everyone, really.
>have you made any big decisions in life by that metric
Maybe not directly, but I had some issues with anxiety when I moved far away from my parents at 18 and that saying grounded me and stopped me from doing anything stupid.
I do use it quite often though. Stress at work because of deadlines are a non-issue for me, for example.
>Not really. I used to think all life question could be answered by empathy.
Interesting. Do you have some concrete examples in mind? What made you change your mind?

>>43969146
>I am in Norway
cool. a friend of mine is on a cruise ship on vacation there. is it as beautiful there as ppl say. i definitely want to visit a Nordic country some day.
>That doesn't surprise me, I feel like all women are like this.
i heard once somewhere that hrt makes you freeze more cuz on estrogen the body put more body fat from around ones organ more to the skin. idk if its true but by personal experience can attest to that.
>Maybe not directly, but I had some issues with anxiety when I moved far away from my parents at 18
damn. that dose sound scary. how far did you move away? like across the country?
>Do you have some concrete examples in mind?
no not really, sry. just was naive. thought ppl just need more empathy and everyone would life happy ever after.
>What made you change your mind?
nothing. just dont think about it so oft anymore. i still think empathy is like what makes humans humans. idk maybe this just sounds stupid

>>43969338
>a friend of mine is on a cruise ship on vacation there
I wonder if they've docked in my city at some point. Lots of cruise ships coming through during the summer, quite a few German ones. Not unusual for me to hear a bit of German chatter when walking to work during the summer.
>is it as beautiful there as ppl say
Definitely :)
>hrt
I think I've heard something similar.
>idk if its true but by personal experience can attest to that
As in you felt yourself getting less tolerant to cold as you got on HRT?
>that dose sound scary
It wasn't scary as much as it was me just being anxious. Combination of being alone and not sure what I wanted to do with my life.
>how far did you move away?
Not that far away, 4 hours with car.
Have you moved away from your parents? How did that feel?
>no not really, sry. just was naive.
That's cute, but yeah, I did initially think that was a bit of a naive outlook.
>nothing. just dont think about it so oft anymore
My initial thought was that you changed your mind because of personal experiences, but I guess not.
>idk maybe this just sounds stupid
I wouldn't say it sounds stupid. In a sense it does make sense, but it's naive like you say. Still cute though.

>>43969004
>Do share
My favorite youtuber is probably Lute, he does longer videos just talking about games he likes and occasionally streams. His humor is pretty inline with this site. hazel is a good anime youtuber adn her and her friend maedotmkv both stream. I like Mae's streams, but some people don't care for her when she's solo, so I guess keep that in mind if you watch her. I've been enjoying cecilily's videos lately. She mostly does more informative pokemon and/or trans related stuff. I'd feel bad if I didn't mention Kiki Ash because she posts here, lmao. I swear I watch more people who aren't trans, but those ones are all just at the top of my subscription box, lmao
>why?
They screw over literally everyone. Even with Borderlands, they stole the artstyle from an independant animator who explicitly told them not to use it when asked. The CEO is kinda a pest and assaulted the CFO/VA for a character in Borderlands after he asked if he could be payed for the role in the next game since the company wasn't broke anymore. Kinda just a garbage company all around
>I'm kinda out of energy if I grind ranked
Yeah, lmao. Me and my friends would just do nothing but watch anime or something after playing it for any prolonged period of time. I've felt better after workouts, honestly
>MOBA for boomers
I can kinda see that, lol. I know I just got done trashing Gearbox, but Deadlock seems like it might scratch the Battleborn itch since they fumbled that game so hard that gyou couldn't play it after a month of being out
>You could always just go
The issue is that I don't really even know how to find that stuff. The issue is just that I'm dumb, but every time I see an event, it's at a school or something. I went to a smash bros tournament one time and that was sooo fun even if I was so rusty that I only won one game and took one stock after, lmao. I just have to do my research and that's the hard part for me
1/2, I guess. God, I need to learn how to shorten things

>>43969004
>At least working keeps your minds off of other things, no?
Unfortunately, that job is part of a lot of my issues. I'm not open about being trans because people there are openly transphobic. And the reason that I say I'm not very employable is because I'm bad at socialising and because of that, people started spreading rumors about me and basically just bullying me there. Even though I tried to be nice to everyone when I got there because it was one of the best points in my life prior to that. People still just either treat me like I don't exist or are actively hostile and I've gotten worse in return. To avoid details, one of the mental things I deal with is ptsd/cptsd, which always puts me in a defensive state or makes me outright paranoid, so I can't feel safe about people that I know are actively against me both personally and because if I stand up too straight, they'll notice I have tits
>Have you seen a doctor?
Me and my family have never had doctor money. I kinda just do my best to learn how to work around stuff. Even now, since I'm on my own, I need to get stuff for my house before I can stop and get any help with that. None of it's TOO severe, so don't worry

>>43969582
>Not unusual for me to hear a bit of German chatter when walking to work during the summer.
do you speak german? are german tourists nice tourists our shitty tourist?
>Definitely :)
i would love to like see Fjords. i love mountains general. also i want to see Northern Lights. Have you seen some once?
>As in you felt yourself getting less tolerant to cold as you got on HRT?
YES. a lot. like crazy.
>Combination of being alone and not sure what I wanted to do with my life.
it sounds hard. but sounds like you manged.
>Have you moved away from your parents? How did that feel?
Havent yet. the housing situation where i life is crap. but hopefully im gonna move in to months in a flat with a friend. its gonna be temporary but yeah, moving out - yay.
Also yeah am already scared somewhat
>>43969146
>Stress at work because of deadlines are a non-issue for me, for example.
thats sounds really impressive. couldnt be me. i envy you a bit there

>>43969651
I've noted all of them down on my phone and I'll check them out one by one till I fall asleep later.
>Kinda just a garbage company all around
Yeah fair enough.
>I've felt better after workouts, honestly
I personally think that being physically exhausted is nice, but mental exhaustion is just pure shit.
>I just have to do my research and that's the hard part for me
You say you're dumb and you don't know etc., but are you sure that's true and it's not just a motivation/procrastination problem? I mean what do I know, but you definitely don't sound dumb, but I could see motivation being an issue.
>>43969751
>Unfortunately, that job is part of a lot of my issues
Ah, I see. That's awful. Workplace bullying is so retarded and sad. I genuinely don't have any good advice to give here other than saying "stay strong" or some shit, sadly. Surely looking for some other place to work at isn't completely out of the question? Doesn't have to be a jump ship asap situation, but you know. Slowly seeking.
>Me and my family have never had doctor money
Sad that this is the case for anyone really.
>None of it's TOO severe
I mean, it can get too severe if you're not very careful. Are you doing anything to ensure it doesn't go too bad? Like have you looked up treatments?

I'm gonna go shower and then hit my bed and then slowly fall asleep now.
Nice talking to you both. If you post anything after this I'll read it some time after I wake up and if the thread is still up I'll reply as well of course.
>>43969758
>do you speak german?
A tiny bit? Very broken German though. Like really awful German. As in I think you'd be irritated if I spoke it to you.
>are german tourists nice tourists our shitty tourist?
These are just cruise tourists so they're just walking around taking pictures. Can't complain really.
>YES. a lot. like crazy.
Fascinating.
>the housing situation where i life is crap
Yeah understandable, it's like that everywhere almost, to be fair. I mean it's various levels of shit I guess.
>im gonna move in to months in a flat with a friend
Very cool. I guess you must be quite excited?
>Also yeah am already scared somewhat
Completely normal. Don't get too down if you start feeling anxious or scared or sad after (or before) you've moved. It's completely normal.
>thats sounds really impressive. couldnt be me. i envy you a bit there
Maybe? But just think about it. It's very rare for us to be in a life or death situation, right? Like what's the worst thing that can happen in the various situations you are in where you find yourself stressing? Like even if things go comically bad the consequences aren't too severe. It's all recoverable to various degrees. Why worry?

>>43969924
> As in I think you'd be irritated if I spoke it to you.
Im sure i wouldnt.
> Yes, very much in fact. wanted to move out for a while now.
> Completely normal. Don't get too down if you start feeling anxious or scared or sad after (or before) you've moved. It's completely normal.
thx for the advise i guess
>It's very rare for us to be in a life or death situation, right?
yes. thats technically true but our brain, or i guess mine, dosent work like that
>Like what's the worst thing that can happen in the various situations you are in where you find yourself stressing?
Getting yelled at. but honestly i think when something stress me im scared that i fuck up and gonna be disappointed in myself and that stresses me even more so that i im even more sacred that im gonna disappoint myself again and so on and so on... it isnt exactly the best system

>>43969924
also im gonna head to bed now.
was lovely talking to you
good night.

>>43969868
>mental exhaustion is just pure shit
Yeah, at least physical exhaustion makes you feel like you did something
>are you sure that's true and it's not just a motivation/procrastination problem?
It probably is, but I call myself dumb because it's hard for me to think anymore. I know anyone else would say that struggling eith stress and mental illness doesn't make you dumb, but it makes me feel dumb. I struggle to focus on even the most basic things sometimes. I guess you could call it procrastination because I tend to be scared to even start things sometimes
>Surely looking for some other place to work at isn't completely out of the question?
Not entirely, but nowhere pays as well and I need money to fix the house and pay for tranny things. I own my house and have no support system, so it's work or die
>Sad that this is the case for anyone really
Yeah, America moment. It sucks here, lmao
>Are you doing anything to ensure it doesn't go too bad?
Yeah, I have gerd, so I take stuff to help with that. That's basically all you can do for it anyways besides like getting your stomach stapled which I don't wanna do. And eating better, but that's barely an option right now, either. Less stress helps it, too, lmao. Other than that, it's just that my nose is messed up and probably needs surgery, my knee that I already mentioned, shoulder that got destroyed at work, and my wrist, which was also the result of my job. I know a lot of that doesn't interfere with cycling, but just being in pain all the time makes it hard to do stuff. And I just don't have a lot of time. Excuses, lmao. Also, sorry if I'm just talking about me and not reciprocating interest or whatever. I've been feeling kinda neglected lately, so I'm being self indulgent, lmao. Meant to ask earlier what sports you played, though