Anyone else a little silly? A little goofy? Talk about it
>>43971983dont wanna
>>43971992That's ok too
i miss my chungus
can’t believe a few months ago my ex was carving her name into me and then broke up with me a few weeks ago and then a few days ago told me she has been checked out and didn’t love me do like half a year.,..,
>>43972404Damn>>43972459That's really awful anon, if she had been checked out, she should've at least done away with the name carving or find an excuse if you're the one who asked for itI hope you're ok, sorry you two broke up, but it's better now than it would be to continue in a relationship where the love is one-sided
i graduated high-school and i don't know what to do with my life.. no friends or identity. everythings gay & retarded. i really dont want tobe a wagie. depressed. banal ik. should get around to playing omori. i really like the artsyle. ok. bye.
>>43972566Bye, good luck anon I hope you can find identify and passion to help the depressionalso thinking out loud i've never played omori maybe I should
>>43972504messed up and checked her discord and she has a different number in her bio and is matching pfps like rlly it’s been less than 20 days bwehhh my heart hurts so bad,,
>>43971983I'm scared that my mind's never gonna recover. The way it is now, I can barely think and I'm always on edge. I got way better for a couple weeks then just crashed again. I don't care if I never get back to perfect, I just wanna be good enough to be around people again
>>43971983My transition failed despite trying my best
>>43972779we're still proud of you, it's not failed unless you give up
>>43971983yeah and i think im too old for it but i cant help it i just have the tism
>>43971983I'm terrified of people and public spaces to an extreme degree even simple interactions can trigger a panic attack. I keep getting told to just expose myself to more uncomfortable situations and I'll get used to it eventually but it only gets worse. Neetdom and repping fried my brain permanently.
>>43972799Wat? Its failed no matter how I think
>>43972771That really hurts I'm sorry anon :(It sounds like you aren't on speaking terms, in that case can you check out of spaces she's in for now and temporarily block/mute and close dm's for your own sanity?>>43972772It can recover; it is non-linear just like getting bad isn't. If you struggle with anything like memory or thinking, focus on addressing that before socializationIf it's just socialization, I always recommend people try online first>>43972779You say this a lot, but I've never actually looked into the threads. If even it has failed, and I were to believe it, does posting it help you? Like a release of some kind?
>>43972805Nothin wrong with it if u mean actual sillinessWhimsy is rare>>43972827What about controlled exposure therapy rather than brute forcing exposure by trying to go outside? Telehealth would be an idea since you seem agoraphobicAlso maybe psychiatry, because even if people don't believe in therapy, anti-anxiety meds are real
>>43972899>Nothin wrong with it if u mean actual sillinessyeah it makes me happy its just unbecoming of a middle age moder. and i havent exactly gotten bigger in the last decades so its just about as awkward as it already was when i was a giant kid doing gay flappy arm dances or whatever
>>43972977Eh, just say ur autistic if people are meanIf you're doing stimming because of happy stimuli, I'm glad you can experience joy that causes it
i cant for the life of me keep up a relationship (platonic or not) with more than one person and i hate itmy longtime fp and i are finally fucking n stuff now which is cool and fills a bit of the void i guess but it kinda sucks knowing im basically just a standin not-gf for him to mess around with in private and leave in 3 years when he settles down and starts a family with a real woman (his exact words)i care about him far too much to invest any interest in anyone else which sucks because i cant really talk to him about anything serious since he doesnt rlly experience emotions so stuff like that is a chore to him and it probably means im gonna have a really rough time when hes goneits times like these where i rlly wish i had another tranny friend or something that i could actually talk to abt my problems with but i know how tiring that gets on their end and im not gonna waste another poor girls time and energy ever againi dont have much hope but ill be going into school soon so maybe ill make a friend there that i can actually stick with for a while since well be actually seeing each other irl n stuff and surely that means we wont get tired of each other as easy and cut contact after a few months (hahahahaha)i rlly am just postponing my suicide as long as i can huh
>>43972899I'm already seeing a therapist, I guess I could ask about controlled exposure therapy. Also taking SSRIs as well and I'm not sure how much they're helping desu.
>>43973017You've experienced in past people growing tired of you and leaving? I've had bpd friends of all genders besides theymabIt sucks the guy you're with rn is like that and terrible emotionally speakingI don't think it's postponing your suicidei have friends that got better, a lot better from assault charges to marriedor sui multiple times a year to like once a yearthey can improve and so could you>>43973019Good luck with that, also don't be scared to ask about trying different ssri's, snri or other like welbutrin
>>43971983I wanna meet someone newww
>>43973151nah im the bpd one lol in a way this is exactly what i deserve and probably the most i can ever expecttbf hes not that bad he can actually be weirdly sweet sometimes but its so obvious he doesnt care about me even a fraction as much that i do him and it gets hardbut ty i dunno its been a while since i was in school and i had an actual friend group back then so maybe things will turn around in the future i just have to keep telling myself that and maybe it might even come true one dayyoure rlly kind anon i hope ur day/night goes well ^^
>>43971983i read a slop article about vulnerable narcissists and i ticked every box. too lazy look into it further and find out if its a real thing or just pop psychology bullshit. oh well
>>43971983boyfriend told me he hadnt wanted to be with me since 2022 and that he was gay but stayed for fear of me killing myself, broke up with me a month ago, and i dont know what to do anymore. he still wants to be friends but im not over him. i always have the instinct to tell him i love him but i know he wont say it back
>>43973216fuuuuuuuuuck. at least thats slightly better than him being straight and doing the same thing maybe?
>>43973237i suppose so. i just hate it. i miss him so much. and hes right here but he just doesnt feel the same way about me, and never has. i gave him everything i had and it just wasnt good enough for him. idk where to go from here. theres a beautiful, lovely trans girl who feels so strongly about me, and wants to be with me, but i feel so empty in my soul and like i just cant feel anything and i know my feelings for him arent gone yet. it makes me feel so evil but i cant force myself to be ready for anything new right now
>>43973262no the situation is fucked, its entirely understandable that you are not ready to move on.
>>43973171Try and goodluck c: and if you are trying currently, good luck i hope you can find someone>>43973186Not deserving and most you can expectif you had friends in school yeah in sure you'll make some againand ty, I'm tired so i might go at some time>>43973206That's for the best, only bring it up if it bothers you or other's and you can suspect something without needing external validation first before a diagnosis>>43973216jesus christ, i'm really sorry nona... idk what to say>>43973262Heal yourself and then you can look to othersyou wouldn't want to repeat events from either side of the original if you're destined to wind together at some point
I was gonna vent, about being a fat, ugly loser like usual, but I think I'm getting sick of that. I'm gonna go for a run and try to improve my life.I don't know how long my motivation will last, but I'll try to last longer this time, then repeat again and again until I finally figure out how to discipline myself consistently. This is ultimately, my life and what I make of it is up to me.True I may be older than what I once was. True that I may not be the best looking person in the world. True that I don't have all the resources I need. But what I do have is each breath I take, fuelling me to improve and get better. As long as I breathe, it ain't over.
Ha... woke up and spilled water all over nightstand and electronics.. anyways gn>>43973330That's a great attitude anon :)I hope it lasts and you do great, i hope the run was fun if you did it since posting
Every night I feel like slicing myself up because of how guilty I feel just for being who I am, and the only reason I don't is because I'm scared of cutting something important and I'm terrified of dying despite how much I wish i could. I just want to feel attraction without feeling like a rapist yet my eyes keep wandering and my thoughts keep perverting. I feel like I'm violating people just by being in a room with them...
Walking around with my wife last night, it's pride, the city is full of frolicking happy gays and I am just the most stereotypical closeted, married, sad bi guy imaginable.
>>43973901Thanks, anon. The run was fun. There's something about just simply moving your body that makes it fun ya know?
Watched a musical tonight with my friends, I had a lovely time but I couldn't fully enjoy it because I just kept being reminded of my ex, whom is very big on theater.
I wish everyone didn't hate women so much. No one even likes women. It makes me want to die.
im silly can i have a cookie
>>43974981It can come off as especially cruel in the moment sometimes, but I'm glad you have that fear preventing you from harming yourselfHave you underwent any sexual therapy or thought about why you experience attraction in a way that makes you feel perverted? It's good to understand that it can been seen as hurting others, that shows empathy and goodness rather than accepting flaws within oneself>>43975224Does your wife not know then? Living a lie longer is more cruel than sparing them the potential pain. You gamble on being able to suppress it for life and keep closeted until the day you die or split apart for other reasons, but you're gambling hurting her much much more if she doesn't know. Inapplicable if she does know of courseI hope you can find and experience happiness anon>>43975245Besides the neurochemical aspect of running itself, yeah. You feel better even later because you forced yourself into activity and can feel pride that you'd actually worked toward a goal or difference. Have you ever had runner's high btw? I've heard people say its a thing>>43975365Sorry anon :(I hope you can start to move on and enjoy something like that again if it's what you want in future for theatre specifically
>>43975419Oh yeah for sure I've had runner's high before. I was listening to some Dio songs while I was in a fun run. Eventually, everything like slowed down and I felt like I was going so fast even though I wasn't. It was like time stopped. My friends told me I was yelling out "I'm a fucking wizard" while out of breath lmao. I've been chasing that high ever since.
>>43975389There's people that like women, but I'm sorry you're experiencing so much hate as to not see or feel it>>43975408Yes, provided you procure it>>43975479Hopefully can experience that again, it sounds like a nice time despite being borne from extreme muscle fatigue and low o2
>>43971983
>>43975791Hi :)
>>43971983every neoliberal shithole is insulated with propaganda that portrays eastern european & asian shitholes as worse than us when in fact we're just as bad in practice or heading that way, my country purposefully pushes people to commit suicide, it employs abusive tactics and scheming to degrade your sense of self and break your mind until you submit or diei am very very ill because everything i was promised in a 'social safety net' was in fact a farce, i was a productive member of society before i fell through the nets, most people don't face nor realize the realities because they're fortunate enough to never need themthe past decades have been managed decline and there is no prospect or hope for the future, a future is contingent on income and i have none, nobody will chance someone out of work for so long like me unless its to exploit me for my position to pay me minimum wage, all ive ever known is exploitation, every part of society is designed to be a humiliation ritual and they expect you to gleefully accept with a shit eating grin, everyone is out for themselves and are eager to scam you at every corner, people are proudly arrogant and call for your death to your face, every day i wake up thinking about death and struggle to sleep thinking about death, i struggle to care for myself and meet my basic needs yet im expected to search for work for 30+ hours a week and pull myself up by my bootstraps, im fucking losing it but nobody cares because it's by design, it's expected that people like me will fade into the background and become nothing more than a sad story and a statistic on a hidden spreadsheet, because that's all we ever were to these people
i wish i lived alone and could be single again. i hate living in a big space with somebody who has OCD and gets angry if things arent in a very specific way. i hate wasting space and money for things i dont need or want and living in a conservative area where i get stared at for looking like a faggot. i wish i could move to the city and get a studio apartment and work a job i care about and get bottom surgery without the guilt of singlehandedly ending my relationship. i hate living in a house basically by myself with the cat because she's always busy with her friends and family who love her and spending time on her activities. meanwhile, i have to stay at home and cook and clean every day for 3 hours after work then grocery shop every week alone then do landscaping by myself. then she has the gall to say she does "everything" when that just means one day of cleaning every month.if she even acted like she was attracted to me at all whatsoever, maybe i wouldnt feel so shit about all of it, but i dont even get to be objectified.
>>43976202Yeah.. I think human evil is innate and the systems are designed to be as punishing and impersonal as possible. Exploitation and society are intertwined, those deemed unfit because they are ill, disabled or otherwise found unproductive are meant to be discarded. There's the idea of ever increasing advancement, profit, ideology, technology as examples, but all of these are made in mind that they will cost lives >>43976452Why can't you currently leave? It seems like an abusive or distant relationship gone far. You wouldn't be the one singlehandedly ending the relationship id you left, when a partner cannot see their own faults and constantly pushes the other away, why should the other be blamed for leaving?
>>43976707sorry, i was just venting about the bad and frustrating stuff. there's good stuff too, so it's not exactly a clear cut answer
>>43976876What're the good parts that you can enjoy in the relationship? iydm
>>43976707>I think human evil is innate and the systems are designed to be as punishing and impersonal as possibleat the end of the day we're just animals with metacognition, it'd hurt less if they didn't delude my generation (zillenial) from childhood that we were anything butsometimes i wonder if sheltering children from realities of the world is harmful, it's genuinely damaging to experience and come to terms with the dissonance of what you were sold vs. reality, it does not lead to normal well adjusted people
i’m so hungryi haven’t eaten in 2 days while trying to lose weight which idek how i put on since nothing changed in my lifestyle
>>43976911We have the same morals and beliefs, we have the same humor, we trust each other more than anybody else, we have very similar backgrounds, we're both really hard workers and care about doing the right thing, we have years of working through big struggles that have brought us closers in those ways, neither of us have given up (even if we've both come close), and the times that we do spend together and actually being present are unequivocally amazing.but she has anger problems that she's been working on that hurt me a lot. and i know that i have avoidance problems that hurt her a lot too. i love her too much (and have very little self respect) to ever actually break up, and i know that she feels the same. even if it's been toxic in the past and even if things arent perfect, we still work our hardest to make things better. sorry that was long winded
>>43977091the body goes into survival mode if you dont eat anything, which means that it holds onto as much weight as possible if it thinks youre starving.
>>43977054It might be to a small degree, but I think it's ok to have them shielded from reality at least for a timeNot gonna tell a 5yr old that a 8yr old on the 17th hour of their factory shift made her toy instead of santa..>>43977091Starving or fasting?Because one is stupid. Try to eat bulky foods like vegetables and potatoes or rice high volume high satietyUse small plates, drink only water, eat really slowall things to aid feeling full
>>43977828I don't mind however long someone types, even if it's long to be put into partsI'm glad you two seem committed to one another then, and it sounds like while the current issues are hard on you, the past was even less kindIt's good you two have been able to make progress and growth together and as individuals so far
>>43975419Watching self harm videos really helps, that stuff is scary. No therapy, but it might be because of how quickly my mind goes to sex, and how quickly my eyes are drawn to things like cleavage. Part of that night be the desperation and touch starvedness though so idrk
ok this looks like the place to do it since its literally called "vent" lol ive been on a crazy high since i started hrt 6 months ago. started out kinda scared it was like a honeymoon period and it would go away and i would drop all my new positive habits like skincare and exercise. ive kept it all up 100% since new years and didnt go back on any of my resolutions. but it finally caught up with me. someone at work lightly teased me and i got all up in my head and cried in the car and thought everyone hated me for like a week even tho they explicitly tell me im like their favorite worker and give me gifts i thought they were lying and making fun of me. and combined with that the girl i had a crush on is talking to some moid and i think she likes him. so that means she is probably straight and any attention she gave me which was near zero was probably because of my own moid features and that sucks.
>>43978393but im over both of it now and feeling a lot better now that i put it in perspective. i think they teased me cause ive been fucking around a lot and slacking off and flaunting it in front of new people on probation and was kinda being self centered and a bit of a dick. i just need to shut up and follow all the rules and lead by example for a bit and i think its already working. and i read some things about freud and lacan and infatuation and narcissistic love. he says when you have a crush its not real or about the person. and i know that already and indulge in it consciously. but it still kinda got to me. but someone said you are projecting the things you love about yourself that you see in the other person. and shes cute as hell so that means i think im cute? idk if i believe that but thats nice to think about. and he says the object of your desire is to have your lack fulfilled by the other because you think they posses what you dont have, which in this case is attention from being a passiod. im not jealous of the guy at all im jealous of her. but that makes sense she started before me! she was actually one of my motivations to commit to it. im just being dumb af
>>43975791omg
>>43976452god i wish someone tolerated me enough to live with me. i cant believe she ignores you like that tho i would do everything and go everywhere w u>>43976707>human evil is innatei dont think that at all. its situational and environmental. you have a capacity, and then you have actually enacting it. both nature and nurture together. people act evil because they live in evil fucked up conditions but it doesnt have to be that way. it makes sense that someone who can only afford to eat grey slop and works 40 hrs at a dead end would be sad, that doesnt mean humans are inherently sad.
i need to go buy more cigarettesmaybe the 7/11 clerk will knock me out with a brick...
>>43977841someone said in the weight loss thread that died that this is fake but i just wanna say its true it happened to me. maybe it doesnt if you are small already and arent active and your calories are super low but ime if you are bigger and super active your body will literally downregulate its needed calories by like half to stop you from losing weight. im over six feet and walk 30k steps a day average. my tdee went from like 3700 to 2500 with three months of a -1500 deficit and i wish i knew that before i started cause it was a waste of time and very mentally taxing. i could have got the same loss in the same time with a much smaller deficit. part of that was from starting e and quitting nicotine but now that im stable its still at least like 3200 and i regularly hit 4k on high intensity days and still dont gain, wheras late in my cut i was gaining if i ate around 2700 and it was fucking infuriating to stall out for like 2 weeks in a row at the same weight and trying to min max down to like 1900 cals and get nothing from it >>43978493quit! it makes your skin wrinkly and grey and your hair fall out! switch to zero nicotine vape! you will feel sooooo much better
>>43978492she doesnt even like living with me tbhon. i always want to spend more time together, but maybe we'd both feel better if we lived separately and i just had roommates (and friends) instead
>>43978257If it works I guessYou should probably see a sexual therapist desu, that or find a way to decrease desire and urges in order to live without thinking of sex so quickly>>43978257I don't think it's dumb, you're very introspective though I will sayThe crush part could be true, within envy for her status and not her as a personI don't believe crushes are all going to be stuff like that thoughGood you recognize and move past work place anxiety and centered yourself enough to realize you were bringing it onto yourself>>43978492Maybe it's better to say I think the propensity for evil is. Everyone can have evil within them as part of being human, but it's not within nature or inevitable to act out on it. The material conditions one has will have effect of course, evil can be found in the impoverished and wealthy though
>>43978717Probably, but it's hard to justify as I'm not a sex addict, I mean the only sexual experiences I've had were online. I just feel so bad for staring and taking glances at women's bodies yet my eyes do it so often...
>>43978717>material conditions:)
>>43978812You mentioned being touch starved and lonelyIf you can imagine having it, would you be sex addicted? The only way to undo this really is address the root causes or forcibly changing your behavior and hope it sticks
