>>44015108
how are you?

>>44015196
Fine, a little warm

>>44015108
why

>>44015245
Because I am quite bored

>>44015275
why did you transition and detransition?

>>44015108
so you start hrt ar 16, continue for 4 years, then havent been on for the past 2 years. by choice or circumstance? do you plan on restarting in the future? mtf or ftm?

>>44015282
For the former, I had convinced myself that I was transsexual; for the latter, I had found I was not.

But to expand, I transitioned due to a variety of factors. For some reason, I had always been oddly attracted to imagining myself as female. For the earliest memories I couldn't have been younger than 5. Whether this is out of the ordinary or not I cannot say, but regardless, this idea persisted well into my childhood. I certainly remember, when I was roughly 11 or 12, repeatedly calling a friend a girl in the hopes he'd get upset and retaliate. As puberty came so did sexual desires — mine involved, at times, the idea of crossdressing. After a couple years I thought all this made me transsexual. As puberty furthered, and the pubertal hormones subsided, so did the sexual deviancy. But I was stuck with the idea that I must be transsexual — aided by being able to reach for these so called desires far back into my own past, and supposedly feeling dysphoric.

Eventually I transitioned, and I was generally miserable — concerns about my appearance and the like. I never really "came out", but I was generally 'mistaken' for a girl by strangers. Eventually, perhaps as a joke, or a random clamor from my soul, I decided to start cutting my hair shorter and shorter each time I visited the hair stylist. I could now get more away with calling myself male in public, though some did assume I was a ftm. There was more to this but I don't want to embarass myself. I generally came to accept being a guy, though with the caveat of being 'boyish'.

I was still on estrogen during this period, and this would remain until I eventually ran out of it. Bogged down by exams I didn't bother to order more at the time, putting it off. At a crucial moment, almost at a whim, perhaps even motivated by a newfound religious belief — though I'm iffy on the chronology in regards to that — I decided against renewing my prescription or buying more diy hrt. And that was that.

>>44015551
Okay so religious AGP repper got it

I'm strongly considering detransitioning after 7 years desu.

Why did you decide to detrans? Do you think it's been worth it?

I'm starting to think my journey was a result of agp + escapism. I want to say I haven't regretted my choice but people are cruel and I want to be able to earn a living without being a public punching bag.

>open thread
>search "christ"
>0/0
>search "god"
>0/0
>no way...
>search "religi"
>1/1
>close thread

>>44015608
Hah, though I will say that the two things are more seperate than that.
>>44015563
Not quite
>>44015568
I medically detransed after a two year period of "acclimatizing" to being male through almost larpy ways. At the point of dropping hormones it was no biggie.
Today, looking back, my transition is a weird period that I too often rather not reminisce. And it was most likely fueled by general depression and a heavy dose of escapism. For me, it's worth it in the sense that I have no reason to regret it. In fact, I regret having transitioned.

I don't want to generalize, since I know how hostile most trannies are to that, but were you to detransition, you should remain on hormones for a while. Try to will yourself into being male first. Pretend to be ftm if it helps.

>>44015452
By choice and I have no notions about restarting. Mtf

>>44015748
It can be hard to find a place to talk about these feelings. Normies don't understand the trans experience regardless and trannies think it's triggering or bad optics or w/e.

I recently dug up a photo of myself after I started spiro, but before I started e. I had the most disheveled, emo hair, but what surprised me the most was my facial hair. I don't remember ever having chin hairs or a little mustache, but I did, and I think I was a handsome little fuck back then. I had a confident look in my eyes too. And seeing this picture of me made me mourn the boy I was, the man I could have been. Idk. I miss being one of the boys.

I honestly think I wouldn't mind being transgender if I could stealth 100% of the time, but my reality is that I can't, and now I'm weighing my choices between staying a clocky tranny for the rest of my life, or to go back to being a somewhat faggy gay man. Even if not by much, I feel like I'd be more readily accepted as the latter, and I'm so, so tired of being an outcast.

Thanks for making this thread. It's nice to get these thoughts out. I'm glad you seem happier now op.

>>44015551
> desires — mine
Why use AI to write this? I was genuinely going to ask questions, but now I see this is a troll/bot thread.

>>44015989
I did sometimes look back on pretransition photos but I never really lamented them. I suppose I was too unhappy in them for that. I'm not sure I missed 'being one of the boys' at the time, but with hindsight I can say that it's something that, to my detriment, was sorely lacking in my early adulthood.

Whatever your eventual decision might be, godspeed to you.
>>44016598
I didn't. You can write em-dashes by holding down the dash key on a phone, or by typing alt + 0151 on your numpad on pc.

And to my knowledge, AI hasn't been using em-dashes for a while now.

>>44016814
> AI hasn't been using em-dashes for a while now
Youre retarded and a liar.

>>44016829
You don't have to get upset over it

I don't mean to be insulting but you're so young, I think there's a good chance that you will retransition, I repressed for ten years and ended up being late because I got so wrapped up in bullshit male socialization. I think if you've had trans thoughts once they will come back maybe not for another 3-5 years though.

>>44015108
I did similar thing. Ever plan to go back on hrt? Do you still struggle with thoughts?

I feel sad for you, repnon

>>44017076
I just don't see it. Whatever escapist thoughts one could theoretically have while repressing I was already disillusioned with a while ago. I can't wrap my head around wanting to be female anymore.
>>44017085
No and no, do you?

>>44015108
this makes me existentially terrified that even if God had given me a chance I might have thrown it away anyway

>>44015551
like this shit, maybe it was right for you but it makes me want to cry thinking about that process happening

>>44015551
Interesting. I'm an agp just stopped repping recently because the fantasies never go away, and engaging with them only makes me want more lol. I still feel like a fucking weirdo, and not truetrans because of the agp, and its really tough to deal with. I worry that I might be making the wrong decision or something, idk. Thanks for sharing your story anon.

>>44017841
>>44018028
Were you to have transitioned at a young age, surely you wouldn't have then subsequently detransitioned were you not to have concluded that you weren't actually transsexual. You have agency, don't you?

>>44021440
I would certainly hope not, but who knows what I would take for granted if I couldn't remember what the bad ending felt like.

>>44015108
Do you like being seen and growing older as a man? Or is it just something you had to accept? I'm still on the fence so I'm curious

>>44015989
nta
>I honestly think I wouldn't mind being transgender if I could stealth 100% of the time, but my reality is that I can't, and now I'm weighing my choices between staying a clocky tranny for the rest of my life, or to go back to being a somewhat faggy gay man. Even if not by much, I feel like I'd be more readily accepted as the latter
and this is why i'm an hrt femboy.
it's literally the best of both worlds. I get the benefits of estrogen without a nuclear assault on my social life. heck, I even get to kinda-sorta "girlmode" from time to time and that works out well too.
a lot more people would have better outcomes if they didn't force themselves into an impossible direction.