i still don't look how i think i should look. i don't think i'll ever look like how i should look. i'll never look like a woman. i was born ugly, so i thought that i could at least transition into an ugly woman, but that's not how it went at all. even after FFS, i just look like an ugly slightly gender-bent man. it's actually worse than never having transitioned, because now i know that i've done everything humanly possible to myself to change my appearance, but it still wasn't even close to enough. i wish i could just wear a full-faced mask everywhere. if i don't end up killing myself, then i'm just going to grow my hair long enough to cover my whole face, and get piercings and tattoos until nobody can recognize me, and forget about this whole thing. there's no point, and there never was.
