I know this is the worst place to seek advice but I can't make up my mind anymore. Any gatekeeping pieces of shit who will tell me that I don't deserve to transition because I'm hesitant about paying tens of thousands of dollars for something will be ignored. I hate every motherfucker on this board, my brain has been permanently ruined by you fucking people.
>>44032654>tens of thousands of dollars uni cost 10x that much, and i saved that much just one year out of uni, so why not? besides, there's no gold behind our money anyway. its just worthless paper at the end of the day, and the global economy is collapsing as we speak so it's not like your savings will be anything after a few more years of runaway inflation
>>44032665Because a college education gets you a job and sets up the rest of your life. FFS makes my face look better but my body is all screwed up anyways so it's only a marginal improvement. For how much that costs it isn't practical in my case. Also I'm not made of money, big roadblock there.
>>44032654how about option #4: get fatpros:>eat whatever you want>eating good food helps you feel better>getting fat will help you pass bettercons:>have to buy new clothes
>>44032699Getting fat won't get rid of my browbone. Also the fat = passing thing is a meme. I guess I can just get fat off of HRT and become a boomer dad but that's disassociating just like accepting hondom so I don't know.
>>44032706but cake!
>>44032710Maybe. Do I still go to hell if I commit suicide by purposely overeating and getting a DNR so that when I inevitably get a heart attack they can't save me?
>>44032684>college education gets you a job and sets up the rest of your lifePffft, thats funny
>>44032754Yeah I knew that one was coming. But still, it's easier to get a job with a degree rather than without. Not guaranteed but easier.
option 4: kill yourself
>>44032699tried this, metabolism too high. doomed to be a skinnymogged bonefag
>>44032654>you stop worrying as muchyes, which allows you to focus on other aspects of your life, because there is more to life than this.>you're hugboxxing yourself and disconnected from realitythe latter does not logically follow from the former. arguably, it is more grounded in reality to come to the conclusion "maybe i won't pass, but that doesn't mean i can't still try to pursue a fulfilling life">no one will want youugly cis people have this same dilemma, and they can often still live fulfilling lives, and even still end up having happy fulfilling relationships.>you can become a chad and be desiredyour pro here is worded as a possibility, but your con of "no one will want you" is worded as a certainty. in reality, both are possibilities. you could detroon and still be miserable, or you could accept hondom and be happy, or you could even get FFS and be perfectly satisfied with the results. you don't know the outcomes unless you try>get the trad lifeagain, not a certainty, and also many john50s would disagree that the trad life was even worth it at all.you say you can't make up your mind, so you try to offload the decision making process to the advice of people who you claim ruined your brain. if 4chan ruined your brain, are these really the people you want making your decisions for you? is this really where you think you'll receive advice worth acting on? i understand that you're clearly upset and struggling, but the impasse here is that you won't know what will happen until you try it. trying is better than not, no?and if you don't like eating feces, stop walking into McAnus everyday and ordering the McFeces meal with extra turds. maybe the next restaurant you pick will also serve sloppy shits, but you'll DEFINITELY keep getting poo when you keep choosing to order poo from McAnus.
>>44033380Lmao at that last paragraph. I mean I don't like this website but as someone who lived and breathed this site for close to a decade, it aligns the closest to my values. Plus there's nontoxic people (like you) who come around every so often so it's worth a shot. And I'm actually in the process of trying, I've been on HRT for a few weeks. My whole worldview is just crashing down because I'm realizing all my friends and therapist who told me I'd pass were lying.
>>44033403>it aligns the closest to my valuesbingothis place ruined your brain, and aligns with your values. so either your values changed over time when you started coming here, or your pre-existing values primed your brain for ruining.in either case, the solution is obviously to try and change your values. you can't immediately start believing something entirely different to what you currently believe, but you can try to cultivate different beliefs.>HRT for a few weekssome people pass with just makeup, voice training, and different clothes, without HRT. some people never pass. overall though, passing doesn't happen within a few weeks. also your friends weren't necessarily lying - its hard to lie about a future event that you do not know for certain will come to pass, that's just being overly confident about a potential outcome. the gambler isn't lying when he feels certain that he's about to get the monkey and then decides to double down, he's just falling prey to the gambler's fallacy. maybe they sincerely believe that one day, you could or maybe WILL pass. maybe they were being nice and trying to encourage you to choose transition because irrespective of passing, your life might still improve in other ways. either way, you started HRT. you can keep going, or you can stop. you can stop at any time. john50 wakes up one day and realises he's wasted his life living a lie. you could keep transitioning, and at 50 wake up and realise you were living a lie. maybe you weren't living a lie, but simply say "i tried it, now let's try something else". there's nothing wrong with that. people change careers at 45+. My mother went to back to university and spent 7 years getting a master's degree when she was 43. transition is the same. no one is safe from the potential of "one day you could wake up and want to be someone, something else". every life is a series of leaps of faith.
>>44033505It's not about passing immediately, it's about never passing. I have a square jaw and brow ridge and all of my measurements are painfully male. I've been blessed with my hair and very light facial hair but it's not enough. I'm going to become a walking embarrassment, even with FFS. Worst part is I can't even be a cute hrtwink because of my maleness. So I'm just unlovable and unfuckable.
>>44032654>>44033519I'm a manmoder and I don't passI'm far too tall, far too masculine to ever passI have never malefailed and while I do look different from before HRT, I still look like a manhonestly I still think it's worth getting on HRT for several reasons:first, you will stop masculinizing. it's probably the most important effect HRT gives you. you can get your facial hair removed and it will never come backsecond, while it obviously has limited effects you will still feminize somewhat. it's better to be 90% masculine rather than 100% masculine. you still keep the very very unrealistic and implausible goal of passing some day open. repping just ends all possibilitiesanother important thing is that HRT does take a while to work. fat redistribution and weight cycling aren't real things and it will take probably 10 years to get a feminine fat distribution (because all of your fat cells in male areas need to die)I know that I will never, ever pass and I want to kill myself every day over this, but being on HRT is still better than not
>>44033551Thank you for your input, genuinely. You raise some good points. How has dating been for you?
>>44033572I haven't dated ever in my life, so I'm not dating now as a manmoder eitherI'm only into men, so I'm not sure what kind of guy would be into me. I don't want to date as a man at all and I don't really want someone attracted to men to be attracted to me, it would be too dysphoricI won't even try dating until I have had FFS. I'm kind of a pseudo-schizoid (from trauma, mental illness and dysphoria) so being alone isn't that bad
>>44033519you don't know what will happen until it happens. only at the end of your life will anyone ever know with any certainty what your destiny was. until then, there's still time.also, you claim this place ruined your brain, then continue to cooperate with the ideas that ruined your brain. i know its hard to beat the brain worms and cognitohazards- i've got them too. but you have to commit to choosing something else. that old joke about the lightbulb - it has to want to change. maybe you won't change, but you still have to want to change anyway.>i'm going to become a walking embarrassmentmaybe, i don't know. you might shit yourself in public. then you go home, change your pants, cry about how embarrassing it was, then you go out the next day and get groceries. you've started HRT - at least you're trying something. if you keep it up, that's good. if you stop one day, that's good too. the true value in transition is not whether or not you pass or don't (though i won't pretend that passing makes life easier in some ways than not) - the value is in committing to exercise agency in your own life.I don't know that my mood stabilizers for my bipolar are having a genuine medical effect on my brain. all i know is that when i tried to start taking care of myself and fixing my own life, i started feeling better about it. so every morning, i get up and take my meds, and know that whatever i'm doing now is working better than what i was doing before. if that's placebo, i don't care. sometimes i still wanna go on a massive bender and walk into traffic, but i choose not to. each time i make that choice, it gets a little easier. have faith in yourself. its scary, but if you're doing it when you're scared, surely that must mean you're being brave.
>>44032654I think you should accept hondom.Because you probably aren't one, but more importantly, mentally categorizing yourself as inexorably ugly is a bad strategy.Normal people look non-ideal. Non-ideal people make do and try not to feel bad about what they don't have.
>>44035683I am one >>44033519 and I was gifted chad potential. It feels kinda mean to God for someone like me not to take advantage of that because somewhere along the way my brain became retarded and wanted to be a woman.
>>44036612God respects free will.
