24 y/o, moved out, working non-strenuous physical job, autistic, on E monotherapy, moderate to severe brainwormsi look back on my 21y/o pretrans self with such mixed feelings. i looked like shit and would have monthly dysphoria crashouts... but other than that i was full of energy and motivation and dreams and stuff. i was also still in collegei have a pretty free life now with lots of spare time, but i just spend most of it in bed. i don't feel like doing anything, my outlook on life is so much more pessimistic now. i have a social life, and a fulfilling special interest that i spend a lot of time on, but i can barely bring myself to eat or drink or tidy.how do i fix this? am i just depressed? i don't have any motivation to work on my transition because it all feels futile, and i don't have any hopes or dreams anymore because my future is being an ugly tranny or an even uglier man if i detrans
>>44039504You can turn 500 dollars into 5000 dollars with your free time I did it multiple timesAlso my dick bone cracked
>>44039504What type of/ how much E are you taking?
>>440395735mg een every week, 200mg prog boof per night, levels are normal. i however can barely get hard and never cry anymore. a year ago i was bawling my eyes out every day and now i just feel nothing
>>440396615mg is too high, your testosterone levels are below cis female range. Take 4mg instead.
>>44039504Zinc
>>44039713They have low T bro
>>44039694my T is 1.0 nmol/L. thats in cisf range right
>>44039504i just take caffeine pills. helps me copehowever i seriously recommend you take a multivitamin or smth and iron/vitDanyways real answer these thoughts aren't to be engaged with. i can definitely suggest mindfulness/meditation however.>“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”really, the present day is an illusion. there is no tomorrow. there is no future. your exercise in seeking meaning betrays it altogether; when it would have otherwise revealed itself in it's own time. there is no 'work on your transition'. there is only doing. there is nothing to be pessimistic about. the bed you sink into is the only bed that keeps you warm; all things that are to be changed of it are yet to be attained, and therefor irrelevant.when you dig your heel into the ground in dissent to the now, that is to be embraced. when you're bored as shit, that is the goal. boredom is good. hope this helps
>>44039798Yes, baseline non-ovulation range. Keep in mind women aren’t really horny during non-ovulation.It could be the prog making you tired.
>>44039801i love you. i will follow your advice. please have a nice evening
>>44039561your what
if you want more motivation you have to treat boredom as a motivation generator. thats what 44039801 said in mystical poopoo buddhist language. spend time staring at walls and ceilings, and view that spent time as a currency you expend on generating motivationalso additional feelgood emotional states are going to come from things you sink a lot of hours into now. youre going to get much more satisfaction from learning how to make music or how to write or how to manage your finances better or some shit than you are from a constant stream of video games and anime (unless you get smacked.) the happiest ive been in my adult life, which frankly is just a manic state, is when i enter flowstate and see really interesting art just kind of flow effusively out of me, not having to consciously think about it. this happens after internalizing increasingly advanced techniques in a given art form. dancing is good too
>>44039504thyroid shit maybe
>>44039504Embrace the fatigue and use it as an excuse to sleep all day, waking reality is a nightmare anyway.
