>>44043489
refusing to get haircuts from a young age cos i hated how i looked with short hair i guess?

cutting cos gosh i hate my body for some unknown reason and i wanna destroy it and peel off my skin (not that i actually did that last part)

>>44043489
During puberty, any time the temperature outside rose above 25°C / 77°F I always felt a continuous sharp pain in my whole body, especially in the sun.
Turns out it was testosterone. Ever since I'm on hrt, I have no issues with the heat or sun at all

>>44043508
The first one has to basically be a canon event for all trans women

>>44043489
Any skintight clothing, especially around my shoulder and chest made me want to rip my skin off

i developed pretty severe anorexia in high school, initially because i thought that it would help taper my waist, but honestly i have no memory at all anymore of what i looked like during that period; i think that ultimately what it did for me was give me a different corporal neurosis to obsess over, and it helped. i was not dysphoric back then lol.

>>44044094
>i developed pretty severe anorexia in high school, initially because i thought that it would help taper my waist
>i was not dysphoric back then lol
sure

>>44044150
i mean like yea obv i was dysphoric i developed the anorexia to cope with it but the intent of the cope and its ultimate effect were different. it didn't help me feel any less male or more female; it just took my mind off the whole thing entirely. all i ever thought about was how i could make the number on the scale go down the next morning. recovering from anorexia is what really broke me, i think, and that's when i ended up coming out to my parents.

>>44043489
Starved myself as I hit puberty for 2 years , always wore baggy clothing to cover my gross body other than my legs, anything skin tight gave me migraines, shaved all my body hair until I got rashes all over and forced to stop, tore part of my dick apart cus I didn't like the way it looked, resisted haircuts as long as possible.

Im cis and Never had GD though, my body and face are just objectively gross, but getting addicted to estrogen has helped distract me

>>44044319
>Never had GD though
how do you personally conceive of gender dysphoria?

>>44044472
A voice in your head telling you are x/y gender, that pushes the proclivities and expectations to "be" that gender through how you act/look etc...

I'm just ugly and have a twisted sense of sense of what I want to look like, calling something so vain GD and conflating it and myself with the struggles trans people and women go through would be an egregious affront to them, and any attempt at doing so makes me sick with myself, therefore it's not GD

>>44044539
maybe i don't know either nonny but the experience for me is nothing at all like a voice in my head or an idea that inside i am something incongruous with what i am outside. in fact i think a lot of trans people would tell you that it's not like this; "she feels like a woman inside" is, as i understand, more or less just the explanation for five-year-olds. it's easy for cis people to understand (if not empathize with).
what you describe otherwise sounds a lot like dysphoria, though, and the fact that you have chosen to assuage these feelings with estrogen seems a little...i don't know...telling. but maybe i don't understand what "distract" means, when you say that.
i want to ask you why you feel you are ugly, but it feels a bit rude to sit here and psychoanalyze you like this unsolicited. i'm sorry for this. i just don't think that you should feel vain or affrontive for being uncomfortable with your body. as trite as it is to say, both you and your feelings are valid.

>>44044610
>i want to ask you why you feel you are ugly, but it feels a bit rude to sit here and psychoanalyze you like this unsolicited.
I don't particularly mind, I have an uber moided face and particularly feminine body, the dichotomy of which has been the biggest source of it, I tried fixing my body for years but I got nothing but frustration and emptiness from it, as well a being ugly but still moided in my face atleast, but it broke me eventually and I gave up and decided to improve my strengths of my body, but my face will be forever moided because of my eyes hair nose and jaw, but at least I have hope for something now which makes living in this body a bit less miserable
>fact that you have chosen to assuage these feelings with estrogen
Well i was gonna ACK the way I was aging on T by 20, E was the only way out I could see to stop feeling like I was rotting every day that passed, most of the effects are nice to such as head hair regrowth and slower body hair because I already shaved/epilated just less now, boobs are weird though, I don't mind them in private but the thought of them being visible to others is shameful and embarrassing as part of a male appearance and a mockery to women.

>>44043489
How do you differentiate regular self loathing from gender dysphoria?

>>44043489
I remember one time when I was like 13/14 I got a giant cystic pimple right on the inner corner of my eye and it made my brow ridge look way heavier like some kind of deformed neanderthal and genuinely like the most disgusted I've ever felt looking at myself. I was on a car ride from the midwest to Florida with my aunt and I hid my face against the glass the entire time.

>>44045541
I desperately need to know this too

>>44043489
I felt extremely naked when topless since I can remember. Wouldn't be surprised if this is really common

>>44045541
bump for this question alone

>>44047575
you can easily identify the self loathing comes from having male physical characteristics, I experience a lot of flavours of self loathing but all of the tranny stuff was anchored to how I perceived my own body and because of that myself

Vidya probably. I stopped playing video games almost instantly after transitioning.

>>44045541
PLEASE

>>44047741
Could my self loathing be intense enough for me to mix it up with gender dysphoria?

>>44048724
I don't know your brain, you need to figure out where your self hatred originates from

>>44043532
Now this is honscience

>>44043489
always making female characters in games unless I was too embarrassed, wanting to watch "girly" things but hiding it from friends/family, and as I got older spending more and more time fapping to porn while imagining myself as the girl

totally just "straight dude with a fetish" cope

>>44043489
i started shaving my legs and face after starting to develop hair and when my voice started to get deeper people pointed it out and i got uncomfortable

>>44043508
>>44044319
>haircuts
oh I forgot about this, I would get really depressed and surly every time I got my hair cut short

>>44048754
nta but without saying therapy...... how..

>>44045541
depends on what you hate about yourself
you can still hate yourself plenty in general and need to work on that for entirely separate or related/overlapping but distinct reasons too, but if you're disgusted by or mentally flee from the aspects of yourself that are identified in your own head or by the world around you as "male" (physically, socially, emotionally, sexually, whatever) you might want to start sifting that shit out and addressing it head on

>>44048890
for me I can just sort of pull at the line by asking myself questions, i had like a hyperfixation on psychiatry and psychology as a kid because I tried so hard to find out what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be like the people around me. everything has some sort of cause

>>44043489
Chipping my nails
Avoiding at all costs my face in the mirror when I was 16-21 years old
Always wearing puffy hoodies even in hot summers
Always complaining about getting haircuts
Skipping every swimming class

>>44048927
>aspects of yourself that are identified in your own head or by the world around you as "male"
or whatever your agab is I guess, that part seems pretty universal

>>44048958
Also not responding to voice calls to avoid hearing my male voice in an echo

>>44048935
this is like the final thing keeping me from transitioning