First off, no this isn't a larp. Why would anyone want to larp this hard? Even if I am, I present this with intent and openness to change. There is a problem in my thought process and/or feelings that fluctuates and that I seek to change or guide better.Anyway, so... I know this will sound very very wrong and it is wrong, but ever since I had to unlearn and/or relearn all this other shit about sex and relationships and women and sexuality, I keep having this worry like>What if my trans identity, me being a woman, is truly based around me having sexually submissive tendencies that seem to even extend beyond sex a little bit?I worry that I have found out a little too much about myself honestly, because I used to think my fantasies and all that were harmless, yet now I realize that every once and a while, when my butch every once and a blue moon goes a little too far just around the house and oversteps telling me what to do out of frustration or anger or whatever, after the ensuing discussion where she apologies and tells me she doesn't want to do that, there's this really fucked up part of my brain that kinda wants her to do that even though I know it would ruin everything over time.If my fetishes or kinks or whatever are so fucked up and dark like that and if they can extend beyond sex, how do I fucking know I even transitioned for the right reason?I know I am a woman, and my thought process for that seems completely separate for all that. In fact, I find it harder to find good porn now that I identify as a woman and have a pussy.But it still bothers me...Especially when literally I have a temptation inside of me to just ignore what I want and do what my partner wantsPlease understand that I wouldn't be asking this shit on 4chan if I could muster up the ability to discuss it anywhere else. I don't know why it's easier for me to say it here. I don't.I hate that I already know there is a VERY good chance you asscunts are going to vent at me
>>44168223I mean honestly I don't even have high expectations that any of you can even address my thread.God damn it what the fuck am I even supposed to do? I can barely talk to my therapist about sex at all.
It should probably also be noted that a lot of this comes with the realization that is substantially harder for me to get off now that I'm recovered from vulvaplasty.Its enjoyable, but its fucking hard and confusing like holy shit what the fuck is going on down there? I look at anatomical charts of female genitals and I'm still confused as fuck about what I'm feeling down there.In some ways I'm kinda lucky cuz my clit is uh way way way smaller than I thought it would be. On the other hand... it takes me up to hours to find it every single time so far for some reason.
>>44168223>fucked up part of my brain that kind of wants her to do thatdo what? continue the argument? be meaner?
Oh and one more thing if it makes things any clearer, I'm gonna list some kink tags rn that happened to be included in the shit I masturbate too. Not all of them are what get me off, but I have thoroughly forgotten what gets me off anyway>Bimbofication (no sissy porn any more)>Intelligence reduction>Anti-feminism>Not-rape-rape.... ok it was straightforward rape, but I hated that part and pretended she liked and that it was more bodice ripper shit>Forced straight and on the better end, forced bi (I only date women...)>Bondage>Public humiliation shit>Walkies>Puppygirl>Ponygirl>House slave>Fuck slave>Hypnosis>Body writing...I prefer that people who are further into transition and/or are cis women or former sex workers respond to this thread, but I'll just scrape the bottom of the barrel instead for now. Fuck I don't know.I feel like most of you all don't have the right context but then again, I only have the context indirectly...
>>44168223hot, giwtwm
>>44168223maybe. but you better pretend it's not, play dumb and obey your masters
>>44168223you're an agpthat's it. it's whatever. just don't be weird about it and you're fine
>>44168223basically why do you even care, this is your life now just deal with it? most heterosexuals have a sexual dimorphism fetish anyways it's not like this is going ti ruin your life. it's ok to be a fetishist as long as you're happy day to day and your life is going well
>>44168336I mean yeah it kinda is desu but I need healthy boundaries...God I'm so confused. I'm so confused that I'm even confused why I'm confused. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head and what's frustrating is that I don't even know that there's anything intrinsically important here or if it's just a problem that I consider it a problem.But then again, I *have* actually had one time when I literally just started agreeing with what my partner wants because of horny brain. It did not go well and I never told her (although partly because I can't remember exactly what was asked of me in what context).Its stupid cuz it's just games but its bothering but...Fuck.....Just... Fuck. I hate this. I wish sexuality was far more straightforward. This shit used to not bother me. I used to always in my head compare fantasies and kinks to humor. Stuff that isn't serious, like dark jokes. But now my heads spinning and I feel like some of the reason its spinning is just stupid overthinking, but then some of it is legitimate worries...I can't even.
>>44168263Tell me around? She has this weird habit when she gets mad to say she's forbidding me from something. Its hard to explain and I should also say she is extremely awkward with her words.We negotiate it afterwards and I'll be like yeah don't make weird house rules up on your own that I can't follow and she'll say sorry and all that and I'll say sorry and all that.But I kind of like her telling me to do things. I don't know what to think of it though because I mean I want and need independence perhaps obviously I mean I'm not some secretly privileged dipshit 24/7er
>>44168223That sounds like normal female sexuality, youre freaking out over nothing.
>>44168452...Well,.I do have anxiety issues..Its just about bad enough that I've considered medication>normal female sexualityOkay but I've also heard women are fucked up... um...I mean I guess you're right that I might be freaking out over nothing. Its just really really weird to me how my body and everything works now. I feel like I'm actually becoming more like cis women lately, like the surgery seems to be making me socially adapt to that more and making it much more biologically close with my body.Maybe that's why I'm freaking out?
>>44168444This is all incredibly tame and you're a prude. Your wife won the lottery with the world's most milquetoast regular trans woman of all time.
>>44168478It could be, not sure how long you have been in that situation but if its still new to you then it makes sense that it will take a while to get fully used to it.But these sexual interests dont seem very out of place or extreme for women, they are like this.
>>44168223>have a pussybased>how do I fucking know I even transitioned for the right reason?omg who the hell cares?I trooned literally for the fetish and now I just enjoy it. there is no such thing as "the right reason". kill that brainworm already.> Its just really really weird to me how my body and everything works now. I feel like I'm actually becoming more like cis women lately, like the surgery seems to be making me socially adapt to that more and making it much more biologically close with my body.How many months ago did you have the surgery?Anyway, you'll be fine. >>44168452 is basically correct.
>>44168223could be ur that kind sub. could be ur just putting off the real work of understanding your needs and the boundaries between you and other people. i can personally say that i was pretty identity- and center-less until i spent some time thinking about how i rly wanted my life to look, trying new things, making new friends. so i guess the worry is that you just are scared of finding a way to be yourself in a way that isn't relational.again, maybe you are that kind sub. i don't think being hopelessly devoted to someone who is mean to you is "normal" or good. and either way, having boundaries and negotiating for that treatment, and keeping it confined to consensual situations, might make it easier on your relationship.
>>44168223just a thought but maybe you should just tell her ? it doesn't have to be everything all at once but you could definitely try addressing the subject little by little. if she loves you there's no reason she won't try hearing you.
>>44168223Kys freak
>>44169053>doesn't have to be everything all at onceYeah... I guess that is the long and short of it. Its just there's so many things In thinking about.I realize now that this kinda makes sense like I'm only 3~4 years living as my true self and here's a list of things I'm new to in actual practice that are relevant>Relationships>Long term relationships (but man am I lucky)>Bondage>Masochism>Submission and domination in-person with a realistic, long-term partner>BDSM in general >Being homosexual>Being a lesbian>Being a woman>Having a frontal lower hole>Knowing virtually anything about misogyny that wasn't told to me by the white neolib fake feminist fucks and therefore considered bullshit by me>Being further left but not extreme left>Knowing about communism and anarchy>Knowing that tankies and anarkiddies are kinda bad actually for the most part>Cuddling>Sex itself>Cooperating with someone else>Living with someone else>Having feedback from someone else>Having to adjust my living space for someone else>Supporting someone who supports me>Being transgender>Having a normal sized clitoris...>Using sex toys>Actually thinking about kinks with the context I have now from all of the above>Dealing with money in a relationship and building a life with someone>Feeling more comfortable around minorities even if I don't share a specific identity>Probably more things>Having people look at me all the goddamn time when I walk out and not being able to assume I can just get away with shit.So yeah I guess I just need to be easy on myself
>>44168293this isn't that weirdthis is honestly just a bunch of fembrained submissive stuffyou're trans because you're a woman and you like this stuff because a lot of women like that stuff, you're not trans because of it though
I don't care if i transitioned for the wrong reasons. I wanted to.
>>44173310if you wanted to and you're happier, then that's enough reason
>>44168223You're normal. You'll be fine. You even soulpass.Congrats! Now enjoy your new life!>>44173310basically this. and same.
